First post ever. I started smoking about a year and a half ago and didn't start smoking everyday until about 5 months ago. To say the least, doing drugs has become a problem in my life. I already know the answer to my question is yes, but I need to open up to somehow because I can't with ANYONE else. All I did was weed till about 3 months ago and its gotten bad since. I've been getting a steady dose of hydrocodone, adderral, xanax and Molly for about the past 2 months. I work 50 hours a week,and I'm penniless by the end of the pay period (2 weeks) I can't stand being sober and I even pawned off my ps3 for drug money. All this has interfered with my family and school life (only 17). And after saying all that, if I could just run away and be high and accomplish nothing for the rest of my life, is still do it
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am i headed down the wrong path
- Thread starter ay1253
- Start date
Maya
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2013
- Messages
- 7,310
Hi ay1253 welcome to bluelight. I am not sure if you have read some of the threads before about drugs addiction but, there are bluelighters who have kicked off the habit and lived a happier life. I believe it is best that you seek help with your addiction and go from there. Staying clean and sober does not happen overnight but you can always work on it slowly and find other things that you could be interested in. You are so young and there is so much you can do with your life. Don't waste it.
bennyZA
Bluelighter
First off, welcome to Bluelight, this is a wonderful group of people that you can talk to without being judged... It's also awesome that you're here and you're talking honestly.
Okay, I'm going to drop some hard truths on you though. This is not about weed. You are an addict, but it seems you already made that discovery. The fact that you recognize this early might save your life. But unless you tell someone, you are going to be on the streets sooner than you think. It may be super hard, something you just can't imagine doing, but you need to tell someone. Not necessarily your parents, but maybe a friend that doesn't use, but that person needs to tell your parents. You need to get help asap. Even if it's the hardest thing in the world, and you think your parents will kill you you GOTTA tell someone because they wont. They may cry and be enraged and all that tough stuff that might make that hard, but you do understand that you have a serious, serious problem. You also need to stop EVERYTHING asap. Which I know is almost impossible, you gotta try. You probably still cannot fathom how much worse this problem can get. 2 more hard truths, considering how fast this happened, you might have a mental illness. I know I'm no doctor, but you gotta check that cause a lot of us on BL (myself included) have some sort of mental issues. The other thing, you probably need to do some sort of inpatient rehab, even at your age. It might save your life. You seriously have no idea what you're getting into...
And this is coming from a guy who just relapsed today and a couple days ago after being pretty clean for about half a year. In another post, people are begging me to toss the oxy I just found, but I just can't. A couple days ago, I took so many benzos (valium, xanax, etc) and drank, I was very close to death... and what for? I just blacked out. I've od'd, nearly died, been homeless, been robbed at gun point in my house... the list goes on. When I od'd I was so close to death that I did irreparable damage to myself. Because of drugs and alcohol, I've broken several limbs. I've had seizures from benzo withdrawal... Dude, don't be like me, please... I beg you.
If you get help and actually beat this before it gets unbeatable, you will make my year. If I can help save you from this life, it would make me cry out of happiness. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating, I would feel like I actually have a reason to live if you get help NOW.
You should post a similar thread here, this is where the horrible part of drug use is discussed: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/forums/47-The-Dark-Side,
If you want to hear stories that explain what will happen if you don't get help check out this: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/665970-Personal-Accounts-of-Addiction-Share-Your-Story
If you wanna see the horror that potentially awaits you, somethings here cannot be unseen: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/445570-Case-Studies-(It-could-happen-to-YOU-)
Please make my life worth it and get help
You say that if you could get high, run away, and accomplish nothing, you'd do it... You have no idea what awaits you. As bad as you think it might get, it WILL be worse than you can imagine.
Okay, I'm going to drop some hard truths on you though. This is not about weed. You are an addict, but it seems you already made that discovery. The fact that you recognize this early might save your life. But unless you tell someone, you are going to be on the streets sooner than you think. It may be super hard, something you just can't imagine doing, but you need to tell someone. Not necessarily your parents, but maybe a friend that doesn't use, but that person needs to tell your parents. You need to get help asap. Even if it's the hardest thing in the world, and you think your parents will kill you you GOTTA tell someone because they wont. They may cry and be enraged and all that tough stuff that might make that hard, but you do understand that you have a serious, serious problem. You also need to stop EVERYTHING asap. Which I know is almost impossible, you gotta try. You probably still cannot fathom how much worse this problem can get. 2 more hard truths, considering how fast this happened, you might have a mental illness. I know I'm no doctor, but you gotta check that cause a lot of us on BL (myself included) have some sort of mental issues. The other thing, you probably need to do some sort of inpatient rehab, even at your age. It might save your life. You seriously have no idea what you're getting into...
And this is coming from a guy who just relapsed today and a couple days ago after being pretty clean for about half a year. In another post, people are begging me to toss the oxy I just found, but I just can't. A couple days ago, I took so many benzos (valium, xanax, etc) and drank, I was very close to death... and what for? I just blacked out. I've od'd, nearly died, been homeless, been robbed at gun point in my house... the list goes on. When I od'd I was so close to death that I did irreparable damage to myself. Because of drugs and alcohol, I've broken several limbs. I've had seizures from benzo withdrawal... Dude, don't be like me, please... I beg you.
If you get help and actually beat this before it gets unbeatable, you will make my year. If I can help save you from this life, it would make me cry out of happiness. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating, I would feel like I actually have a reason to live if you get help NOW.
You should post a similar thread here, this is where the horrible part of drug use is discussed: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/forums/47-The-Dark-Side,
If you want to hear stories that explain what will happen if you don't get help check out this: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/665970-Personal-Accounts-of-Addiction-Share-Your-Story
If you wanna see the horror that potentially awaits you, somethings here cannot be unseen: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/445570-Case-Studies-(It-could-happen-to-YOU-)
Please make my life worth it and get help
You say that if you could get high, run away, and accomplish nothing, you'd do it... You have no idea what awaits you. As bad as you think it might get, it WILL be worse than you can imagine.
Black Rabbit of Inle
Bluelight Crew
Hi ay,
Welcome to Bluelight. You'll find many people here you can talk to about anything.
It's good that you acknowledge you're in a bad place, but you can still turn it around. Smoking every day is not always a problem but going to work high constantly definitely is.
If you abuse Molly it will eventually turn on you and you'll have no choice but to stop because of the diminished/nonexistent 'benefits' of it. Hydrocodone, adderall and xanax can all have very nasty addiction potential and withdrawing from them isn't pleasant. Be very careful with these.
I know you said you can't stand being sober, but it would be good for you to impose 'sober days' on yourself. Setting aside one day where you don't take anything (recreationally, prescribed medications should still be taken as directed) and doing something to keep yourself distracted, avoiding boredom, is a good start and helps get you used to time without drugs.
You're still very young and becoming a full blown addict at your age is detrimental, you haven't fully experienced life as an adult yet.
Welcome to Bluelight. You'll find many people here you can talk to about anything.
It's good that you acknowledge you're in a bad place, but you can still turn it around. Smoking every day is not always a problem but going to work high constantly definitely is.
If you abuse Molly it will eventually turn on you and you'll have no choice but to stop because of the diminished/nonexistent 'benefits' of it. Hydrocodone, adderall and xanax can all have very nasty addiction potential and withdrawing from them isn't pleasant. Be very careful with these.
I know you said you can't stand being sober, but it would be good for you to impose 'sober days' on yourself. Setting aside one day where you don't take anything (recreationally, prescribed medications should still be taken as directed) and doing something to keep yourself distracted, avoiding boredom, is a good start and helps get you used to time without drugs.
You're still very young and becoming a full blown addict at your age is detrimental, you haven't fully experienced life as an adult yet.
Maya
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2013
- Messages
- 7,310
You shouldnt think of it that way. You have a lot to lose, it just hasnt come to that point but you do. You will lose your job, your education, your friends, family, your life. you have to think of the consequences of your drug use and think about your future, where you will end up, how your family will feel about this, how you will hurt them and so on..
I am saying this out of experience. When I had a really bad reaction to an untested drug last Dec I lost a lot, I almost lost my job. I ended up telling my family and i see how they were hurting with what happened to me and it hurts a lot. Are you going to wait until that happens. You have to be able to fight the urge, it wont be easy but at least make an effort to it.
Black Rabbit of Inle
Bluelight Crew
To be blunt, you have your job, your home, your health, your sanity, your morals, your friends, your family and your life to lose.
2 weeks isn't much, how many sessions are you having per week?
2 per week, I don't even feel I can open up to her. Or my girlfriend. Telling people what happened won't bring back the happiness my life was stripped of. I can't stand my situation that I'm in now, with or without drugs. That's why I say I have nothing to lose
bennyZA
Bluelighter
When you say you can't understand the situation your in now, are you just talking about the drugs, or something else?
Btw, It does take time to open up to a shrink, but you just need to tell him asap. he can't call the police, your parents, or anyone unless he thinks you're going to hurt yourself (suicide, not drugs). This is the one guy you can totally talk to. He will listen and not judge. Your gf is going to find out one way or another. You're still new at all this, so you don't totally know the ropes and will probably get caught by loved ones pretty soon.
Seriously though, you have A LOT to lose. It's crazy, but you don't know what you have till you lose it all. At your age and drug experience level, you really don't know how low rock-bottom is. My friends bro who had a similar situation was a great kid, funny, outgoing, all the good personality traits. He now lives on the street and his stimulant psychosis is so bad that he thinks he is in the Truman Show, but about him and he thinks we are all in on it. I think now he thinks martin scoreses has hired him to be the lead role about a super junkies life, but that they are filming it in secret, so he has to act like he is or he wont be in the movies. He robs and steals from his own family. He's hit his mom. He's been beat up due to drugs countless times... and I'm not trying to totally freak you out, but he has HIV from using dirty needles. So in 2011 he tried his first substance, in 2013 he is living with HIV on the street with no medical care whatsoever.
Btw, It does take time to open up to a shrink, but you just need to tell him asap. he can't call the police, your parents, or anyone unless he thinks you're going to hurt yourself (suicide, not drugs). This is the one guy you can totally talk to. He will listen and not judge. Your gf is going to find out one way or another. You're still new at all this, so you don't totally know the ropes and will probably get caught by loved ones pretty soon.
Seriously though, you have A LOT to lose. It's crazy, but you don't know what you have till you lose it all. At your age and drug experience level, you really don't know how low rock-bottom is. My friends bro who had a similar situation was a great kid, funny, outgoing, all the good personality traits. He now lives on the street and his stimulant psychosis is so bad that he thinks he is in the Truman Show, but about him and he thinks we are all in on it. I think now he thinks martin scoreses has hired him to be the lead role about a super junkies life, but that they are filming it in secret, so he has to act like he is or he wont be in the movies. He robs and steals from his own family. He's hit his mom. He's been beat up due to drugs countless times... and I'm not trying to totally freak you out, but he has HIV from using dirty needles. So in 2011 he tried his first substance, in 2013 he is living with HIV on the street with no medical care whatsoever.
Black Rabbit of Inle
Bluelight Crew
You opened up to us, that's a step in the right direction. No, it won't bring back the happiness you had, but it opens you up to find happiness in something else. The more open and honest you are with your shrink, the better they can help you and you will begin to notice improvements. Seeing a shrink is pointless if you can't be completely open IMO.
You can't stand the situation now but that can (and will if you are determined) change. You also have the support of your family and girlfriend which a lot of addicts don't.
You can't stand the situation now but that can (and will if you are determined) change. You also have the support of your family and girlfriend which a lot of addicts don't.
Rox
Bluelighter
Remember there are extremely few drugs that people can do recreationally and still be a productive part of society. The more I have been studying this the more my thoughts are changing into a veiwpoint that says 'FEAR DRUGS.' Experts are only just realizing that prescription drugs are actually worse than the hardest of street drugs. I have always been spiritual, there or some drugs that can even help a person understand spirituality, and now for the first time I am seeing how evil drugs are from looking into society. The reality is that they are taking people away from being a productive part of society and it is the only thing that takes them away. The main reason why people give up and don't get a job is because of addiction. In this sense the drug is taking them away from reality. Even more scary, there are drugs being used out there which cause psychosis, that is something to be extremely scared about because our perception of reality is all we have in this world when it comes down to it. When we lose that perception it cannot be reversed and to me it is the most sad thing, because our perception is really all that we have for understanding spirituality. In true spirit I didn't believe that force of evil, but whatever evil is, it is an opposite of what we call 'perception and reality.' I see it as dark and taking over perception much like a drug. Stepping up to spirituality, this is my direct opposition.
Its amazing when we loose it all, how much we find we actually had.. easy to replace the material things.. Its the opportunities that we miss.. the ones that so rarely come along.. the ones that only come along once. Its the way we spend youth like it everlasting and cheap. If you feel you have nothing to loose then I would suggest that you start to create the life you want. If we dont work to figure out the life we want and then strive to obtain it, we have nobody but ourselves to blame when we end up with a unfulfilling life. I think the best way to find out what you want and where you need to go is to get out and start living.. just try everything and pursue what feel right. Spending all ones time manipulation perception with substances gets old quick and will leave you in a whole.. If your going to continue to do the drugs then please consider using them as a tool to enhance an already amazing experience and never try and use them to make a mediocre existence something it isn't or to hide from anything.
What are you passionate about besides the drugs?
junegreenjeans
Bluelighter
HOLD ON. You are so very young to be dealing with this on your own. You are sharing and there are allot of really good people right here that you can tap into. The responses to your plea are heartwarming and I think I speak for all that have read your words when I say, please, don't lose sight of yourself, you need to open up to that shrink. They are not there to judge you and in this time of your life, you need support and though you've tapped into allot of support here on this site, you need to reach out where you are, with that shrink.
Do your friends or some of them join you when experimenting with various substances or are you doing this all alone? I wonder. Who is giving you this stuff? Cut them off. Remember who you are. Keep writing. Read what Benny za said and check out those links he suggested, knowledge is a great tool. Good luck young one, be strong.
Do your friends or some of them join you when experimenting with various substances or are you doing this all alone? I wonder. Who is giving you this stuff? Cut them off. Remember who you are. Keep writing. Read what Benny za said and check out those links he suggested, knowledge is a great tool. Good luck young one, be strong.