Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
only been clean (from dope) 4-5 months now but I still think of what my days were once like compared to what they are now.
when using, life revolves around that drug; nothing else matters to you. you know from the minute you get up to the minute you lay that head back to rest, that you will need you "fix at some point throughout that day. its insane thinking about it but its nuts I lived that for so long; as a matter of fact, I still do because I am currently on bupe.
anyway, when using, and in my final stages, I was a heavy dope user. At ONE POINT over the summer I was working a 9-5 in the world of software sales. I've always been in sales.
I'd wake up at:
730AM: I wake up and take my anti-depressants, take anti-seizure med and also throw a few benzo's in the pocket (had a script).
10AM - I ate about 2MG benzo by now and have texts to the dope dealer for a lunch time meet.
12PM - I am sitting in the parking lot of McDonalds waiting and scoring
12:15PM - I am INSIDE McDonalds or WHEREVER I met him and using the bathroom to shoot up the full gram I just scored.
1PM - back at the office feeling good and making more phone calls
3PM - I took another 2MG of xanny by now; dope is eh but still feel good and hoping xanny helps me to get through the rest.
5PM - dope man gets ANOTHER call and asking if I can now get a deal cuz it's my 2nd pick-up of the day (sometimes I'd do both at lunch but alot of the time it played out like this).
630PM - waiting at Dunkin Donuts for the dope man.
645PM - I am INSIDE Dunkin Donuts where the peeps behind the counter know my face by now and using the bathroom to blast this gram as well.
730PM - I am home w/ the GF and jammed/high/whacked out and not caring about a single thing in the world. by this time I spent anywhere from 150-200 that day on drugs and just to get this feeling; I didnt want to be w/ the girl so I used even harder just to put my mind aside. she didnt used, didnt do ANYTHING. once in a while she'd drink some wine and I'd smash down a bottle of wine, too.
930PM - still nothing, just chilling.
1130PM - well, it's time for bed, so I am going to take xanny w/ ambien and maybe even trazadone, too. imagine? id take 3 diff drugs that could easily knock one person out but I take them to sleep; meanwhile, I am half nodded out anyway from the drugs throughout the day, so the nighttime drugs were NOT NECESSARY (they did help during withdrawal times).
just look at that makes me sick. this schedule got even worse when I was out of work come Aug 1st. then it revolved around drugs, I was getting unemployment and doing my own thing for cash, so the drugs were NON STOP! I felt bad for the GF cuz I legit DID NOT CARE; my life revolved around the dope/xanny/needle/whatever I could get. I didnt want to live; I didnt care about life. Just reading this and realizing what I once done blows my mind.
Now think, this is ONE ADDICTS DAY.. but EVERY ADDICT has such a different style/different day. although, a lot of street addicts do have similar days. I've been that before as well; I've also been in enough jails, institutions, rehabs, etc to hear a million different stories, so I figured I'd just share mine to start.
btw - this is only at ONE POINT in life, there were many different times the days were nothing like this but this is my latest junk run/schedule before losing the job, OD'ing and getting clean finally.
OK, now tell me your day. how did your day play out, from the minute you got up to the minute you went to bed. how did your drugs work?
when using, life revolves around that drug; nothing else matters to you. you know from the minute you get up to the minute you lay that head back to rest, that you will need you "fix at some point throughout that day. its insane thinking about it but its nuts I lived that for so long; as a matter of fact, I still do because I am currently on bupe.
anyway, when using, and in my final stages, I was a heavy dope user. At ONE POINT over the summer I was working a 9-5 in the world of software sales. I've always been in sales.
I'd wake up at:
730AM: I wake up and take my anti-depressants, take anti-seizure med and also throw a few benzo's in the pocket (had a script).
10AM - I ate about 2MG benzo by now and have texts to the dope dealer for a lunch time meet.
12PM - I am sitting in the parking lot of McDonalds waiting and scoring
12:15PM - I am INSIDE McDonalds or WHEREVER I met him and using the bathroom to shoot up the full gram I just scored.
1PM - back at the office feeling good and making more phone calls
3PM - I took another 2MG of xanny by now; dope is eh but still feel good and hoping xanny helps me to get through the rest.
5PM - dope man gets ANOTHER call and asking if I can now get a deal cuz it's my 2nd pick-up of the day (sometimes I'd do both at lunch but alot of the time it played out like this).
630PM - waiting at Dunkin Donuts for the dope man.
645PM - I am INSIDE Dunkin Donuts where the peeps behind the counter know my face by now and using the bathroom to blast this gram as well.
730PM - I am home w/ the GF and jammed/high/whacked out and not caring about a single thing in the world. by this time I spent anywhere from 150-200 that day on drugs and just to get this feeling; I didnt want to be w/ the girl so I used even harder just to put my mind aside. she didnt used, didnt do ANYTHING. once in a while she'd drink some wine and I'd smash down a bottle of wine, too.
930PM - still nothing, just chilling.
1130PM - well, it's time for bed, so I am going to take xanny w/ ambien and maybe even trazadone, too. imagine? id take 3 diff drugs that could easily knock one person out but I take them to sleep; meanwhile, I am half nodded out anyway from the drugs throughout the day, so the nighttime drugs were NOT NECESSARY (they did help during withdrawal times).
just look at that makes me sick. this schedule got even worse when I was out of work come Aug 1st. then it revolved around drugs, I was getting unemployment and doing my own thing for cash, so the drugs were NON STOP! I felt bad for the GF cuz I legit DID NOT CARE; my life revolved around the dope/xanny/needle/whatever I could get. I didnt want to live; I didnt care about life. Just reading this and realizing what I once done blows my mind.
Now think, this is ONE ADDICTS DAY.. but EVERY ADDICT has such a different style/different day. although, a lot of street addicts do have similar days. I've been that before as well; I've also been in enough jails, institutions, rehabs, etc to hear a million different stories, so I figured I'd just share mine to start.
btw - this is only at ONE POINT in life, there were many different times the days were nothing like this but this is my latest junk run/schedule before losing the job, OD'ing and getting clean finally.
OK, now tell me your day. how did your day play out, from the minute you got up to the minute you went to bed. how did your drugs work?
