I blame myself for most things. I blame my early drug use on my father. I do because I started drinking and huffing glue and gas before I was ten. I was looking for a way to cope with my emotions and found it in drugs at a very young age. Had I not had such a rough childhood I think things may have gone smoother.
That being said that excuse really does not fly now that I am an adult and over whatever happened when I was a child.
I do blame dislocating my elbow 3 times and being in constant pain and agony in terms of staying on opiates when I sometimes abuse them. All in all I am better off on pain medication but that is when I stick with taking medicine proper and not taking too much or injecting it.
I know this sounds stupid but I abuse pain meds more when I have a lower dose. When I have a stronger dose, I tend to stick with a proper ROA more.
It is a serious clusterfuck having chronic pain. You really only have two choices and that is took take narcotics or not take narcotics. It is very difficult to take medication exactly as prescribed as your tolerance will go up and so will your pain as most bad injuries only get worse over the years.
I got frustrated when I had to drop out of college because I just couldn't write at the time. I turned to the needle and it got me through a few semesters and in the end that caused more problems than it solved. I realized that the needle wasn't the answer but by then opiates had a hold on me. I cleaned up a few times vowing to take medication properly.
At best I can only seem to find a balance where I am not sick or in pain much and not running out of money but am most definitely not taking the medication the way I am supposed to. I have a pretty solid plan on how to handle the problem but it is not something I am going to share.
