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Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2012
- Messages
- 1,712
Was with my ex for seven months, three of which we didn't see each other cause she was home for the summer. She broke up with me about five weeks ago.
we weren't really together for that long a time, and I've had five weeks now to deal with it. But for some reason I'm still struggling, and I feel pathetic.
I don't know, I just find myself still neurotically checking her blog all the time, almost like a compulsion. And I go mad trying to work out if she's fucking someone else, if she misses me at all, etc etc. When really I should just be doing what I should have done in the first place and letting go. She's done, it's well and truly over, and I just have to accept that. She's perfectly entitled to do whatever she likes, and I just have to accept that. I don't know why it's taking me so long too.
We didn't even really have a super close, 'lovey' relationship. For the most part we pretty much just hang out almost like friends with benefits. But somewhere along the line I got seriously attached without even knowing it was really happening.
I think the problem was I got exactly what I wanted and more. When I first saw her, in a club, I was jaw dropped. Something about her grabbed me immediately and I knew I had to talk to her. I genuinely thought that she was one of the most attractive girls I'd ever seen, I don't think I've ever felt such an instant, intense attraction to someone like that. I absolutely knew that I had to talk to her. So I sucked up my nerves and went over.
I understand that phrase 'be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it', now. Because I did. That night, and many other nights after, I got exactly what I wanted. She seemed to really like me, we defiantly seemed to get on well, very well in fact, after my last relationship it seemed amazing. She was the one who wanted to make it 'official'. But I tried to keep myself a bit emotionally distant and keep it cool because I didn't want to seem desperate or needy, or let her know how much I actually loved her. Idk, I felt like if she knew that she wouldn't be as interested, I'm not sure why. So I kept it cool.
Another reason might be that I waited all summer for her, just to get dumped six weeks into term. Waiting three months, being really excited for her to come back, and then just getting dumped after less than two months. Seemed like a bit of a waste.
And I guess the main reason was just that I really fucking liked her. We had such a fun time. My last relationship was full of arguments, controlling behavior, manipulation, all that good stuff, and not much fun. And she was so easygoing, easy to get on with and have a good time with.
But it is done now. And there's nothing I can do about it. And I really, really need to just accept that and get on with it. I worried sometimes before that she was going to dump me, but there was always a text from her a few days later, asking to meet up. And I need to accept the fact that there isn't going to be anymore of those. When my phone buzzes, it's not going to be her name, and that slight hope in my chest needs to fade entirely. I'm tired of feeling shit at the idea of her fucking other guys. Even if she's not now, she obviously is going too eventually, and I do need to accept that it's going to happen.
I've blocked her blog and deleted her phone number. I've also blocked the blog of the guy that I think she might be sleeping with. I'm sick of feeling like a little bitch, trying to work out from subtle hints on their blogs if they're actually fucking each other. So what if they are. I'm sure eventually I'll get someone else too. Although atm it really doesn't feel like I'll find anyone like her again, and I've sort of written myself off, I got her in the first place so that means I can get someone else right? But no one's ever really blown me away like she did
I don't know whether it's a good thing or not that I got what I wanted.
Sorry, reasonably drunk and done a few lines of coke so I'm feeling pretty ranty and venty, this is more just a vent than anything.
we weren't really together for that long a time, and I've had five weeks now to deal with it. But for some reason I'm still struggling, and I feel pathetic.
I don't know, I just find myself still neurotically checking her blog all the time, almost like a compulsion. And I go mad trying to work out if she's fucking someone else, if she misses me at all, etc etc. When really I should just be doing what I should have done in the first place and letting go. She's done, it's well and truly over, and I just have to accept that. She's perfectly entitled to do whatever she likes, and I just have to accept that. I don't know why it's taking me so long too.
We didn't even really have a super close, 'lovey' relationship. For the most part we pretty much just hang out almost like friends with benefits. But somewhere along the line I got seriously attached without even knowing it was really happening.
I think the problem was I got exactly what I wanted and more. When I first saw her, in a club, I was jaw dropped. Something about her grabbed me immediately and I knew I had to talk to her. I genuinely thought that she was one of the most attractive girls I'd ever seen, I don't think I've ever felt such an instant, intense attraction to someone like that. I absolutely knew that I had to talk to her. So I sucked up my nerves and went over.
I understand that phrase 'be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it', now. Because I did. That night, and many other nights after, I got exactly what I wanted. She seemed to really like me, we defiantly seemed to get on well, very well in fact, after my last relationship it seemed amazing. She was the one who wanted to make it 'official'. But I tried to keep myself a bit emotionally distant and keep it cool because I didn't want to seem desperate or needy, or let her know how much I actually loved her. Idk, I felt like if she knew that she wouldn't be as interested, I'm not sure why. So I kept it cool.
Another reason might be that I waited all summer for her, just to get dumped six weeks into term. Waiting three months, being really excited for her to come back, and then just getting dumped after less than two months. Seemed like a bit of a waste.
And I guess the main reason was just that I really fucking liked her. We had such a fun time. My last relationship was full of arguments, controlling behavior, manipulation, all that good stuff, and not much fun. And she was so easygoing, easy to get on with and have a good time with.
But it is done now. And there's nothing I can do about it. And I really, really need to just accept that and get on with it. I worried sometimes before that she was going to dump me, but there was always a text from her a few days later, asking to meet up. And I need to accept the fact that there isn't going to be anymore of those. When my phone buzzes, it's not going to be her name, and that slight hope in my chest needs to fade entirely. I'm tired of feeling shit at the idea of her fucking other guys. Even if she's not now, she obviously is going too eventually, and I do need to accept that it's going to happen.
I've blocked her blog and deleted her phone number. I've also blocked the blog of the guy that I think she might be sleeping with. I'm sick of feeling like a little bitch, trying to work out from subtle hints on their blogs if they're actually fucking each other. So what if they are. I'm sure eventually I'll get someone else too. Although atm it really doesn't feel like I'll find anyone like her again, and I've sort of written myself off, I got her in the first place so that means I can get someone else right? But no one's ever really blown me away like she did
I don't know whether it's a good thing or not that I got what I wanted.Sorry, reasonably drunk and done a few lines of coke so I'm feeling pretty ranty and venty, this is more just a vent than anything.
