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Craving like hell

Z

Z-girl

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 7, 2011
Messages
64
Location
Ireland
I'm two years clean of being addicted to sleeping pills and benzos, but am still getting cravings. I have been getting cravings (both really bad and not too bad) since coming off of them, but they're really bad again this past week and I just need to talk to someone...

I have tended to crave sleeping pills both when life is good, and when life is hard. Life is tough right now, I'm floundering a little bit, I have sleeping pills and codeine hidden in my room and I am so fucking tempted to take them, but I know I can't. I've had them for ages now - can't bring myself to take them, out of fear of spiralling back into my old ways, but can't bring myself to throw them out either, because I know how much I want them.

I'm sorry this is such a crappy, pointless post. The craving is just driving me crazy and I'm exhausted and feeling lost and I just need it all to finally go away and be easier.
 
Hey z-girl.. sorry you are feeling this way. what kind of sleeping pills are you craving? Why in the world do you have those pills hidden in your anything.. man if I had to fight the urge all day every day I wouldn't even bother putting up a fight as there would be no point because i would loose and use. Please Consider getting that insane temptation out of your life. If you never want to use it again then why keep it right?
 
Get rid of those pills, honey! The cravings can be a bitch indeed. What have you been doing to stop yourself from using so far? I find that if I keep myself pretty busy that it's easier to manage. I also feel better when I write about the feelings. Did posting this thread and getting it out make you feel any better?
 
It's not pointless and I know your beating yourself up just like I do.....If I had pain killers I would be so tempted to take them but i wouldn't be able to throw them out either like you. But you are right, once you get one fix. It just seems to keep going until some miracle happens and your eyes are opened....I think your doing a great job. Like is all about up's and downs so please don't beat yourself up.
 
Thank you all for your replies. I'm so sorry it's taken so long for me to reply, myself. I read your answers, and I was very grateful, but I was so messed up that I was trying to ignore everything.

Well, tonight, I have had an especially bad night and I have gotten high, after almost two years of nothing. Not crazy high - four Solpadol, which is 120mg codeine and 2g paracetamol. And a few glasses of wine. I know I shouldn't even have taken that much paracetamol in one go, but I was desperate tonight. And I'm opiate naive, more or less, so 120mg is well enough for me.

I have a hx of depression, anxiety, panic attacks, etc... I've been fighting an episode off for a while, but it's coming into winter here in Ireland, and I have begun to notice (over the last few years) that things are a hundred times harder for me in the winter. I've been taking vitamin D, trying to meditate, trying to eat better...but I'm a med student, and I find that really stressful, plus my two year relationship is going rapidly downhill, so my stress levels are way too high at the moment. I'm struggling with everything on a daily basis.

I'm sorry for droning on. I'm still not sure what the point of this post is - I think I just need to vent - so I am very much thankful for anyone who doesn't resent me for just having a selfish outpouring of emotion. For anyone who can resonate with what I am saying - please talk to me here, maybe we can help each other through it...
 
Winter is hard for me, too. Just thinking about the long months stuck inside has started the depression/anxiety cycle in earnest this year. Hang in there, you're not alone!
 
blue1995 said:
Winter is hard for me, too. Just thinking about the long months stuck inside has started the depression/anxiety cycle in earnest this year. Hang in there, you're not alone!
Click to expand...

Thanks @blue1995, it's good to hear there's someone else experiencing it.

What do you do to combat the winter blues? I think I need to start exercising. Unfortunately, it's so rainy here that it's hard to motivate myself to go out in it! Do you have any particular coping mechanisms?
 
When I tried to quit smoking I found that simply having a pack of cigarettes made it easier for me to quit, (I had quit for 6 months and then started smoking again :P ) something about knowing they were there helped a lot. In this case I would say you should get rid of those pills as soon as possible. It seems like you're only torturing yourself by keeping them around. It's not easy to do and when you toss em you will probably regret it at first but, in the long run, it's the right thing to do if you want to stay clean. Think about it this way, keeping them around and having these powerful cravings makes it kind of inevitable that you may take some. I hope everything works out for you, any kind of addiction is a nightmare.
 
I have a really difficult time when the weather gets cooler as well, Z-girl. I try to get outside even if it's chilly out and that seems to help. Get an umbrella and some rain boots and jump in some puddles! Have you talked to a doctor about your depression and anxiety? They might be able to prescribe you to something that will help and even just talking to a therapist can help me quite a bit.
 
Z-girl,

I certainly don't look down on you and I don't see it as droning. Being new here, it seems that there are a lot of people struggling, including myself - but also so willing to help. It is also helpful to know that we're not alone in our plight - whatever that may be. Being in the southeastern US, I don't really experience cold enough weather to really keep me down in the winter. Staying busy is key for me .... too much idle time is not good at my stage of recovery - and possibly ever. I also have tried to be a little less of a hermit and work at being more social with family, co-workers ... etc. Who's droning now? ..... lol.
 
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