Franklin Waters
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2010
- Messages
- 68
7:30pm
I take 75mg of Adderall XR, chew the fuck out of those little beads, and swallow.
What a disgusting aftertaste.
*Note*
I take 40mg of Adderall XR every day, in capsule form, so I have quite a tolerance to it. I won't be surprised if 75mg doesn't do shit.
7:34pm
Under the false belief that milk is slightly basic, and therefore will potentiate the effects of the amphetamine, I drink a shit ton of milk straight from the carton. I immediately google milk's acidity, and am quite dismayed to discover that it is slightly acidic, with a pH of 6.7.
Fuck me.
7:40pm
Feeling sorta shitty, for some reason. I haven't felt well all day, but still. This sucks. Can't wait for the amp pick-me-up.
7:45pm
Feeling tired. Seriously, this Adderall better work, or I'll be disappointed.
7:50pm
Think I'm feeling it a little bit. A little more talkative and a bit happier. Still yawning though.
7:53pm
Slightly euphoric, but it might be placebo. Not sure. Again, I'm still yawning. Which sucks.
7:55pm
Thinking about re-dosing. What sounds really good right now is bumping up my dose to 125mg, but then I definitely wouldn't be able to sleep. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do.
8:06pm
No need to re-dose. I'm feeling pretty good right now. I feel euphoric. Music sounds good. I'm talkative and generally feeling great.
Having not listened to music for the last few days, music sounds especially good. It might not even be the Adderall here; my iPod's been dead the last few days and my brother's got the charger, and he's not here, so I haven't been able to charge it; therefore, I've been without music for a while.
And that's probably why it sounds so great.
I love Kanye West.
8:28pm
Definitely high. Really feelin' the music. I'm so happy and appreciative of everything right now. And I can type super fast!
This is great. Hope I don't sound like a noob, because I'm not. I can handle this euphoria; it's not like I'm blown away.
But I'm still feeling awesome, and I have to express that for this to be a good trip report.
Of course, I've made it pretty obvious I'm tweaking.
Oh well.
Oh, and by the way: no longer yawning! YAY!
8:43pm
I decided to write a poem about drugs.
PSYCHONAUT
I've been out in the smoky winds of cannabis,
where thoughts fade in and out of the interior vision,
where hunger strikes with vivid teeth,
where the canvas is never left blank and the refridgerator is never left full,
where anyone's a friend and nobody's an enemy,
where smiles are seated on the sofa of my face and hardly get up for anything,
where inventions constantly request my attention;
I've been up in the castles of LSA,
where the colors bend and the walls twist,
where the wind feels like God's breath,
where the ground flashes like a lightning-filled disco ball,
where revelations come often, in waves,
where the night is welcomed with warm embraces and the morning is welcomed with weary eyes,
where the pupils tattle on themselves;
I've run through the offices of amphetamine,
where the workers are orderly and numbered systematically,
where food is unnecessary and sleep is shunned,
where the teeth are ground to prevent the dreaded onset of silence,
where the toilet seat is always wiped free from yellow drops,
where the shoelaces are always tied enough times to prevent them from being stepped on,
where the observations are neatly filed away in my memory;
I've been through the creeping mansions of diphenhydramine,
where noises in the night make my spine jump to a black melody,
where the mouth is lapped by the tongues of hellish flames,
where fear is essential to life,
where strangers speak kindly while preparing their knives,
where delirium casts ghastly shadows on my cognitive forces,
where things appear floating before me and morph into strange drops of abstraction;
I've been out into the rainstorms of nicotine,
where reality spins in all of its dull glory,
where black spit cups litter the gray sidewalks,
where businessmen take breaks to smoke,
where fiends commit virtual suicide looking for a fix,
where brown leaves sway in the winds and land in the gutter,
where broken lighters fester on the lawns;
I've been in the side roads of alcohol,
where all is normal and venom-breath is typical,
where liver damage is quite common and domestic violence acceptable,
where the balconies sway until I fall off to my death,
where my friends would catch me if they weren't drunk as well,
where bruises are ignored and vomit puddles are rarely swept up,
where warmth fills my gut and I take another swig;
I've been into the suburban homes of opiates,
where a floating buzz softly attaches itself to my skull,
where movement is unnecessary and where speech is somewhat difficult,
where everything's clean, and even if it isn't, it doesn't matter,
where the couch's cushion seems to be made of some type of adhesive material,
where tingling waves sweep over my body,
where bliss becomes truly apparent;
I've been through the jittery halls of caffeine,
where the lunchroom is filled with chattering workers on break,
where the aroma of roasted beans fills the copy rooms,
where the job is never left undone,
where the mug is constantly refilled,
where the pee smells of coffee beans,
where drops of milk dissolve in the potent black abyss;
I've been in the bizarre, feverish lobby of nutmeg,
where the gagging force returns in torturous burps reminiscent of cinnamon,
where the eyes are heavy with tangled, pink veins,
where the body drags itself along parallel to distorted Time,
where paranoia reigns and the mind is feeble,
where pleasure pulsates for six hours,
where pain rebounds for thirty;
I've been in the gaseous atmosphere of nitrous oxide,
where empty cartridges roll around on the sidewalk,
where the mind and body separate like oil and water,
where talking feels foreign,
where the dentist bends over me as I awaken,
where I mumble a little and laugh,
where they don't bother to ask what I'm saying;
I've been all over the world of psychoactives,
where emotions echo and amplify themselves,
where energetic thoughts violently burst from my skull,
where life is sometimes like Cloud Nine and sometimes like Purgatory,
where terror comes coupled with rapture, just as hydrocodone comes coupled with acetaminophen,
where prescription bottles lay outstretched on the counter, waiting for their activation,
where existence has one solid meaning,
where the mist doesn't clear, but is accepted,
where everything just makes sense for once.
9:45pm
I finished my poem, finally. Still feeling awesome.
10:11pm
Still speeding away. I have to piss, but I don't feel like going all the way upstairs because I am too focused on my internet surfing.
I am still fatigue-free, and I feel extremely happy. This experience has prompted me to believe in the Adderall "sweet spot" theory.
This means that I believe that there is a certain point with Adderall "intoxication" where the euphoria will disappear and be replaced completely with energy and motivation without a mood lift.
For example:
50mg = slight stimulation, boost in mood and energy
75mg = intense euphoria, motivation and will to achieve
100mg = euphoria is replaced by stimulation and a strong drive to "get things done"
Basically, what I'm saying is a medium dose of Adderall can give a person more euphoria than a high dose.
The reason I believe this is because last week I took 115mg, and I don't remember the euphoria being this intense.
I know, I'm rambling. But I can't help it. I'm tweaking.
11:33pm
Pissing was hard, and I had no chance to report that until just now.
I literally had to push for the urine to come out at full speed.
I am still very happy and keep finding myself typing up paragraph upon paragraph to fully explain myself, when normally a few sentences would do. It's not that it's harder to express myself, it's just that I have a greater need to elaborate on things I say. I feel like I have to explain myself repeatedly. Almost as if others won't understand. Though I know they probably will. Here, I'm doing it right now. I just keep going on, even though my audience gets the point. Ugh...
Still typing very fast.
11:51pm
I'm currently working on another poem. This one is about the strange relationship between my friend and I, and the way we seem to match each other perfectly. It highlights in detail the things that we have in common. I think it's pretty good so far.
I can't say that the Adderall has temporarily made me a better writer, because while these poems are very good, I also haven't written in a while; and when I go a while without writing any poems, the next things I write are usually very well-written. It's kind of like if you go three days without shitting, on the fourth day you will take the biggest shit of your life. I think you get the point.
12:15am
I finished my poem:
Two wild, natural souls:
both infinitely variable and complex,
consistent only in their inconsistency,
their conflicting ideas both so violently geared against one another
that they exhaust themselves in fury,
and lay down beside each other to rest among the fools;
both so unpredictable and heedless,
lost crawling in the infinite corners of the universe,
searching for something to cling to,
endlessly seeking some kind of regularity,
some break from the chaotic scattered glimpses of pain and pleasure
that Existence consists of,
that they don't notice at first
what kind of treasure they've stumbled upon
when they finally find each other.
First, they go in with their usual approach:
defensive, cynical, separated.
But they begin to realize
something strangely familiar about each other--
the anger, the instincts, the wording
of sentences;
they each begin to see the other almost as a mirror,
a pathway back to the self.
You and I have so many things in common.
We're both dreamers one moment,
and fascists the next;
our hearts both beat with mixed signals of love and hate.
Sometimes it's hard to tell whether we're polar opposites
or whether we're identical,
clones.
One thing is for certain, though:
it is impossible to deny
the very peculiar bond which has formed
between our souls;
it is impossible to regard as nonexistent
the universal synergy of our two hearts coexisting,
beating simultaneously.
It seems like nothing between us lasts:
kisses,
arguments,
threats,
compliments,
emotions...
but one thing does last,
and that is our common ground.
It is vaguely eternal,
never ceasing. No matter how weathered I become
from the bearing down of life upon me,
I will never forget or ignore
the incredible connection
between you and I.
There is something complete about us.
Love is all about accepting insanity.
Marriage is like a science experiment;
we meet someone, choose them for our experiment,
and then carefully monitor and observe their behavior,
and become used to their many quirks and oddities,
even the things about them that we perceive as negative and undesirable,
and learn to cope with them.
Marriage is all about coming to love even the ugly parts about someone.
It's kind of like when you really like a song,
you feel compelled to sing along with your favorite parts
and the parts you don't like so well.
So I'll sing you long and full,
as one of my favorite old-time melodies;
and if I'm ever to forget the words,
then I'll be damned.
12:21am
My father just went up to bed, and I have no urge to sleep. Unfortunately, I believe I'll be up pretty late tonight.
I have to pee again. Blah blah.
I have mild cottonmouth, which has persisted throughout the last hour or two.
1:19am
I spent the last hour playing video games and talking to my brother. He is being thoroughly annoying but I'm trying my best to remain patient because I'm often very mean to him. I still feel the overall speedy feeling, but I think I might be winding down a bit and I'm not quite as euphoric. Still very talkative and energetic. And I don't believe I have yawned since around 8:00, so it's been nearly 5 and-a-half hours since I have felt tired at all. I still don't think I'm ready to go to bed, but if it gets late enough I will definitely force myself. The day following an all-nighter is always spacey and unpleasant, so I will get some sleep tonight, even if I must force myself to.
2:11am
Still not tired in the least, but I might turn in here in a little while because I can't afford to go without sleep or tomorrow will be hell. I have to pee again; hold on.
2:14am
Back. I've been grinding my teeth a bit, and now I'm beginning to feel the amphetamine "edge." I have a very slight headache, but this probably has something to do with all the talking and teeth grinding I've been doing. My brother is really getting on my nerves. I want to do my own thing, and he keeps talking to me. I know it sounds mean and selfish, but I'm a bit irritable because of my brother's incessant talking. I love the poor kid, but he can be annoying at times. All in all, I feel okay, but the high is either:
a) wearing off
b) becoming too "edgy" for my liking.
So basically, I'm not really sure if I'm coming down or not. Since the time that I started this "entry," my headache has become a little bit worse. Maybe I should just go to sleep.
2:34am
I think I'm going to write another poem. Kanye West's "I Wonder" has inspired me enormously. There's just something so deep about Ye challenging the listener: "You ever wonder what it all really mean? You wonder if you'll ever find your dream?" Because I feel so strongly about what's considered a "success" and what isn't, and because dreams go right along with that theme, this song hits home with me. Though the lyrics are very open-ended, meaning anyone could fill in the blanks with details from their own life and say they relate to it, I find the phrase, "And I wonder if you know what it means..." incredibly meaningful. I will say that a lot of this is probably because you could mean anything by saying that. But still, wondering "what it all really mean" is incredibly thought-provoking to me. It's something that I think about a lot: what's the true meaning of life? What is the relevance of all of these events to Existence? How is everything related? What does it all really mean? Thank you, Kanye West, for expressing these thoughts perfectly. To my readers, sorry for rambling, but I am in love with this song and believe it conclusively sums up the nature of humanity's searching for the meaning of life. Anyway, I'm going to work on another poem, and then I'll probably go to bed. I do believe I'm coming down now.
2:44am
I begin working on my poem.
3:03am
I finished writing. It didn't really turn out as a poem, but more like an existential theory. I'll copy and paste it here.
The basic function of human life
is to stimulate the mind and body
with sensory input.
We live for the thrill of beautiful sights, sounds, smells, tastes, touches;
and we also feed our sixth sense, the mind,
with thoughts, beliefs, emotions and knowledge.
We overload our brains with so many concrete things
that we forget how to appreciate
the abstract.
Things abstract are written in a foreign language,
a spiritual language,
that cannot be accurately translated to be
comprehensible to the human mind.
Even if we were to discover the true meaning of Life,
it would be in a different format,
impossible to be registered by our brains.
We are weak
and naïve. We'll never know the real answer,
and that's the way it was intended.
Until the extinction of our race, humans will continue down the path of ignorance and naïveté, without a clue as to what the real answer is.
That's my take on the whole situation.
But if I'm right, I only contradict myself;
if I say that humans are wrong in their thinking,
then my thinking is no exception to this rule.
It's a grand paradox.
3:05am
Anyway, I am starting to feel rathe shitty, so I think I'm going to bed. I hope that everyone enjoyed the trip report. Goodnight. And peace out.
3:20am
I couldn't bring myself to end the trip report the way I had planned previously. I decided to write a conclusion.
CONCLUSION
This was an extremely positive experience for me. The euphoria and talkativeness was very intense at times, and it was a very pleasant 8 hours to say the least. During the high, I wrote some very good poetry. For the entire duration of the drug's effects, I felt motivated, friendly, and just very happy in general. I will definitely try a similar dose with this drug again as it was a very pleasurable experience and it enhanced my productivity enormously. And if taken early in the day, it may not even interfere with my sleep schedule. All in all, Adderall was a great time for me, and I definitely plan on using it again.
I take 75mg of Adderall XR, chew the fuck out of those little beads, and swallow.
What a disgusting aftertaste.
*Note*
I take 40mg of Adderall XR every day, in capsule form, so I have quite a tolerance to it. I won't be surprised if 75mg doesn't do shit.
7:34pm
Under the false belief that milk is slightly basic, and therefore will potentiate the effects of the amphetamine, I drink a shit ton of milk straight from the carton. I immediately google milk's acidity, and am quite dismayed to discover that it is slightly acidic, with a pH of 6.7.
Fuck me.
7:40pm
Feeling sorta shitty, for some reason. I haven't felt well all day, but still. This sucks. Can't wait for the amp pick-me-up.
7:45pm
Feeling tired. Seriously, this Adderall better work, or I'll be disappointed.
7:50pm
Think I'm feeling it a little bit. A little more talkative and a bit happier. Still yawning though.
7:53pm
Slightly euphoric, but it might be placebo. Not sure. Again, I'm still yawning. Which sucks.
7:55pm
Thinking about re-dosing. What sounds really good right now is bumping up my dose to 125mg, but then I definitely wouldn't be able to sleep. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do.
8:06pm
No need to re-dose. I'm feeling pretty good right now. I feel euphoric. Music sounds good. I'm talkative and generally feeling great.
Having not listened to music for the last few days, music sounds especially good. It might not even be the Adderall here; my iPod's been dead the last few days and my brother's got the charger, and he's not here, so I haven't been able to charge it; therefore, I've been without music for a while.
And that's probably why it sounds so great.
I love Kanye West.
8:28pm
Definitely high. Really feelin' the music. I'm so happy and appreciative of everything right now. And I can type super fast!
This is great. Hope I don't sound like a noob, because I'm not. I can handle this euphoria; it's not like I'm blown away.
But I'm still feeling awesome, and I have to express that for this to be a good trip report.
Of course, I've made it pretty obvious I'm tweaking.
Oh well.
Oh, and by the way: no longer yawning! YAY!
8:43pm
I decided to write a poem about drugs.
PSYCHONAUT
I've been out in the smoky winds of cannabis,
where thoughts fade in and out of the interior vision,
where hunger strikes with vivid teeth,
where the canvas is never left blank and the refridgerator is never left full,
where anyone's a friend and nobody's an enemy,
where smiles are seated on the sofa of my face and hardly get up for anything,
where inventions constantly request my attention;
I've been up in the castles of LSA,
where the colors bend and the walls twist,
where the wind feels like God's breath,
where the ground flashes like a lightning-filled disco ball,
where revelations come often, in waves,
where the night is welcomed with warm embraces and the morning is welcomed with weary eyes,
where the pupils tattle on themselves;
I've run through the offices of amphetamine,
where the workers are orderly and numbered systematically,
where food is unnecessary and sleep is shunned,
where the teeth are ground to prevent the dreaded onset of silence,
where the toilet seat is always wiped free from yellow drops,
where the shoelaces are always tied enough times to prevent them from being stepped on,
where the observations are neatly filed away in my memory;
I've been through the creeping mansions of diphenhydramine,
where noises in the night make my spine jump to a black melody,
where the mouth is lapped by the tongues of hellish flames,
where fear is essential to life,
where strangers speak kindly while preparing their knives,
where delirium casts ghastly shadows on my cognitive forces,
where things appear floating before me and morph into strange drops of abstraction;
I've been out into the rainstorms of nicotine,
where reality spins in all of its dull glory,
where black spit cups litter the gray sidewalks,
where businessmen take breaks to smoke,
where fiends commit virtual suicide looking for a fix,
where brown leaves sway in the winds and land in the gutter,
where broken lighters fester on the lawns;
I've been in the side roads of alcohol,
where all is normal and venom-breath is typical,
where liver damage is quite common and domestic violence acceptable,
where the balconies sway until I fall off to my death,
where my friends would catch me if they weren't drunk as well,
where bruises are ignored and vomit puddles are rarely swept up,
where warmth fills my gut and I take another swig;
I've been into the suburban homes of opiates,
where a floating buzz softly attaches itself to my skull,
where movement is unnecessary and where speech is somewhat difficult,
where everything's clean, and even if it isn't, it doesn't matter,
where the couch's cushion seems to be made of some type of adhesive material,
where tingling waves sweep over my body,
where bliss becomes truly apparent;
I've been through the jittery halls of caffeine,
where the lunchroom is filled with chattering workers on break,
where the aroma of roasted beans fills the copy rooms,
where the job is never left undone,
where the mug is constantly refilled,
where the pee smells of coffee beans,
where drops of milk dissolve in the potent black abyss;
I've been in the bizarre, feverish lobby of nutmeg,
where the gagging force returns in torturous burps reminiscent of cinnamon,
where the eyes are heavy with tangled, pink veins,
where the body drags itself along parallel to distorted Time,
where paranoia reigns and the mind is feeble,
where pleasure pulsates for six hours,
where pain rebounds for thirty;
I've been in the gaseous atmosphere of nitrous oxide,
where empty cartridges roll around on the sidewalk,
where the mind and body separate like oil and water,
where talking feels foreign,
where the dentist bends over me as I awaken,
where I mumble a little and laugh,
where they don't bother to ask what I'm saying;
I've been all over the world of psychoactives,
where emotions echo and amplify themselves,
where energetic thoughts violently burst from my skull,
where life is sometimes like Cloud Nine and sometimes like Purgatory,
where terror comes coupled with rapture, just as hydrocodone comes coupled with acetaminophen,
where prescription bottles lay outstretched on the counter, waiting for their activation,
where existence has one solid meaning,
where the mist doesn't clear, but is accepted,
where everything just makes sense for once.
9:45pm
I finished my poem, finally. Still feeling awesome.
10:11pm
Still speeding away. I have to piss, but I don't feel like going all the way upstairs because I am too focused on my internet surfing.
I am still fatigue-free, and I feel extremely happy. This experience has prompted me to believe in the Adderall "sweet spot" theory.
This means that I believe that there is a certain point with Adderall "intoxication" where the euphoria will disappear and be replaced completely with energy and motivation without a mood lift.
For example:
50mg = slight stimulation, boost in mood and energy
75mg = intense euphoria, motivation and will to achieve
100mg = euphoria is replaced by stimulation and a strong drive to "get things done"
Basically, what I'm saying is a medium dose of Adderall can give a person more euphoria than a high dose.
The reason I believe this is because last week I took 115mg, and I don't remember the euphoria being this intense.
I know, I'm rambling. But I can't help it. I'm tweaking.
11:33pm
Pissing was hard, and I had no chance to report that until just now.
I literally had to push for the urine to come out at full speed.
I am still very happy and keep finding myself typing up paragraph upon paragraph to fully explain myself, when normally a few sentences would do. It's not that it's harder to express myself, it's just that I have a greater need to elaborate on things I say. I feel like I have to explain myself repeatedly. Almost as if others won't understand. Though I know they probably will. Here, I'm doing it right now. I just keep going on, even though my audience gets the point. Ugh...
Still typing very fast.
11:51pm
I'm currently working on another poem. This one is about the strange relationship between my friend and I, and the way we seem to match each other perfectly. It highlights in detail the things that we have in common. I think it's pretty good so far.
I can't say that the Adderall has temporarily made me a better writer, because while these poems are very good, I also haven't written in a while; and when I go a while without writing any poems, the next things I write are usually very well-written. It's kind of like if you go three days without shitting, on the fourth day you will take the biggest shit of your life. I think you get the point.
12:15am
I finished my poem:
Two wild, natural souls:
both infinitely variable and complex,
consistent only in their inconsistency,
their conflicting ideas both so violently geared against one another
that they exhaust themselves in fury,
and lay down beside each other to rest among the fools;
both so unpredictable and heedless,
lost crawling in the infinite corners of the universe,
searching for something to cling to,
endlessly seeking some kind of regularity,
some break from the chaotic scattered glimpses of pain and pleasure
that Existence consists of,
that they don't notice at first
what kind of treasure they've stumbled upon
when they finally find each other.
First, they go in with their usual approach:
defensive, cynical, separated.
But they begin to realize
something strangely familiar about each other--
the anger, the instincts, the wording
of sentences;
they each begin to see the other almost as a mirror,
a pathway back to the self.
You and I have so many things in common.
We're both dreamers one moment,
and fascists the next;
our hearts both beat with mixed signals of love and hate.
Sometimes it's hard to tell whether we're polar opposites
or whether we're identical,
clones.
One thing is for certain, though:
it is impossible to deny
the very peculiar bond which has formed
between our souls;
it is impossible to regard as nonexistent
the universal synergy of our two hearts coexisting,
beating simultaneously.
It seems like nothing between us lasts:
kisses,
arguments,
threats,
compliments,
emotions...
but one thing does last,
and that is our common ground.
It is vaguely eternal,
never ceasing. No matter how weathered I become
from the bearing down of life upon me,
I will never forget or ignore
the incredible connection
between you and I.
There is something complete about us.
Love is all about accepting insanity.
Marriage is like a science experiment;
we meet someone, choose them for our experiment,
and then carefully monitor and observe their behavior,
and become used to their many quirks and oddities,
even the things about them that we perceive as negative and undesirable,
and learn to cope with them.
Marriage is all about coming to love even the ugly parts about someone.
It's kind of like when you really like a song,
you feel compelled to sing along with your favorite parts
and the parts you don't like so well.
So I'll sing you long and full,
as one of my favorite old-time melodies;
and if I'm ever to forget the words,
then I'll be damned.
12:21am
My father just went up to bed, and I have no urge to sleep. Unfortunately, I believe I'll be up pretty late tonight.
I have to pee again. Blah blah.
I have mild cottonmouth, which has persisted throughout the last hour or two.
1:19am
I spent the last hour playing video games and talking to my brother. He is being thoroughly annoying but I'm trying my best to remain patient because I'm often very mean to him. I still feel the overall speedy feeling, but I think I might be winding down a bit and I'm not quite as euphoric. Still very talkative and energetic. And I don't believe I have yawned since around 8:00, so it's been nearly 5 and-a-half hours since I have felt tired at all. I still don't think I'm ready to go to bed, but if it gets late enough I will definitely force myself. The day following an all-nighter is always spacey and unpleasant, so I will get some sleep tonight, even if I must force myself to.
2:11am
Still not tired in the least, but I might turn in here in a little while because I can't afford to go without sleep or tomorrow will be hell. I have to pee again; hold on.
2:14am
Back. I've been grinding my teeth a bit, and now I'm beginning to feel the amphetamine "edge." I have a very slight headache, but this probably has something to do with all the talking and teeth grinding I've been doing. My brother is really getting on my nerves. I want to do my own thing, and he keeps talking to me. I know it sounds mean and selfish, but I'm a bit irritable because of my brother's incessant talking. I love the poor kid, but he can be annoying at times. All in all, I feel okay, but the high is either:
a) wearing off
b) becoming too "edgy" for my liking.
So basically, I'm not really sure if I'm coming down or not. Since the time that I started this "entry," my headache has become a little bit worse. Maybe I should just go to sleep.
2:34am
I think I'm going to write another poem. Kanye West's "I Wonder" has inspired me enormously. There's just something so deep about Ye challenging the listener: "You ever wonder what it all really mean? You wonder if you'll ever find your dream?" Because I feel so strongly about what's considered a "success" and what isn't, and because dreams go right along with that theme, this song hits home with me. Though the lyrics are very open-ended, meaning anyone could fill in the blanks with details from their own life and say they relate to it, I find the phrase, "And I wonder if you know what it means..." incredibly meaningful. I will say that a lot of this is probably because you could mean anything by saying that. But still, wondering "what it all really mean" is incredibly thought-provoking to me. It's something that I think about a lot: what's the true meaning of life? What is the relevance of all of these events to Existence? How is everything related? What does it all really mean? Thank you, Kanye West, for expressing these thoughts perfectly. To my readers, sorry for rambling, but I am in love with this song and believe it conclusively sums up the nature of humanity's searching for the meaning of life. Anyway, I'm going to work on another poem, and then I'll probably go to bed. I do believe I'm coming down now.
2:44am
I begin working on my poem.
3:03am
I finished writing. It didn't really turn out as a poem, but more like an existential theory. I'll copy and paste it here.
The basic function of human life
is to stimulate the mind and body
with sensory input.
We live for the thrill of beautiful sights, sounds, smells, tastes, touches;
and we also feed our sixth sense, the mind,
with thoughts, beliefs, emotions and knowledge.
We overload our brains with so many concrete things
that we forget how to appreciate
the abstract.
Things abstract are written in a foreign language,
a spiritual language,
that cannot be accurately translated to be
comprehensible to the human mind.
Even if we were to discover the true meaning of Life,
it would be in a different format,
impossible to be registered by our brains.
We are weak
and naïve. We'll never know the real answer,
and that's the way it was intended.
Until the extinction of our race, humans will continue down the path of ignorance and naïveté, without a clue as to what the real answer is.
That's my take on the whole situation.
But if I'm right, I only contradict myself;
if I say that humans are wrong in their thinking,
then my thinking is no exception to this rule.
It's a grand paradox.
3:05am
Anyway, I am starting to feel rathe shitty, so I think I'm going to bed. I hope that everyone enjoyed the trip report. Goodnight. And peace out.
3:20am
I couldn't bring myself to end the trip report the way I had planned previously. I decided to write a conclusion.
CONCLUSION
This was an extremely positive experience for me. The euphoria and talkativeness was very intense at times, and it was a very pleasant 8 hours to say the least. During the high, I wrote some very good poetry. For the entire duration of the drug's effects, I felt motivated, friendly, and just very happy in general. I will definitely try a similar dose with this drug again as it was a very pleasurable experience and it enhanced my productivity enormously. And if taken early in the day, it may not even interfere with my sleep schedule. All in all, Adderall was a great time for me, and I definitely plan on using it again.
