What is YOUR opinion on this ?

[Quantz]

This is more of a brief rant of frustration , mainly at myself . I picked up my 60 day NA keytag yesterday , but at the last few days I got a prescription of Lyrica for anxiety , and I just ate the last of them . This was even after telling my Pdoc I'm an addict as I've manipulated him at some point for everything . Doing this , I felt better about getting the script seeing as he didn't oppose RXing someone Lyrica who he knew was in recovery from addiction .

NOw I'm basically stuck at a crossroads of whether I want this to count as a relapse . Seeing as Lyrica is schedule V hence non-narcotic , I rationalized this as it being completely okay . Now maybe if i took it as prescribed ( LOL , immagine that ) I wouldn't have this guilty feeling . I killed the bottle of 90 75 MG's in 5 days and most certainly got fucked up , and justified it in my head as it being non-narcotic . I wrestle with semantics in my own head basically .

I'm a Heroin addict , and the only drug in the last 2 months I used , was the Lyrica . Keeping this secret I also felt a bit of the " old behaviors" coming back . White lies , using moms credit card for cigarettes when she was asleep , missing a few meetings . I'm aware this is relapse in the making , thankfully I haven't had thoughts of using again (heroin) and do feel strong enough in my ability to call my sponsor if I have the urge , and not to entertain the idea of using at all .

So seeing as I'm clean from my doc for 60 days , and Lyrica being non narcotic , would you consider this a relapse ? I don't know why i attach such importance to my days , but to reset back to day one over abusing pre-gablin sounds really shitty -_- . I could justify using in 2 seconds with " well if I'm going to go back to day 1, might as well get high one last time tonight ". I don't think I will, but i AM aware that could easily happen.

I don't know exactly what the point of this thread is lol , pretty much just my thoughts and I'd like to hear some of yours..hope everyone had a great x mas :D

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

If you think it is a relapse, it's a relapse, if you think it isn't then it isn't. The fact you are asking the question tells me you probably know what the answer is.

You go to NA to get well not to compete on clean time anyway. I know counting those days can really boost confidence, but get stuck in to that way of thinking then you're staying clean to keep your number not because you want to. If it was me and I still did meetings, I would go to a meeting, be honest in a share and pick up a white key ring. They're meaningless things anyway and counting clean time is nonsense imo, but I imagine you will feel much better walking out of a meeting without it playing on your mind and having got a nice clap and hug.

I would also strongly suggest that if you are still in the mindset of someone who is thinking 'I might as well have a use up because I've just lost my clean time', you're in trouble because your motivation for wanting to not use is wrong.

Don't beat yourself up though. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, that's why we call today a present. Who gives a fuck whether it counts a relapse or whether you have to change the colour of some shitty keyring? All the matters is what you are doing in the here and now to ensure your recovery in the future. Good luck to you.

I would go to a meeting, share about the experience (you don't have to describe it as a relapse, just be honest and open) and hope some good types come and give you some support.



disclaimer: I'm back in active addiction.

 

[smokemctoke420]

id count it as a relapse, but definetly dont beat yourself up and most definetly dont use dope. i to was counting the days and i relapsed at 40 days and its taken me another 40 and some crazy shit that happened to hop back on the train. ive been completly sober for the last 7 days and am getting off subs and on the vivotrol shot, which is a big step for me becasue i cant have that reservation where i can stop subs and use for a day pr 2. i really had to be honest with myself to wanna go on the 30 day shot.
\
my point being is that i counted my days and the feeling of losing the 40 days which is the most ive had in 9 years was horrible and i couldnt get over it and i dug myself deeper. so right now im trying not to really count the days, maybe the months as they will come.

just please dont get yourself down over it. talk to your sponser and starts over. relapse happens. if you concentrate on the days and relapse youre gonna beat yourself up and make it that much harder on yourself so please dont do it. fuck the whole key tag thing, i dont even pick mine up. just count the weeks or months as they come. but dont beat yourself up over it man, please dont. it was still prob aly more days then you ever had before so just be happy that you're improving your life and keep going to meetings, i would trash the lyrica script or let someone hold it cuz you cant yourself, obviously. you will be proud of yourself cuz in the back of your head your junky side wants to keep it and have that reservation. so if you give up that power you will feel so much better about yourself.

good luck brotha man!

 

[Op eace]

The only problem IMO, is the slippery slope. Stop feeling guilty, but don't let this spiral into more. Very easy to let this turn into you picking up some H.

Stop caring about the days, man. When you get your mental health back fully, you won't care about a number.

Also, discontinue this script immediately man. You know this will not end well.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Some good advice here.

Not trying to get you down but I don't count being on subbies as being 'completely sober'. You pick up key rings whilst on maintenance where you go to meetings?

Either way, sounds like you are on the (long, hilly and winding) road to recovery.

 

[straightrazor]

So seeing as I'm clean from my doc for 60 days , and Lyrica being non narcotic , would you consider this a relapse ?

Well... considering you said "I killed the bottle of 90 75 MG's in 5 days and most certainly got fucked up" I'd definitely consider that a relapse. You can rationalize all you want about how you didn't relapse onto your drug of choice so it "doesn't count", but really rather than focusing on the past and what has already happened you are probably better off focusing on the future and how to prevent this from happening again.

You said you got the Lyrica to deal with anxiety, right? Have you been working on forming any sober coping mechanisms? A big part of staying sober is learning how to deal with the unpleasant feelings without turning to a substance. Do you work out at all? Have you tried meditation at all? It isn't some quick fix but I've found over the long term it helps level me out.

 

[Quantz]

omen_owen , I really appreciate your response , I haven't thought about how I may of been having more motivation to stay clean because of my "day count" which i think holds way too much significance , however it is a great motivator . I'll definately be taking a look at my motives and bring it up in a meeting. You like most people on BL sound like a smart dude ,what happened with your relapse?

Smokemctoke ,Yeah man like omen said i'll take the importance of the keytags and put that same importance on just improving myself . I had been white knuckling it for the last week or 2 , I was doing the bare minimum of calling my sponsor and going to meetings 3x a week , no surprise i tried to justify something and it ends up being Lyrica. I agree , I'll be calling it like it is . A relapse lol I can't BS myself. It is what it is -_-

Oppeace , Yeah the script is going to be over with , Won't lead me to anything good . Thanks

OmenOwen . On subbies ? I dont think I mentioned anything that sounded like I was on maintence , I'm not and have never been on subs, and definitely wouldn't consider it clean if i was . I think subs are one of the most shortcut ways , Everyone I know whose went on subs has relapsed within a month of getting off of them .

Straight Razor , hhaha it's fucked up , but I kind of laughed at that ... It'd be so ignorant for me to not consider that a relapse . My homegroup chair person when I picked up my 60 said as soon as you get 90 days I'm having you speak . Which I actually want to so badly , so that annoys me too. I feel like such a fucking herb picking up a white again . Ughh . inb4 humility smh -_--
As for the others , not nearly as much as I used to so youre right about that . I've always went to gyms but I just moved and don't have a car atm , and theres no gym within a reasonable biking distance unfortunately . However meditation has been amazing for me in the past and I will be getting back into that.

Summary . Day one . lol fuck . I feel 100x better though . Something inside me just didn't feel right about it , no way I could pick up a 90 knowing I was stumbling around my house with a dumbass grin OBLITERATED. Really impressed at how powerful Lyrica could be . (impressed may be the wrong word lol how about surprised haha) Thanks for the input guys

 

[smokemctoke420]

Some good advice here.

Not trying to get you down but I don't count being on subbies as being 'completely sober'. You pick up key rings whilst on maintenance where you go to meetings?

Either way, sounds like you are on the (long, hilly and winding) road to recovery.

is that at me? and yeah im getting off subs and on vivotrol which is just the blocker. and if i was on it i would count it as being sober if i took it as directed, which i do. i dont really go to meetings but when i do start going to a few a week im not picking up tags anyways. and if i was gonna pick up my tag, id still do it on subs or not. i dont have to listen to someone elses opinion that says im not sober when it would be the most sober time ive had in years. just becasue someone thinks subs arent sobriety doesnt mean it isnt. you have your opinion and i have mine so that arguement is like beating a dead horse. im not drinking or smoking weed tho, which i did at first when i stopped the dope.

@Q- yeah im white knuckling a little myself. ive been completly sober this past week minus subs but thats not a big deal cuz ill be off them and on the shot here soon anyways. but after what happened last week my dad is gonna give me some structure and rules, that also revolve around the program so i can help myself. im not doing the 90 in 90 bullshit cuz me and him both agree it doesnt work but i will go to meetings 3-4 times a week, get a sponser, get on vivotrol, and continue with my outpatient drug tests and counseling, and groups plus whatever else he wants me to do. hes gonna make it pretty strict for me but thats what i need right now. hes been through it with 2 of my other sisters so he knows how to approach it. anyways, good luck man.

 

[Quantz]

is that at me? and yeah im getting off subs and on vivotrol which is just the blocker. and if i was on it i would count it as being sober if i took it as directed, which i do. i dont really go to meetings but when i do start going to a few a week im not picking up tags anyways. and if i was gonna pick up my tag, id still do it on subs or not. i dont have to listen to someone elses opinion that says im not sober when it would be the most sober time ive had in years. just becasue someone thinks subs arent sobriety doesnt mean it isnt. you have your opinion and i have mine so that arguement is like beating a dead horse. im not drinking or smoking weed tho, which i did at first when i stopped the dope.

@Q- yeah im white knuckling a little myself. ive been completly sober this past week minus subs but thats not a big deal cuz ill be off them and on the shot here soon anyways. but after what happened last week my dad is gonna give me some structure and rules, that also revolve around the program so i can help myself. im not doing the 90 in 90 bullshit cuz me and him both agree it doesnt work but i will go to meetings 3-4 times a week, get a sponser, get on vivotrol, and continue with my outpatient drug tests and counseling, and groups plus whatever else he wants me to do. hes gonna make it pretty strict for me but thats what i need right now. hes been through it with 2 of my other sisters so he knows how to approach it. anyways, good luck man.

/deleted last post , I'm a very selective reader. So you'll be getting off subs and on vivitrol . Awesome . Good luck to you.
I would try the 90 in 90 simply for the connections you make with people doing the right thing . as for it not working , it does . I did 50 in 50 then surprise 5 days later i'm like MWAHHAH LRYICA NON NARCOTIC I CHEAT SYSTEM MWAHAH . Bullshit . Disease lying to me as per usual , I was fucking smashed and had the intention of taking it to get fucked up . that'd be like me chugging a bottle of tussin and saying DXM isn't a relapse. Anyway , My whole circle of friends/support now are people with 6 months to 2+ years clean , who had all done 90 in 90s . I wouldn't count out something you haven't tried.

That's great with the rules your dad will impose , as well as him being " in the know "of how he does have to be extemely strict and on top of an addict . we're a rare breed of over the top manipulating skills . I turn absolutely sociopathic/anti-social ( in the psychological sense , not the version people use to describe people who isolate socially).
Stay positive buddy

 

[smokemctoke420]

my dad knows me in and out, as well as all my addictive behaviors. as weird as it is he had a sex addicition, even tho i didnt think that was possible but i guess it is. he did that shit for 40 years then went to sa, groups, counseling, and all that jazz and is still recovering, since we are never "recovered" per se. hes got loads of books and all types of stuff so hes definetly not a retard lol

as for the 90 in 90. fuck that. im sorry but NA never really worked for me. i was half assing it at the time. but when i was in the halfway house i did a 90 in 90 plus more, probaly more like a 150+ in 120. i did my 90 in 90 plus some days i was going to 2 meetings a day, if not more. ive been in 2 detoxes, a halfway house, and 2 outpatients incuding the one im in now. so im knocking it cuz ive tried it although i wont discredit that it does work for some people.

Im not a NA person really cuz they think that na is the only thing that will cure you and reject everything else and theyre nazis about it. it just rubs me the wrong way so what i do is when i go to meetings i take what i need to help me and something positive from the meeting (about 15% of it IMO) and leave the other 85% of bullshit there.

right now im doing outpatient groups twice a week 1.5 hours each group, couunseling 1 hour a week, suboxone 8mgs a day, urine tests 1 time a week at random, and 2 meetings a week. when i get on the vivotrol shot it gonna be a little more laid back. ill do 1.5 hours of group a week, the shot once a month, random drug tests for group once a month, counsing once a week and na meetings prob 3X a week plus the jailhouse restrictions my dad will put on me when he talks to me in the next couple days. i shouldnt look at it like that cuz he just wants to help me and give me structure.

i really think this vivotrol shot will work alot better then subs cuz i cant pick and choose when to take it and try to get high occasionally, but after last weeks incident it opened my eyes and i actually want to be sober. i did before but i got more want and im gonna do more then i did these past 2 months. im not being forced off subs and on the shot i want to do it for myself. i can also stay on it into the summer so when i go back to both jobs in march it will be a little easier to stay away from the bad things. plus my outpatient place is 45 mins away and when my dad is spending $10 in gas 2-3X a week it gets rough and i feel bad for making them waste there time on me. so with the shot i only have to go once a week.

What's your opinion on the vivotrol shot? i believe you are sober vs being on subs where you can still get a slight overall moodlift cuz the shot is all blocker, nothing else. so ill be on the shot plus 20 mg of prozac a day which ive only been on for like 3 weeks. both are paid for by the outpatient program. i get a weeks script of subs every wednesday and a prozac script once a month but when i get on the shot its just the prozac, obviously.

anyways, i really hope you succeed, man. i have faith in you buddy!

 

[Quantz]

Haha no I wasn't implying he was a retard , it's just my mom is very ... err naive you could say ... doesn't really get it and I don't think will lol ( Very very stereotypical blonde . Said with love . )

" im sorry but NA never really worked for me. i was half assing it at the time"

You came up with your own rebuttal with your second sentence . I would have relapsed a week in half assing it . I called 2 random people off the phone lists every day , did at least 2 questions in the step guide , called my sponsor and did whatever little HW or suggestion he had whether it be getting my hand up in a meeting or reading a few pages in the basic text , as well as getting a meeting commitment . This sounds like a shit-load of work but it doesn't take more than 2 hours out of my day all together . As much as i didn't want to do any of it.. I was the happiest I had been in my life after a consistant month of living how I was doing my best at living the "principles" of step 1 . How fast that all changed when i fall off for a week . Anxious , bored , old behavior ,isolated a bit , then got a lyrica script . Shocker lol . I gained new insight on my warning signals for the future at least .

As for the NA nazi , in my experience that is not true , I've never heard someone say it's the only way for all of the population . Maybe some self development type deal could work but I think that for an addict , relying solely on will power is a good way to live a less than emotionally standard life and eventually take one back to his/her DOC . My sponsor is super adamant about doing whatever works , and that everybody works a different program.He promotes my womanizing granted I be honest with him and myself if any feelings arise . Girls have taken me out on a hard run relapse EVERY TIME . He has a realistic view , and gives me suggestions and it's up to me to adhere to them or not .He's 25 and I'm 22 so I can relate to him , and he can relate to me much more than some 40, 50 or even 30 year old . On top of that I haven't met anyone who is clean and happy , being what I would call a "successful" person , whose chose a different solution than NA. All NA is, is healthy socialization , don't be a liar , be mindful through out the day of right and wrong , and call somebody for help if you feel like getting high . Don't let the NA name tag throw you off and over complicate it .

That's great man how do you feel about going through the sub withdrawal ? You're really committing to the kick getting the vivitrol shot before you jump off lol, that's some Gangster shit right there. Ensuring you can't pussy out . Kudos , from what I see , vivitrol is brand name injectable megadose of naltrexone . I think it's great personally , i haven't read anything about it asides knowing it's naltrexone , but I have a lot of faith you'll do good . You must be very dedicated to getting clean , and probably have been for a while . taking this route shows how you mean business , and it's a little extra precaution when that craving arises ( lol it will ;] ) Naltrexone isn't a mind or mood altering substance , sounds clean to me .

Shieet Prozac , good luck . SSRI's are scary shit . I've been on EVERY SSRI ( zoloft , celexa , lexapro , paxil ,prozac etc.) and an SNRI ( effexor ) , wellbutrin , a mood stabelizer i dont remember the name of , seroquel and buspar . Maybe some others I don't remember . ( This was mostly from having been in so many rehabs and ohh don't they love doping the inmates *cough* clients doped up and being paid for it ) I take absolutely nothing now . Well besides Lyrica haha ;P . Just kidding . But I take nothing now and feel better than I have on those . If you're suffering from depression I empathize . Even more-so with anxiey ( particularly social in my case ) and understand the feeling of wanting to accept anything in hopes it'll help you feel better . It may actually be a good thing for you for a month until you're fully detoxed from subs . Hopefuly they work for you . Every ssri made my teeth grind like a tweeker , celexa mad me pop a boner at a stiff breeze , paxil made my vision blurry , lexapro did nothing , and zoloft made me manic I think. I never liked drinking but I found myself downing my moms sake when there was no svedka left ( you know how disgusting that is ? I NEVER once got a hangover though , Zoloft made drinking amazing , and I'd wake up the same happy drunk I fell asleep as , albeit a bit less drunk . I actually dragged a couch at 3 in the morning , from the front of a house down the block , all the way down the street in my slippers and pajamas with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth , up my driveway , around into my backyard , and maneuvered it into my basement and fell asleep on it . THAT kind of drunk .)
I also held a lighter and cooked all the snails alive inside of their shells when a bunch of them were on the siding of my house after it rained . That was what made me realize , wow I never would have done this normally . I got off the zoloft and I became compassionate and empathetic again . Thank god . Zoloft turned me into , granted a "happy " , wild fucking beast.

After all of my success stories I'm sure you have a positive outlook ! Haha kidding . Hope you get relief with it .

 

[caseface99]

You used it to get fucked up.


That is all.

 

[Quantz]

ugh well i shot up . I knew i'd use that justification . Feels so bad but it feels so good. New years clean date on it's way however, Thanks for the input guys

 

[smokemctoke420]

Haha no I wasn't implying he was a retard , it's just my mom is very ... err naive you could say ... doesn't really get it and I don't think will lol ( Very very stereotypical blonde . Said with love . )

" im sorry but NA never really worked for me. i was half assing it at the time"

You came up with your own rebuttal with your second sentence . I would have relapsed a week in half assing it . I called 2 random people off the phone lists every day , did at least 2 questions in the step guide , called my sponsor and did whatever little HW or suggestion he had whether it be getting my hand up in a meeting or reading a few pages in the basic text , as well as getting a meeting commitment . This sounds like a shit-load of work but it doesn't take more than 2 hours out of my day all together . As much as i didn't want to do any of it.. I was the happiest I had been in my life after a consistant month of living how I was doing my best at living the "principles" of step 1 . How fast that all changed when i fall off for a week . Anxious , bored , old behavior ,isolated a bit , then got a lyrica script . Shocker lol . I gained new insight on my warning signals for the future at least .

As for the NA nazi , in my experience that is not true , I've never heard someone say it's the only way for all of the population . Maybe some self development type deal could work but I think that for an addict , relying solely on will power is a good way to live a less than emotionally standard life and eventually take one back to his/her DOC . My sponsor is super adamant about doing whatever works , and that everybody works a different program.He promotes my womanizing granted I be honest with him and myself if any feelings arise . Girls have taken me out on a hard run relapse EVERY TIME . He has a realistic view , and gives me suggestions and it's up to me to adhere to them or not .He's 25 and I'm 22 so I can relate to him , and he can relate to me much more than some 40, 50 or even 30 year old . On top of that I haven't met anyone who is clean and happy , being what I would call a "successful" person , whose chose a different solution than NA. All NA is, is healthy socialization , don't be a liar , be mindful through out the day of right and wrong , and call somebody for help if you feel like getting high . Don't let the NA name tag throw you off and over complicate it .

That's great man how do you feel about going through the sub withdrawal ? You're really committing to the kick getting the vivitrol shot before you jump off lol, that's some Gangster shit right there. Ensuring you can't pussy out . Kudos , from what I see , vivitrol is brand name injectable megadose of naltrexone . I think it's great personally , i haven't read anything about it asides knowing it's naltrexone , but I have a lot of faith you'll do good . You must be very dedicated to getting clean , and probably have been for a while . taking this route shows how you mean business , and it's a little extra precaution when that craving arises ( lol it will ;] ) Naltrexone isn't a mind or mood altering substance , sounds clean to me .

Shieet Prozac , good luck . SSRI's are scary shit . I've been on EVERY SSRI ( zoloft , celexa , lexapro , paxil ,prozac etc.) and an SNRI ( effexor ) , wellbutrin , a mood stabelizer i dont remember the name of , seroquel and buspar . Maybe some others I don't remember . ( This was mostly from having been in so many rehabs and ohh don't they love doping the inmates *cough* clients doped up and being paid for it ) I take absolutely nothing now . Well besides Lyrica haha ;P . Just kidding . But I take nothing now and feel better than I have on those . If you're suffering from depression I empathize . Even more-so with anxiey ( particularly social in my case ) and understand the feeling of wanting to accept anything in hopes it'll help you feel better . It may actually be a good thing for you for a month until you're fully detoxed from subs . Hopefuly they work for you . Every ssri made my teeth grind like a tweeker , celexa mad me pop a boner at a stiff breeze , paxil made my vision blurry , lexapro did nothing , and zoloft made me manic I think. I never liked drinking but I found myself downing my moms sake when there was no svedka left ( you know how disgusting that is ? I NEVER once got a hangover though , Zoloft made drinking amazing , and I'd wake up the same happy drunk I fell asleep as , albeit a bit less drunk . I actually dragged a couch at 3 in the morning , from the front of a house down the block , all the way down the street in my slippers and pajamas with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth , up my driveway , around into my backyard , and maneuvered it into my basement and fell asleep on it . THAT kind of drunk .)
I also held a lighter and cooked all the snails alive inside of their shells when a bunch of them were on the siding of my house after it rained . That was what made me realize , wow I never would have done this normally . I got off the zoloft and I became compassionate and empathetic again . Thank god . Zoloft turned me into , granted a "happy " , wild fucking beast.

After all of my success stories I'm sure you have a positive outlook ! Haha kidding . Hope you get relief with it .

shew, your post was alot to take in. As for the NA thing, im sure i just need to adjust to it. alot of things were character defects, yeah, but there was a few people that just ruined it for me. you know, there's always that one asshole in every meeting lol but im gonna give it a go. ill be ok.

In relation to the subs, well, i took them for a month and a half when i got 40 8mgs from my sister in early october cuz i had to wait till 11/11/13 till i could get my own script but at that time i was still talking to this dope head that used to go in on my buns with me and worked with me, so i had reservations still. when i got my own script i have had quite a few relapses so its almost like i never got completly stable but thats not to discredit my attempts cuz i do wanna get sober, i really do. Ive never really had to withdaw from subs cuz i was always so busy relapsing that i never gave myself the chance to withdraw.

like this past intance. i relapsed last on 12/22 but have been on my subs since, as directed. tommorrow i talk to my counselore and tell her i want on vivotrol asap because i also am a straight alchy, no if ands or buts. everytime i did dope i smoked pot and drank whiskey and rum religioulsy. it was hand in hand. so the vivotrol will make that unpleasent so im not even gonna attempt it *fingers crossed*. but when i do get on the vivotrol im sure it will be in the next few weeks and by then ill probaly only have 4-6 weeks of 8mgs of sub a day which im sure can cause withdraw but its no 70 bag of dope a week withdraw while working 2 jobs in the summer lol

The other good thing is that you are definetly supposed to be detoxed from all opiates b ut where im at sub is not included anymore. apparently what they do is you get the shot and then they load you up with suboxone for a little bit and its supposed to be a painless or damn close to painless transition. im meeting my new counselore tommorrow cuz the other women transferred. but my other counselor has had clients who switched form subs to the shot and they reported success. these people havent steered me wrong so i have no worries about it whatsoever. she also said she had a client that drank alcohol on the shot and said it was a shitty experience and not even worth it. so i have firsthand accounts on everything that im walking into here in the next month or so.

Thanks for saying i got balls to go through the withdraw even tho i probaly wont have to. but if i did and had to to get to being 100% sober, then i will. it would suck ass for sure but id do it to be happier. cant be any worse then the way i felt emotionally and physically this summer. makes me sick just thinking about it.

as with the SSRI's. ive felt a little bit less depressed then usual but it hasnt been that long. ive been on and off them for various reasons for years and ive no crazy mental problems due to them. Im happy to get back on them. especially if its gonna help me be happier.

As for your relapse, it happens. get back up on the horse and trot on man. If you ever need to talk to someone just send me a PM.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

is that at me? and yeah im getting off subs and on vivotrol which is just the blocker. and if i was on it i would count it as being sober if i took it as directed, which i do. i dont really go to meetings but when i do start going to a few a week im not picking up tags anyways. and if i was gonna pick up my tag, id still do it on subs or not. i dont have to listen to someone elses opinion that says im not sober when it would be the most sober time ive had in years. just becasue someone thinks subs arent sobriety doesnt mean it isnt. you have your opinion and i have mine so that arguement is like beating a dead horse. im not drinking or smoking weed tho, which i did at first when i stopped the dope.

@Q- yeah im white knuckling a little myself. ive been completly sober this past week minus subs but thats not a big deal cuz ill be off them and on the shot here soon anyways. but after what happened last week my dad is gonna give me some structure and rules, that also revolve around the program so i can help myself. im not doing the 90 in 90 bullshit cuz me and him both agree it doesnt work but i will go to meetings 3-4 times a week, get a sponser, get on vivotrol, and continue with my outpatient drug tests and counseling, and groups plus whatever else he wants me to do. hes gonna make it pretty strict for me but thats what i need right now. hes been through it with 2 of my other sisters so he knows how to approach it. anyways, good luck man.

Congratulations on the progress you are making.
I bet you would have w hole different outlook on whether you were clean if they cancelled your script for a week, how can you be clean when your body is full of opiates?

Not trying to put a downer on you, justt my opinion.

 

[smokemctoke420]

^thanks. and no, not really actually. matter of fact my sister was having some tough times when she came here for xmas last week and i gave her 3 of my 7 strips so i was actually completly out from last saturday till today so if they yanked it then id have to make due. i wouldnt use over it.

anyways, i got like a month left on subs. i should have an appt scheduled for the end of january and im really really hoping i can get the shot the same day.