The EADD a trifle annoyed thread.

[Treacle]

@shambles

You are loved around here your the don the wisdom with the wit and expierence that has helped and been a mate and a friend to countless bl'ers on this site for years i cant imagine what your goin thru i dont have the first idea but i have contenplated suicide for more selfish reasons than you id imagine but you are smarter than that i hope in time ur outlook improves.
Your numero uno around here

Me and acieed (that's such a bastard to type, from memory) don't really get on, mainly because he's a bit of a twat However, what he says is true. I'd leave Bluelight, if you left permanently.

 

[Shambles]

And sorry for being such a miserable grumpy fuck.

You said all the right things and a few extra too, Swampy. Thankyou

Same to you, Treac. You wouldn't have to get to Wales for my funeral cos would have none. Thought a lot about this recently, in fact. Who would come to my funeral? Nobody. Nobody other than immediate family and half of those would need prodding and the other half would only be there in the hopes of impressing other people.

Have always been pointless but now have to wonder whether am actually detrimental to others. Not by much, I'm sure. But with nothing at all on the flipside anything would help. Is nothing though. Would make no difference one way or t'other. Nothing left about me enough to even fuck with folk let alone anything worthwhile. Is not good.

But is also not good. Is no fukkin point me wallowing in me cos am so fukkin pointless even I no longer give a shit. Nothing drastic is gonna happen. But only cos it would be ostentatious. Just that. When that is your only reason to live is time to look very hard at life... which becomes kinda circular... and pointless... and... ah fuck.

Ignore me. I would. I am. From now on. At least in the short-term. One of the good things about mood swings is they swing. One of the shit things about mood swings is they are but moods.

 

[Treacle]

I've never seen you like this. You normally just keep smiling, it's one of the things that make you you. I wish I could just nip 'round, but it's not quite that simple, is it? You're not thinking straight. You have brains, and you give a fuck about people, that makes you totally needed in this world. Don't stop being you.

 

[Shambles]

That might not be a bad idea, mate. I reckon I'd lose the fucking plot, living all the way down there. Perhaps some city life is what you need. I recommend Manchester.

Is very far from bad idea. Am going fukkin nuts. Been fukkin nuts for some time now.

D'ya know what the last conversation I had was? Face to face. With an actual person. Was when Knock came to visit over a year ago. Before that? Fuck knows. From (vague) memory about a year or so prior to that. Before that? About the same.

Even the person I've been so cut up about since she died I've not really spent actual time with, had actual conversation with, in the last 2-3 years. Not really. Maybe not quite so clearcut... but honestly not far off. Ah fukkit. That's really not so simple. Is not so very far wrong either though. Whatever it is, am quibbling over the definition of the term "conversation" rather than it having no relevance whatsoever.

BL is great. People do care. But people are far away. You can only spin a line for so long before it frays. Am long frayed. Is nothing left. There is though. Will keep on and on. Meaning less and less. Caring less and less. And nobody will notice. Other than me saying shit like this now and then. But will pass. Be forgotten. Nothing left behind. Just keep pushing on cos onwards is better than nothing surely? I wonder. I really do. But not enough to make a difference. No drama here. Round and round we go. Where we stop nobody knows. But, mostly, nobody cares.

I wouldn't even get a Shrine thread. Cos nobody would even notice. And if anybody did they'd never actually know. Yes is me being maudlin but is also fact. Is the fact part that concerns me cos is an actual fact. I genuinely have no particular interest in suicide right now, but was thinking 'bout it recently and if I had've done y'all still wouldn't know. Never really would. And y'all are the people I'm closest too. Is not a nice realisation. Is a fact. Just not a nice one.

I have no idea what will come of this realisation but hope it means something whenever it comes and whatever it is.

 

[B9]

Hi treacle

Hi Mr Shambles

On the face of it existence is merely sustained in order to produce more humans ( some deeply weird biological drive) outside of that it can seem infinitely mundane.

Then again first light on an autumnal morning feels anything but mundane.

 

[Treacle]

Hiya, B9. Hope you're keeping well.

Shambles, I promise I will make the journey to yours, as soon as funds allow. I've been saying it for years, but we will have that epic week of no one knowing anything that happens. You know I'm pretty good at replying to PMs, so fire any shit at me that you need to. I will do anything I can.

 

[Shambles]

I've never seen you like this. You normally just keep smiling, it's one of the things that make you you. I wish I could just nip 'round, but it's not quite that simple, is it? You're not thinking straight. You have brains, and you give a fuck about people, that makes you totally needed in this world. Don't stop being you.

You don't see me like this cos all anybody sees is what is on screen. Is easy to create character on screen when it's backed up with reality. When reality falls by and by what is left?

Yes I keep on smiling cos is me. I still will. Will probably hide away from y'all for a couple days cos will be hungover and uncomfortable then will get fukked, come say "hello!" and make happy face as ever. It's one of the things that makes me me, after all.

I don't know how much longer I can keep doing that though I really don't.

I broke me a very long time ago. Broke me bad. And wasn't in such great nick to start off with anyway really. Is only so long I can paper over own cracks.

Ah fukkit. What the fuck am I doing bitching and whining about... nothing... in the "Trifle Annoyed" thread? Have I lost so much perspective? Apparently so.

Am going to bed soon. Just that. Will wake up in a few hours with blaring alarms cos will be fukked if I miss early-closing at chemists tomorrow. Just that though. Then back to bed. Doubt I'll be around for a couple days cos will be massively hungover and feeling shite. This is me feeling good these days. Is it really any wonder I don't feel so good these days?

Meh. Fukkit. Apologies for drivel. So much of it lately. Is all am good for now.

 

[Shambles]

Hi treacle

Hi Mr Shambles

On the face of it existence is merely sustained in order to produce more humans ( some deeply weird biological drive) outside of that it can seem infinitely mundane.

Then again first light on an autumnal morning feels anything but mundane.

And with that the dam breaks and tears meet cheek at last. Of the productive kind finally. Thank you, Mr B

 

[Treacle]

I hope you feel better soon, Shambles. Much love, as always.

 

[knock]

Shambles, fuck fuck fuck.

My life is such a confusion of a mess. I have millions of things I have to do and they never get done. Visiting you has been high on the list for a while but my plugging finger is stuck up my arse. I think part of the problem is that I don't want to just "visit", I want you to be round the corner. A visit has a start and a stop and the stop ruins everything. It means everything has to be perfect because after the stop it's a whole new fucking visit that has to be planned.

Why are you so far away? Why am I so far away? Everyone is so far away. The internet brings us all together but it doesn't really, it just pretends to, it makes promises it can't keep, it dangles juicy fruit just out of reach. Grrr.

Bro, you're not the only one who finds it hard to see a point. But there is a point. There aren't enough people like you in the world, the world needs you, it needs you more. We need to make you more seeable. Come and live with me! I have room. You can help me sort my life out.

Please hang about long enough so that we can say we see each other once a year. Fucking hell, we've only met once but you're loved and it fucking kills me that you're feeling like this.

I'm seeing the cat's mother tomorrow and I will try again to reunite them so I can be free. Please stay alive for a bit longer to give me a chance to do this.

 

[Shambles]

Please stay alive for a bit longer...

Just to make very clear: that is the only option for me right now. Am bitching and am whining. Nothing more than that. Nothing less than that. Venting, not note-leaving. Have suicides in immediate family. And extended family too. Is not a thing I could do so please don't worry about that cos is not on the cards. Contemplation is contemplation pure and simple. Ramifications of realisations of such contemplations are another matter. That is the matter on my mind. Amongst other things. But none of those things are final. Even I am not such a dick I'd piss about with the idea of such things lightly. Not suicidal. Cos I can't be. Just not so far off and as close as I could be is all. The twain never shall meet. Cos I know how it feels.

Aside from that, am starting to sober up thus feeling an arse. I wish I had other routes towards venting shit. Just plain don't though. So shit gets dumped randomly 'round BL. Apologies but think we all agree it's better than the non-alternative. Don't have that alternative no matter what. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt as bad though.

Need to sleep soon. Or to stay awake for few more hours. Haven't decided which yet. Either way, please don't worry. Feel such a fukkin cock now cos have caused worry. Is just venting is all. Is all true, unfortunately, but is still but venting. I mentioned suicide cos was a real thing for a while... but could never be a really real thing. Is not my style. Am too fukkin lazy. Too fukkin optimistic for that matter Just not me.

And so to sleep it off. May take a day or two. May take longer. Maybe not. Will be back soon enough though. And (hopefully) in considerably better mood. Am starting to bore myself I really am...

 

[knock]

Either way, please don't worry. Feel such a fukkin cock now cos have caused worry. Is just venting is all. Is all true, unfortunately, but is still but venting. I mentioned suicide cos was a real thing for a while... but could never be a really real thing.

You're not a cock

xxx

 

[swampdragon]

Dunno if you'll see this now Shambles if you've gone to bed, but I'll reply anyway.

That might not be a bad idea, mate. I reckon I'd lose the fucking plot, living all the way down there. Perhaps some city life is what you need. I recommend Manchester.

Bro, you're not the only one who finds it hard to see a point. But there is a point. There aren't enough people like you in the world, the world needs you, it needs you more. We need to make you more seeable. Come and live with me! I have room. You can help me sort my life out.

They talk sense. Civilisation and people would do wonders. I really hope you consider one of these options soon.

Yes I keep on smiling cos is me. I still will. Will probably hide away from y'all for a couple days cos will be hungover and uncomfortable then will get fukked, come say "hello!" and make happy face as ever. It's one of the things that makes me me, after all.

Yes, but you don't *have* to always keep smiling. No one would like you any less if you don't. No one is upbeat and positive 100% of the time, so you don't need to try to do that either. Don't stay away for that reason.

Why are you so far away? Why am I so far away? Everyone is so far away. The internet brings us all together but it doesn't really, it just pretends to, it makes promises it can't keep, it dangles juicy fruit just out of reach. Grrr.

Agreed. :/

And so to sleep it off. May take a day or two. May take longer. Maybe not. Will be back soon enough though. And (hopefully) in considerably better mood. Am starting to bore myself I really am...

Come back sooner rather than later. Continue venting, it's fine, that's what this place is here for.

 

[badandwicked]

Shammy

 

[knock]

Neighbours have turned off the mains water without even a note through my door. Couple of weeks back they were fencing off a bit of my garden to join theirs. Trifle annoyed Yeah I've caused my share of nuisance but I had good fucking chemical reasons and we'd been getting on pretty well lately. I really am only a trifle annoyed, but I wouldn't dream of disconnecting them without letting them know. What if I had been all soaped up in the shower? I'd have to rinse off in milk or Barr's cola.

Also the cat's mother has texted in sick. Actually that's for the angry thread.

 

[Bodda]

Cheer up Knock

 

[StoneHappyMonday]

Hi treacle

Hi Mr Shambles

On the face of it existence is merely sustained in order to produce more humans ( some deeply weird biological drive) outside of that it can seem infinitely mundane.

 

[maxalfie]

Slightly annoyed that I was woken up early this morning by a gay Jehovahs witness knocking on my back door.

 

[Bodda]

slightly annoyed that i was woken up early this morning by a gay jehovahs witness knocking on my back door.

x 1,000,000

 

[swampdragon]

Well, I was meant to actually be spending time with my boyfriend tonight. So far I've waited for him to finish playing Skyrim, and now he's decided to spend half an hour walking to the off-license for a bottle of wine, instead of a 2 minute drive. It's almost like he's not that arsed about spending time together. Am unimpressed.