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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

guilt / are IV drugs innately bad?

K

kthxbi

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 6, 2009
Messages
106
Location
london
hi there,
first up - sorry if this is in the wrong section. had a peek here and at BDD and this seemed the better place.

basically - i've been feeling super guilty about my drug use recently. i don't remember it being a problem i really had before - but over the last 6 months or so i've been in pretty much constant relapse in terms of shooting up after about 3 and a half years off.

i've really noticed people - people noticing in that time. this is i think a big contributor to the guilt - it really affects people and worries them that i'm slammin, and i've been wondering if you thought there was anything inherently 'bad' about IVing. i know it's got the stigma and all - but other than that, do you think there's any reason for the bad feelings? it seems like i can be as good as i want - do a bunch of looking out for people and talking to em and going to visit them or helping them out or whatever, but all that gets picked up on is 'you seem pretty sped up,' 'you seemed real doped up,' or 'i've seen the marks on your arm.'

i don't know that this is a hugely sensible question - i just thought that there must be other people out there who had similar feelings or experiences. i try a bunch to be a good person but ultimately to those close to me there tends to only be one focus - '... but you're shooting up.'
 
I said to someone once that it wouldn't matter if I was the most moral human on earth, I would still be considered scum to a lot of people just for using heroin.

(IME)

A lot of people who do not know much about IVDU overestimate the likelihood of a fatal OD and the risk of disease or health complications. That combined with the stigma and just plain fear of needles makes it a difficult thing for people to think about. Some parents actually feel responsible for their child's drug use. All these things place a significant burden on the user.

There's also the people who will look for anything to belittle you for.

The things that cause me the most guilt are.

-The actual health implications of long term IVDU. (I am worried about circulatory issues, digestive issues + other problems from the adulterants/cuts and the effect on the brain chemistry and mind) This is a great fear of mine.

-The hurt it has caused my immediate family. Part of this is the stigma and misunderstanding but the end result is still difficult for me to deal with.

-The stigma moving forward. How it will affect my future hospital stays, higher education, jobs, and relationships.

I don't think about this stuff too often but it's there. Outside of driving a few times I shouldn't have, I never let IV use jeopardize my ethics.
(no stealing, added criminal behavior, or other so called "junkie" stuff)

I try to stay present and be appreciative of what I have.

To answer your question...No, IV use is not innately bad, I believe it's misunderstood but ofc very dangerous.

Happy Holidays
 
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I was primarily an IV drug user.

I personally found the fine line of losing control and regaining control was crossed faster with IV use. I also found IV drug habits more difficult to stop.

Innately, I don't believe IV drug use to be any more or less "bad" than any other drug use. Practically speaking, the ground is shakier on that side.

I have a fair amount of drug use before and after discovering the needle. Taking care of myself was palpably more difficult once the line was crossed. Everyone's different - some last longer than others, but more over, I've never met anyone to have their life in control who used needles regularly.
 
Thanks for all your replies... they I suppose cemented ideas I had before. IV is definitely. .. for at least, MUCH more compulsive than any other route of administration. .. but as has been said I think its more the knowledge of the worry that it causes... it just feels horrible. Coupled with the fact that I seem at some point yo have crossed the invisible bridge after which I find myself shooting up in public toilets and shit... just being a total stereotype of a junkie I guess.

again, I dunno if I expect any sage answer. .. just good to have a sound board that 'gets it'

take care,
f
 
the only problem i see with shooting dope is that it burdens those who love you
 
kalico said:
the only problem i see with shooting dope is that it burdens those who love you
Click to expand...

That's the only problem you see with IV drug use?

What about the other risks it can potentially carry?

Addiction? Collapsed veins? Disease? Your OWN physical and emotional health?

I was an IV drug user for 2 years, and it certainly carries more problems than just "burdening" your loved ones...
 
I've had several periods of IV use in different parts of my life; I think personal experience eroded the fear and judgment I initially had for the practice. While I am not currently IVing -- and the social stigma is probably the #1 reason I'm not --I don't look at it as a lesser or more fiendish ROA, but can understand how people without the same experience could easily jump to those types of conclusions. People come into situations without firsthand knowledge, so they have to rely on stereotypes or things they've seen on TV to fill in the blanks. The TV world is designed to sell advertising, but sometimes people take the design and try to apply it to reality when they have no other sources of information with which to make a decision or an assessment. TV doesn't accurately portray most lifestyles, and as far as IVing goes, I'm betting TV world IV use has far more and far greater consequences than real life IV use.

Sure, some people get Hep C, screw up their veins, suffer from frequent misses, become unable to stop, etc., and you hear about those people. The reality is that a lot of people have successful on-and-off-again IV careers. You don't hear about these people very often -- either they (we) keep it quiet, or successful drug use isn't newsworthy.
 
I actually care about my life. Ask me 5 years ago, I don't know what I would have said.

Death is an inevitability; why not make the most of the time you have here? I'm not saying to "get clean", but I am trying and I would rather keep trying than fail and accept failure for life (which I was more on "that side" of the fence prior to maybe today)

I found the perfect way to help me come off of this SHIT!!! I just "scored" my symptoms; fucking awful. The worst part about it is I had about 1/3 of the issues PRIOR to using so now I have to find a "healthier way to cope"
 
Many years ago, in the middle of a 2-year bowl with methamphetamine, some acquaintances and I were loading our points, discussing addiction. I (foolish man that I was) was spoutin' off how I could take it or leave it (the meth). These two guys looked at me with disbelief in their eyes and pretty much simultaneously said, "Look what you're about to do. You're addicted, man." I think that was the first time I accepted that I had an actual problem that went further than my constant decision to get high--that it was more than me "choosing" to get high. While I'd dealt with different levels of guilt before then, that's when my eyes were opened and I became ashamed of my weakness.
 
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