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Help!? What are the best ways too 'start' to be clean?!

L

love88

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 12, 2014
Messages
125
Location
Nj
hi everyone! I'm new but I've checked out this site countless times. I'm decided to join bc I now feel like I really need alittle support bc I really want to get clean. I've been using opiates for about 8 years, really the last 3 religiously. I have anywhere from 150mg to 450mg per day oxycodone habit. I've done like 1 or 2 days clean and that's about as far as I got!:?:?
Every freakin time I talk my self up and down how "this is it, I'm gonna do like at least a week clean. I got this. Drugs are stupid" and then as soon as the morning comes, I wake up like ass early in a panic and ultimately end up using. There has been a few times that I knew I was gonna be broke so I'd try n embrace it and talk myself up but as soon as that day hits, it's like "omg jus one more day till I get paid". It's like it all went out the window. But I really really wanna try n get clean now.
Basically do u guys have anything that u dovthatreally helps to keep ur mind in the right state? I know it's the way our brains r trained to work now and that's the whole point, to retrain it, but are there any good suggestions out there?
basically, tomorrow night will be my 24hr clean ... I want it and I want it bad. Now I'm broke ... Until Friday that is. And that's the thing.... I don't wanna run to my man and spend my check Friday as soon as I get it. I'm in debt and have 4 dollars to my name till Friday. I have to stop this fuckin cycle!
I have gabapentin and some subutex. I've always gotten by my 1 to 2 days clean with mainly gaba(jus enough to keep the full wds off my back until payday). So it's not like I should be fearing wds .... I dunno I guess I his need to really try n stay sober and really get some clean days under my belt.... Praying to keep clam tomorrow.....
 
I guess the usual... It takes away my anxiety I guess I got myself in a routine and I need a new one
 
Hey Love, welcome! :)

Have you considered that the anxiety could be mainly driven by the drugs in the first place? You may have had anxiety before using but it's definitely perpetuated and made worse now by the use - it becomes an endless cycle of treating anxiety using a method that causes anxiety and there's only one way out.

You may be surprised to learn that MANY of your problems would seemingly disappear if drugs were removed from the equation.

"Now there comes a point, in every man's life, where decisions haave to-be-made... Whether to toil, to labor, or just plain piss your days away, away, awaaaayyyyy..." -Dropkick Murphys.
 
Have you thought about rehab? Or N/ A meetings? Maybe some counseling...Support is very important when it comes to kickin a habit. Are your friends clean? If not you might wanna make some new ones.
 
Thanks Cf99 yes I remember from a young age being very anxious ... I remember when I would go outside and if it was cloudy, I would get anxity. I feel like I would be anxious for hours before calming down. I guess when I found opiates, it let me have some time to not be anxious. But obv I know now that it's doing more harm then good at this point. I'm really trying to use my gabapentin... That has givin me some anxity relief but I would normally jus skip it and take oxycodone. GABA takes like forever to kick in. I usually have to dose abt 900mg and then another 900mg like 3 hours later... And then finally I would get relief.
Today I took my first 900mg dose; as today I'm broke and goin to be hitting24hrs clean tonight at 8pm
 
Brittyluff said:
Have you thought about rehab? Or N/ A meetings? Maybe some counseling...Support is very important when it comes to kickin a habit. Are your friends clean? If not you might wanna make some new ones.
Click to expand...

Thanks brittyluff. Rehab def isn't in question.... I'm a function addict, i work full time and have tons of bills I'm trying to keep up with (i would be jus fine if I didn't spend my money on drugs)
I would like to maybe consider meetings. I have friends that are clean, but I'm not ready to hang and do normal stuff bc of the anxity I feel. I jus wanna sit in my house.... I'm hoping if I have a few days clean ill feel better and start to come out of my shell.
Like I said I'm hitting 24hrs clean and I wanna try to stay this way. I have off today and tomorrow and i wanna give this a shot bc I can't do it anymore. I'm 26 and I live at home and at some point I'm gonna have to move out
 
what is it that makes this life style something you dont want to give up.. what makes it positive?
Click to expand...


This, it' why counselling can be a very effective tool for helping break addictions...... it forces you to be introspective and try to locate the root causes of your use. Why you use is the million dollar question. Tapering from opioids without this addictive mind state should be easy but the way our brains are wired and the reason we used in the first place make a task that should be simply unpleasant totally unbearable.

Good luck with your recovery.
SteeleyJ
 
Well, if you're dependent, than the first thing you have to do is detox, and that is a whole conversation in itself. Once you are over the physical addiction, then you can start worrying about and dealing with the ways to stay clean.
 
loperamide is a big help in not spending days on the toilet. taking walks, getting out of the house is a big help in keeping your mind occupied & off drugs. do you have people around you who know about your habit & can be supportive of your want/need to quit?

best of luck to you <3 quitting opiates is not easy or fun, but you're making the right choice!
 
love88 said:
Hi everyone! I'm new but I've checked out this site countless times. I'm decided to join bc I now feel like I really need alittle support bc I really want to get clean. I've been using opiates for about 8 years, really the last 3 religiously. I have anywhere from 150mg to 450mg per day oxycodone habit. I've done like 1 or 2 days clean and that's about as far as I got!:?:?
Click to expand...

Hi there and welcome!
IMO, your usage is all over the map.
In business management they say "if you can't measure it, you can't manage it."
The first step is getting yourself locked into a set schedule with a set dose, same amount, same time(s) every day.
That way you can begin to assess where you truly are in your attachment,
and begin to develop a strategy to deal with it.
 
Thans for chiming in.... I ended using once Friday came.... I made it to 50+ hours. And when I started again it was crazy and I spen all my $. Now I'm looking at another 50+ hours starting today bc I'm broke and I go to my pm dr in 3 days.
Ideally, I would like to be clean and go to my pm dr and instead of gobbling 14days worth of meds in three days, I want to take a sub and save them.....
this is the longest time that I have some some clean days.... It's biting at me more tho, I wanna have like weeks clean instead of days. Uhhggg
 
Please consider looking into Smart Recovery.

You have to learn to recognize the nature of the urges that lead to the impulses and realize that they are in fact manageable.

Especially if you are not suffering acute w/d's.

If this is the case I would get on a strict schedule and practice learning to stick with it until you get a plan for jumping off that is not "spur of the moment."

Approach it like a scientist, friend; you can do this. :)
 
Thank you for ur help.... That's a good way to look at it, as a scientist.... I really like science...if it wasn't for me being at my job for 9 years, I would go back to school to study something science. Would love to be in a lab or something and looking at cell slides

Lil off topic. But I'm trying to tell myself that I have a plan until Thursday, and when I get my rx oxycodone, I wanna jus take a few out and put the rest away and make a schedule.... I've been trying Everytime (I go every two weeks to my pm dr). But this time I feel like I wanna do it!

I also find that the GABA gives me a better mood. Usually I'd be freakin out, trying to call the drs office, trying to see if I could go two days sooner n all that crap. Right now I feel ok.... I even feel happy ?!? I wondering If I should be on something like GABA all the time?!?
 
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