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I'm sorry but I need to talk about Tom/ponti

Pagey

Pagey

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Apr 11, 2012
Messages
9,428
Location
The Valley of Ashes
Sorry if this isn't appropriate or whatever but I need to ask for help somewhere and I dunno where else to turn.
I absolutely can't believe the news about Tom and I don't know what to do now. I've known him for a while and we met when he was in London for Aaron's funeral last year. He was an incredible person, one of the most genuine and caring I've ever known. Even at such a horrible time in his life he still did his best to make others happy and to make the world around him a better place. We spoke all the time since meeting and I can easily say he was one of the most important people in the world to me. What the fuck are you supposed to do after something like this happens?
I'm sorry, I really don't mean this as a sob-story, at all. But I'm completely lost. How does life keep on going when a person who'd never gotten the fucking break they deserved dies before allowing himself to be happy?
It's fucked beyond words.
 
Pagey <3 what MDB said, and the short answer is not much use but it's the same as for all questions about how life goes on, which is you need to hold on to whatever is good (and there always is something good, even if you can't see it right this minute) until you come to some sort of acceptance or accommodation of such a terrible thing happening, which takes time. And really you have plenty on your plate without this too, so I'm so very sorry, and I just hope mrcientist is the stand up guy I expect him to be and gives you the support you need.
 
Thank you both for answering.

MDB i won't be joining them...I just hate the world for taking away such a wonderful man before he had a chance to be happy.
It's not fair. He deserved happiness and he never got it. It was just blow after blow after blow. I wish he could've had a few fucking weeks of happiness before this happened. He was a good person, the world's lost someone it shouldn't have.
 
Pagey said:
. How does life keep on going when a person who'd never gotten the fucking break they deserved dies before allowing himself to be happy?
It's fucked beyond words.
Click to expand...

Fuck knows, but it happens all the time :(. This one ht me hard too, i never met him IRL but we spoke alot. You have to give it time, and p,ease please dont use this as an excuse for massive relqapse (im not in control on all mym,ental factulys so might be confused you with someone else whos on and off the gear?)

Live on. Live happy. Live free. Thats what he would've wnted for you, you know that
 
Hang in there Pagey <3

Best I can say is have a listen to "All my love".
 
I'd like to find out more details. We don't even know if it's suicide yet... He may have fallen off a horse for all we know. Surely someone can do some facebook investigation? Did Ponti even have a FB account?

Pagey, you've expressed on this board before your misery of close people dying in your life. I'm sure it makes this time all the more harder.

It's such a waste. He was young, intelligent decent person... But i'd like to know more about him and his death before I can question why it happened. Judging from his earlier posts before his death, he was certainly not entertaining suicide.
 
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Yeah, please. We'll find out if we find out.
 
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Thank you for your posts, CK and Ismene.

raas, I know how Tom died and it doesn't change a thing. Fact is he's gone.

I don't know what to say but I need to say something. I'm sorry for bothering everyone with this but I don't know what else to do. I'm being told to talk about it. I don't know how it's supposed to help but I'm trying.
I miss him so much. He was one of the most important people in the world to me.
I feel like he was cheated out of what he should have had.
Everything's completely empty now and nothing can ever be the same, nothing should ever be the same.
Just...why.

It isn't fair.
 
I think talking and thinking and getting on with your life without forgetting are pretty much the only ways to deal with something like this. It never really stops hurting and the sense of unfairness never really goes away, but it gets easier. Just takes some time to get there <3
 
I kind of agree with Raas here. So many people have left us this year, but we never find out what happened to them. For example, are they all dying from liver failure due to botched CWE attempts? Accidentally overdosing from etizolam and opiates? Suicide after crushing depression from one of the popular RC stimulants? It feels like there's a potentially major HR lesson being withheld.

This isn't directly aimed at Ponti's passing by the way, just an observation of how the forum works as a whole when one these tragic events occur.
 
curious_24 said:
I kind of agree with Raas here. So many people have left us this year, but we never find out what happened to them. For example, are they all dying from liver failure due to botched CWE attempts? Accidentally overdosing from etizolam and opiates? Suicide after crushing depression from one of the popular RC stimulants? It feels like there's a potentially major HR lesson being withheld.

This isn't directly aimed at Ponti's passing by the way, just an observation of how the forum works as a whole when one these tragic events occur.
Click to expand...

I agree, sometimes when dealing with death people overeact in the "respect" department, some would argue that speculating over somebody's death is disrespectful, I completely disagree especially on a drugs forum, it's as you say a potential HR lesson being withheld
 
Give it time. Some people are hurting very much at the moment and want to remember the good person that Tom was rather than talk about his passing in which they may not have accepted yet. It's not the time for speculation. It's so clinical to get right into that discussion (which aint going to help anyone anyway, we all know the risks) and displays a lack of regard for a member of our own. Let people grieve ffs.
 
Speculating over the cause of death of someone recently deceased is disrespectful, to them and to those grieving for them. Your morbid, voyeuristic curiosity does not entitle you to a gory explanation of the minutiae of the lives of other BLers, let alone their deaths.
 
Tom killed himself, happy?

Fucks sake. You could all at least give it a few days. Maybe the fact that he's dead is more important than how he died, no?

He's not an experiment or a lesson to anyone, he was a fucking person.
 
Pagey said:
How does life keep on going when a person who'd never gotten the fucking break they deserved dies before allowing himself to be happy?
It's fucked beyond words.
Click to expand...

This.

Reading that crushed me to tears. It reminds me of the one person I was close to my boyfriend (Bluelighter MTGG) who never got his break or found his place in life before he was taken too soon, he died two days before he was booked into rehab. Then another BL'er who I find it difficult to talk about, though he was once my boyfriend, we had a rocky road, but had just made up and he died the next day 2 years ago, the day after new years day. Then of course Evad, best mate of 7 years, and true legend.

Stay strong Pagey, it feels like it doesn't get any easier at the moment, I know. I'm not going to reel of a load of clichés, there's no rules to grief, just take care of yourself <3
 
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You misunderstand me. Of course it's more important that someone died in the first place, that should go without saying. This is primarily a HR forum and many of our members and friends have died unexpectedly this year. As fellow drug users we need to know what's killing our peers at an alarming rate, so that we can take extra precautions for our own safety. Morbid curiosity doesn't come into it.

I am genuinely sorry for your loss Pagey. It's an absolute tragedy that another one of us is no longer around. I've already said the same thing in the RIP thread.

I'm also sorry if what I said came across as insensitive. That was never my intention. <3
 
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babylonboy said:
Speculating over the cause of death of someone recently deceased is disrespectful, to them and to those grieving for them. Your morbid, voyeuristic curiosity does not entitle you to a gory explanation of the minutiae of the lives of other BLers, let alone their deaths.
Click to expand...

Your comment is completely out of order, are you sick in the head or just a troll trying to provoke? Re-read mine and curious24's comments
 
PM me if you want to dicuss it, my point was that this thread was intended as a tribute to someone who is no longer with us, and should stay that way rather than being co-opted.
 
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