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Why are people never what they seem?

Eveleivibe

Eveleivibe

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 28, 2013
Messages
14,780
Location
666 The Moon, Off Milky Way, GALAXY E47 10EV
This really isn't about drugs so I don't know where I should put it I'm sorry.

Why are people so nice n then they change??? Why? If someone is nice to me I treasure it n I value that person.
It hurts so very much. I knew 3 men on the Internet n they were so very lovely n kind to me. One said they'd help me with my avatar n was very lind to me. Now I can't to this place anymore they they are ignoring me but these people were so very helpful n nice.n I'll never , ever say anything bad about these people but I'm very upset as I've tried contacting them n they just won't reply to me. There's this other person who lost his wife of many years n after reading his story I got affected n cried my eyes out then thought wtf since being on suboxone I've not felt empathy but I read this person's story of how he lost his wife n I'm floods of tears n my emotions are coming back (I don't want my emotions back because they overwhelmed me n were far too intense.
I dunno what to think anymore. If people are nice to me why can't they mean it? I wish people were as they seem y'know!

Sorry about the rant but not in a good place right now. I've had so many people tell me over the past fortnight, that I'm a bad person n what little self-worth (esteem) has disintegrated.
Therapy tomortow really not sure if I won't to bother.

Hope everyone is doing ok.

Evey :)
 
Because that's how a lot of people are. There's really no rhyme or reason for it, that's just the way it is unfortunately.

They will say anything to reel you in, and then once you're comfortable enough, the "real them" comes out. How are your offline relationships?
 
All people are inherently a little of both amazing and bastards.. I have come to expect and accept this.. not accept it to the point where i accept being treated poorly, I dont accept it I call mutherfuckers out right away and leave them just as quick.. hey we all make mistakes and I understand that we all get upset and make mistakes.. but that different than treating me poorly.. dig?

If we treat people amazing all the time and expect the same in return we will be disappointed over and over and we will always get played by people who take advantage of people. real friendship is really a very rare thing and should by no means be exspected from even a small portion of the people you come in contact with, thats why its such a gift.. but respect should be both expected and demanded of everyone you maintain contact with and if its not there then there is no reason to continue that relationship.

our worth is based on us, who we are, and not determined by the way we are treated, if we respect ourselves then we dont take the malicious or aloof treatment of others personally and we rid ourselves of them if this happens.
 
I just feel hurt n rejected. I went somewhere n lets just say they did not like me but instead of just banning me they had fun with me, flamed me went through hell n then just rejected me. One of the even said they were using me as entertainment. Then another place they think i have borderline personality disorder. I just want to be liked n not be rejected but these people have really hurt me alot. I ended up relapsing with codeine had two packets of nurofin plus with the intention of ending it all. Couldn't eat n now I feel back to empty n flat with this kind of anxious feeling.

My friend turn on me to but she said she just pretended to turn on me to get me away from there n says she doesnt go there anymore as the people are awful n that she couldn't bare to see me being abused no more n had to get me out of there. My mind won't let go of it n i am anxious n obsessive feeling i need to go back. I feel that I've failed because I could not get them to like me.

I've been to so many places n I keep getting rejected n said to my therapist that this confirms that I'm a bad person n my therapist got me to realise its the behaviour that people don't like not me.

I can't seem to trust anymore. People are nice n then they turn on me. There was this one person we exchanged E-mails he was nice y'know then awhile later he comes back say "Evey I've spent time watching you n I've copied your posts that you n will show them to you all. I was like WHY? N he said we're not friends you just assumed that we are. Why are people like this? I've got a Psychology degree but I still can mever work people out n why they change. I've done Henri Tajfel n the in group favouritism, outgroup discrimination, blue eyes vs brown eye experiment nn janis' GrouoThink where each person loses their identity n becomes 1 group identity. But it still doesn't stop me taking it personally or hurting

The 3 people that were nice were in charge of looking after the place n keeping people safe. The others abused their positions n really hurt me big time - messed with me big time for two weeks n now I can't stop crying, obsessing or geeling anxious over the who thing. Why n how can people do that to one person
I just don't understand :(
 
People will sometimes take from you what they can, in order to get their needs met, which of course varies from person to person. Many people are not having those needs met, and thus have little compassion for others. This is particularly true online, as they have no personal investment in you.

Fuck em indeed.

What will get your needs met? That is the question. Till then, stiff upper lip and all that.
 
Yea yr right. Just wish theyd banned me straight away rather than abuse me n mess with me for 2 weeks first. They even bragged that they were using me as entertainment for awhile n said I'm like a car wreck you watch for curiosity n them move on...
Thank you all so very much for the kind words. I'm not used to used to having people be nice to me n it's so lovely.
I hope you're all doing well. I wish I'come here from the start n saved myself some painful experiences.
All the best,
Evey x
 
Anybody that views you like a car wreck isn't even worth wasting your time thinking about. Even though I don't really know you, you strike me as a very empathetic person that deserves way better than that.

BTW... Check your email. I tried to send you a message on here, but it wouldn't let me. :)
 
Eveleivibe said:
Yea yr right. Just wish theyd banned me straight away rather than abuse me n mess with me for 2 weeks first. They even bragged that they were using me as entertainment for awhile n said I'm like a car wreck you watch for curiosity n them move on...
Thank you all so very much for the kind words. I'm not used to used to having people be nice to me n it's so lovely.
I hope you're all doing well. I wish I'come here from the start n saved myself some painful experiences.
All the best,
Evey x
Click to expand...


said you're like a car wreck lol ... i was described as a shipwreck.. someone posted a pic of a dead ship laying on the beach=me.

Glad youve stuck around.. there are some wierd and nasty people about they're not going to esteem you. Like someone else said spend time around the people who are respectful,and gentle not people who describe you as a car crash.. and find ways to esteem yourself thats not dependent on others.
 
"Why are people so nice and then they change" and "I knew 2 men on the internet". The biggest problem I see with what you are saying is you don't know anyone on the internet like this. You should keep this in mind. Most people have nothing invested (and you shouldn't either because it sounds like you do too much) in others on the internet. Since they have nothing invested its no biggie to just quit being nice. The other thing is people have no problem being asses online because they have nothing to lose. They never have to answer for it as they would in real life.

I think you should stop basing your self worth on what others say, especially people on the internet because in general they do not care about others there (BL is sometimes the exception..it is a wonderful community but you will still have assholes here sometimes too).
 
There's been a lot of talk about bullying on the internet and the best way to handle it is to avoid it. Consider that you can start your life anew at any time. Begin. You should try to even put your title question out of mind and not worry about those with flaws and why they are who they are. Their is so much to think about in a day that the negative should have no place in our lives. I know that badness and sadness can't be completely avoided because "time and unforeseen occurrence befall us all." But like you said you have to stay away from the sites that bring you down and you should, you don't have to defend yourself from jerks. Its up to you the course you follow, tread carefully and smile there's a new day ahead.
 
Eveleivibe said:
she said she just pretended to turn on me to get me away from there n says she doesnt go there anymore as the people are awful n that she couldn't bare to see me being abused no more n had to get me out of there.
Click to expand...
My favorite response to someone who would say this sort of thing to me "Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here." .. a real friend doesn't "pretend" to turn on you.. thats just a load of bullshit.
 
neversickanymore said:
My favorite response to someone who would say this sort of thing to me "Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here." .. a real friend doesn't "pretend" to turn on you.. thats just a load of bullshit.
Click to expand...

Yes.

A true friend doesn't have to pretend at all. I feel like these people were not true friends, unfortunately. It takes a lot of weeding out of bad to get to the good. I have very few close friends simply because I'm picky about who I associate with. Lots of acquaintances, but fewer "friends". It may sound uptight or whatever, but when it comes to yourself, sometimes you do have to put yourself first.
 
My only good friends today are my old smoking buddies from back in the day a few years ago...years added on to friendships can be meaningful, but what's really important to telling if your friendships, or even romances, mean anything, from my perspective, is where you let the relationships flourish. If they're digitized in the beginning, seeming right in that environment, they usually don't end well in non-virtual reality. If they come about in realistic, sometimes even trying, everyday situations, well then, it's usually a lot more authentic when you bond together and kick it. That's just my opinion though, but yea, have barely made any new friends for the last 4 years since I've never really placed myself in a good environment to gain new 'friends' - acquaintances, yes, but those are just other people who I know, not who I 'know', as in, I know who they really are. Most people aren't going to be giving you that much of themselves - learn from what they do give you - if it's nothing, there it is.
 
As many have suggested already, people can often 'use' others for a variety of reasons including emotional support, comfort, to stop feeling lonely, money, material possessions and what not. Sometime people will say things that they believe that you want to hear...or do things because they know that's what you want them to do. This is all part of a plan to 'please' you and make you like them, and thus in turn they will be able to have the things that I listed above (there's probably many more). Sometimes it's their own insecurities (about being alone, not being liked) which will make them behave this way. Once they start doing it, it becomes a patterns as they see that it works. However, one can't really be fake all the time. Sooner or later a different side of their nature will come out, we may call this the 'real' them. People are complicated...wish you all the best.
 
people wear "masks".
they change mask to adapt it to the people they have around
so, if in a situation a person behaves in a certain way, he/she will behave differently in another situation which requires a different "mask"
people are almost never who they really are even to themselves
so, as stated above, when a person is a stranger to you, or "a guy I've talked to once" he/she will behave in a way, then when he/she becomes your friend he/she will very likely change behavior to adapt it to the his/her new status
 
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