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bff to gf

mrflowers00

mrflowers00

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
May 23, 2010
Messages
3,697
Location
santa rosa, CA
my bff is pretty ill she just had some serious surgery so it was kinda unfair of me to ask her to be my gf at this point in time but i couldn't hold it in any longer she's almost all i think about she is perfect in my eyes but she said yeah i read your txts (i had to txt the question cause i was scared to ask at all i've never felt like this before) and i do love you but i need to think about it i want us to talk more about us when i'm feeling better should i be as happy as i am or should i prepare for probably the biggest let down in my life
 
Prepare for the biggest let down in your life - that way if she says yes = Bonus. If you feel happy and she says no = Let down.

Emotions during these times can be really messed up - they can amplify your emotions for a person. Give her time, be with her as a friend for when she is getting better, don't force the issue and see where it leads.
 
thats what i've been doing i waited over a month to even ask her and told her we should talk more seriously when she's feeling better
 
i feel like she just want's to stay friends which i'm koo with but at the same time i really love this woman and i think shes perfect for me i've never felt this way about a woman before i've felt love but not to this extent i'm very worried that me asking her will make her feel awkward around me to the point that she distances herself from me and then our friendship could slip like sand between my fingers OMG i've never been so nervous or doubted myself in such a way in my life
 
Honestly dude if you feel that strongly about her, it's probably best to just not be friends anymore, unless, obviously, she does want something more serious, relationship wise, with you...

If she doesn't want something more serious with you, get her out of your life, harsh as that may seem, she's just going to be a reminder of how she's willing to talk and chill with you, but not do what YOU want to do.
 
Sounds like it could go either way, but I would be leaning towards rejection. You really did choose an appalling time to ask, but such is life. Just don't pressure her and let her work out what she wants in her own time. Anyway, you've done the hard part now, just got to hope for the best and continue to support her in her recovery irrespective.

Yeah if you do feel that strongly about her I wouldn't bother trying to continue the friendship if she's not interested in a relationship, it will just end up in constant heartbreak for you. I'm not saying slack her off completely, but explain that at least for a while you need to keep her at arms length to let your feelings settle down.

Still, good luck! She may just be wanting to get back to herself before committing to a relationship (which is sensible). If you do get rejected, remember it's better to have let her know how you feel and been 'shot down' than spending years wondering what might hhave been!
 
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This illness is the reason you're not asking her, how long will that last?
 
i got high and felt very "close" to my loved ones (seeing as how i love her as a friend and really am just curious as to what we would be like as a couple and if that would be a good or bad thing for the both of us) i stupidly asked her if she would want to be my gf and that i don't expect her to have an answer until she feels at least close to 100% which could be a couple months and i also said i would rather her just say no if she thinks it would fuck up our friendship she means a lot to me as a friend but i'm also attracted to her and we have quite a bit in common life experience wise so i'm not so sure i feel like i would rather have her as a gf if that ends up ending our friendship but i have no crystal ball so i can't see the future so if she does want to be a couple it's always gonna be a fear in the back of my mind that if one of us hurts the other will we be able to handle being friends afterwards
 
i second all the people saying that IF she rejects you to move on and let the friendship die.

having been on the receiving end of this kind of negative thing before time heals all wounds.

if she was interested she would have said yes, illness or no illness. i mean when is she going to be open with you and give you a response?

good luck anyway
 
no i mean she's throwing up like all day long and she's in a lot of pain all day long so i'm pretty sure she doesn't want to do anything sexual during that plus if you've ever been in a massive amount of pain you'd know that you make choices that you will regret later and there's no way i'm gonna let the friendship die she means so much to me as a friend
 
mrflowers00 said:
no i mean she's throwing up like all day long and she's in a lot of pain all day long so i'm pretty sure she doesn't want to do anything sexual during that plus if you've ever been in a massive amount of pain you'd know that you make choices that you will regret later and there's no way i'm gonna let the friendship die she means so much to me as a friend
Click to expand...

OK you love this person as a friend - are you not trying to overcompensate for the way she is feeling by expressing your 'love' for her? Maybe just take a step back and concentrate on your friendship and perhaps but the 'love' down to screwed up emotions?
 
i think i have like a problem with caring too much about people she scares me now she really is spiraling to the ground and i don't find that attractive at all i was into her cause it looked like she was getting her shit together but she apparently isn't so idk if i should even be friends anymore but i feel bad for her
 
Bearlove said:
Prepare for the biggest let down in your life - that way if she says yes = Bonus. If you feel happy and she says no = Let down.

Emotions during these times can be really messed up - they can amplify your emotions for a person. Give her time, be with her as a friend for when she is getting better, don't force the issue and see where it leads.
Click to expand...

I prepare for the worst too. Reasonable strategy.
 
it turned out what would have been a let down is really what i want i want her to forget i even asked she was appealing to me because she was getting her shit together now she's been on a two month run and even though i'd do the same thing i don't want to date someone who does the same fuckups as me
 
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