Jobseeker's Allowance Megathread ver. We're all overqualified!

[mydrugbuddy]

mine called me a worthless piece of shit not to long back that was after kicking me in the guts as i lay oding on the floor lol fucking nonce bastard never has loved couldnt give a fuck though fucking loser

thats terrible mate. Im never gonna whinge about my Dad again. He has never hit me once. He has only lost his tempre and shouted and been angry with me on about 2 occasions. I didnt live permanently with him, as i lived with my mum and stepdad, it was just saturdays and holidays etc. Things mighht have been a bit more strained if i lived with him all the time.

 

[mydrugbuddy]

I got 2 further call backs today from all those job apps yesterday, these seemed to go better, and sound more promising, like i may stand a chance of 'making the cut' with these.

 

[Eveleivibe]

Lol MDB I'm not surprised as you applied for 50 of them. I hope you get one soon. You're dedicated.

 

[mydrugbuddy]

No, Im medicated. :D

I only have moments of motivation and applied energy, so i have to try to use them when i get them. Instead of 'wasting' all day on here. No offence to my fellow EADDers nut im sure YKWIM.

 

[StoneHappyMonday]

I've had no dad since 16. Pretty much best dad in the world apart from the dying early, inconsiderate bastard. Feel for people who got shit sticks of fathers who beat them etc. No need. No fucking need at all.

 

[mydrugbuddy]

Feel for people who got shit sticks of fathers who beat them etc. No need. No fucking need at all.

Absolutely. Just when love and understanding is required you get the shit kicked out of you. I can understand a parent being distresses, upset and even angery to their son in such a state but to resort to that is beyond the pale.

 

[mydrugbuddy]

Further to our previous email correspondence regarding your free CV review, I have had a look at it and come up with some suggestions:

Feedback on your CV

The main thing you should keep in mind is that an employer will only spend 20-30 seconds taking in the information on your CV, to help you with this I suggest...

Layout

You could maximise your use of space, make the content clearer and more concise to balance the content while using white space for ease of reading. Look at your bullet points and paragraph length.

Content

Emphasise the return on investment to the potential future employer by quantifying each of these areas: your skills, achievements, qualifications and experience. Also ensure that you have the right amount of summarised and detailed content.

Language

It is important that your CV is written in the first person in all areas, also some of what you have written is in a complex structure, these sentences need simplifying so that your point is clear and easy to digest.

Overall

You have some great experience, which could really stand out from the crowd and improve your interview opportunities; you should focus on the structure of your language and getting the right balance of summarised & detailed content.


Cant be arsed doingh this today. But will perhaps attempt it over the weekend.

 

[Shambles]

I actually possess a CV now. Never had one until a few months back when the disability advisor at the Knob Centre sent me off to some fella to get one sorted. Plus points for mine would be brevity and simplicity. Downsides mainly that it's utter horesehit. Was really quite surprised at how insistent he was at "stretching the truth". None of it is actual lies but none of it (apart from my name and date birth) bear any relation to my actual life. I don't get why employers should be expected to judge people based on who lies the best. Very odd system

 

[ColtDan]

Feel for people who got shit sticks of fathers who beat them etc. No need. No fucking need at all.

Couldnt agree more, its so sad

I actually possess a CV now. Never had one until a few months back when the disability advisor at the Knob Centre sent me off to some fella to get one sorted.

I need to get mine sorted soon. not bad at writing so i'll slap one together. maybe you could have a look at it when ive done it shamby, your good at being articulate with words

 

[brimz]

I wouldn't have a clue what the DLA forms look like as my Mam did all that when I was like 2 years or summit. And when I was 16 it was transferred to me. Ahhh does anyone remember the "good" old days when we'd have those books that looked like a cheque book n we'd go to the post office to have it signed but we could only go to same post office (think you were allowed to go to another twice). Thank God for Direct Debit lol.

me dad was a legend MUsta done over 500 aa n DLA for friends n fam 100% Order books know ya talkin my dialect lo! 3 a week any1 /?
then u sign ating sayin i will post tis back n get a pal 2 cash it

 

[Shambles]

I need to get mine sorted soon. not bad at writing so i'll slap one together. maybe you could have a look at it when ive done it shamby, your good at being articulate with words

Hehe. Not so sure about the quality of my articulation - my approach to writing can be somewhat tortuous to read to say the least. Although I obviously don't write the same way I do here when writing something "official" or when I have clarity as my prime focus. My BL writing is somewhat personal and mostly to entertain myself (and obviously nice if others are also entertained alongside ).

I'll happily take a look at it but bear in mind I don't have much in the way of experience when it comes to CVs and what employers are looking for. The kinda jobs I've had in the past have been casual, donkey-work kinda stuff just to keep me in gear via legit means really. I can certainly tell you what I think but I'm not the kinda person that you need to be impressing really. But do feel free to give us a looksee cos I wouldn't mind seeing what an actual CV looks like cos mine is just a (bad) joke.

 

[ColtDan]

Dont be so modest, your one of the most equolent people on here

 

[mydrugbuddy]

the cv company that gave me that overview want £200 to actually re-do it for me. Im wondring if it is worth getting them to do that. They might loose sight of what im trying to get across about myself, i dunno. But i seem to getting on average of about an 8% hit rate with cvs applying for jobs that i am experienced in and capable of doing. Not sure if thats cos my cv is crap or cos theres so much competition.

 

[Shambles]

I seriously doubt you'll get £200's worth of improvements. That and I'd be a bit worried about it just coming out formulaic which is hardly gonna grab an employer's attention either. Maybe just try to rework it using some of the advice they gave? I have no idea how much of a hit rate a person should expect but you only sent the apps out a couple days back, no?

Dont be so modest, your one of the most equolent people on here

I actually wasn't fishing but thanks all the same

 

[brimz]

I've had no dad since 16. Pretty much best dad in the world apart from the dying early, inconsiderate bastard. Feel for people who got shit sticks of fathers who beat them etc. No need. No fucking need at all.

it was a generation thing my Dad was 42 when he settled . e was one of those kids tat had to go away wiv a gas mask n not muc else in ww2
if i did not ave te fear of me dad in would be a little bastard . he rarely slapped me but it was knowing he could that was discipline .
my ma would not tell im alf of skool n stuff , I respected im n so did alot of folk .
He was ace took us 2 Rovers every week wen i wa a lad
n worke Barton ill ,St pauls . knowle west , artcliff ( remember te riots ? )lol! wite riot ! indeed.
Bedminster , Easton , Stokes Croft, n yea doing te crisis loans on weekends . my Older friends all knew im cos he was a good d judge of smack tokens like if ya specting £170 on sat n u has 2 bairns ten he would make sure tat they got the kids fed n wot not buy all gear , but he would always msake sure 2 give 20 4 wot ever b4 W hit in 80s it was easy n in 89/90 the price of all economics street related changed 4 ever £20 sex , etc now it is £10 n man the area is still umming just off cambridge st .

 

[mydrugbuddy]

I seriously doubt you'll get £200's worth of improvements. That and I'd be a bit worried about it just coming out formulaic which is hardly gonna grab an employer's attention either. Maybe just try to rework it using some of the advice they gave? I have no idea how much of a hit rate a person should expect but you only sent the apps out a couple days back, no?

yeah true, i think I'll take your advice. I might be being 'kept on file' at some of the agencies. I'll re-do it myself, if ive mixed up first person and third person grammer on the thing then i can sort that easy enough, and think about their other tips too.

 

[rickolasnice]

Dunno if everyone here is aware of this or not but there are certain courses that the job centre will pay for you to go on..

I've got a CSCS (construction) card out of them and an SIA (security) license out of them.. They even gave me £200+ to buy the security badge once i'd completed the security course..

They've also paid for me to buy new boots and a new birth certificate (anything stopping you getting work)..

Just finished the online form to reclaim.. Yay.

 

[mydrugbuddy]

ours dont even pay for phone calls or stamps, i dont even think they pay for transport to interviews. Our benefits have been cut well below an amount you could survive on. I mean if you wanted broadband internet, cable tv, to run a car, to keep you house heated all day every day, jut completely impossible. For the first time in my life i am living completely beyond my means. Ive never had to do that before.

 

[brimz]

I actually possess a CV now. Never had one until a few months back when the disability advisor at the Knob Centre sent me off to some fella to get one sorted. Plus points for mine would be brevity and simplicity. Downsides mainly that it's utter horesehit. Was really quite surprised at how insistent he was at "stretching the truth". None of it is actual lies but none of it (apart from my name and date birth) bear any relation to my actual life. I don't get why employers should be expected to judge people based on who lies the best. Very odd system

oh i sure u can get elp


My Cv is what i fancy it 2 be like every1 else

 

[brimz]

Budeting loans r still about i wouldn't b surprised if they vanised wit no announcement get 1 if u r able 2 go 500 if u don't owe n say that u ave 3 small debts so tat te re pay is appx £5 a wk