I feel that this may be something worth expanding on. My psychosis's always dealt with life and death. I too felt as if I was some sort of agent sent from above. I also thought I was Jesus too. I feel that the messages we get from energy are interpreted by our reality and experiences, but ultimately misinterpreted by our brain due to a lack of understanding of an emotional conscious out there. It's like trying to translate English and sight to a blind bat that uses echo location. They're just not compatible for the most part. If we are spiritually awakened. The entity awakening us must first, know our language, and second, have sight. Even still, what we see on Earth may be a different reality from this spiritual entity.
My first psychosis involved me running around the city thinking my brain had been flipped and my navigational senses were inside out. So that left was right and so forth. north turned into South. I was not on any drug and was sober having smoked Marijuana a two days ago. I felt conspiracy all around me, and became what I thought was a DEA agent. I figured, I'd go to the DEA itself by the Airport in Miami and inquire about a job. For some reason I was led to a nook right next to the airport with a small opening in it. Outside were a pair of shoes. Graffiti lined the outside. I figured the homeless man who lived here must be on some sort of hallucinogen. Yet there was a small camera down the outside hall pointed directly at this hidden nook where a homeless man slept. I figured he was the overseer of the Airport. I felt strange vibes and decided to go back to my car and drive to my girlfriends at the time. This is when my senses turned inside out and I could barely drive straight. Traffic lined the area and a train came blocking me from getting me to where I needed to go. So I cut everyone on the shoulder. I was in such a rush. I got to a green light at an intersection and got hit by a giant truck who ran the red light. My psychosis and thinking processes were already affected and continued driving with a falling bumper not staying for the accident. I parked about 3 blocks down blocked by some warehouses and train tracks. I walked to my girlfriends where I tried explaining to her that Mars and Earth were connected. And that the Aliens are in the Ice somewhere. And that Mars's highest point meets with Mt. Everest. I don't remember fully the type of nonsense I was spewing to her but I convinced her to retrieve my car with me. When we left the house I would grab her hands and tie them in a knot with my arms and hands and move them around and twist and twirl her. Why I felt it was necessary to do this is beyond me. Once we reached the train track she began holding her head saying no no no and began throwing tantrums. She would not cross the train tracks to get my car. In my mind she was sensing a death or suicide that was once committed there. So after fighting verbally for some time and me thinking the sky was melting and the rain drops were liquid Lysergic Acid falling from the sky. We split up. I began to walk unknowingly in a direction I felt fit. I thought at that moment that all was lost. In that moment I felt that I would have to continue walking until I walked the whole world around. That I would need to find a partner to seduce woman for procreation purposes, or a woman partner who would walk the world with me. This is the first time I heard voices. They seemed as if through a radio. It was the government. And I was speaking to some sort of agency that dealt with precognitive people. I was then an agent myself. I heard a voice telling me to "get in that car." We're waiting for you. We'll take you where you need to go. I didn't get in. There was somebody in the car waiting though parked on the side of a neighborhood street. My girlfriend eventually ended up finding my car and brought it back to me where we separated again. I made it to another train track and parked my beaten up car. I was hallucinating that I could see myself at the other side of the tracks in another dimension or reality. And I was saying goodbye to my old self. I drove home quickly as possible but ran out of gas a mile before I got there.
A man offered to help me push my car into a parking lot. Every time I looked away I felt though as if he died. and when I looked back at him, a replacement was put in place. That I was supposed to keep my eye on him through the whole ordeal. And he was telepathically talking to me. "Why'd you let me go like that?" Once my car was parked I was parched. I walked into to nearby Burger King where two old men were having a conversation about what I was thinking. Each one represented the left and right brain. I suspected they were drug induced. Note that colors at this point were very intense. Colors were extra vibrant and anything close to neon colored would stand out like black on white. I walked home tripping about pictures I had of old friends. That they no longer wanted me to have them on my computer. So I went home and deleted them. Mind you I was so paranoid. (I don't remember how I got it in the first place) That I was walking with a backup hardrive with me of all my pictures, music, documents and files I needed to grow old with. When I got home I deleted certain pictures that I will never get back for the rest of my life because I felt that they could telepathically know I had them in the first place and wanted them gone. I started picking at my dogs ticks which she has been healed from ever since btw. And more and more kept coming. Out of thin air. I could hear my neighbors voice commanding me "spread the blood of your mother" as I was picking ticks and placing them in a cup where they'd multiply and come out of the cup every time I looked away. I gave up. I then became obsessed with metallics. After stealing my mothers jewelry and keeping whatever I could find that was metal. I figured my thoughts could somehow be enhanced or amplified through metal and gold. Like gold circuits on a circuit board directing energy throughout a chip. After placing these in my car...or well. Somehow I got my car back with gas. I'm guessing I walked back to get it. I was hallucinating the demonic version of the person who sold me drugs in the past. He haunted me and my reflection everywhere I went. Before I knew it I was driving up and down the streets wondering what happened to time and convinced that the numbers on the street signs were'nt getting bigger or smaller. Or that some streets were missing. I became lost. I pulled over manically depressed and unable to drive back to my girlfriends whom at the time I thought would be able to calm me down.
I ended up at an Asian shop somewhere and asked to use the phone where I was denied. I sat outside twirling my keys when a couple walked by and stopped at laughed at me for about 5 minutes. Then the paranoia kicked in. The police were after me. I managed to drive to a familiar area where I parked by a hospital and began looking for Meth labs in the area. Yes, I was a secret DEA agent. I felt that I had to look at things that people normally wouldn't look at. Like behind Stop signs. Inbetween my legs. Odd places. I would mark things I saw with geometric shapes in my mind. Eventually after trying to call my best friend from a pay phone with no answer. I asked a gentlemen for his phone at the gas station. No Answer. I saw two cop cars parked outside a restaurant. I walked in and asked to use their phone to call my mother, which they complied. No answer. I sat outside for 15 minutes hallucinating shapes and colors flying through the air. So I went back to the car and drove to my girlfriends again. I was running out of gas again. So I stopped at a gas station where the gas machine was not working even though I had paid. Finally a man came out of nowhere dressed as a mechanic and he said he could help me. So after he literally banged a fist on the gas pump with his hand and got it working he told me his name was Guru. Ok thanks. I was on my marry way. At this time I was drawing lines with my eyes around and through things. If I blinked the lines would go away. So I barely blinked. I stopped at a light with one car in front of me. The light turned green and he did not move. So I went around him. Sadly I scrapped the side of his car and he told me to wait as he called the police for an accident report. As I waited in a hallucinatory stage, I saw the light of Jesus and having Jewelry on me I held onto a trinket of a crucifix. I put it in my mouth just to keep it safe. As this was happening, people were going up to the person I had scrapped and shaking his hand. Congratulating him. and in my mind he was selling drugs from his car as we waited for the police to arrive. Finally I was given a drug and alcohol test which I passed with flying colors. I was put in the backseat of the cop car where she looked me up in the system. As I was sitting handcuffed. I felt the soul presence of my 3 closest friends closing in on the woman officers car. Her computer began giving errors and she was unable to look me up. My parents showed up (somehow) and I was released to them. My father drove my car back home, and I drove with my mother home. We didn't even speak. In the car she looked like an Alien and would make weird gestures with her fingers.
When we got home. My father insisted I watched the news of the Miners in South America that were trapped at that time. They were coming out one by one. I was still hallucinating heavily and thought I was actually there and could see through my third eye everything that was going on that the camera didn't show. I could telepathically speak to everyone I saw on TV. I was still drawing lines mostly and seeing colors and shapes. My mom began interrogating me and I became scared and afraid. She was angry and coming off with really bad vibes. I hid in the bathroom for some time. She was screaming. She was shape shifting into other people. I held my hands together and formed a gun but also a prayer gesture with my hands. I started shaking wildly and began tracing the lines I saw around the house. I wanted to go to one of my friends house, that I felt at the time could calm me down and talk me through this. So I went outside and tried jumping a fence. Well I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming in pain as my dad held me and my mother called the ambulance. When I got in the ambulance I was given something for pain I figure. Which in my state wasn't the best idea. COLORS. The whole ride to the Hospital was me hearing the thoughts of the medical team inside the ambulance thinking about a woman close friend of mine and how good looking she was, and that they were gonna get her next. The whole ride to the hospital I could see that I was followed by my girlfriend in the car of the guy she was cheating on me with. I woke up in a room that was turning into Super Mario world at this point. The shapes on the curtains on my room were melting and I could see my parents in the hallway being questioned. I hallucinated that outside was a party of everyone that worked at my girlfriends job that they finally got me. The medical staff kept coming in and out. We'll be with you in a moment. Please wait. When they finally came in to work on me. Well they looked as if they were all on Adderall because their pupils were so big. I was hallucinating about mushrooms that grew underwater. And that I was running through a field looking for a rare purple mushroom. They worked on my elbow and gave me hypnotic sedatives to calm me down. I was dozing in and out. Time felt like it was infinite. That the amount of time I spent in there was Eons. They Xrayed my shoulder and I remember speaking to the Doctor that I thinking I was laced with PCP or something because I've never experienced what I went through that day in my life.
To make it short I woke up net to the guy who's nook I found at the airport and figured he was drugged up. I walked to the bathroom and was making figures with my hands in the mirror as they transformed into faces and and things familiar in video games like Zelda. Finally I went home the next day. I still couldn't move my arm. They never fixed my shoulder. I first thought it was because of muscle damage but after some weeks I realized it was still dislocated. But I remember them working on me for hours. And blood, and bandages. All I had was a small scar on my shoulder. This then led to the RFID chip conspiracy that drove me crazy after but thats for another time. I got my shoulder fixed a month later at another Hospital that treated me great. That's it for my first psychosis.
My first psychosis involved me running around the city thinking my brain had been flipped and my navigational senses were inside out. So that left was right and so forth. north turned into South. I was not on any drug and was sober having smoked Marijuana a two days ago. I felt conspiracy all around me, and became what I thought was a DEA agent. I figured, I'd go to the DEA itself by the Airport in Miami and inquire about a job. For some reason I was led to a nook right next to the airport with a small opening in it. Outside were a pair of shoes. Graffiti lined the outside. I figured the homeless man who lived here must be on some sort of hallucinogen. Yet there was a small camera down the outside hall pointed directly at this hidden nook where a homeless man slept. I figured he was the overseer of the Airport. I felt strange vibes and decided to go back to my car and drive to my girlfriends at the time. This is when my senses turned inside out and I could barely drive straight. Traffic lined the area and a train came blocking me from getting me to where I needed to go. So I cut everyone on the shoulder. I was in such a rush. I got to a green light at an intersection and got hit by a giant truck who ran the red light. My psychosis and thinking processes were already affected and continued driving with a falling bumper not staying for the accident. I parked about 3 blocks down blocked by some warehouses and train tracks. I walked to my girlfriends where I tried explaining to her that Mars and Earth were connected. And that the Aliens are in the Ice somewhere. And that Mars's highest point meets with Mt. Everest. I don't remember fully the type of nonsense I was spewing to her but I convinced her to retrieve my car with me. When we left the house I would grab her hands and tie them in a knot with my arms and hands and move them around and twist and twirl her. Why I felt it was necessary to do this is beyond me. Once we reached the train track she began holding her head saying no no no and began throwing tantrums. She would not cross the train tracks to get my car. In my mind she was sensing a death or suicide that was once committed there. So after fighting verbally for some time and me thinking the sky was melting and the rain drops were liquid Lysergic Acid falling from the sky. We split up. I began to walk unknowingly in a direction I felt fit. I thought at that moment that all was lost. In that moment I felt that I would have to continue walking until I walked the whole world around. That I would need to find a partner to seduce woman for procreation purposes, or a woman partner who would walk the world with me. This is the first time I heard voices. They seemed as if through a radio. It was the government. And I was speaking to some sort of agency that dealt with precognitive people. I was then an agent myself. I heard a voice telling me to "get in that car." We're waiting for you. We'll take you where you need to go. I didn't get in. There was somebody in the car waiting though parked on the side of a neighborhood street. My girlfriend eventually ended up finding my car and brought it back to me where we separated again. I made it to another train track and parked my beaten up car. I was hallucinating that I could see myself at the other side of the tracks in another dimension or reality. And I was saying goodbye to my old self. I drove home quickly as possible but ran out of gas a mile before I got there.
A man offered to help me push my car into a parking lot. Every time I looked away I felt though as if he died. and when I looked back at him, a replacement was put in place. That I was supposed to keep my eye on him through the whole ordeal. And he was telepathically talking to me. "Why'd you let me go like that?" Once my car was parked I was parched. I walked into to nearby Burger King where two old men were having a conversation about what I was thinking. Each one represented the left and right brain. I suspected they were drug induced. Note that colors at this point were very intense. Colors were extra vibrant and anything close to neon colored would stand out like black on white. I walked home tripping about pictures I had of old friends. That they no longer wanted me to have them on my computer. So I went home and deleted them. Mind you I was so paranoid. (I don't remember how I got it in the first place) That I was walking with a backup hardrive with me of all my pictures, music, documents and files I needed to grow old with. When I got home I deleted certain pictures that I will never get back for the rest of my life because I felt that they could telepathically know I had them in the first place and wanted them gone. I started picking at my dogs ticks which she has been healed from ever since btw. And more and more kept coming. Out of thin air. I could hear my neighbors voice commanding me "spread the blood of your mother" as I was picking ticks and placing them in a cup where they'd multiply and come out of the cup every time I looked away. I gave up. I then became obsessed with metallics. After stealing my mothers jewelry and keeping whatever I could find that was metal. I figured my thoughts could somehow be enhanced or amplified through metal and gold. Like gold circuits on a circuit board directing energy throughout a chip. After placing these in my car...or well. Somehow I got my car back with gas. I'm guessing I walked back to get it. I was hallucinating the demonic version of the person who sold me drugs in the past. He haunted me and my reflection everywhere I went. Before I knew it I was driving up and down the streets wondering what happened to time and convinced that the numbers on the street signs were'nt getting bigger or smaller. Or that some streets were missing. I became lost. I pulled over manically depressed and unable to drive back to my girlfriends whom at the time I thought would be able to calm me down.
I ended up at an Asian shop somewhere and asked to use the phone where I was denied. I sat outside twirling my keys when a couple walked by and stopped at laughed at me for about 5 minutes. Then the paranoia kicked in. The police were after me. I managed to drive to a familiar area where I parked by a hospital and began looking for Meth labs in the area. Yes, I was a secret DEA agent. I felt that I had to look at things that people normally wouldn't look at. Like behind Stop signs. Inbetween my legs. Odd places. I would mark things I saw with geometric shapes in my mind. Eventually after trying to call my best friend from a pay phone with no answer. I asked a gentlemen for his phone at the gas station. No Answer. I saw two cop cars parked outside a restaurant. I walked in and asked to use their phone to call my mother, which they complied. No answer. I sat outside for 15 minutes hallucinating shapes and colors flying through the air. So I went back to the car and drove to my girlfriends again. I was running out of gas again. So I stopped at a gas station where the gas machine was not working even though I had paid. Finally a man came out of nowhere dressed as a mechanic and he said he could help me. So after he literally banged a fist on the gas pump with his hand and got it working he told me his name was Guru. Ok thanks. I was on my marry way. At this time I was drawing lines with my eyes around and through things. If I blinked the lines would go away. So I barely blinked. I stopped at a light with one car in front of me. The light turned green and he did not move. So I went around him. Sadly I scrapped the side of his car and he told me to wait as he called the police for an accident report. As I waited in a hallucinatory stage, I saw the light of Jesus and having Jewelry on me I held onto a trinket of a crucifix. I put it in my mouth just to keep it safe. As this was happening, people were going up to the person I had scrapped and shaking his hand. Congratulating him. and in my mind he was selling drugs from his car as we waited for the police to arrive. Finally I was given a drug and alcohol test which I passed with flying colors. I was put in the backseat of the cop car where she looked me up in the system. As I was sitting handcuffed. I felt the soul presence of my 3 closest friends closing in on the woman officers car. Her computer began giving errors and she was unable to look me up. My parents showed up (somehow) and I was released to them. My father drove my car back home, and I drove with my mother home. We didn't even speak. In the car she looked like an Alien and would make weird gestures with her fingers.
When we got home. My father insisted I watched the news of the Miners in South America that were trapped at that time. They were coming out one by one. I was still hallucinating heavily and thought I was actually there and could see through my third eye everything that was going on that the camera didn't show. I could telepathically speak to everyone I saw on TV. I was still drawing lines mostly and seeing colors and shapes. My mom began interrogating me and I became scared and afraid. She was angry and coming off with really bad vibes. I hid in the bathroom for some time. She was screaming. She was shape shifting into other people. I held my hands together and formed a gun but also a prayer gesture with my hands. I started shaking wildly and began tracing the lines I saw around the house. I wanted to go to one of my friends house, that I felt at the time could calm me down and talk me through this. So I went outside and tried jumping a fence. Well I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming in pain as my dad held me and my mother called the ambulance. When I got in the ambulance I was given something for pain I figure. Which in my state wasn't the best idea. COLORS. The whole ride to the Hospital was me hearing the thoughts of the medical team inside the ambulance thinking about a woman close friend of mine and how good looking she was, and that they were gonna get her next. The whole ride to the hospital I could see that I was followed by my girlfriend in the car of the guy she was cheating on me with. I woke up in a room that was turning into Super Mario world at this point. The shapes on the curtains on my room were melting and I could see my parents in the hallway being questioned. I hallucinated that outside was a party of everyone that worked at my girlfriends job that they finally got me. The medical staff kept coming in and out. We'll be with you in a moment. Please wait. When they finally came in to work on me. Well they looked as if they were all on Adderall because their pupils were so big. I was hallucinating about mushrooms that grew underwater. And that I was running through a field looking for a rare purple mushroom. They worked on my elbow and gave me hypnotic sedatives to calm me down. I was dozing in and out. Time felt like it was infinite. That the amount of time I spent in there was Eons. They Xrayed my shoulder and I remember speaking to the Doctor that I thinking I was laced with PCP or something because I've never experienced what I went through that day in my life.
To make it short I woke up net to the guy who's nook I found at the airport and figured he was drugged up. I walked to the bathroom and was making figures with my hands in the mirror as they transformed into faces and and things familiar in video games like Zelda. Finally I went home the next day. I still couldn't move my arm. They never fixed my shoulder. I first thought it was because of muscle damage but after some weeks I realized it was still dislocated. But I remember them working on me for hours. And blood, and bandages. All I had was a small scar on my shoulder. This then led to the RFID chip conspiracy that drove me crazy after but thats for another time. I got my shoulder fixed a month later at another Hospital that treated me great. That's it for my first psychosis.
