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Life is a set up/To many benzos-why the fuck didn't they tell me?!

S

Spadez87

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 2, 2013
Messages
175
Life is a set up.
Since I was a fat 10 year old being bullied to a 16 year old with minor anxiety who smoked pot to having to leave the army reserves (given benzos like they were skittles after) to now being a jacked 26 year old monster with a benzo destroyed brain and who's covered in ink. People these days cross the street just to avoid me, Won't look me in the eyes because they think I'll pull two .45s and start shooting.

Where they fuck were today's Canadian guidelines and laws on how/when to prescribe these insidious fucking benzos 10 years ago??!

All the street drugs I've done NEVER have come close to hurting me this bad and I've done tons.

All these benzos did was worsen my mental issues and anxiety after my short lived army stint, which made me screw up a trades job when I was 19, helped me blow my knees at 20 and since I was 21 been a half evil "tough guy" and half panic ridden hypochondriac mess.

Only at 26 do I now see all my problems stem from benzos and detoxing off them 3 times since I was 17. Now I'm on my 4th fucking detox which by far has been the worst ever because I never realized the my problems stemmed from these pills.. I woundnt have gone on them another 4 fucking times.

WHY THE FUCK DID NO DOCTOR TELL ME THESE THINGS MAKE YOU 145345653 TIMES WORSE IN THE LONG TERM!!???

Well fuck you life and fuck you doctors. I'm sitting here tapering over a year feeling ready to seizure any second.

To anyone who doesn't use benzos and is not old enough to have been given them to like candy back before everything got tightened up when doctors realized how bad these are. count yourselves lucky. Your better off taking opiates, MDMA or snorting coke.

I would know.

End rant.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
You can come off them and recover. Look up the Ashton manual.
Click to expand...

Yeah I have. I did In January 2013 after a doctor told me it was ok to cold turkey off a 180mg diazepam habit. I never abused and only took therapeutic amounts from 16 to 25. them until I turned 25 I lost it and abused them(that's my fault)

Now I've been dropping around 5mgs diazepam every 7 days since jan 2013. I'm at 10 mgs daily. Every day I think I'd be better off dead.

I better recover or I don't know what kinda crazy shit I'm gonna pull.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
^ holy shit. Some doctors are seriously misinformed. I'm sorry to hear about what you had to get through.

I don't take benzos every day but I wish I already was due to my PTSD.
Click to expand...

Yeah I've read your story from a post you wrote once(I've been on this site in one way or another since 2005). I can for sure see having Being through that would give you PTSD.
 
neversickanymore said:
Hey spadez.. man im sorry you are in a benzo physical dependence sir. But what makes you think they have destroyed your brain?
Click to expand...

I have been told I have borderline personality but the reasons are these

1. My panic is worse then ever
2. I have serious mood swings (some hour to hour)
3. I'm hostile, aggressive and sometimes just mean a lot of the time now and I feel like I can't control. I used to be the nicest guy who who would help anyone
4. I think everyone is out to get me(because seriously they are)
5. I just in General a completly different guy then I was. I have lost all my friends from this. People think I'm a psychopath
 
Right on.. yeah benzos can cause so some pretty significant changes in the brain.. the good news is that the brain can rebound but it can take a little time.. another good thing is that once you are able to get through the acutes and Paws most if not all people are not lesft with a Psycological addiction. Here is some really strong info on benzos.

Here is some really strong information: I hope this helps:)

BENZODIAZEPINES: HOW THEY WORK AND HOW TO WITHDRAW (aka The Ashton Manual)

Ashton Manual Download Page in Adobe Reader Download PDF Format

Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)

Post Acute Withdrawal (PAW) Excerpted From “Staying Sober” By: Terence T. Gorski

Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome Wiki

Benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome - Wiki Article

Benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome audio

So benzo withdrawl is considered by many people to be the toughest of them all but if you can make it through your golden.. take a look at the list of symptoms for benzo withdrawal syndrome its pretty crazy how the medical community is handing this stuff out like candy. I came off use of amd abuse of benzos and everything else for decades and I feel better now then I ever have.. it took about a half a year to fell good though.. but i also detoxed methadone at the same time.. you can do this sir. Hang in there.
 
Last edited:
Spadez, that fades when you come off of them and your brain starts to function normally again. I'm in your position myself, pissed off and tapering. Over the years, I went from having a panic attack occasionally which is why they started me on Xanax as needed to now I have agoraphobia, generalized anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, and I'm starting to show signs of nerve damage. I started tapering off of my Valium (I'm on 10mg myself right now) - started my taper in September - and I'm starting to feel better. My brain is already de-fogging, my sleep schedule is already improving, etc.

Just keep going. It does get better. I'm making a cut every 10 days as that seems to be about perfect for me to have 3 "windows" per cut where I have 3 days of little to no withdrawal.

EDIT: Rogozjin, benzos can cause cognitive deficits too. In the case of both benzos and olanzapine, you recover eventually.
 
neversickanymore said:
Right on.. yeah benzos can cause so some pretty significant changes in the brain.. the good news is that the brain can rebound but it can take a little time.. another good thing is that once you are able to get through the acutes and Paws most if not all people are not lesft with a Psycological addiction. Here is some really strong info on benzos.

Here is some really strong information: I hope this helps:)

BENZODIAZEPINES: HOW THEY WORK AND HOW TO WITHDRAW (aka The Ashton Manual)

Ashton Manual Download Page in Adobe Reader Download PDF Format

Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)

Post Acute Withdrawal (PAW) Excerpted From “Staying Sober” By: Terence T. Gorski

Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome Wiki

Benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome - Wiki Article

Benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome audio

So benzo withdrawl is considered by many people to be the toughest of them all but if you can make it through your golden.. take a look at the list of symptoms for benzo withdrawal syndrome its pretty crazy how the medical community is handing this stuff out like candy. I cam off use of amd abuse of benzos and everything else for decades and I feel better now then I ever have.. it took about a half a year to fell good though.. but i also detoxed methadone at the same time.. you can do this sir. Hang in there.
Click to expand...

Yeah I still crave other drugs even though I have been off most for a few years.

I know though after this last benzo w/d I will never touch a benzo again. Ever
 
That's fucking terrible man, but you can come back. They crept up on me the same way, though not for as long. It forced me to finally take charge of my anxiety and stop being reliant on a pill to be able to leave the house or talk to somebody.
They're a great band-aid, but it's a dirty bandage that causes a visible wound to become festering underneath.
 
MagickalKat777 said:
Spadez, that fades when you come off of them and your brain starts to function normally again. I'm in your position myself, pissed off and tapering. Over the years, I went from having a panic attack occasionally which is why they started me on Xanax as needed to now I have agoraphobia, generalized anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, and I'm starting to show signs of nerve damage. I started tapering off of my Valium (I'm on 10mg myself right now) - started my taper in September - and I'm starting to feel better. My brain is already de-fogging, my sleep schedule is already improving, etc.

Just keep going. It does get better. I'm making a cut every 10 days as that seems to be about perfect for me to have 3 "windows" per cut where I have 3 days of little to no withdrawal.

EDIT: Rogozjin, benzos can cause cognitive deficits too. In the case of both benzos and olanzapine, you recover eventually.
Click to expand...

Good to hear Kat. When I start feeling like I'm stuck like this for life I just... Start contemplating doing really scary stupid shit. I don't know after a year of this shit death or prison seems like a reward
 
Spadez, hang in there. I know exactly what you're talking about but I promise you that it does get better.

I've been on them for almost a third of my life... pretty much all of my adult life... and I have a lot of anger built up towards all of the doctors as well. The best thing you can do for yourself right now though is let it all go and deal with it later. Its crucial to minimize stressful triggers as much as humanly possible.
 
MagickalKat777 said:
Spadez, hang in there. I know exactly what you're talking about but I promise you that it does get better.

I've been on them for almost a third of my life... pretty much all of my adult life... and I have a lot of anger built up towards all of the doctors as well. The best thing you can do for yourself right now though is let it all go and deal with it later. Its crucial to minimize stressful triggers as much as humanly possible.
Click to expand...

I hear you on trying to minimize the stressful triggers. Every time I experience any negative emotion I feel like I'm gonna have a stroke or heart attack. Lucky I'm healthy for whatever reasons. Thanks for the tips btw. It means a lot when no one in real life gets it or cares
 
No problem. And I'm right there with you on the health too. Honestly it pisses me off more than anything to know that physically there is nothing wrong with me - I don't even have high blood pressure or a thyroid problem, something both sides of my family ALL have.

But yeah, I have zero support system.
 
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