• Psychedelic Drugs Welcome Guest
    View threads about
    Posting RulesBluelight Rules
    PD's Best Threads Index
    Social ThreadSupport Bluelight
    Psychedelic Beginner's FAQ
  • PD Moderators: Esperighanto | JackARoe | Cheshire_Kat

☮ Social ☮ PD Social Thread: Trans-dimensional Hyperspace Cocktail Bar - Fractals Apply Within

Status
Not open for further replies.
Never Knows Best said:
Start answering people's questions, you'll have to look up the info over and over again (rote learning is alright when it's not forced on you), soon you'll be able to make educated guesses and find yourself trawling pubmed for relevant journal abstracts. Then you decide that you're spending way too much of your life thinking about drugs and take a BL vacation.
Click to expand...

Haha! That's totally right on. :D
 
PepperSocks said:
There's no easy way through that. Much love to ya man <3 Glad to see you're channeling on the up and up :)

Intricate adjacent colouring, beautiful :)
Click to expand...

Yeah, it's all pretty intense, but I feel much better than I did just a month ago and MUCH better than I did several months ago. Which says to me I am making the correct decisions. It feels really crazy though to step away from my relationship, we've been together for SO LONG, since we were kids at the beginning of college. It's like, I feel like I don't even know anything else anymore, it's really intense. I go through feelings of panic like oh no, I made the wrong decision, I swore I would be with this person for the rest of my life, I shouldn't do this, what the fuck am I doing?? I need to fight for this! And my heart breaks for her because of what she's going through, she's so scared and overwhelmed. So it's just this swirling vortex of conflicting thoughts and emotions sometimes.

Also I miss being in love with someone really badly, it's actually been almost a year since I had that. I know I need to be alone for a while because I never have been as an adult but I really do miss that closeness with someone. But I'm just getting myself out there and making new patterns and spending time with different people and it's starting to feel like it's falling into place, little by little.
 
Last edited:
Your penmanship hasn't lost a step my friend, I can't tell you how many hours I've spent pouring over your TR's and posts here and on erowid.
I'm really sorry to hear everything about the Opiods and relationship, I can't imagine how you must feel :/
You picked a good time to come back though, MGS and Roger are always around and even swillow popped in for a bit a few days ago.
 
Thanks, I'm glad you like it. It does look even better in real life. :) It's very 3D, paint ridges come quite far out in some cases, and the dimensional marbling can be like to half a centimeter thick, it has vertical shape as well as horizontal and sometimes it forms little tiny caves.
 
Yeah, Delsyd planted the seed for it the other night when we were hanging out. He mentioned just that, that several people from the old crew were posting and mentioned me. I'm glad I came back, I really, really miss that time in my life because of the outlet that this forum especially and also Erowid gave me. I felt like I had a mission and it really brought me a lot of fulfillment. A bit of a golden age for me really. I stayed away because I needed to stop thinking about drugs so much, but I think I need the outlet again. :)
 
Xorkoth said:
Man, coming back here has given me quite an ego boost. :)
Click to expand...

I was thinking; "I wonder if he'll read back a few pages and sees that worship-fest we had going on" :D

In situations like that where the separation is intensely anguishing, the new (although forced upon) independence shows how unhealthy the previous situation was. It brings a whole lot of self-understanding, and the groundwork for a happy life in the future. It sucks, but the long term benefits show themselves. The objectivity show how the previous situation would have been an all-consuming rut, never leading to happiness.

I had a bit (or whole lot) of a breakdown at uni. I've missed a year, need another year to finish my 4 year honours BSC, or I might be able to graduate with a general 3 year BSC. Anyways the last while has been educational. The new found independence is hugely comforting in that my whole happiness is not wrapped up in one person I had a supremely unhealthy obsession with. Feels good after it feels bad :)
 
Yeah I guess you and I have some similarities in our situations then. It does feel good to be on the other side and not blinded anymore. It feels bad, but it's a healthy kind of bad.

Sorry to hear you had a breakdown, I have managed to avoid that, I have been somewhat surprised at my strength. Historically I have had a low threshold for emotional pain, the whole reason the opiates got so bad I think was that I was too afraid to face the truth. I guess the difference is now I have faced the truth and I am living in a truthful way with myself. So instead the cravings are easier to handle and I am finding fulfillment in other things, and I'm enduring the pain.

I'm trying to decide whether to go to this funk jam, I wanted to go but I feel a little shaky (minor withdrawal stuff), and I smoked a little and am less motivated now. I think I will be glad I went if I go. But I could also stand to get some extra sleep and just curl up now and watch a couple of episodes of something and be warm :)
 
Heh, the breakdown was drug fueled, did it to myself. I think it just acted as a catalyst in that 'rock bottom' sense. I always thought I was invincible in the addictions that others fell into. I recall posting quite a bit promoting my resilience to such things. :\

I got so deep into stimulants as I did largely due to my egotism of being "so smart", and my lazyness in actually working for grades. The two fed into each other. I had to maintain my established high-grade getting ego, but I was used to getting good grades without working too hard at it, so I took stims to keep up that cycle.

When I finally lost my nut, everything else under the surface came with it, including the whole lack of self-worth. Going back in time to a state I used to have a good self-worth, and picking up where I left off seems to be what's happening. Oddly enough, that was around 18 years old.

CBT is part of it as well to break out of those anxiogenic habits. Starting work again soon too. :)

I'm not as lazy as I used to be. I'm much more willing to work for those things, as I used to do. Resting on the laurels is a thing of the past. :)
 
Well I'm glad to hear you reverted back to a better state :)

Isn't that funny about addiction? Everyone starts out thinking it won't happen to them. It's always the same story. Addiction is a horrible thing to go through, just terrible. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
 
Yeah, it's getting to be so prevalent and common too. I think there's something in our society that's amiss. Mental illness among university students seems to be the highest growing demographic.

The city in general does it to me. The incessant noise of an urban area has major detrimental effects in me. I'm one of those people who needs quiet time; especially for sleeping. I think growing up where quiet time was never an issue plays a part in that. I just don't have the skills for living in urban settings.
 
Xorkoth is back!!! And he's on a posting RAMPAGE! =D

...and psood is apparently in his bushes. :)

Thanks for posting an update. I thought I was self-disclosing a lot when I mentioned that my wife moved out a few pages back, but damn Xorkoth, I appreciate your openness (and your truly prolific writing ability). Sounds like you did right by yourself despite how painful it's been to get to the other side.
 
Last edited:
Beautiful paintings Xorkoth.....seriously

Gale to see you back....and sorry about your travails and those of your wife....your resilience and attitude is most inspiring! Stick around!
 
So I leave for a second and Xork just shows up, well shit, colored me surprised! Glad you've finally returned now with you, DD, psood, MGS, Rog, and Psox(hopeefully del too!). We have the best of the best back!

That sucks though Xork, emotional abuse is some shit. Lakia and I were just talking about the bullshit of relationships and people trying to make you into something your not.

PSox, don't you seriously wish GHB was ethanol and ethanol would be GHB, in that GHB was people's legal go to, and ethanol would be illegal? Sure sure the meaning passed out in the gutter would become quite more literal but everyone wold be so much happier not to mention probably nicer!
 
Yeah it was pretty intense, I had completely blinded myself to the powerful effect it was having on me.

Internet writing has always been an outlet for me, I feel like I can share more complete thoughts than anywhere else and with the dynamics of everything I don't even want to tell my family everything... I've determined I really need to let those thoughts flow and for me that means putting them out there and sharing them with people.

And thanks everyone for the art compliments. I had been playing with some techniques and then in one day I painted Hope, Dark Hill, and another one I didn't post the picture of here that I love. When I saw them the next day, I felt this feeling like I knew I could take this anywhere. I suddenly believed I had something unique and people would respond to it.

I have the other picture handy, so I'll post it, it's called Blue Hole:
blueHole.jpg
 
Last edited:
^^ isn't this reunion bitchin!? I miss this so much, i'm so glad the old crew is coming back :)

Help?!?! said:
PSox, don't you seriously wish GHB was ethanol and ethanol would be GHB, in that GHB was people's legal go to, and ethanol would be illegal? Sure sure the meaning passed out in the gutter would become quite more literal but everyone wold be so much happier not to mention probably nicer!
Click to expand...

Totally! GHB for the masses would be dangerous in that you wouldn't want to give your average non-drug researcher a piece of solid GHB wax as you can bet there would be a ton of overdoses, but if they sold it premixed like beer or wine I can see many benefits over alcohol, not to mention the nicer effects and experience.
 
PepperSocks said:
Yeah, it's getting to be so prevalent and common too. I think there's something in our society that's amiss. Mental illness among university students seems to be the highest growing demographic.

The city in general does it to me. The incessant noise of an urban area has major detrimental effects in me. I'm one of those people who needs quiet time; especially for sleeping. I think growing up where quiet time was never an issue plays a part in that. I just don't have the skills for living in urban settings.
Click to expand...

Yeah it sure is prevalent. I also think our society is infected with a mental sickness. The way we live and the system of goals and values I believe goes against our nature as a species and spiritual life form. The goal system we have is this unreachable, abstract goal: advance, make more money, do better for yourself. There's no top. All we really need is food, water, shelter, and love and companionship. If we have those, we should be able to feel content, but we have been brainwashed to feel that there is this additional, distant goal. At least that's where the root of it is for me.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top