Benzos are the only "drug regret" I have....and that includes brutal and long bouts with heroin, IV coke, crack, IV meth, methadone, etc etc etc....I started using them regularly well over a decade ago due to the stress involved with my previous illegitimate occupation...after the shit hit the fan with that and I served my time I had some serious PTSD, and have been off and on them since. Never quite returned to baseline, hence the getting back on part. I never made it more than 6 months without...I suspect if I would have given it time I would have recovered..
I have never done a proper Ashton taper until the last ten months...it was always a quick taper or CT, and the ensuing seizures, anxiety, and never ending PAWS. I'm hoping that by doing it "by the books" this time I can repair the damage done. With benzos it isn't just a matter of down regulation...it is increasingly believed that the actual conformation of the GABA-A receptors is changed along with down regulation, so your endogenous GABA just doesn't activate the receptor properly. Fucked!
I was maintaining on 60mg of etizolam a day for 2012, up to 100mgs some days....as I've said before, I successfully was able to taper down to 6 mg etiz but got stuck there...it is a shite one to taper. Switched over to 60 mg diazepam (which was more than adequate...in retrospect and from my experience 1mg etiz is roughly equal to 6 mg diazepam, not the 10 often reported...and they both hit vastly different receptor subtypes....but the switch from etizolam to diazepam was almost painless) and have tapered down to 11mg diazepam the past 11 months. Pretty easy until lately...now comes the miracle mile, from ten to zero, where things will really start to get interesting. ...slow and steady wins the race!
Very useful drugs, but abuse them or use them chronically and there is a good chance you will be in the most unpleasant sustained experience of your life. Taper taper taper! Glutamate induced neurotoxicity is no joke, and takes ages to recover from....some people who boshed the fuck outta benzos for years and then stopped without an appropriate taper have reported never feeling the same again, even years down the line, or have died. Strong medicine need respect, such danger, much unpleasant, yada yada yada..
Be careful. Foresight is so much more useful than hindsight!