Hi guys, I've been reading this thread all the way from the beginning and it took me a long time, damn. But I just wanted to chime in here and say that the FIRST drug I was ever addicted to was Xanax, and I abused the fuck out of it. I was using it AS PRESCRIBED for nearly 2 years before I began to abuse it though. It's my doctor's fault in a way, Xanax is NOT a drug that is meant to be prescribed for that length of time and she kept handing out the scripts like candy. But soon I began to doctor-shop and I was getting multiple prescriptions. I had black outs and did some things that I am ABSOLUTELY ASHAMED of (example: I took a bar of Xanax, drove somewhere with my daughter, arrived home, and forgot to get her out of the car. It was a hot day too. Thank GOD I had sane people around me who saw what I did and got her immediately but when confronted I had no memory, and STILL have no memory, of this event.)
I was put into detox and rehab for Xanax addiction and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to kick (and I've gone through opiate WD several times by now, and I STILL think it's a piece of cake compared to benzo WD.) However the underlying problem was still there: my TERRIBLE, CRIPPLING anxiety. I've let the doctors try to treat it, with Buspar, antidepressants, and Neurontin (which I love but doesn't do much for me anymore, except for my sciatica, really helps there) and finally decided to go back on "benzos:" THIS med. So I've been cautiously self-medicating. Yes, every day. 1 mg 3 times a day: morning, mid-day, and evening, I try to dose 6 hours apart. I've decided I'm just going to stay on these things until my insurance comes back and I can talk to a pdoc. Or I might just stay on them forever. They have no recreational value for me, so no danger of taking too much and blacking out (I think.) By that I mean that I feel no euphoria. None. Just anxiety relief. And for that it works. And very well, too.
Just one question: I just got a new order from
[NO SOURCES] and they accidentally sent me a blister packet of the mouth dissolving kind. I've never used that kind before, what are the instructions for use? I opened it by accident (one blister) and saw what it was, so it's still sitting on my desk. I took one of the blue ones by mouth for my usual dose but I don't want these mouth dissolving ones to go to waste. I don't have a whole lot of money and most of my money goes toward taking care of my opiate addiction, unfortunately. (Prescribed 10 mg oxy by my pain doc; up a bump from the 5 mg I was getting before, but it's too soon to fill it and I need to feed the addiction in the meantime. I had nothing left but some poppy stems so I cut them up and made tea and also made use of all the poppy seeds I've collected from getting poppies. But dosed loperamide first thing in the morning and then roughly 6 PM, and no WD symptoms other than mild headache and nausea. And my new order of poppies finally came in, so I should make it to my next script just fine

)