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March Getting Clean Thread v. If I can do it, you can too!

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I blew it. Woke up to a text asking me to come around to a mate's place. I knew exactly what was up and practically ran out the door. I didn't even bother with self-justifications or excuses, there was no time, and no reason.

Wasn't even fucking good gear, in the end.
 
Happy 365 days, Zwanya!

Spacker -- it's always good when you want to beat an addiction, to look back on a slip up and say, "it wasn't even that good." Makes it easier to keep on w/ your effort.
 
Living without opiates/opioids is really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really hard.
 
Zwanya said:
^that's awesome, case.

364 days today.

Last night I had a few flashbacks to the wreckage of my past. I woke up physically shaken, full of guilt, and feeling that ceaseless and familiar desire to escape those feelings a quickly as possible. As a buddhist and a yogi, I try not to let these negative thoughts and emotions gain control over my behavior and cloud my mood. I remind myself that they are just thoughts, that I can let them exist, then allow them to float away from my present state.

When I focused on the present this morning, I felt giddy, and just incredibly happy that I've almost made it to an important benchmark; one whole year. Adding to the giddiness, is the fact that Daylight Saving is Sunday. This means there will be more light shining on everything and all of us. It also means that many living things are beginning to grow and "spring" upwards. They emerge from hibernation, and climb out with renewed strength and energy. I'm right there too, moving upwards and working hard to leave the darkness far behind me.

I hope everyone felt good and balanced for at least one moment today.
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Welcome with a year sober.
 

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Zwanya:):D=D



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Spackeradder said:
I blew it. Woke up to a text asking me to come around to a mate's place. I knew exactly what was up and practically ran out the door. I didn't even bother with self-justifications or excuses, there was no time, and no reason.

Wasn't even fucking good gear, in the end.
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It never is.. that the thing.. addiction sends us these memories.. it says it will make us feel amazing.. it sends us "memories" of this wonderful experience.. it was never like that.. its that old chaseing the first "high," I have come to belive that there never was a first "high," I don't think it ever existed.. if it did it sends us just a snap shot from a time long ago.. or its just a altered memory memory it sends to manipulate us into wanting to use. What ever it is its a fucking lie, lie, lie.. its never how it says it is.. it always sucks.. I have said to myself, "you know thats not really how i thought it was going to be and not how I remember, it actually kinda sucked" more than a few times. now I know why, cause it lies..
 
My favorite quote from my co-sponsor Texas Willie, " There are 3 rules if you follow them you will get and stay sober rule #1 don't drink or do dope today and things will get better.
Rule #2 don't drink or do dope all day and things will get better
Rule #3 don't drink or do dope all day today and THINGS WILL GET BETTER
 
I'm doing well here and haven't used. I have been very busy and that helps a lot. Congrats and good luck everyone.
 
Hello everyone, I have been doing this thing for a long time, I have 15 days and am a heroin/opiate addict. I have frequented this forum alot over the past years and am having a really hard time, could really use some encouragement :/ thanks yall
 
THANK YOU, ad lib, neversick, and evie!!!!!

and to everyone else, you've all helped me more than you realize.
 
Spackeradder said:
I blew it. Woke up to a text asking me to come around to a mate's place. I knew exactly what was up and practically ran out the door. I didn't even bother with self-justifications or excuses, there was no time, and no reason.

Wasn't even fucking good gear, in the end.
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Spack it's ok don't be too hard on yourself! You didn't "blow it", you made a mistake - a mistake that you can learn a lot about yourself and this process from! I would try writing about this if I were you. I'd write about what happened, how/why it happened, what I was thinking, how it made me feel, etc. Also write a detailed description of the disappointment and whatever else negative that you feel right now.

Aloric said:
Living without opiates/opioids is really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really hard.
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I know Aloric, It can feel impossible at times. Give your self time to heal, it's not easy but you won't regret it in the end. <3

Captain.Heroin said:
Yawning, teary eyes, intense REM sleep, GI Tract running at full force, social isolation. That's it. So many of the symptoms are gone for me.
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That's not too bad CH I'm glad you're doing so well!! Last time I had 3 months without subs I was still having full force hot flashes/chills and weird tingly/skin crawling feeling in my whole body constantly. That's why I'm afraid to jump again. :\

phishANDcheese said:
Hello everyone, I have been doing this thing for a long time, I have 15 days and am a heroin/opiate addict. I have frequented this forum alot over the past years and am having a really hard time, could really use some encouragement :/ thanks yall
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Hey phishANDcheese! Welcome to Sober Living! :)
Thats AWESOME that you have 15 days, thats 15 miracles in my book! Keep it up dude, never forget the misery and keep trucking full steam ahead away from it. ;)

Pharcyde said:
tomorrow is day one.

im already fucking dying.
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Pharcyde you can do this! I KNOW you can do this! There is no growth without pain, you have quite a bit of growing ahead of you but the change will be welcome once the pain subsides. What are you getting clean from??
___________

ZWANYA YOU'RE THE woMAN CONGRATS!!!!! super proud of you! =D
 
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Thanks caseface, feeling alot better, went to a meeting. Living 100% sober is the hardest thing I have ever done but it CAN be done. Times like this is why I tell people take it hour by hour if you can't take it day by day. Stay strong everyone, and, out of curiosity, does anyone here work an actual program? (IE, AA, HA, NA, CA)?
 
Haahhaaaa..Case I am indeed a WOman. Thank you very, very much for all the encouragement and support. (Everyone on bluelight thinks I'm a guy! I'm going to have to start saying omg! and only speak in emoticons! I actually think it's kind of interesting--online humans can be really be genderless. There's gotta be a thread about that somewhere...)

Pharcyde: I love your name, first of all. Second, I promise you, it will get better every day that you try. I understand exactly what you mean. That apprehension that's almost physical in intensity, mixed with the literal pain. But that pain is nothing you can't conquer. YOU CAN out work all of it. What are you dealing with? How long have you been on it? Is this your first attempt at sobriety?

PhishandCheese: More than 2 weeks! That's incredible, truly. I'm in AA, and I also go to meetings that mix buddhism and meditation with recovery. Opiates are my drug of addiction, and it was 15 years of slavery before I did exactly what you are doing. As you know, beautiful things are going to begin to grace your life. Which opiate(s) are you detoxing from? I was a slave to oxycodone for those last few years.
 
I was going for a "You're the man!" comment, but had seen that you were a woman in a previous post. Hence the little wo haha :p


@phishAndchease - keep it up dude, things do indeed get better just take it hour by hour if you need to, like you said. I work a program of AA/NA meetings and steps (AA sponsor who also did drugs), currently doing 10 and 11 and waiting/looking for a Sponsee. Like Zwanya I also try to incorporate some buddhism into my program, mostly just buddhist literature and meditation on/off. I also do yoga, I write, and getting back into focusing on my physical fitness and wellbeing(diet/working out) - all as supplemental parts of my recovery program. AA meetings is my foundation I suppose, but there are too many aspects of the program I don't want to rely on, like god, which is why I think it's smart to add a bunch of other stuff in with the meetings/steps. I'm also starting a volunteer position at the local needle exchange this month, and almost definitely going sky diving in a few weeks - (sky diving will be a fear facing activity. ;) )
 
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