New person here. Using moniker so this need not be anonymous.
Ok, honesty right?
For years I have been on m eslon to help with facial nerve damage due to some head trauma that occurred many many moons ago. My family know about it but no one else does. Doctors are fairly adamant I keep this a private matter. It took me 5 years of daily intolerable pain to finally ask for help and now, nearly a decade later, though I have reduced the meds by about 70% and have license for m.m.j (major help) I have serious concerns.
Kidney function seems to be affected and the night sweats and aches are horrible. Though my reduction of the pills has been gradual, they still have me in chains. If I don't take one before I sleep, what a rough night it is; and knowing relief is steps away creates a life battle between my bodies well being and my bodies need to alleviate the pain.
When its bad, I can do nothing but lay still in a dark room with an ice pack on my face and a bucket by my bed.
I don't know why I'm sharing this. I'll stop. I suppose I wonder if anyone else out there has to deal with this and hide it from their partners. The guilt associated with this.
I must admit, that although in these past 5 years I have gained back control, in the first few years of having steady access to these little tablets, well they gave me an out; I did abuse them. I surely did. Big time. and I needed to be numb. I did. Now, I don't, and their stuck in my body bragging about their strength, their grip, laughing at my weakness, taunting me daily. Daily. and every day, if I don't want the pain or the withdrawal, I have to take one. and though the doc says my kidneys are fine, we have tested them, I feel them hurting each time I take one and I kick myself because I just know, it was the years of taking too much that is hurting me now. I finally met the love of my life (has helped greatly, the will to reduce the meds) and if my destructive youth has now tainted my ability to live a good life, a healthy one, well, am I ever an idiot.
I dont' want to lose my life.
I get help with my head and hurt my kidneys in the process. this is my fault. Flippin nerve damage.
I can't share this with my closest of friends. I can't tell my partner that I was weak and needed relief and compromised my body.
No one would ever know. They think I'm strong and would never fall to such. I have reduced them big time I still need them though.
anyway, that's it.
thanks for reading. good site.
Ok, honesty right?
For years I have been on m eslon to help with facial nerve damage due to some head trauma that occurred many many moons ago. My family know about it but no one else does. Doctors are fairly adamant I keep this a private matter. It took me 5 years of daily intolerable pain to finally ask for help and now, nearly a decade later, though I have reduced the meds by about 70% and have license for m.m.j (major help) I have serious concerns.
Kidney function seems to be affected and the night sweats and aches are horrible. Though my reduction of the pills has been gradual, they still have me in chains. If I don't take one before I sleep, what a rough night it is; and knowing relief is steps away creates a life battle between my bodies well being and my bodies need to alleviate the pain.
When its bad, I can do nothing but lay still in a dark room with an ice pack on my face and a bucket by my bed.
I don't know why I'm sharing this. I'll stop. I suppose I wonder if anyone else out there has to deal with this and hide it from their partners. The guilt associated with this.
I must admit, that although in these past 5 years I have gained back control, in the first few years of having steady access to these little tablets, well they gave me an out; I did abuse them. I surely did. Big time. and I needed to be numb. I did. Now, I don't, and their stuck in my body bragging about their strength, their grip, laughing at my weakness, taunting me daily. Daily. and every day, if I don't want the pain or the withdrawal, I have to take one. and though the doc says my kidneys are fine, we have tested them, I feel them hurting each time I take one and I kick myself because I just know, it was the years of taking too much that is hurting me now. I finally met the love of my life (has helped greatly, the will to reduce the meds) and if my destructive youth has now tainted my ability to live a good life, a healthy one, well, am I ever an idiot.
I dont' want to lose my life.
I get help with my head and hurt my kidneys in the process. this is my fault. Flippin nerve damage.
I can't share this with my closest of friends. I can't tell my partner that I was weak and needed relief and compromised my body.
No one would ever know. They think I'm strong and would never fall to such. I have reduced them big time I still need them though.
anyway, that's it.
thanks for reading. good site.
