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Boyfriend crisis, please help!

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dulcettones

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 30, 2014
Messages
12
Location
Surrey, UK
I'm gay and have been dating my boyfriend for two and half yeas now. To cut to the chase, he suffers from premature ejaculation, has barely any sex drive. We've had sex only three times since we started dating. And he's never up for fooling around. I've gotten use to it. I love him to bits and I'm really patient, but lately my sex drive is so high, and porn isn't enough. I would never ever cheat on him. But I wanted to know if anyone has any advice on how to cope? I'm almost 23 he's 24. Part of me wants to go to a gay sauna (not to have sex, but to express my sexuality and cuddle other guys and be touched and appreciated, but no sex). Is this wrong? I really don't know what to do.. I fear we might break up soon.
 
does he watch porn a lot? could be worth seeing if he would stop masturbating for a couple of weeks and see if that effects his PE?
 
I dont really have much advice to offer you other than that I definitely think that you shouldnt go to that sauna thing unless you inform your partner first and get his approvement - if you go without telling him then that would be cheating in my world even if you dont have sex per see.
I would like to add that I think you sound like a very decent human being, which the world really lacks. Lots of people would screw around in your situation.
Best off luck, I hope you and your partner will get to have some awesome sex soon ;)
 
It is natural and necessary. We are humans and need physical love, tender touch and shared closeness'.
Sorry to read your going through this type of denial.

It must be harder when you love him so
if only he'd be closer.
you wouldn't even be yearning for closeness like going to the sauna.
have you spoken to him about this? I wonder.
 
Is it no sex and no affection? Seems awfully young to lose his sex drive.

Do you live together? Do you pay all the bills and spend money on him?

It may be a "he's just not that in to you" situation and you're being taken advantage of.
 
Have you discussed your concerns with him? It's mind boggling that you have only had sex three times in two and a half years? Are you intimate in any other ways?

I think he needs to have a chat with his doctor about his premature ejaculation issues. Is there a possibility that this issue is preventing him from ever wanting to have sex? I agree with the above poster that he may not be into the relationship at all but hasn't actually come out and said so. That's seems like an awfully long time to keep things going though.
 
Maybe you should just ask him what the deal is? Not in a combative way... but honestly ask him if he just feels like this is a friendship? There are times in a relationship where sex may start to dwindle, but other forms of affection are still present. The way you are describing this, all forms of anything that make a relationship a relationship, are not present.
I would express that you have needs and wants - and that you are not trying to pressure him, I guess- but that you need more.

I don't think that there is ever anything wrong with expressing to your partner that you need more in a relationship- he won't know unless you tell him --- although in this situation, it just seems obvious.
 
dulcettones said:
I'm gay and have been dating my boyfriend for two and half yeas now. To cut to the chase, he suffers from premature ejaculation, has barely any sex drive. We've had sex only three times since we started dating. And he's never up for fooling around. I've gotten use to it. I love him to bits and I'm really patient, but lately my sex drive is so high, and porn isn't enough. I would never ever cheat on him. But I wanted to know if anyone has any advice on how to cope? I'm almost 23 he's 24. Part of me wants to go to a gay sauna (not to have sex, but to express my sexuality and cuddle other guys and be touched and appreciated, but no sex). Is this wrong? I really don't know what to do.. I fear we might break up soon.
Click to expand...

24 is really young to lose interest in sex - if you like being fucked and he can't last have you bought a dildo or some toys for you both to play with? Maybe he is freaking out that he can't satisfy you because of his premature ejaculation and he finds it easier to avoid sex all together? Have you tried lots of just naked playing (not ending in sex) - just kissing, cuddling? Sometimes just knowing that the play isn't going to end up with you disappointed is enough to get him interested in, at least, intimate fun. Have you tried Viagra?

Did anything happen that may have changed the way his body reacts ? - or has his sex drive always been low? Personally I wouldn't do the sauna thing you will probably feel like your cheating on him) and then your going to feel awful that you can get more intimacy from a stranger than your partner etc.

Has he always been gay? Was he perhaps experimenting when you both met up and now doesn't enjoy it?

Loads of possibilities - but only he can tell you what the problem is.
 
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ahh, this situation is always rough

sometimes two people just don't match up with their combined sex drives

I couldn't imagine being in a relationship and suffering from the lack of touching or being touched. definitely ask him what's up... but usually people are set in their sexual ways, it's like set in concrete

I think it's time to reassess the situation :/
 
Maybe he is closet straight.
Lol in all seriousness though I think the best thing would to be to talk to him about your needs. Maybe you should both see a doctor about it, I belive it's easier to treat low libido in males than it is for females (or so I've heared due to the fact that I'm in a similiar situation but my partner is female)
 
does he use opiates? I know from experience that this can KILL someones sex drive. also if he is dealing with premature ejaculation, the pressure from that could put him off of sex just like others said.

or maybe as was also said, he's just not that into you?
 
Bearlove said:
24 is really young to lose interest in sex - if you like being fucked and he can't last have you bought a dildo or some toys for you both to play with? Maybe he is freaking out that he can't satisfy you because of his premature ejaculation and he finds it easier to avoid sex all together? Have you tried lots of just naked playing (not ending in sex) - just kissing, cuddling? Sometimes just knowing that the play isn't going to end up with you disappointed is enough to get him interested in, at least, intimate fun. Have you tried Viagra?

Did anything happen that may have changed the way his body reacts ? - or has his sex drive always been low? Personally I wouldn't do the sauna thing you will probably feel like your cheating on him) and then your going to feel awful that you can get more intimacy from a stranger than your partner etc.

Has he always been gay? Was he perhaps experimenting when you both met up and now doesn't enjoy it?

Loads of possibilities - but only he can tell you what the problem is.
Click to expand...

This is great advice. 24 is very young. And sometimes, like axl said, people don't match up with their sex drives.
 
I recall when I was younger, more naive and in my first major relationship I suffered from finishing a little sooner than I'd hope for....this then made me totally unable to do any serious fooling around with the girl in question. This lead to a great deal of problems, made me feel even worse which then made me totally avoid any sort of closeness with her which further drove us into Troublesville, just a few miles off Paradise and not too hard to get back to with the right direction.

I have been at opposite ends of the spectrum with promiscuity...where right now and since the start of the year in fact I've just had no interest whatsoever in sex or anything of the nature, however I have been abusing opiates HARD and this is why. Since I stopped 6 weeks ago, I've only now started to feel like i'm gaining my interest again.
Then I've also been insanely horny and fucked all kinds of women, overdone the whole one-night stand thing and pissed off enough women re: my not calling back that I then get bored and focused more on taking drugs and getting fucked up which then killed my sex drive or at least preoccupied me moreso.

Personally, I can happily say I am at a more respectable place now with regards to promiscuity, but a point I want to make clear is that drug use (and i'm guessing you likely partake since you're on bluelight) and specifically opiates and stimulants can really fuck around with Levelz Ov Da Horn.

My next disjointed, somewhat incoherent babble is that he is more than likely pretty fucking embarrassed, ashamed and/or shy about his inability to last.
Talk to him openly about it, and really get it out there. You are 2 1/2 years in - the sex life should be established or you should have gone separate ways before somebody cheats - and this is evident by the fact you are even considering sharing a sauna and cuddling other men intimately. I'm sorry pal, you say you would never cheat but that's cheating right there in my book. I wouldn't tolerate that, and I wouldn't expect it to be tolerated of me.

Talk respectfully, calmly, politely and with concern for his humility. Emphasize the fact that there are options and ways to beat premature ejaculation including various exercises such as Kegels and embracing a more holistic, spiritual essence to one's sexual encounters.

...and so on.
 
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