Are you able to confide in a Doctor you trust? There is NOTHING wrong with asking for help and every strength in doing so.
It is not fair to yourself to suffer anymore, not fair to you or your loved ones who feel your pain. (don't think they don't)....
If you see a Doctor and they are dismissive give them what for and make sure they know your not pulling BS here, you need some help. If their still dinks about it (their human too), find another who better understands what being a 'Doctor' is all about.
It's about quality of life.
Often, more often than we think and, in part, due to our environments and pollutants, our brains are wired with imbalances from birth, early on, or through trauma, they become imbalanced in ways that are not correctable through better life, happy thoughts or otherwise. Sometimes, a drug is needed to restore regular function. Nothing wrong with making things right.
Go get help. Don't sweep it under the rug and offer tea like so many do. ie. many english people.
good luck