• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

i need help stopping my fixation with the needle

The nature of OCD problems is that the more you obsess about something and perform a compulsion, the more you are actively avoiding a problem and not properly addressing something.

As time goes on and the longer you haven't dealt with something, the worse that underlying problem gets.

So now when I am sad or anxious I try to focus on moving past that so I can be a better person.

I always reached for a needle too for years so I know what it's like to have to give that up. I don't know how I was able to do it. It took a lot of will power. I really wanted to get past it, or to give myself a chance to get past it.
 
thanks for the input CaptainH...

Switching an unhealthy addiction to a healthy one would be a good idea...
Easier said than done, I know... but I think you can do it manboychef!!

Thee needle seems to be a developing problem for me that I want gone but keep avoiding the situation. ...by how?... you guessed it......
Like the Captain said, it will only make those feelings worse by feeding them, so cut the demons off. Let them starve!

Will power for me is hardest part.... and depressing thoughts/anxiety,
but if you can get through that, you can do anything! :D

I believe in you! :3
 
manboychef said:
Your right. The ritual of preparation makes me want to do it more.
Click to expand...

Yep, I believe the ritual of getting the drugs ready is half the addiction. My fiancé would always wanna get the shot ready for me and I would get pissed cuz I wanted to do it. It turned in to a huge argument many times and my OCD wouldn't help the problem either:/

Papaverium said:
it will only make those feelings worse by feeding them, so cut the demons off. Let them starve!
Click to expand...

Well said:)
 
You must find the courage within yourself no one can help you. I have the same problem but with the meth pipe, but you just have to make that decision one day by yourself. Its hard I know it is. I wish you the strength and courage to defeat this demon. Bless
 
It has been a long time since I shot up. Nov 3rd 2014 was the last time. It was incredibly hard. How I did it? I went to a two month rehab, and when I got out, I never picked it up again.
 
Hey ManBoy -

Oh BOY do I understand and feel you! I am really compulsive myself. Like another poster suggested, have you tried replacing that urge with doing something positive? When I get the urge to shoot up I go outside a take a run. Rain or shine, tired or not, I RUN. It's hard to think about hurting yourself with a needle when you are just trying to make it up a hill without collapsing! :)

It really helps me. I also stay the hell away from triggers. I don't watch any medical shows, I don't go pick up scripts for myself at Walgreens (where I used to buy needles) I even have to stay away from the IV complications thread here on BL sometimes.

It's really hard, but you already have a year down so I think you are doing great! And though the urges will pop up sometimes, remember that they ALWAYS pass. You don't have to act on them.

Best of luck to you!
 
One study I read displayed two groups: A and B. Group A had addicts shooting actual heroin when withdrawal time came. Group B was the same except a placebo was given instead of actual heroin. It was shown that in group B, many patients showed relief once done injecting. Besides this study, by talking to old-timers in the methadone clinic I discovered that a lot of ppl were both obsessed and addicted with the needle. They loved it. A number explained that getting that drug would first help them out, then using the needle finally helped them out of their sickness.

When I using, I was kinda like Group B for a while. Nonetheless, if I knew I got fake heroin, (which I usually sussed before I actually used it) I would not get high off it. Sometimes I would not get high at all and wonder if I got fake heroin. Those times it was usually low-quality heroin.

It's tough, but you can beat your addiction, or obsession, with the needle. I won't bother you with the there are better things out there thing which you have probably heard enough (it's still cool tho); instead something practical: try something completely new or out of the ordinary. It can be anything (just not needle/drug related). It will take your mind off the needle. This exercise is useful if you have OCD, albeit some limitations. In the short term, it works like a charm. I began keeping a journal. I still keep it to this day.

Good luck and hang in there,

mandraxx
 
In a little under one month I will have a year sober. No needles!

I have sought mental help for my OCD and anxiety, and the medications are working (i take benzos, and zoloft, but I am actually taking them as prescribed for once)

I have indeed switched out shooting up for gardening and walking. I also research indigenous plants for my garden. I have watched my veins become healthy again. I know that some are damaged beyond repair, but most are coming back and I no longer get numbness in my fingers.

Thank you all for the support and Ideas. I usually come back here and read this when I feel that urge. It gives me enough time to think through the craving.

Also, mandraxx that is an interesting study. I always wondered why some people would just shoot up water when we litterally had nothing. Or doing rinse after rinse on a cotton that had nothing in it. Maybe it gave them relief of some sort.
 
That is an amazing accomplishment!:) Also, very cool that you are planting indigenous plants. I'm a gardening nerd myself. It gives me so much pleasure to work with soil and plants.
 
That's so awesome that you are gonna have a year down! I really admire you for it. I used to shoot water and cottons ALL. THE. TIME. I shudder now to think of the damage done...my hands go numb all the time too. I can't wait for that feeling to be gone.

Seriously, you should be SO PROUD. I think putting down the needle has been just about as hard as quitting the actual drug. I never believed that before I became addicted but now I buy it. Keep up the good work!
 
I have been working on cultivating some fire bush in my front yard to go around my mailbox...I know, "firebush"...lol. Funny name.

Herbivore and dognasher if you ever want to talk flowers, I love talking gardens. One of the jobs I did on the side was building water features for yards.

Man when I think back to when I was younger, I would work all day at building water features (lots of digging, and moving stones/making shims) then work at the restaurant until after close and do that everyday but sunday, and on sunday I did a double at the restaurant....no wonder opiates were my gold standard.

Anyways. I had a using dream the night before last. Woke me up at 3:30am in a frightful state. I had thought I had relapsed and I had needles all over my room. I woke up frantically searching for the needles until I came too. Then I really thought I had relapsed and I started having a panic attack. It is amazing, the thing I sought out for so long put me in full terror mode.
 
I don't have much advice, all I can say is I empathize. You are not alone.
I'm a needle freak myself. I hate hate hate H yet I continue to use it and I suspect it is just because I want to jab myself. I love seeing the blood flood the syringe though that is more rare every day since all my veins are pretty much collapsed.
 
Needle fixation is almost fetishistic in the respect of becoming addicted to it. It took a lot of hard work to beat it. Lots of replacement therapy. In the beginning I would write in a journal what I was feeling when it happened. I eventually associated writing with that feeling, and after a few months, I no longer had the desire to do it.

That is not to say that I don't dream about it sometimes, or I don't see it on TV (intervention, drugs inc.) and get a little twinge of desire, but that is few and far between now. It is amazing that I went from doing it multiple times a day, to only getting brief twinges of desire flecked with regret.

It can be beaten, just try replacement therapy.

To blue kuru: My veins were very bad, most have come back, but there are some that are just ruined. They are like dry tiny branches on a giant oak now. I need to have blood drawn from my one good vein on my right hand now. In rehab I had a phlebotomist blow up my veins three times. I had to stay in detox longer because she couldn't draw blood three days in a row.
 
Oxy_Ghost said:
Yep, I believe the ritual of getting the drugs ready is half the addiction. My fiancé would always wanna get the shot ready for me and I would get pissed cuz I wanted to do it. It turned in to a huge argument many times and my OCD wouldn't help the problem either:/



Well said:)
Click to expand...

Heck yes. When I stopped using, it was just as hard to give up the ritual as it was the drug itself.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top