Do you ever get over your true love?

[Bodda]

I was with someone for 2 years in a LDR (long distance relationship) & for the first time really fell in love, I throught I had loved people before but this girl truly blew my mind & sadly broke my heart. We were together for just over 2 years, were set to get married & I was going to move over to her country once we got married & start a family etc.

For several reasons our relationship fell apart (mainly due to drugs if I am honest) we still speak & as much as I have a part of me that hates her for the way I was treated in the break up & what she did, there is still a part of me that can't let her go, I think of her on a daily basis, selected songs I can't play without breaking down into tears & thinking about the times we had together, places I go to in town bring back a load of memories which hurt my very soul.

We have been broken up now since April, yet it still hurts me every day, looking at her photos on Facebook etc just about kills me inside to know I lost her.

I know this sounds kinda dumb but does the pain ever go away when you lost the one person you truly loved?

 

[Mysterie]

it can! it is a gradual process though
my perspective on how i view the past has changed quite a bit in the past year, and this has helped immensely moving on with life after losing hope with someone i thought was a soulmate

 

[curiosity]

Had the same problem with my first true love, you will get over her it'll just take longer. IME i've always found it easiest to choose to do one of 2 things after a break up to help myself feel better either 1. find new interests, create new goals, take on new challenges and goals and take on a second job or more responsibility to keep myself busy to the point where I barely even have time to think about her or 2. Starting dating, trying and find another girl to help you get over her, I usually find starting with 1 then switching over to 2 over time is the best method though, then again what works for me might not work for everyone.

 

[Bodda]

it can! it is a gradual process though
my perspective on how i view the past has changed quite a bit in the past year, and this has helped immensely moving on with life after losing hope with someone i thought was a soulmate

How long was it before you felt normal & got closure on the relationship?

it's been nearly 7 months now & though it doesn't feel as bad as when we first split, I still got a huge part of me that is filled with sorrow which I don't think will ever go away tbh.

 

[Mr.Scagnattie]

Eh, I think you can have a few "true loves" through out your lifetime. There might be one or two you always still kind of think about, even if your with somebody else and happy, but I don't believe there is just "one" person out there for everyone and if you miss that chance or don't meet them, you're screwed.

 

[Bodda]

2. Starting dating, trying and find another girl to help you get over her.

I am with someone now but she isn't the same at all, I don't think I will ever find someone like the one I lost.
We shared so much together, everyone I've ever been with before & after her hasn't even been in the same league of the one I lost hence why I called her my soul mate & wanted to marry her.

Eh, I think you can have a few "true loves" through out your lifetime. There might be one or two you always still kind of think about, even if your with somebody else and happy, but I don't believe there is just "one" person out there for everyone and if you miss that chance or don't meet them, you're screwed.

Is that from personal experience?
If you still think of them many years after, does the pain stay with you & the burning feeling of what could have been?

 

[Mysterie]

How long was it before you felt normal & got closure on the relationship?

it's been nearly 7 months now & though it doesn't feel as bad as when we first split, I still got a huge part of me that is filled with sorrow which I don't think will ever go away tbh.

i think it was around 8-9 months when i could finally let go

its really true that you have to live in the moment man, everyone will tell you, that you will feel that way about other people in the future like skagnette said, and then you can cherish that closeness to another person again.

because i think you are possibly distraught over losing the ability to express intense feelings of love for another person and the reciprocation of those feelings, and you will find another person who is right for you, even if it doesn't seem possible you could find another like her, to you right now.

it was the PTSD-like things i was experiencing due to all the awful flashbacks to scenarios where i felt i humiliated myself or fucked up that led me to pursue meditation and try and further my spirituality and try to love myself

so something positive could even come from an awful break-up, there is a positive to every situation

 

[Bodda]

i think it was around 8-9 months when i could finally let go

its really true that you have to live in the moment man, everyone will tell you, that you will feel that way about other people in the future like skagnette said, and then you can cherish that closeness to another person again.

because i think you are possibly distraught over losing the ability to express intense feelings of love for another person and the reciprocation of those feelings, and you will find another person who is right for you, even if it doesn't seem possible you could find another like her, to you right now.

it was the PTSD-like things i was experiencing due to all the awful flashbacks to scenarios where i felt i humiliated myself or fucked up that led me to pursue meditation and try and further my spirituality and try to love myself

so something positive could even come from an awful break-up, there is a positive to every situation

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

 

[Beachcat]

Eh, I think you can have a few "true loves" through out your lifetime. There might be one or two you always still kind of think about, even if your with somebody else and happy, but I don't believe there is just "one" person out there for everyone and if you miss that chance or don't meet them, you're screwed.

I agree with this 100%.

Also, to be brutally honest, I would say that ultimately drugs are the *true* love, and until that changes, most relationships will be in trouble.

 

[neversickanymore]

Not totally.. but the feelings change from that intense pain to something allot gentler over time. This is one that can last a really really long time if we try and "deal" with it twenty four seven with a drug or alcohol.. I remember when i broke up with a true love, shit hurt so bad I climbed into a bottle for over a year.. just kept reliving that pain every night.. sobered up for awhile and after three months and finally dealt with it pretty good.. It got allot better then. I still think about her sometimes, first thought was her when i read this thread title, but know its just of some of the amazing times we had and not that awful sadness and pain.

And I totally agree with MR.S that we have a few true loves over a life time.

 

[Bodda]

Also, to be brutally honest, I would say that ultimately drugs are the *true* love, and until that changes, most relationships will be in trouble.

That's what she said, I loved my smack too much

 

[Mr.Scagnattie]

I



Is that from personal experience?
If you still think of them many years after, does the pain stay with you & the burning feeling of what could have been?

Yeah it's from personal experience. I've gone through it many times. The pain goes away, trust me. It just takes a little time. You're left with just a fond remembrance and a sort of.. "what if?" kind of question in your head, but you put it in the back of your mind and go on with life. Eventually, you meet somebody else who makes you really happy and although you still think about this other person because what you had was so strong, you aren't hurt anymore and you just kind of accept the situation for what it is.

 

[pofacedhoe]

basically the easiest way to get over them (and its very possible) is to cut all contact as facebook photo's are part of your ruminating problem at the moment.

you need to find someone to distract yourself with and maybe a bit sex to cheer you up.

there is no such thing as having one love. there are simply your beliefs, your actions and the opportunities that cross your path...

 

[kytnism]

as others have said, over time the raw feelings of loss and pain will dissolve and it will eventually become easier to think about the one you loved without resurrecting those. some people move on easier than others and there is no set time frame that is considered "acceptable" to mourn the loss of your love, its individual and when youve have enough; youll know. even though you may heal and move on; you too might always remember your loved one as "the one who got away/who was meant for you".

good luck op. love and loss is never easy. take it one day at a time and be gentle with yourself.

...kytnism...

 

[Bearlove]

All feelings of loss do slowly become less and less - It doesn't matter how raw / rough it feels to you 'now' with time you sort of learn to live with it. I know your situation and it was not as simple as you portray it though . It does 'change' though in your instance I would not say 'get's better' as it comes with a price - how you view that price is your personal thing.

 

[Noodle]

time heals and also changes us

after some distance you may find yourself easing into life after a loss

it is the same for most heart aches

 

[FromFarNorth]

Reading this was like reading my own story – I feel for you. I walked away from the love of my live, mainly due to drugs and drinking. I left him in January and I still haven't got over him. I'm afraid I never will. It's so incredibly painful to live without him. But it was also incredibly painful to live with him and love him. I felt the drinking was more important than the relationship. And along with the drinking and partying came other women... He totally broke my heart.

Like you, we were together for just over 2 years. It started as a long distance relationship, and after a couple of months I moved to another country to be with him. We were talking about marriage etc. Now he is in a new relationship, but still keeps emailing me telling me how much he loves me etc. He tells me how I'm the only one for him, the only real love for him. (I wonder how the other woman would feel if she knew he is still in touch with me...) It's not helping me to get over him and I find it disrespectful to me and her, but he doesn't seem to be bothered by it. It's difficult to let go.

I have the same fears than you, that the pain is never gonna leave me and I'll never be able to find someone I would love as much as him. And crying on a daily basis is exhausting. But like the others are saying, there is hope - let's focus on that. Hope you start feeling better soon.

 

[Foreigner]

I will always love my exes even if we never see each other again... that's how I know it was real at the time.

 

[pokepoke420]

Honestly, no. You will never get over your first and truest love. The pain over time will subside, sure, but that person you will always compare future relationships to. Love is the strongest word in the dictionary next to hate, and when you get to experience it, it isn't something that can just go away. It really will fade with time, but it will remain present for a life time.

 

[Bodda]

All feelings of loss do slowly become less and less - It doesn't matter how raw / rough it feels to you 'now' with time you sort of learn to live with it. I know your situation and it was not as simple as you portray it though . It does 'change' though in your instance I would not say 'get's better' as it comes with a price - how you view that price is your personal thing.

Yeah I know Bearlove, I didn't want to go deep into it due to that "nice" guy on EADD that trolled me & I am sure you heard what he said to me, kind of sick in the mind if I am honest & I will admit he got to me in a bad way.
I didn't want to say 100% what happened incase someone else decided to use it against me as what "B.R" posted really upset me & I never want to have to read that kind of crap again.

Reading this was like reading my own story – I feel for you. I walked away from the love of my live, mainly due to drugs and drinking. I left him in January and I still haven't got over him. I'm afraid I never will. It's so incredibly painful to live without him. But it was also incredibly painful to live with him and love him. I felt the drinking was more important than the relationship. And along with the drinking and partying came other women... He totally broke my heart.

Like you, we were together for just over 2 years. It started as a long distance relationship, and after a couple of months I moved to another country to be with him. We were talking about marriage etc. Now he is in a new relationship, but still keeps emailing me telling me how much he loves me etc. He tells me how I'm the only one for him, the only real love for him. (I wonder how the other woman would feel if she knew he is still in touch with me...) It's not helping me to get over him and I find it disrespectful to me and her, but he doesn't seem to be bothered by it. It's difficult to let go.

I have the same fears than you, that the pain is never gonna leave me and I'll never be able to find someone I would love as much as him. And crying on a daily basis is exhausting. But like the others are saying, there is hope - let's focus on that. Hope you start feeling better soon.

I feel for you & can relate 100% to what you said, Godspeed to a better place.
Thanks for the post.

Honestly, no. You will never get over your first and truest love. The pain over time will subside, sure, but that person you will always compare future relationships to. Love is the strongest word in the dictionary next to hate, and when you get to experience it, it isn't something that can just go away. It really will fade with time, but it will remain present for a life time.

I am with someone else in a way now (it's complexed) but I always think back & compare the times I had with my ex to where I am now. The woman I am with now is aware of how much I felt for my ex & gets angry with me over it but I can't help it.

Even typing this is making me feel sad, I try to forget her & look what I have now as the woman I am with atm has more to offer me in a way but my soul isn't in it like it was with my ex.