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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
Do you ever get over your true love?
- Thread starter Bodda
- Start date
verso
Bluelighter
Sure, you'll get over your first... but will you ever feel the same as you did when you were with your first, that same feeling of naiveté, everything being new and exciting, being head-over-heels in love? No. You probably won't feel that again.
PurpleKush1
Bluelighter
love?
llama112
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2010
- Messages
- 4,468
There will be another person, trust me. If she broke your heart... I'm really sorry about that... but you WILL find someone who you're better suited for. That person is out there! It is tough to get over a breakup but you WILL ... in time!
psytaco
Bluelighter
I think most of us can relate to that soul crushing heart ache of breaking up with someone we loved dearly (particulary if they were the one who left us or if dodgy shit like cheating was involved).
Around this time last year, I was posting on here asking similiar questions to you and feeling probably just as miserable.
I will repeat what others had told me then and what they are saying now. It gets easier but it does take time. How long it will take is really anyones guess. I remember Pagey saying to me when I asked the same question "some people say it takes half as much time to get over it as when you were dating". So I was dating a girl for a bit over 2 years and it took me about year before I can say I was feeling a lot better about the situation.
To be honest, I still think about her daily (it has been 14 months since we broke up) but it is more with a feeling of mild annoyance at most rather than the soul crushing sadness and anger I once felt and the constant ruminations. The only time I get angry these days about it is when I dream about her and then wake up (but I am also angry that I have to wake up to go to work too). My perspective has changed, I now both feel and know that I am better of without her. That I deserved a lot better than someone who is a cheater and a liar.
During this time you will probably go through a lot of soul searching and make yourself a wiser and stronger person.
Around this time last year, I was posting on here asking similiar questions to you and feeling probably just as miserable.
I will repeat what others had told me then and what they are saying now. It gets easier but it does take time. How long it will take is really anyones guess. I remember Pagey saying to me when I asked the same question "some people say it takes half as much time to get over it as when you were dating". So I was dating a girl for a bit over 2 years and it took me about year before I can say I was feeling a lot better about the situation.
To be honest, I still think about her daily (it has been 14 months since we broke up) but it is more with a feeling of mild annoyance at most rather than the soul crushing sadness and anger I once felt and the constant ruminations. The only time I get angry these days about it is when I dream about her and then wake up (but I am also angry that I have to wake up to go to work too). My perspective has changed, I now both feel and know that I am better of without her. That I deserved a lot better than someone who is a cheater and a liar.
During this time you will probably go through a lot of soul searching and make yourself a wiser and stronger person.
pofacedhoe
Bluelight Crew
everyone has felt super shit about someone they loved but there are techniques to get over it.
1 bang somebody else
2 cease all contact with the person who is the trigger
3 be busy and have lots going on in your life
4 avoid drugs like mdma/halucinogens that keep dredging up crap that would be more rapidly over if it stayed repressed
cant think of any more
1 bang somebody else
2 cease all contact with the person who is the trigger
3 be busy and have lots going on in your life
4 avoid drugs like mdma/halucinogens that keep dredging up crap that would be more rapidly over if it stayed repressed
cant think of any more
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
I think it can Bodda. The most important thing to remember here is you don't know what'll happen in the future - who's to say this woman really was your one true love? There's not necessarily just one good person for us out there. Maybe in a few weeks, a few months, a few years, you'll meet someone you're just as happy with, or more. The two of you haven't been broken up for so long - it took me over a year to get over my first LT relationship (3 years) during which I was persuaded of never finding someone I'd ever love so much, but now that I've lost all feelings regarding this guy and can look back with more objectivity, things haven't necessarily turned out that bad and it turns out I don't need him to be happy. I know it's tough right now but try not to project your current feelings onto the rest of your life. Focus on yourself right now, do things you love, figure out other parts of your life - it doesn't have to all be over
Bodda
Ex-Bluelighter
Thanks folks
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
"Get over"? Why would you want a loveless existence ? Someone asked me the same thing not too Long ago.
PurpleKush1
Bluelighter
LOl why? I never fell in love, i ca nt understand love, its pure sexual attraction imo. Or mental attraction. or both. Who cares. I can love a family memeber, a friend, but the romantic love is an excuse to bone somebody imo.
pofacedhoe
Bluelight Crew
sometimes feelings of love go against what you know is healthy for you. unrequited being a good example
I guess whether you can get over them is different for each person.
When I was younger I lived with my girlfriend for 3 years and had a son with her before splitting up.
I thought for quite a while that I'd never get over her but in time I did.
Then I met the love of my life and we got married within 3 months of meeting each other and everyone thought that we were mad as we hardly knew each other.
We had been married for 8 years before she died after losing control of her car one night.
She died in July 2002 and since then I have purposely stayed single. I had sex with one girl in 2003 but felt nothing.
I haven't had a girlfriend or sex since that one time in 2003 and I have no desire to find another woman or indeed even have a one night stand.
I just don't believe that I will ever be able to love anyone the way I loved my wife and I just have no interest in sharing my life with someone and the problems that can come with relationships.
Some folk can get over a love if they are lucky to find a new love while some people can't or like me have no interest in trying to find new love.
When I was younger I lived with my girlfriend for 3 years and had a son with her before splitting up.
I thought for quite a while that I'd never get over her but in time I did.
Then I met the love of my life and we got married within 3 months of meeting each other and everyone thought that we were mad as we hardly knew each other.
We had been married for 8 years before she died after losing control of her car one night.
She died in July 2002 and since then I have purposely stayed single. I had sex with one girl in 2003 but felt nothing.
I haven't had a girlfriend or sex since that one time in 2003 and I have no desire to find another woman or indeed even have a one night stand.
I just don't believe that I will ever be able to love anyone the way I loved my wife and I just have no interest in sharing my life with someone and the problems that can come with relationships.
Some folk can get over a love if they are lucky to find a new love while some people can't or like me have no interest in trying to find new love.
kytnism
Bluelight Crew
^ that’s exactly where im at right now regardless of how crazy those who love me tell me i am for feeling this way, im simply uninviting to engaging in anything new. i don’t care to explore or experience “love” from herein. i did it. i truly felt it once, and genuinally; and for now am satisfied with that. the concept of being with someone new is so alien and unappealing to me. im simply not interested and am comforted with how my life is alone (with my daughter). i don’t want to involve other people (minus friends and family) in our lives and am perfectly content with that notion for now. 
...kytnism...
...kytnism...
Lysis
Bluelighter
Oh man, that sucks so bad and I've been there. It takes me months and months to get over someone if I love them. Sometimes, I will cry after a few months because something will remind me of that person. I'm an emo. I know what you mean about pain. If I'm in love, it physically hurts to lose that person. Only happened with the BF who died, so I think most of my problem was the massive amount of shock. It's probably dumb for most people, but I know what you're talking about.
Not saying it's easy or will happen quick. Every person is different. I've had different time frames after breakups when I'm just over it, but if I'm really in love, it takes me monthhhhhs. For me, it's only happened once (well, if you don't count the one who died..took me years with him but it was for different reasons..guilt and all that).
But yes, you will look back one day and you will be OK.
pofacedhoe
Bluelight Crew
^ that’s exactly where im at right now regardless of how crazy those who love me tell me i am for feeling this way, im simply uninviting to engaging in anything new. i don’t care to explore or experience “love” from herein. i did it. i truly felt it once, and genuinally; and for now am satisfied with that. the concept of being with someone new is so alien and unappealing to me. im simply not interested and am comforted with how my life is alone (with my daughter). i don’t want to involve other people (minus friends and family) in our lives and am perfectly content with that notion for now.
...kytnism...
that seems reasonable. but then again with having a child you have a different kind of love so maybe that is helping to fill the gap for now.
as you get older i have found it takes longer for me to get an emotional attachment to someone. its just more effort and so the excitement is good but its not the teenage madness feeling. you just get a bit wiser.
Lucky$trike
Bluelighter
You will eventually get over her. All things take time and I promise it'll eventually get easier. My fiance thought that his ex was it for him and she stomped all over his heart, and then he met me. You don't think that you can love anyone else just because you're still healing, but I promise there is something better out there for you!
kytnism
Bluelight Crew
you make it sound so jaded po
even in my hardships with love; im still hopeful. youll find him/her one day, when you least expect it (and regardless of how old you are).
...kytnism...
Animal Mother
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2007
- Messages
- 3,411
AmorRoark
Bluelight Crew
I thought I would never totally get over my first love entirely. Then I realized I was in love with the TIME that happened in my life. I think I was in love with the pre-nostalgia I had for it if that makes any sense at all. I did love him but I also loved that I was carefree, attractive, loved by someone else and making out with the best person I had ever met. In addition to the actual guy, I was also in love with the surrealism.
ain't nothing surreal about being young, except maybe in retrospect
the rub is not to let that time taint the pleasures of the present
holding on is about being afraid to move on; being able to move on means a part of your living story died
luckily we forget and our biology allows for a more present place holder for our affections
the time inbetween can be hard to move through alone, at first
the rub is not to let that time taint the pleasures of the present
holding on is about being afraid to move on; being able to move on means a part of your living story died
luckily we forget and our biology allows for a more present place holder for our affections
the time inbetween can be hard to move through alone, at first