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drugs serve the purpose of showing me how empty i am and nothing more

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flyCrow

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 8, 2013
Messages
76
Location
Australia
ive had about 80mg of oxycontin today as well as some 25c. my first real experience with oxy. i am aware of the body high, but feel detached from it. and my usual anxious thoughts arent there. instead they have been replaced by a feeling of overwhelming emptiness. anyone else have this experience? same thing with mushrooms for me. my ego fuelled anxiety fades away. and behind it is a sea of emptiness
 
"The Heavens declare His Glory" said the Psalmist. In other words, anyone should be able to look at this Earth and know someone far greater than us created it.
We have a hole that can only be filled by God; you get that filled with the acceptance of Christ as your Lord and Savior. It is so much more than a living in the moment type of experience.
I pray you find His Peace.
 
uhuh.. thats your belief. in my experience its my own acceptance that i need, to fill the emptiness. learning how to love myself is more important that a god who gave me this brain, to reason and think logically. but still expects me to irrationally believe in him.
 
flyCrow said:
uhuh.. thats your belief. in my experience its my own acceptance that i need, to fill the emptiness. learning how to love myself is more important that a god who gave me this brain, to reason and think logically. but still expects me to irrationally believe in him.
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I think you hit the nail squarely with this, flyCrow. I think that when we start to embrace that the emptiness is actually a part of being human that it loses some of its power and we ironically experience it less.

The "sea of emptiness" may be a resting place that you need to experience to see that your anxiety is just surface distraction that you create. For myself, that sea of emptiness is someplace that gives me a glimpse of a larger context beyond the self defined by my ego. Understanding how little I matter is actually in a strange way very empowering. There is no meaning and so I am free to define my own sense of meaning.

The trick is to be able to get there without the use of chemicals that come with all sorts of down-sides.
 
herbavore said:
I think you hit the nail squarely with this, flyCrow. I think that when we start to embrace that the emptiness is actually a part of being human that it loses some of its power and we ironically experience it less.

The "sea of emptiness" may be a resting place that you need to experience to see that your anxiety is just surface distraction that you create. For myself, that sea of emptiness is someplace that gives me a glimpse of a larger context beyond the self defined by my ego. Understanding how little I matter is actually in a strange way very empowering. There is no meaning and so I am free to define my own sense of meaning.

The trick is to be able to get there without the use of chemicals that come with all sorts of down-sides.
Click to expand...

truth. honestly im scared, some of the time. and i want to feel like my existence has some deeper meaning that transcends an empty world. its possible that the bad feeling that i associate with this emptiness is just the same anxiety with a different face, directed at something else.
i get what you mean about giving it my own sense of meaning. we are all on the same boat. it is through the interconnectedness of all things that i can find meaning.

there is no right or wrong. and nothing matters. that should be liberating. im glad i can experience this void at all, and hopefully one day i can accept it for what it is. its almost like a sense of loss im feeling when it happens. its all a part of a healing process.

25c had enough of an impact to give me anxiety even if i didnt interpret it as such at the time. though they have helped show me the void and open my eyes in the first place ;) definitely not essential though. and the oxycontin was poison.
 
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Well....not one to impose my beliefs on anyone. I am Called to share. I was blessed by seeing the curse of deep addictions on those around me; many have been the suicides, attempts thereof, and imprisonment of those I grew up with.

Alcoholism et al, seems to be a family tradition. It is one I experienced early in life, and am Thankful it is behind me. The point raised of recognizing our own smallness in this World is truly a valid one, and is basically what I was saying in quoting The Psalmist.

So, as I stated in my introduction, I am here to help and be helped.
 
Hey Crow... I would identify and cultivate what is important to you. Many of us are empty or filled with what others see as important so I think that part of life is finding out who we are and whats important to us and then working to promote whats important to us.
 
Quite interesting

I get to a point just about on most drugs now where the anxieties will climax and fade into dis-apprehension. At this point, it can often become a struggle to populate the emptiness, or a basking in the emptiness. It can go from a state of worry to wondering why I wasn't just sat here all that time.

I guess one could find it easy to impose this emptiness on the world you're awake to, it's a temporary state of being not a grand revealing, like a rest and i'm sure you need that.

maybe it will be hard if you keep imposing the no meaning, no value on it

if we discover a lot of what we're doing has no intrinsic value, or so we feel, the best result isn't do to nothing.. that's just sliding from the far bad to neutral

i'd like to hear more
 
^I think it got moved because the P&S mods thought the OP might be asking for more support for his/her feelings as opposed to simply wanting to discuss existentialism in the abstract. I welcome the discussion on both levels here.:)
 
crohnspatient said:
Well....not one to impose my beliefs on anyone. I am Called to share. I was blessed by seeing the curse of deep addictions on those around me; many have been the suicides, attempts thereof, and imprisonment of those I grew up with.

Alcoholism et al, seems to be a family tradition. It is one I experienced early in life, and am Thankful it is behind me. The point raised of recognizing our own smallness in this World is truly a valid one, and is basically what I was saying in quoting The Psalmist.

So, as I stated in my introduction, I am here to help and be helped.
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i understand that you were only expressing your beliefs which might be helping you. we all have them to some extent. beliefs. :)
 
yea i think the emptiness shouldnt be like "it". and the no meaning aspect of it doesnt have to...matter. the way i see it is that life is no less amazing. gratitude and love. two feelings that i can experience regardless of it all matters or not. though i am rarely open to feeling them. so yea, give it my own meaning. and cultivate whatever feels right.
 
crohnspatient said:
"The Heavens declare His Glory" said the Psalmist. In other words, anyone should be able to look at this Earth and know someone far greater than us created it.
We have a hole that can only be filled by God; you get that filled with the acceptance of Christ as your Lord and Savior. It is so much more than a living in the moment type of experience.
I pray you find His Peace.
Click to expand...


Just a word of advice, to anyone a bit naive; if you happen to run into some shady looking dude called 'jesus' - DO NOT let him fill your hole(s). You'll get AIDs. ^^THIS^^ is terrible advice.
 
flyCrow said:
yea i think the emptiness shouldnt be like "it". and the no meaning aspect of it doesnt have to...matter. the way i see it is that life is no less amazing. gratitude and love. two feelings that i can experience regardless of it all matters or not. though i am rarely open to feeling them. so yea, give it my own meaning. and cultivate whatever feels right.
Click to expand...

Well stated Crow..
 
Did God invent us or did we invent him in order to fill a void and bring meaning to our existence? How would you tell the difference?
 
energy is god. it cant be created and cant be destroyed, only transformed. as far as we know. it is the essence of everything.

belief in a personal god makes no sense. that god is an opiate. comfort. its not like we know everything. life is a mystery. but there is no reason to believe in it. the only difference between god and a flying spaghetti monster is that spaghetti monsters dont give comfort to people. i dont think god even fills a void. but i think belief in god created the need to fill the void in the first place.i was raised catholic. i was comforted by my belief in god and the "knowing" that he was there and the feelings that gave me were just a distraction from what was behind it. emptiness.

so belief in god makes no sense. but people who are afraid to lose their sense of self and everything that theyve become attached to and people trying to fill a void by creating something that they can hold onto does make sense. so that how i tell the difference.

its the attachments that we acquire after birth. these attachments make emptiness feel so painful or scary. its not a bad thing! its shouldnt even be relevant to my happiness. i have had moments where i have felt whole for lack of a better word. just sitting and listening. its like we all have the answers in the first place. then we are bred into illusion and the false comforts make the real thing scary.
 
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