Codependent Hell

joonya77

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 8, 2012
Messages
118
Location
MA - 15 miles north of Boston
Here's my story. Not all that exciting or original (very few stories of drug addiction are. Let's face it, after a certain point, we're all just peas in a pod.)

My wife and I are drug addicts. We have been for quite some time. Our story starts in mid-2006 after having been together for 3 years or so. She had a co-worker friend with whom she enjoyed sharing a certain, ahem, physical attribute of mine with on the weekends that we didn't have my son. This coworker friend has a certain fondness for the Peruvian Marching Powder. So in order to fit in, and let's face it because we flat out wanted to, we started getting into the coke. It lasted as a just on the weekends thing for about two months before rapidly progressing to everyday use. Once I found out that my upstairs neighbor sold it, all bets were off. Everyday was spent either working and staring at the clock waiting to get home to get some blow, or hustling up money to get it. This lasted until the middle of 2008 when I said enough. I stopped doing it. My wife continued, but it didn't bother me too much, I hated who I was when I did it anyways. Always more more more. Blowing my nose just to stuff more shit up it. Wanting to fuck, but getting 'turtle tool' from doing too much.

The way I stopped was by drinking heavily. Just pound beers, 2 1/2 to 3 microbrews an hour until I passed out. I work construction and those years were the recession years so I didn't have work everyday. If I didn't have work, I'd start drinking at 11am, pass out at 2pm, wake up at 530pm, walk to the liquor store down the road, and start it all over again. Not the best way to quit doing coke, but I didn't do it again. Yay for me.

One Sunday afternoon, October 2009, we were at my brother-in-laws house. He asked me for a ride to score some H. Of course I was shitfaced because it was 3pm, and I was always shitfaced at 3pm in those days. So I said sure. In my infinite wisdom I asked him the price of a bag. His answer sounded reasonable to me. I said "Get me 2." And off we went.

It was supposed to be that one day. My wife came home from work the next day, and had made a side stop at her brother's dealers place. And the same thing the next day. And the next day. And here we are, almost 5 years later still on the dope train.

I want to stop. I can't be around it though. We have just reconciled and moved back i together after a 7 month separation. I have a suboxone hookup. We have pawned or sold everything we've owned, borrowed tens of thousands of dollars from various friends and family (our names and word were good currency until very recently). While we were separated I connected with an old dealer of ours who gave me a credit line of $7000. "You're gonna give me dope, and I don't have to pay you now? I guess so." On the days where we have no money and no prospects, I say "Let's take our subs." She gets pissed at me, says "You don't do enough to help get the shit, fuck you, if you want to you do that." And she somehow manages to raise the funds to get a fix. It's amazing actually.

I know myself well enough to know I can't be in the same room as dope and not do it. I'm not that strong. I never have been. But we have to get off the bus and get our shit together. It's only a matter of time before we go down. My mother confronted me the other day, saying a member of a drug task force had seen my plate in a known shady area, and he thought I might have a problem. I feel like the walls are closing in on us, and I'm the only one who sees it, or wants to do anything about it.

Does anyone have any similar stories/situations/solutions they could share? I guess it'll be like pornography...I won't be able to explain what I'm looking for, but I'll know it when I see it. Thanks in advance folks.
 
Your wife and you have to be willing to quit together. Otherwise it's going to be very hard for you to do this while she's still using. I've done the same shit, pawned my valuables for drug money and borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. I was able to quit finally but replaced my drug habit with alcohol. So I know you're in it pretty bad.

Sounds like you two have a toxic relationship. If you don't mind me asking, what caused your separation and reconciliation? You may want to check into getting replacement therapy like methadone or suboxone. Don't wait until you get arrested to get help. Unfortunately, this happens far too often. I would hate to see this happen to you.
 
Thanks for the response T. Calderon.

The cause of our split was a few things. Money problems (go figure right?),a general disconnect between the two of us (she feels I could treat her better and she's probably right.)But it's hard to be sweet to someone who spent the last 3 hours bitching you out. And a lack of sex. Since being hooked, it's like sex is the last thing in the world I can do, even if Iwanted to. And I used to love fucking. But for the life of me I just can't seem to get it going.

Our reconciliation was more out of necessity than anything. She and my daughter were living 20 minutes away and she got a 14 day notice to pay rent or quit. She was 3 months behind. She had nowhere to go and I have room at my place. So I said come on and stay with me.
 
Almost sounds like my life. Me and my fiancé have been together almost 7 years and were using for the past 4 1/2 - 5 years. I always wanted to quit but she didn't want to. She loved getting high and didn't wanna stop til we absolutely had to. So in a way I had to keep using. I didn't wanna leave her and I couldn't just sit around and watch her get high or know that she was getting high cuz it would make me want to, so it's almost impossible for one to quit while their significant other keeps on using. Finally we hit rock bottom, reports were made to DSS and our daughter has been temporarily taken away from us. We are now almost a month clean, but life still sucks. I don't know when her or my daughter will be home. She gets out of rehab on Wednesday but she's not coming home. She's going to her dads place for who knows how long.
 
Jesus OxyGhost, sorry to hear your troubles man. I hope everything works out for you and the family.

I can relate to the feeling of having to keep using. Non-addicts would never understand it, but if I know she's rolling in with 6 bags, I'm gonna have some, know what I mean? I can't sit around and watch her do it, or know that she keeps going into the bedroom to do it. It'd make me crazy. The more I think about it the more I see the borderline impossibility of it. I hope everyday that the hustles will dry up, but she's like a fucking magician, man.

Again Oxy, best wishes to you and the family. Thinking about ya.
 
Your wife and you have to be willing to quit together. Otherwise it's going to be very hard for you to do this while she's still using. I've done the same shit, pawned my valuables for drug money and borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. I was able to quit finally but replaced my drug habit with alcohol. So I know you're in it pretty bad.

Sounds like you two have a toxic relationship. If you don't mind me asking, what caused your separation and reconciliation? You may want to check into getting replacement therapy like methadone or suboxone. Don't wait until you get arrested to get help. Unfortunately, this happens far too often. I would hate to see this happen to you.

^This, getting clean should be mutually done, ask for help if needed like go to counselling or go to rehab if needed. Goodluck joonya, we are here for you.
 
If your wife does not want to stop then you need to take control of your own life and be there for your son and daughter. If she gets it together on her own you could get back together but right now there is no way that this can be a good environment for your kids. I know that you have a long history and feeling for her but you are seeing the writing on the wall and she doesn't want to. I think you are going to have to be the strong one here.
 
Thanks all.

@Maya: Unfortunately I can't put my life on hold to go to rehab. Would love to just dump everything and get taken care of for a bit, get myself together in a safe setting but alas, it isn't in the cards. My addiction has been secret. My mother knows I'm screwing around, but even she doesn't know the extent of it, and didn't find out until ten days ago. She's the only one of my family, friends or coworkers who knows. Appreciate you guys being here though. For what it's worth, it means alot, even knowing there's an anonymous person out there who can relate/empathize with you. Thank you.

@herbavore: You are 100% correct. Despite all attempts to maintain normalcy, it isn't the best environment for our kids. Don't get me wrong. We aren't neglecting/beating/leaving the kids for hours at a time/having shady people come over. Our drug use is isolated, just she and I. We don't have people over, and have no friends who use. We have food to eat but that is it. No extras. Because after food, all the money goes up the nose. But I do have to be the strong one here. I see that. Any advice on ways to cope when she's lifting off into outer space while I'm back here sober on terra firma. I don't wanna be all surly and pouty and shit. But just knowing what's going on, and the fact that I can't join in the reindeer games, makes me want to climb the walls. Thanks.
 
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