Pornography addiction - can I recover?

[beekr]

I've been "using" porn since I was 12. It started with my dad's playboys, progressed to soft core videos, mainstream xxx movies, and 25 years later movies devoted to double penetrations and lesbians fucking each other with strap ons. Until a few weeks ago I spent hours and hours every day searching & looking at porn. I have terrabytes worth. I never developed any true hobbies or interests, aside from my shitty career as a software tester. I know all the porn stars from the 80's and 90's, I am a bonafide expert. Useless.

Now I can't get it up at all unless I'm watching porn. I can't have sex with my now ex-girlfriend (I'm a horrible person & a liar) because I can't get aroused by her or any other real girl. ED pills don't work for me. I'm really scared now, I think I've destroyed my brain and made it so I'll need more and more porn to even wank. I don't even enjoy it anymore. It's cost me everything and I loathe it and I loathe myself. I want to change. I never want to look at porn again or wank again, I want to be normal now.

I stopped cold turkey 2 weeks ago. I'm horribly depressed, totally unmotivated and unable to concentrate, calling in sick every other day and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be fired soon. I think I screwed up my brain whereby I got all this dopamine every day from it and now I've cut it off and I'm miserable. I'm an alcoholic, sober for 3 years, so can't go there. I've gained weight already, scarfed down two bags of doritos in the last 36 hours. I had an rX for ambien but I consumed all 30 pills in about 4 days and now they're gone. I don't even want to go back to porn or wanking. I want to feel something with a woman, I want a relationship, but my libido is totally dead and I wouldn't be able to get it up anyway.

I'm seriously thinking I might say fuck it and end it all. I won't because it would hurt my family but I want to so bad. I'm going to be unemployed soon and I have very little savings. Can I turn it around?

Thanks for listening, it helped me just typing this.

 

[BlueSaffron]

Like any addiction, it takes time to recover... but the brain is surprisingly plastic, and hard to do real damage to simply by a behaviour like looking at porn. It's like women who get addicted to their vibrators.. then one day they wake up and they can't come from sex with their partner. They try and it doesn't work. But if they go cold turkey, after a few weeks of restlessness and STILL not coming, the body, brain and nerve endings WILL adjust. She WILL start coming from sex with a real person again.. and you WILL start being able to get it up and get off without porn. You said it's been a long addiction - you can't expect to go back to normal overnight, you know?

I guarantee you though, you have not "broken" your brain. Keep staying away from porn, try to go into work everyday, and cultivate some hobbies. Anything to get your mind off the porn thing and everything that goes along with it. Put your mind on something else. Then one day you'll be out and see a girl with amazing tits wearing a thin t shirt and no bra, and you'll get hard, and realize... I'm back!

 

[omnipresenthuman]

Please don't contemplate suicide over a lack of erection. Not to sound cold but just focus on your work and healthy livivg...make a solid foundation that won't crumble so that you can enjoy it with a significant other. First work on yourself, the rest will follow.

 

[Johnny1]

Pretty much what BlueSaffron said. You've wired your brain a certain way. But each time you have even a small success giving yourself rewards by another means, you will start to build new circuits that make you happy without porn. You just have to trust that you can rewire your brain, and that every little step makes that new wiring stronger and helps the the old wiring to fade. Even tiny little steps such as making yourself go outside and walk around until your blood is pumping and you feel alive for a moment.

 

[beekr]

Thanks for the responses guys, very reassuring. Just living without the four consecutive hours of dopamine rush that I'm used to every day is difficult, just very depressed.

 

[lola]

Sweetie don't despair. Once you've done the cold turkey and trained yourself to want without porn and orgasm using your brain alone you will perform with a woman, just find someone who'd kind and understanding. And even better, find someone who is kinky and a bit filthy herself - you know, someone who might be up for some of the act you enjoy watching, or talking dirty about them. Personally I like having porn on while fucking from time to time, I'm sure I'm not the only one so just find a way to consume it normally once you are with the right person xx

 

[pofacedhoe]

porn addiction is not a good thing and you can see that. you need to find joy in other areas of your life. were you on any drugs at all while you were hooked on porn? adderall etc.

 

[h3lp]

I have sex often and am currently downloading pornography if it helps.

Edit- just read mod above's comment. Don't want to demean the addictive nature of pornography. Just an sexually open individual.

 

[DrinksWithEvil]

lol this made me LOL so hard.

this sounds like a troll

but if not....you are not alone. we live in a internet age. Porn is easy to access,so many genres. Compilations etc.

girls are getting more kinky and just want to make some money. lots of sick shit out there. and tbh i love it all. which is sick

i cant look at a girl without thinking sick things, or even sleep with a girl witouth being bored, and thinking i need to be stick my nuts in her anus...

so what i think the only option for someone like me atleast.

ist to find a girl who likes porn too, and fuck like bunnies and cum on faces.

tbh porn is like booze, its easily obtainable and its fucking free or cheap.

i jut keep thinking in my head, porn aint bad . until im at my job jerking off with a big line of customers while im working and i get fired.

donl kill yourself over porn though, think of the euology

mine would be"here lies evan , all he did is watch porn and jerk off, may he rest in a piece with a chaffed penis"

 

[h3lp]

^ just being honest haha

 

[neversickanymore]

i jut keep thinking in my head, porn aint bad . until im at my job jerking off with a big line <fish scale and> of customers while im working and i get fired.

I have been watching to much fuking porn as well and I think I have a tolerance kicking as well. Guess I should have thought about it with tolerance in the equation.. Oh well, guess its time to give it a break. The girl I see is really hot but really shy.. she is making some progress though. needles to say a rising porn tolerance is not fucking something i want to continue.. pretty soon i will truely be watching some sick shit. is that what the free sights are all about.. get you all hooked and tolerant so you have to move on to the live ladies that are always popping up.. huh what a dirty little scam.. yeah im off the porn before im watching crazy shit. Which is alright with me cause the last session of afternoon delight was a delight.

op their are some threads over in tds that can be used to keep your thoughts positive.. a gratatude thread, share something positive about your day.. it sounds like you have a pretty strong addiction and I wish you a quick recovery.