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Update on how I feel 20 years later after using MDMA/speed

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dogdogman

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Joined
Jan 20, 2014
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2
http://www.aboutbfs.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=507&p=3001&hilit=dogdogman#p3001

Hello, Please see the above post which was created around 10 years ago. As you can see I really suffered as a result of my illicit substance use and it was the only place I found where I could post my issues (not sure if Bluelight was around at the time). Anyhow you can read my story and make up your own mind. I would just like to add that my nervous system is still totally messed up, the twitching is constant all day everyday. I try to live a healthy lifestyle, go to the gym 4 times a week and I have a decent physique now. Unfortunately though the effects do seem to be permanent. I have to live each day as best I can with these awful residual symptoms. Thankfully I do not get panic attacks anymore.
This is my story and a warning to anybody who thinks MDMA/speed is safe. I hope none of you have to go through this. I am just thankful that I am a lot lot better than I was although far from being what I was previous to my drug use.

PS Illicit substance free for over 10 years.

Cheers, dogdogman.
 
Thanks for sharing your experiences with us - If I may be so bold to ask a few questions.

How long had you been using Ecstasy before you had this severe panic attack ? Two or three years? How often were you dosing and at how many pills / mg's were your taking?

As discussed in your post your not sure if your drug use triggered a pre-existing disorder or actually caused these problems, and there is no way of knowing if these problems would have occurred if you had not experimented in the first place.

Sounds like a horrible ordeal and I'm glad that your in a much better place now as you were when your wrote your first post. Now that you have had extensive medical involvement what have the doctors had to say about your condition - (sound very like a 'palsy')? Did you explain to your doctors that you were taking Ecstasy and amphetamines ? If so have they linked these to your condition?

It's awful that you have to endure these problems, what kind of treatment are you receiving now? Have the symptoms remained the same or has there been any further degradation in your muscle control over the years ?

I wish you well

Bear
 
did you receive neuroleptic drugs from your psychiatrist? your symptoms seem consistent with the (sadly often permanent) side effects of these kinds of drugs.
 
First off, let me say my heart very much goes out to you and it pains me to hear that you must live everyday with these terrible symptoms.

However, I'd venture to say these physical problems are most likely not rooted in your past drug use but rather underlying conditions that were exacerbated by the long term and excessive use of stimulant drugs. I too suffer from a tic/movement disorder(although it doesn't involve muscle twitches) that was present throughout my life and despite 2 years of visits to various doctors and specialists no one has been able to find anything wrong with me. I realize this isn't very comforting, but I hope the realization that the drugs most probably didn't cause this might help lift some of the guilt off your shoulders.

You sound like a very brave person and have succeeded despite these hardships, I find that admirable and wish you the best of luck and much happiness and comfort. Know that you've inspired me, I thank you for that.
 
At bad robot there was no long term use - the drug use spanned about three years hence my question about frequency and dosage. The OP does use the word 'experimented' which doesn't normally mean abused the hell out of (which you would associate with the level of damage caused).
 
If there was no abuse then it's all the more reinforcing to my notion this was an underlying problem waiting to happen rather than long term damage caused by drug use.
 
you ever think its your constant worrying that implicates your own problems?
What if you were truly to live stress and worry free
 
^ This.

The mind is very powerful. The times when I let my emotions run rampant is when my anxiety gets out of hand an then it manifests itself in increased colitis symptoms and panic attacks. It's taken me twenty years to learn that controlling my negative thoughts has a drastic effect on my mental and physical well being. Simply put your thoughts manifest your reality.
 
^ I think both of you are missing the point. He isn't suffering from emotional problems at all, he actually notes that he's very optimistic and feels accomplished with his life but complains about physical symptoms of twitching and trembling.
 
dogdogman said:
http://www.aboutbfs.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=507&p=3001&hilit=dogdogman#p3001

Hello, Please see the above post which was created around 10 years ago. As you can see I really suffered as a result of my illicit substance use and it was the only place I found where I could post my issues (not sure if Bluelight was around at the time). Anyhow you can read my story and make up your own mind. I would just like to add that my nervous system is still totally messed up, the twitching is constant all day everyday. I try to live a healthy lifestyle, go to the gym 4 times a week and I have a decent physique now. Unfortunately though the effects do seem to be permanent. I have to live each day as best I can with these awful residual symptoms. Thankfully I do not get panic attacks anymore.
This is my story and a warning to anybody who thinks MDMA/speed is safe. I hope none of you have to go through this. I am just thankful that I am a lot lot better than I was although far from being what I was previous to my drug use.

PS Illicit substance free for over 10 years.

Cheers, dogdogman.
Click to expand...
well, IMHO MDMA and speed ARE safe as long as you use all the HR precautions (testing your gear, accurate dosing, staying idrated etc) and don't abuse them.
how was your usage pattern? it seems just unlikely to me that just "experimenting" with MDMA, speed and such could give you such severe issue for over 10 years. if you used them daily for a long time I would understand.

nevertheless thanks for sharing your story, it sure is a warning for everyone that intends taking powerful substances ignoring the risks and with no respect for them.
 
Any ideas what happen to this guy? How is he feeling now?
Sucks people post stuff like this and then dont stick around for nothing.
Would love to talk to you anyhow if by any chance you go back to this thread.

I wonder whats up with all these movement problems like twitches etc, seems quite common in people from a comedown on the internet. 20 years damn long tho.
Did you have any vision problems? Static vision etc?
 
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India - this is ONE anecdotal report that does not mesh with numerous medical studies. If someone is predisposed to suffer from schizophrenia and using pot triggers it, that person is going to blame the pot not the fact that he was going to get it anyways.

For those suffering LTCs - posts like this will do nothing but freak you out and hold up your recovery. I am fairly confident that OPs physiological problems were independent of his drug use. Drugs can make things worse but do not seem to cause the problems he correlated.

A major part of recovering from a LTC is managing your anxiety. Spending time trying to be sherlock Holmes and link every illness to mdma ab/use will drive you crazy.

Just live life and take it as it comes.
 
Wow this is scary. Pretty much exactly the same as my symptoms. I was taking 30mg Adderall daily and using MDMA on a pretty much monthly basis before my symptoms started. I had 2 big panic attacks after taking my morning dose of Adderall so I stopped taking it. About a week later I rolled and had a panic attack on the comeup but was otherwise fine. Had a relatively normal comedown until 3 days later when my heart skipped a beat and that sparked a huge panic attack, I forced myself to sleep and woke up the next day feeling on the edge of a panic attack and unable to breath so I took myself down the hospital who said my ECG was fine and sent me home. I chalked it down to a long comedown and went back home to recover, what followed was daily horrendous panic attacks and 4 ER visits which couldn't find anything wrong. My doctor sent me to a cardiologist who did all the tests and said I was fine. 5 months later and I'm still dealing with symptoms.

At the worst of it I was having panic attacks twice a day (heart would shoot up to 150 bpm), spending all day feeling and thinking I was going to die, derealization, obsessive thoughts (counting in my head), muscle twitches all over, skipped heartbeats, a kind of brainfog feeling I can only describe as if part of my consciousness is missing (don't know if that makes sense to anyone). Things have steadily got better but I'd be lying if I said I was normal now. The panic attacks stopped a while ago as did the skipped heartbeats but the muscle twitches have got worse, they are actually quite painful sometimes, I still have derealization and brainfog despite being cognitively fine. I get random cold feelings and tingling in odd areas. Infact just now I had a strange tingling in my face that nearly started a panic attack so I came to bluelight to calm down.

I think there's a couple of possibilities as to why this occurs:
- I have read serotonin alters blood flow around the brain causing some areas to not receive enough oxygen
- PTSD, after a traumatic experience our minds have simply gone into defensive mode and need to be trained back to normal (most likely)
- The brain rewires destroyed serotonin pathways, but it wires them back differently, our brains may have rewired differently so we are physically normal but feel unexplainably different than before which causes existential anxiety

The only one of those we can do anything about is the PTSD, simply not being afraid of life and not constantly checking how you feel is the solution I think. I'm giving myself a few more months to recover and then I'm throwing myself back into life as much as I can and ignoring any symptoms. If nothing works some years down the line then I'm going to roll again and use that headspace to try and overcome it mentally - may sound suicidal but I simply can't live the rest of my life in this state.
 
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