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Men hitting women?

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mydrugbuddy said:
yes, if you value the opinion of the other over your own. Its very easy to type that, but ive had my share of verbal abuse, and the real test will come when it next happens to me. Will i be able to dismiss verbal abuse like water off a ducks back next time it happens ? I feel you/i/everyone needs to be able to do that. Some people can be very cruel.
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Very easy to say, but when the verbal abuse is coming from someone you once fell in love with, and as often is the case, still convince yourself you still love when the arguments die down and the apology comes dripping like sickening saccharine from their mouth, making you believe it. The abuse does hurt, and is not easy to dismiss. You brush it off, but it comes back to haunt you, when you're sleeping, or going for that job interview, or whenever you need your self esteem to be with you, it creeps up on you when you least expect it. Because, that person who said all those hurtful things, knew just what buttons to push, just what words to say to hurt you the most, what things to pick on about you, as they knew you inside out, they knew your inner most fears and anxieties.

Then, then it's really fucking hard to let go of. I still struggle.
 
^ I should be, I find it easier to check the internet during the day, as my BF whinges if I have my face in my laptop when he's been at work all day and hasn't seen me. Maybe if I PM you my actual email address that'd make things easier....as I explained in Brimz's anyone fancy a shag no strings thread, my other half does not really understand BL, or why I'd want to spend my time here, he does not mean it in a negative way, more that he does not understand. I'll PM you my G-mail, how's that?
 
K, sounds good to me. I have my PMs set to contacts/friends only, so I just added you <3
 
I've had more than one relationship where I was verbally/physically abused, and it does really get better over time once you've left the situation, even if it doesn't feel like it ever will. I haven't dated or gotten into a relationship in a long time, not saying that's the way to go for everyone but that was my choice. I felt I needed to take time just for me and my son, to get my bearings. Seems I'm not good at picking good guys, anyway. The break has done me a world of good. For some people it's a new, healthy relationship that helps them to heal. It's different for everyone; but, one thing I've found to be true is, the longer and longer you're away from the abuse, the more you come back to you, if that makes sense. You feel safe with yourself again, you can trust yourself again. Being safe and secure, even confident, becomes the normal way to feel again. There is nothing ok about violence and putting other people down. Only weak and insecure men (people) feel they need to do that to their woman (partner). Other people will see the treasure you are and know the only way to keep getting the best out of you is to nurture and to love you, not to control and manipulate. I feel for every woman and man who has experienced or is experiencing this. Yeah, I fought back but until I got out of there I still couldn't see who I was or where I was going, and I'm not letting something as important as my mental stability and my future in the hands, or even in the vicinity of, an idiot! Those bad qualities rub off. For anyone going thru it now, there is hope if you remove yourself from the situation and take care of yourself again. There's always a way out, even if it sucks going to a shelter or whatever, it's better in the long run being away from someone pushing you down in the dirt all of the time then kicking you while you're down. There are good, loving, generous people out there who would love to have someone like you to love, and wouldn't take you for granted. Even if you're alone, you've still got you. That's all.
 
blue1995 said:
I've had more than one relationship where I was verbally/physically abused, and it does really get better over time once you've left the situation, even if it doesn't feel like it ever will. I haven't dated or gotten into a relationship in a long time, not saying that's the way to go for everyone but that was my choice. I felt I needed to take time just for me and my son, to get my bearings. Seems I'm not good at picking good guys, anyway. The break has done me a world of good. For some people it's a new, healthy relationship that helps them to heal. It's different for everyone; but, one thing I've found to be true is, the longer and longer you're away from the abuse, the more you come back to you, if that makes sense. You feel safe with yourself again, you can trust yourself again. Being safe and secure, even confident, becomes the normal way to feel again. There is nothing ok about violence and putting other people down. Only weak and insecure men (people) feel they need to do that to their woman (partner). Other people will see the treasure you are and know the only way to keep getting the best out of you is to nurture and to love you, not to control and manipulate. I feel for every woman and man who has experienced or is experiencing this. Yeah, I fought back but until I got out of there I still couldn't see who I was or where I was going, and I'm not letting something as important as my mental stability and my future in the hands, or even in the vicinity of, an idiot! Those bad qualities rub off. For anyone going thru it now, there is hope if you remove yourself from the situation and take care of yourself again. There's always a way out, even if it sucks going to a shelter or whatever, it's better in the long run being away from someone pushing you down in the dirt all of the time then kicking you while you're down. There are good, loving, generous people out there who would love to have someone like you to love, and wouldn't take you for granted. Even if you're alone, you've still got you. That's all.
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Words and advice I need to take.

I need to learn to be alone. I could go into it in more depth, but I don't want to here, but, I seem to choose the wrong men. I did 'The freedom project' they call it, when I was in a women's refuge, that teaches you to look for the signs when meeting a new partner, but I decided it was too much like putting people in pigeon holes, not every man who shows a temper is going to necessarily hit a woman. Yet, it always seems to end up happening with me.

Very well written advice though.
 
Having my son does make it easier because I have someone else to focus on, to take care of, to keep me company. It would probably be harder for me to be single if it wasn't for him. Then in some ways its harder because I'm doing it alone. Everything in life is sort-of a trade-off, I suppose.
 
mydrugbuddy said:
Some people dont seem to be able to handle being alone, i love having time to myself. I probably have too much of it though.
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This.

The more I read of your posts, the more I relate to you (is that bad?)

Misanthropic isolation I find actually helps my mental state, being around people too much drives me mad, nothing better in my view that time totally on your own.
I sometimes wonder if it's "normal" to feel this way but I look around me at most people & be glad I keep to myself.
 
This sounds strange and you might not agree with me but I think its the circles you run in, be it by your own choose or the folk you came up with. I've seen psycho women doing things most men wouldn't dream of. Just pure badness.

There's some women I know who if I seen in the street I'd move to the other side of the road:)

Not hitting women is in general a proper and courteous rule but imo it was sort of made when women where nice and proper. Not like now when one would stick a knife in you for looking at them the wrong way.
 
Before they started shopping in their onesies... spend they're giros on benzos and and sticking bottles in other folks faces for a "laugh".
 
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