TDS Don't know what to do... Am I sick?

[n3ophy7e]

Okay....

I'm not sure there is anything that anyone here can offer you in the way of comfort.

Not only are you very educated about life and death and our place in the universe, but you're choosing to ignore what you've learned and are choosing the path of fear. Not only are you choosing to be afraid, but you are choosing to manifest your fear in such prolific ways as to make yourself physically sick on a purely psychosomatic level. There is nothing that anyone can do to save or calm you. YOU need to take control.

 

[lolwhatzdrugs]

You mean that (quoting him) ""Death is an undulation of consciousness, how would you know you were alive if you hadn't been dead"

So why are you worrying, you've already been dead buddy. I hope that sounded cheerful and not harsh. It was meant to make you feel better.

YOU need to take control.

The hardest part.

I was freaked when there was blood in the water in the toilet (from defecation). COLON CANCER? I may have dealt with it with the wrong things and was scared till the day of my exploratory procedure.
Colonoscopy+Endoscopy turned up minor bleeding in the rectum, completely controllable.
I can't promise you'll be fine, but I hope you reach some catharsis.

 

[AnrBjotk]

You mean that (quoting him) ""Death is an undulation of consciousness, how would you know you were alive if you hadn't been dead"

So why are you worrying, you've already been dead buddy. I hope that sounded cheerful and not harsh. It was meant to make you feel better.



The hardest part.

I was freaked when there was blood in the water in the toilet (from defecation). COLON CANCER? I may have dealt with it with the wrong things and was scared till the day of my exploratory procedure.
Colonoscopy+Endoscopy turned up minor bleeding in the rectum, completely controllable.
I can't promise you'll be fine, but I hope you reach some catharsis.

Right. "Death is an undulation of consciousness, how would you know you were alive if you hadn't been dead".
We only experience things in patterns, on and off. We feel pain because we feel non-pain; We experience colours because of other colours; we awake from on and off again sounds, because if it was a constant sound, we would drown it out.
So, yes, we are alive because we die.
Everybody dies.
BUT...
Not everybody die at 26. Some die at 90. And, yes, some die at 11. Or 1.
But, it doesn't make it any better.
To know life will go on, makes it worse. It's selfish, but it does. To know 9 out of 10 people you pass on the street will be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. You might not.

"Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born." (Kaufman, Synecdoche New York).
And yes, as Alan Watts said "What did you forget?" you forgot you are God. You created this. God, Godhead, Nirguna Brahman is non-different from the world, and the individual.
THAT makes it worse. Knowing that we COULD control our bodies. Some people have healed themselves, have mentally cured cancer. But most dont.
It's like dying of pneumonia in a poor country; Knowing you could have lived, if... "if..."

But I wait. One moment happy, the next in despair.
Time will tell.
Still no letter and no date. But some day, soonish, in a weeks time, they will take a test. I will watch their faces, and know.
What will I do?
If its not cancer I will sing and dance. Truly.
If it is, I will cry and cry. I will be worse than I am now. I will drive my loved ones away with bitterness.
I will destruct before the cancer can.

The worst part, the very worst, I think, is the pathetic nature of it. It's so sad to die young. So utterly pathetic.

 

[lolwhatzdrugs]

Right. "Death is an undulation of consciousness, how would you know you were alive if you hadn't been dead".
We only experience things in patterns, on and off. We feel pain because we feel non-pain; We experience colours because of other colours; we awake from on and off again sounds, because if it was a constant sound, we would drown it out.
So, yes, we are alive because we die.
Everybody dies.
BUT...
Not everybody die at 26. Some die at 90. And, yes, some die at 11. Or 1.
But, it doesn't make it any better.
To know life will go on, makes it worse. It's selfish, but it does. To know 9 out of 10 people you pass on the street will be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. You might not.

"Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born." (Kaufman, Synecdoche New York).
And yes, as Alan Watts said "What did you forget?" you forgot you are God. You created this. God, Godhead, Nirguna Brahman is non-different from the world, and the individual.
THAT makes it worse. Knowing that we COULD control our bodies. Some people have healed themselves, have mentally cured cancer. But most dont.
It's like dying of pneumonia in a poor country; Knowing you could have lived, if... "if..."

Alan Watts says the same thing about colors in the "God "Lecture.

Exactly, so worrying will accomplish... what but I stomach ulcer. We're close in age, I told you my fear of colon cancer, it's tough

If it is not cancer (and you're just crazy over-reacting) you should be happy. But re-evaluate your thoughts and their source that you mentioned in this thread. Meditate on it.
If It is (still think it's totally psychosomatic as n3ophy7e mentioned) cancer, then man, I will be utterly shocked, looks like a 4% chance for prostate 10% for testicular:

Adults aged 25-49

Almost twice as many cases are diagnosed in women (an average of 21,426 cases per year in the UK between 2008 and 2010) compared with men (10,941); this difference can be attributed to the high incidence of breast cancer in women, which accounts for 45% of all female cancers in this age group (Figure 3.3).1-4 The vast majority of these breast cancers will be diagnosed symptomatically since most women aged 25-49 are too young for routine breast screening. Women between the ages of 50-70 are invited for breast screening every three years in the UK. The programme in England is currently extending the age group to include women aged 47-73 by 2016.

Other common cancers for females in this age group are malignant melanoma and cervical cancer (9 % each), though many more cervical cancers will have been prevented though cervical screening. Women are invited for cervical screening every three or five years in the UK. The target age range varies by country: women are invited between the ages of 25 to 64 in England and Northern Ireland; in Scotland and Wales cervical screening starts at age 20. It is estimated that cervical screening saves up to 5,000 lives each year in the UK,8 preventing between 45% and 75% of cervical cancer cases in women who attend regularly.9

The most common cancers in men aged 25-49 (Figure 3.2) are testicular (11%-), malignant melanoma (11%-) and bowel (9%-).1-4 Prostate cancer only contributes 4 % of the cancers diagnosed in this age group. When breast cancer and the sex-specific cancers for both men and women are excluded from the male:female ratio, a greater number of men are at risk of the non sex-specific cancers.10,11

In NYC there are 94 cases of tesi cancer each year (in your age range) with .4/100,000 being fatal. Way lower for prostate.

94 TOTAL in NYC:

https://www.health.ny.gov/statistics/cancer/registry/table6.htm

 

[AnrBjotk]

Alan Watts says the same thing about colors in the "God "Lecture.
Exactly, so worrying will accomplish... what but I stomach ulcer. We're close in age, I told you my fear of colon cancer, it's tough


If it is not cancer (and you're just crazy over-reacting) you should be happy. But re-evaluate your thoughts and their source that you mentioned in this thread. Meditate on it.
If It is (still think it's totally psychosomatic as n3ophy7e mentioned) cancer, then man, I will be utterly shocked, looks like a 4% chance for prostate 10% for testicular:



In NYC there are 94 cases of tesi cancer each year (in your age range) with .4/100,000 being fatal. Way lower for prostate.

94 TOTAL in NYC:

https://www.health.ny.gov/statistics/cancer/registry/table6.htm

lolwhatzdrugs: THIS is what I needed.
THIS is comforting, this is relief.
Perhaps because it's fairly unrealistic. I mean, you can diagnose me long distance? But, still, thank you. The numbers help.
My doc said that testicular cancer is very treatable these days. Of course, I did not believe him despite wanting to.
But, I've read opposing facts. Some say testi-cancer is very treatable, other sources say that t-cancer is terminal unless caught very, very early.

Of course, logic is not a word associated with this thread, but the fact that no-one in my family has had cancer, and the fact that I have a pre-existing condition which means I do not ejaculate sperm - but still produce it, having extracted some from my testicle some years ago - and means "something" is wrong down there, which might, miight, account for the unusual finds. My right testicle's epididymis also has a permanently swollen bi-testicle, which has never been explained and I thought was cancer for weeks.
However, my doc did not seem to make this connection, and instead ignored it to talk about cancer.

Meaning, that the chances of cancer are slim-ish, and the "finds" could be the same old condition worsening somehow; However, I am NOT immune to cancer, I AM in the right age and maybe my condition could be the cause of the cancer. (My sperm goes into my bladder, which, I've read, can cause bladder cancer.)

 

[lolwhatzdrugs]

lolwhatzdrugs: THIS is what I needed.
THIS is comforting, this is relief.
Perhaps because it's fairly unrealistic. I mean, you can diagnose me long distance? But, still, thank you. The numbers help.
My doc said that testicular cancer is very treatable these days. Of course, I did not believe him despite wanting to.
But, I've read opposing facts. Some say testi-cancer is very treatable, other sources say that t-cancer is terminal unless caught very, very early.

Of course, logic is not a word associated with this thread, but the fact that no-one in my family has had cancer, and the fact that I have a pre-existing condition which means I do not ejaculate sperm - but still produce it, having extracted some from my testicle some years ago - and means "something" is wrong down there, which might, miight, account for the unusual finds. My right testicle's epididymis also has a permanently swollen bi-testicle, which has never been explained and I thought was cancer for weeks.
However, my doc did not seem to make this connection, and instead ignored it to talk about cancer.

Meaning, that the chances of cancer are slim-ish, and the "finds" could be the same old condition worsening somehow; However, I am NOT immune to cancer, I AM in the right age and maybe my condition could be the cause of the cancer. (My sperm goes into my bladder, which, I've read, can cause bladder cancer.)

Of course it COULD be cancer. A miniscule chance, with a way crazy small chance of dying from testicular cancer, your docs right : .4/100,000 being fatal, you've got like two orders of magnitude more of being murdered in NO/DC

 

[AnrBjotk]

Of course it COULD be cancer. A miniscule chance, with a way crazy small chance of dying from testicular cancer, your docs right : .4/100,000 being fatal, you've got like two orders of magnitude more of being murdered in NO/DC

It's 50/50 as of now. COULD be, could NOT be. I'm on the fence of the double edged sword - to mix metaphors.
What's NO/DC?

 

[lolwhatzdrugs]

It's 50/50 as of now. COULD be, could NOT be. I'm on the fence of the double edged sword - to mix metaphors.
What's NO/DC?

No, it's that chance in your mind, even with family history, it's way less.

I was referring to murder rates in New Orleans/Washington DC, you being more likely to be shot in one of those cities than die from testicular cancer.

 

[AnrBjotk]

No, it's that chance in your mind, even with family history, it's way less.

I was referring to murder rates in New Orleans/Washington DC, you being more likely to be shot in one of those cities than die from testicular cancer.

Right. Like that british comedian Jimmy Carr-joke "You're more likely to be mugged in New York City than London, because you don't live in New York City."
But yeah.
I know this too. ("Aren't I clever") I know someone can beat cancer only to get hit by a bus on their way home. I know there are worse things.
It's just the thought of it... of knowing you are dying.
It's like when I spilled OJ on my MacBook Pro. It did no damage, the machine still worked. But I knew the OJ was corroding the inside. The machine worked perfectly, but slowly, bit by bit, it was falling apart. I had to wait, and watch paralyzed as it got destroyed.

Like I said, my "condition" could be a cause of cancer, though.

Let's not argue mathematics. Your post calmed me down. Well done. (You know, there's a 4/100,000 chance a bluelight-user will be able to comfort me in one of my crisis.)

Now, in a weeks time I might be back and you might get hell for sedating me while I should have been busy worrying.

I genuinely believe that worrying makes disaster go away. It works with my bank account. If I check it every day the money slowly tapers down. If I dont check it, I'm broke two days later...

 

[lolwhatzdrugs]

I disagree with the last sentence, and am sure I won't be getting bitched out lol

Glad I could make you feel a bit better with the fact that your worry is super unlikely.

 

[Lightning-Nl]

Hey dude. I know exactly what you feel like. Nearly exactly. I go through the same thing all the time (I had an awful episode just yesterday). I know that feeling man. It's the worst thing in the world.

For me, personally, I got a call from a fill in psych yesterday about how he was going to screw with my medication regiment. It put me in tears to begin with but then I started getting angry. Feeling like I had to defend myself because a horrible doctor that I was forced to deal with for 2 years did nearly the exact same thing to me. So I started getting so worried, having racing thoughts - my blood pressure was through the roof and I was incredibly agitated.

I started pacing back and forth. I couldn't get the idea out of my mind that I was going to have to go through everything that I've already been through, AGAIN! I was getting so "jacked up" about it that I became psychotic.

That's what I think you're experiencing right now, you've gotten so worried about it that you've become psychotic. I know what you're thinking - "I can't calm down! I HAVE FUCKING CANCER! HOW COULD I POSSIBLY CALM THE FUCK DOWN?!" You're right, you can't calm down. I know you can't. When I've been that bad into an episode, there is no way I can calm down.

Lets say for the sake of discussion that you do have cancer. Okay, you have cancer....now what? It's not like there's anything you can do about it. I know that doesn't help you feel better about it, but think of it this way. Lets say you do have cancer - there's nothing you can do about it and that's incredibly awful. But you know what you can do something about? You can get help.

Don't just wait for them to come and tell you that you have cancer. Go back to the doctor, and demand an answer from them immediately. If they found something, why would it take so fucking long to get back to you? March right back into wherever you were and demand that they tell you what they found. Make sure to tell them that you've been going insane about it for weeks and that you need an answer TODAY!

At least you can demand treatment right? If they still claim they "don't know" then at least they can give you meds that will stop the anxiety right? Did you know that certain anxiety medications have been shown to actually slow cancer growth once it's started? I'm serious! People have actually CURED their cancer with certain anxiety meds!

 

[lolwhatzdrugs]

That's what I think you're experiencing right now, you've gotten so worried about it that you've become psychotic. I know what you're thinking - "I can't calm down! I HAVE FUCKING CANCER! HOW COULD I POSSIBLY CALM THE FUCK DOWN?!" You're right, you can't calm down. I know you can't. When I've been that bad into an episode, there is no way I can calm down.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh I did it with cancer statistics which show how fucking unlikely it is for him to even get it, and then another like .0001% chance of dying or some shit.

Stop talking bout it!


lol

He has a better chance of getting struck by lightning, marrying fucking Hillary Clinton., after winning the lottery combined - or something similar.

 

[thedawn]

OP is a good person who does not have cancer.
I'm sure.

 

[AnrBjotk]

I don't know what to do. Still no letter calling me for the test. It's been exactly one week. I suppose I can wait until monday to call... I REALLY hope they haven't f*cked up. I don't need f*ck-up-doctors if I actually have C.
I'm more able to "shut it out" now, but I'm still not sure I should.

I just switched doctors three months ago, but he knows me fairly well- has spoken to my therapist. He knows my main concern is negativity and worrying. He knows I am at an incredibly fragile part of my life here, that I have bleak prospects regarding income, work and social life. He knows I do not need more worries.
He seemed to understand that it is not optimal for me to have the c-word thrown at me and then told to wait for weeks for confirmation. He knows.
But, like most docs, he's a busy man. He can screw things up.
Like I said, the lab already screwed up delaying the images from my ultrasound, meaning my doc had to wait to send a referral to the urologist. Did he stay on top of it? Or did he forget? Should I call?

SO much worry. All the time. Too much.

 

[lolwhatzdrugs]

SO much worry. All the time. Too much.

And what is this worrying helping accomplish? You gotta put it out of your mind, this is out of your hands. You can change nothing. The helplessness is terrifying, I know, but man, I can tell you're quite smart from your posts, do you think you'll worry after you get negative results? That it was a false negative? Maybe what you really need is a psychological visit?

 

[AnrBjotk]

And what is this worrying helping accomplish? You gotta put it out of your mind, this is out of your hands. You can change nothing. The helplessness is terrifying, I know, but man, I can tell you're quite smart from your posts, do you think you'll worry after you get negative results? That it was a false negative? Maybe what you really need is a psychological visit?

Impossible to tell.
I know that if I don't have cancer, I'm going to change my life. I'll still worry - it's in my genes - but I'll sure appreciate life more, I'll sure not take life for granted. Like I said, if it's not, then this is really a miracle, a wake-up call, a transformation for the greater.
If it is... well, then all my worrying has both been correct, but also a shame, since I've spent my sole 26 years in misery, while I should have savored every moment.

lolwhat, I've been in therapy for ten years, since I was 16. The same thing has played out there as here: I counter every word of advice from my shrink with negativity and have only learned how to break down and counter any merry or positive words.
So, again, second verse same as the first: Me not having C, means I might actually make a giant leap in my mental health. A true reason to love and cherish life.

Time will tell and all that.
Could be the best that's ever happened. Or the worst.

 

[lolwhatzdrugs]

Impossible to tell.
I know that if I don't have cancer, I'm going to change my life. I'll still worry - it's in my genes - but I'll sure appreciate life more, I'll sure not take life for granted. Like I said, if it's not, then this is really a miracle, a wake-up call, a transformation for the greater.
If it is... well, then all my worrying has both been correct, but also a shame, since I've spent my sole 26 years in misery, while I should have savored every moment.

lolwhat, I've been in therapy for ten years, since I was 16. The same thing has played out there as here: I counter every word of advice from my shrink with negativity and have only learned how to break down and counter any merry or positive words.
So, again, second verse same as the first: Me not having C, means I might actually make a giant leap in my mental health. A true reason to love and cherish life.

Time will tell and all that.
Could be the best that's ever happened. Or the worst.

Well then a major scare/weeks of worrying and positive resolution are just what you need? Or a different therapist!

 

[Felonious Monk]

What does it matter if it is cancer? Hell, that could be a good thing, when I got sick I fell asleep crying in the hospital wishing I had cancer, because then at least they could treat something and people would understand...

*snip*

Cancer is in no way a death sentence, and 3 months isn't enough time for it to metastasize beyond treatment (unless it already was). People sometimes live for years and years with cancer before it's detected. What you can do NOW to start feeling better is start eating better and (if you're in a medical marijuana state) is to start eating full extract cannabis oil-if you have a tumor that'll start killing it before you even see a dr.

 

[AnrBjotk]

Ok. "New development."
I've been called in for a test... in FEBRUARY!!! I mean, christ. Three months from now? How can they wait three months when it *might* be cancer?

I wish I could believe that that means they don't think it's cancer and no hurry. But it's more likely that they have too many patients and dont have time.
Yeah, Norway has the best health system in the world. My ass.
It's free, sure, but what does that matter if the cancer has spread by the time they diagnose.
SH*T!

 

[AnrBjotk]

Patients wait three months for cancer test

[Posted: Fri 04/03/2011 by Niall Hunter, Editor www.irishhealth.com]

Nearly 60% of public patients referred for urgent colonoscopies at Dublin's Tallaght Hospital are waiting between one month and three months to get this vital test, according to to latest figures from the HSE.

Urgent colonoscopies are usually be ordered to check for possible signs of bowel cancer, in which early detection is regarded as vital.

According to the HSE statistics for the end of December, while nearly all hospitals in the country are complying with the target waiting time of 28 days maximum for a patient to get a colonoscopy, Tallaght Hospital was well outside this target.

The statistics show that the Dublin hospital had 24 patients waiting between one month and three months for an urgent colonoscopy, which accounted for nearly 60% of the total numbers waiting for this test.

The HSE's HealthStat performance rating system gave Tallaght's colonoscopy performance a 'red light' unsatisfactory rating, requiring urgent attention.

According to the latest statistics from the HSE, nationally, just under 98% of people waiting for an urgent colonoscopy are kept waiting less than 28 days.

A spokesperson for the Irish Cancer Society told irishhealth.com that despite recent improvements, it was still concerned about the situation and continued to monitor waiting times for colonoscopies.

The spokeswoman said the Society wanted the waiting times issue dealt with, with all hospitals achieving a less than 28 days waiting time target, before the national bowel cancer screening programme is introduced next year.

The latest HSE statistics also show that some hospitals continue to have very long waiting times for routine public outpatient appointments.

The average waiting time for a surgical appointment at an outpatient clinic in Galway University Hospital is well over a year, while patients requiring an ear, nose and throat appointment at the same hospital must wait nearly three years.

At Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital in Drogheda, the average wait for a similar appointment is over two-and-a half years.

The HSE's official average maximum waiting time target for outpatient appointments is three months.

However, the figures indicate that just under half of hospitals are complying with this target in surgery and less than one-third of hospitals are compliant with the three-month target for outpatient appointments in medicine.

Only four hospitals in the in the country - Sligo, Wexford, St James's and St Vincent's - have an average waiting time of under three months for ear, nose and throat appointments

http://www.irishhealth.com/article.html?id=18767