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Vent/Rant Thread vs I'll tell you how I really feel (Triggering Content)

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You know the feeling I really don't like - it feels worse than anxiety, worse than depression. It is that feeling that you wake up and you can't face the world. Even the rotation of the earth is making you dizzy. You see the public, you see society from the inside of your mind and you think ' It is absolutely crazy, it is chaos out there.'
 
Rox said:
You know the feeling I really don't like - it feels worse than anxiety, worse than depression. It is that feeling that you wake up and you can't face the world. Even the rotation of the earth is making you dizzy. You see the public, you see society from the inside of your mind and you think ' It is absolutely crazy, it is chaos out there.'
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Yes it's difficult to describe, and difficult to get into and talk to anyone about it. I hate it, hate everyone else and hate the system we live in.
 
Well not impressed with certain people accusing me of making myself ill on purpose. Yea I love spewing up n being in bed all day n because I thought it may concern a certain med im being accused of making myself ill. That does it done with that thread n wont be saying if I'm ill in future if that's the type of support I receive. I'm absolutely furious.
 
Rox said:
You know the feeling I really don't like - it feels worse than anxiety, worse than depression. It is that feeling that you wake up and you can't face the world. Even the rotation of the earth is making you dizzy. You see the public, you see society from the inside of your mind and you think ' It is absolutely crazy, it is chaos out there.'
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Whenever I feel like that--and it isn't infrequent-- I find some way to be alone in nature, even if it just sitting leaned up against a tree. Nature is the free medicine that many humans seem to have forgotten.
 
ERRRR I have such a crazy schedule. I just cannot keep up, ughh I need a break.

Love to everyone that's feeling down and out today, keep your chins up. Life is a battle you either fight or get knocked out, so keep fighting my friends. It gets better.
 
FUCKING CONSTRUCTION.

An 18-story apartment building is being built across the street from my bedroom and the living room window. The construction started shortly before 6 AM. I didn't have to be up until 9. I'm talking pile drivers and jackhammers, which are exempt from the 85 decibel at 50 feet standard. It is maddening. We knew our view (of a gorgeous bridge) would be obstructed when the building is finished, but we did not know it would be this loud. I am so pissed at this project, and worst of all is that it's legal so we can't file a noise complaint. My neighbor who works night shift as a nurse is having trouble staying awake at work. This is bad!
 
On haloperidol :(

Fucking fuck everything. The nurses managed to talk me into taking some Haldol this morning. I'm going to be assessed for detention soon. I swear there's going to be nothing left of me by the time that "therapy" has had its way with me. Fuck everything.
 
Kota said:
Fucking fuck everything. The nurses managed to talk me into taking some Haldol this morning. I'm going to be assessed for detention soon. I swear there's going to be nothing left of me by the time that "therapy" has had its way with me. Fuck everything.
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What happened? <3
 
I actually was forced to take Haldol when I got locked up overseas once upon a time (they also gave me clonazepam). It was terrible, made me think some really messed up thoughts.


Anyway, I offer to help shovel show for Person A this morning. Person A politely declines my offer. Person B then gives me an earful for not helping Person A shovel the snow. Should I have held a gun to his head??????
 
^^^ LMAO! It didn't snow much over here but you can shovel my snow anytime! I'm talking free okay? I'm cheap like that:|.
 
Warning: rant n may trigger people.

NSFW:


ugh... why do people judge me and then say "oh it's just harm reduction." No! - repeating the same things over and over again is NOT harm reduction. It's bullying, it's harassment. No one should be judged for the medication they take and if unless people no the facts they should kindly keep their opinions to themselves.
Not that I should explain myself but is it not "harm reduction" to taken another substance instead of ODing on paracetamol which could pack in my liver, where my mind was so warped that the idea of cold water extraction was not to do it because there wasn't enough opiate once it's done.
Is it harm reduction." when I'm so ill from paracetamol OD, too scared to go to A&E encase my child gets taken, but taken more and more codeine because my thoughts keep telling me over and over and over to keep taking them. Even though in dire pain of constipation or stomach cramps, on the floor screaming, taking 64 codeine pills, containing 200 mg ibuprofen that could rip my stomach, kill me n leave my child without a mam.
WHY DO I HAVE TO KEEP JUSTIFYING THIS BULLSHIT AND REPEATING THIS... If I'd known I'd be constantly having this bullshit said to me over n over with the patronising tone of it's "harm reduction" I'd have never mentioned that I had a codeine addiction, no I'd never have come to Bluelight at all..... There's a difference between "giving advice of harm reduction" n constantly reiterating the same stuff to a person that they are starting to feel humiliated, worn down, harassed, made to feel small, bullied. I cannot even start about suboxone with everyone else, but apart of the group, without being made to feel like an outside, because "my addiction was only codeine..." I thought after the last time I got extremely upset over this that things would change but they haven't n I don't feel respected as a person at all... just made to feel like a complete idiot, and as small as an ant n like I don't belong to BL...
Yet I can't stop people judging me and constantly repeating this even though I feel that this is harassment and seriously affecting my recovery.



Can someone tell me if I've done this ok?
 
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So how does my sister and father die. My mother and I get stuck with an obscene amount of debt. And my father's life insurance policy of $750,000 goes to his siblings and mom... and then the life insurance company sues me! Wonderful.
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
So how does my sister and father die. My mother and I get stuck with an obscene amount of debt. And my father's life insurance policy of $750,000 goes to his siblings and mom... and then the life insurance company sues me! Wonderful.
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That's awful and so sorry this happened. What are they suing you for? I mean, if he left you and your mom with a bunch a debt, what can they expect from you?
 
My mom sued the insurance company and they counter sued everyone who was originally on the policy. My father changed the names during their divorce (which he wasn't suppose to--court ordered). I'm just a broke college student so I have no idea. My lawyers are moving for obvious dismal.
 
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