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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

I just need to post Vs. wisdom, beauty, and baggage.. here hold this bag and ponder.

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I don't think i am. if how she feels right now is how she feels tomorrow, than it's over. part of it is that she doesn't feel like she's capable of not fucking up a relationship, so she's like self sabotaging it or something because she doesn't feel like she deserves me or doesn't want to hurt me. at least thats what i can gather from her messages. I don't know. I told her that nothing could ever hurt me more than breaking up out of fear, because we'll never know what could have been. I'd rather give it a chance than to never even try.

I need a fucking meeting. I wish it wasn't 1am. :(

Good night all. I promise to hit a meeting in the morning. I have 161 days sober and I'm not about to fuck that off.
 
I don't think she is at all no. She hasn't been struggling with sobriety as far as i know. This is really taking me by surprise actually, just last night she was telling me how I'm everything to her... How she could see us in the future together...

and then today she saw those pictures of me from the past, using and with my ex, and she's freaked out. :(
 
I never understood jealousy of exes... They're exes for a reason. And they're in the past. Being upset over an ex is like being upset that a person won the lottery and didn't share....before they met you.

I hope everything turns out okay, case. I don't understand why she's be upset by you saying you wanted time to yourself?

Keep us posted <3
 
All this girl talk... there's this girl that wants me to go with her to see a band play (again), not sure if I should try and keep contact with her or what becase I've pretty much ignored her and cut off all contact with everyone for the past year or so
 
Awesome support here. Talking to someone just helps the time go by and sometimes that is the only thing that will provide relief. Thank you to the souls who care about others.

I have heard someone mention about life and substances. Substances need to be analyzed and looked at for exactly what they are, for example it is the chemicals which need to be looked at, like alcohol is poisonous but when diluted naturally through the process it is actually good for you in very a small amount. Life is far separate than what the body feels or what the mind conceives, life is an existence. We are more of this creation than we are our bodies and the creation of the solar system is an unexplainable miracle. So we have substance to provide needed relief but at the same time relief exists it is in the form of substance and neurochemistry, that specifically means that whatever reality we couldn't face is not going to cease to exist but both relief and pain are an existing part of reality that need to be confronted. So it is not your personality traits or mood it is the substance and remember to analyze exactly what that is. I need to learn from this also, because like the other day if I try being sober I will experience shortness of breath and I will have extreme anxiety, it is that reaction which brings up the most important questioning of survival. We naturally create and provide chemicals in our being and these can be various in many ways, but there was a time we needed to add a dopamine boost or stimulate the central nervous system. Now I am jealous of normal people because I can see that they are creating natural amounts of neurological chemicals which give them the ability to gain strength in the physical world, at first I wanted only spiritual strength and to drift away from physical consciousness not even believing it was reality, but now I want to go back because our ego can deal with physical reality that much instinctively better.
 
ad lib said:
I never understood jealousy of exes... They're exes for a reason. And they're in the past. Being upset over an ex is like being upset that a person won the lottery and didn't share....before they met you.

I hope everything turns out okay, case. I don't understand why she's be upset by you saying you wanted time to yourself?

Keep us posted <3
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Same here, the past is the past and what matters is the now. I don't think I ever got jealous of an ex girlfriend unless she's tryin to get with my man again na ah girl! :\
 
@rox - I could be way off but based on your post I'd say lay off the psychedelics for a while.

@Maya - the worst part is my ex lives 3000 miles away. she's not even in the picture. I tried explaining to her that the past doesn't matter and what matters is now but she's just stuck on this idea that we were never meant to be all of a sudden, that we were fooling ourselves with hopes and dreams. She went fucking wingnut to be perfectly honest, considering days ago she was saying she wanted to build a life with my and that i was the first guy she's been with that she can see herself with in the future.

Honestly, I was prepared for the possibility that it wouldn't work out. Relationships fail, it happens. But nothing could have prepared me for the girl I love, a girl who I constantly talk with about how perfect we are for each other, how we want to build a life together, all of a sudden freaking out and saying she doesn't even know me anymore. She has "suddenly come to the realization that she does't even know who I am, and can't even bear to look me in the eyes" and that hurts more than breaking up alone could. Honestly even if she realizes how big of a mistake she's made and she's just freaking out over something stupid, I don't know. This has really hurt me. I haven't slept even a minute since yesterday. I just couldn't. :(
 
Good to see you up early case=D If it does turn out to be a break up there is only one good way to handle any break up.. Go out and live the most amazing life possible.. this will A. make her realize her mistake and want you back B. Is an acceptable and healthy way to get revenge C. will be the best way to find someone new and better D. will undoubtedly cause you to be living an amazing life. IMO when a break up occurs the only sane way to handle it is to go out and have the time of your life.. and of course and self sabotage or use is the farthest thing from having the time of our lives. The old "im going to show them, I'm going to hit myself in the head with this hammer over and over" is the worst way and has all negative results. Hang in there<3

DId you hit that meeting yet???
 
shit NSA thanks for reminding me! I gotta go if I wanna make the meeting!

I'm not up early by the way, I'm just still up. didn't sleep. :\


I'll be back in a bit, gonna hit that meeting.
 
Sorry to hear some of you are having probs with your partners. Here if you need to talk.

Well I've just done a Jillian Michaels workout. I hope to get back to doing INSANITY again soon. I notice that I felt lathegic before but the energetic after. I have so very much missed that feeling n I hope to have DOMS tomorrow. I got my INSANITY T-shirt but haven't wore it in so long because I have piled on so much weight. But I'm hoping that if I get my fitness back that it will lesson the withdrawals when I reduce my suboxone.
When i was in codeine withdrawal i didn't even respond to my daughter n they got child services involved so i need to prepare fore this suboxone withdrawal because I need to look after my child n i was so depressed n suicidal during codeine withdrawals. I'll figure something out anyway.

Dying my hair at mo lmfao... I have it pink (anyone who know me knows I love pink!) n cause it's semi-permanentI have to re-colour it every two-three weeks n my hair is thick n lonnnnng I have to have two boxes lol...

Anyway take care all of you n you know I'm here for you all n anyone who needs someone to talk to, I'm here, ok

Evey xxx
<3
 
Just got back from my meeting. It was really great, I'm super happy I went. It was a meeting I haven't been to in a while, because I've been going to mainly young peoples meetings instead to try and make friends. But after today I realized I've been selling myself short for sobriety. There was a lot of really good recovery at the meeting and everyone had something to say that I could relate to, that helped me with the things currently going on in my life. I feel quite a bit better.
 
caseface99 said:
Just got back from my meeting. It was really great, I'm super happy I went. It was a meeting I haven't been to in a while, because I've been going to mainly young peoples meetings instead to try and make friends. But after today I realized I've been selling myself short for sobriety. There was a lot of really good recovery at the meeting and everyone had something to say that I could relate to, that helped me with the things currently going on in my life. I feel quite a bit better.
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Glad you enjoyed your meeting. Would you like to talk about it further? Of course you don't have to n I understand that there are some confidentiality stuff. Just letting you know that we care n are interested. Glad it went well xxx
 
^^I mean basically just a few people shared about things that reminded me to stop trying to control things that are out of my hands, that reminded me I might not always understand the reason for something in the moment, but will in the future, and to stop feeling sorry for myself and to get off my ass and do something. Nobody was speaking to me or had any idea about my issues, they just happened to say things that helped quite a bit.
 
idk what i want with life never have and i've thought about it a lot it seems like i would feel best if i could gather the hate and spite it would take for me to actually kill myself but i love the people i love too much i wish i knew how to turn my love to hate
 
caseface99 said:
^^I mean basically just a few people shared about things that reminded me to stop trying to control things that are out of my hands, that reminded me I might not always understand the reason for something in the moment, but will in the future, and to stop feeling sorry for myself and to get off my ass and do something. Nobody was speaking to me or had any idea about my issues, they just happened to say things that helped quite a bit.
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Casedace, you ok??? PM me if you need to talk ok xxx. I am here x
 
^^ Thank you. I really appreciate it, I may take you up on that offer either later or tomorrow.

The sadness comes and goes. If I get out and do stuff it distracts me, but the moment I get back home I feel the pain again. :/

I started studying for my assessment for college and actually distracted myself quite well for like 3 hours doing that today. I think I'm going to start studying hardcore for now. I'm trying not to message my girl, I want to give her space. She's just a recovering alcoholic/addict so I'm afraid of her being alone in her head at the same time. Not that she'll use, but that her delusions of grandeur regarding us and our relationship will grow stronger. I really hope she's talked to her sponsor or someone to get another perspective.
 
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