mrflowers00
Ex-Bluelighter
i don't want a real gf anymore to many bad endings i just want some fuck buddies that was fun back in the day i was happy with it i think thats what i'm gonna work on doing now does that make me a fuckin dick
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fuck buddies (friends with benefits)
- Thread starter mrflowers00
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Maya
Bluelight Crew
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I don't see anything wrong with taking a break from relationships. If you are going to go for just sex it is better to just have one partner at a time so it is much safer. Also to, make sure to explain it to the lady/ladies that you are not looking for something serious so they don't cling or expect too much from you. Also, don't entirely close your heart as you might find the right one for you in time.
mrflowers00
Ex-Bluelighter
thanks thats sound advise i just seem to attract the wrong type of girls but that could change
twotoomany
Bluelighter
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- 736
I agree. Make your intentions known for sure. And still be careful. Some think they can handle it, but when it comes down to it, one party or the other will get attached and get their feelings banged up.
Maya
Bluelight Crew
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I've been there but eventually you will find the one like I have ♡. The right one will come at the moment you least expect it.
mrflowers00
Ex-Bluelighter
i've been happy lately but still reserved about loving some woman cause all my relationships have been awful or just not healthy but this happiness makes me hope that i could love someone that much other than my family which i consider to be just my dad and his dad
Lysis
Bluelighter
If you want a fuck buddy to just have sex with every once in a while, you need to separate yourself from him as a person. This is the problem with fuck buddies. You need to check yourself if you have feelings for the person. Basically, treat them like a sex toy and do not care other than that.
Most of all, keep yourself open to other men. It's likely that the fuck buddy is keeping himself open to other women, so you need to be open to other men. If you can keep yourself from giving a fuck about the fuck buddy, you can keep yourself open to other men.
The issue with fuck buddies is that someone will find someone they care about (basically ending the relationship), so you don't want to be that person who cares and gets hurt. Always let yourself be open to other people, and go out with them. The very premise of fuck buddy is that they are there until you find someone better, and it's better to be the one who finds someone better than being the one who cares. Remember that.
The only issue I have with fuck buddies is that it's somewhat a grey area. If you are the one who cares, you are the one who gets hurt. If you don't give a shit, you are in control, so you want to be the one in control not necessarily of him but in your own feelings. If you are someone who has to have a connection before you have sex, then you are surely the one who gets hurt. Really the solution is to keep yourself separated and have sex when you feel like it but keep yourself open. If you meet a guy, go out with them and see where it goes! I promise you if you've been in that fuck buddy situation, it's far more satisfying than being the sucker who is on call. The very key to being a fuck buddy is not giving a shit. Take it from someone who went from GF to fuck buddy in a relationship, not giving a shit will make it a whole lot easier.
Personally, I feel there is something unattractive about someone who will be a fuck buddy and therefore it's easier to give them up. As hard as it is, you have to realize that you are being used, and you are using the other party. If you can separate yourself, then you are less likely to get hurt. That is the main issue with fuck buddies; who will get hurt. If you are someone who cares more easily, it's likely to be you, so tell yourself instantly that the guy is a POS and you don't care, and you can mitigate your damage while still having fun in the long run.
Most of all, keep yourself open to other men. It's likely that the fuck buddy is keeping himself open to other women, so you need to be open to other men. If you can keep yourself from giving a fuck about the fuck buddy, you can keep yourself open to other men.
The issue with fuck buddies is that someone will find someone they care about (basically ending the relationship), so you don't want to be that person who cares and gets hurt. Always let yourself be open to other people, and go out with them. The very premise of fuck buddy is that they are there until you find someone better, and it's better to be the one who finds someone better than being the one who cares. Remember that.
The only issue I have with fuck buddies is that it's somewhat a grey area. If you are the one who cares, you are the one who gets hurt. If you don't give a shit, you are in control, so you want to be the one in control not necessarily of him but in your own feelings. If you are someone who has to have a connection before you have sex, then you are surely the one who gets hurt. Really the solution is to keep yourself separated and have sex when you feel like it but keep yourself open. If you meet a guy, go out with them and see where it goes! I promise you if you've been in that fuck buddy situation, it's far more satisfying than being the sucker who is on call. The very key to being a fuck buddy is not giving a shit. Take it from someone who went from GF to fuck buddy in a relationship, not giving a shit will make it a whole lot easier.
Personally, I feel there is something unattractive about someone who will be a fuck buddy and therefore it's easier to give them up. As hard as it is, you have to realize that you are being used, and you are using the other party. If you can separate yourself, then you are less likely to get hurt. That is the main issue with fuck buddies; who will get hurt. If you are someone who cares more easily, it's likely to be you, so tell yourself instantly that the guy is a POS and you don't care, and you can mitigate your damage while still having fun in the long run.
mrflowers00
Ex-Bluelighter
yeah i agree someone in that relationship cares sometimes both also i'm a dude aka mrflowers i just like sex with new people i don't want A fuck buddy i want FUCK BUDDIES but kinda in the hopes that it'll lead to something better where i can be happy with a women i haven't had that in a long long time
NerdOnDrugs
Bluelighter
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- Feb 1, 2006
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- 1,057
I think we all know fuk buds or fwb's don't work out for long.. swingers seem to work out more.
Also, the more fuck buddies a girl has had, the less likely I'll probably want to be in a actual relationship with her.. like a car with miles on it.
Also, the more fuck buddies a girl has had, the less likely I'll probably want to be in a actual relationship with her.. like a car with miles on it.
mrflowers00
Ex-Bluelighter
i don't care how many people someone fucked thats trivial to me unless she caught a case nah i just want a chick with the right personality
dopemaster
Bluelight Crew
As long as you are honest about what you want and use protection you are not hurting anyone's feelings.
I have found a lot of women want the same thing IME.
The important thing is not to form an emotional attachment beyond what it is.
Its very important that if you notice that a woman you are having casual sex with is seeming to form an emotional bond with you that is way beyond that of casual sex or expects what is happening to lead somewhere it is not, it would be best to cut her loose. I know this because I got stabbed by a jealous fuck buddy.
Being honest with your partner and yourself is very important if you want a good fuck buddy. Also there really is no need to tell her who else you are shagging as that will most likely make her jealous and you sure as hell don't want to know who she is shagging.
But really there is nothing wrong with a fuck buddy/casual sex situation unless you are leading your partner on just to get in their pants.
Oh premarital sex is an unforgivable sin. Your gonna burn in hell you filthy fornicator. At least that's what some people say that's what the bible says when the read one line and twist it around to find their own propaganda. I am pretty sure Joseph impregnated Mary with Jesus and then they got married.
I have found a lot of women want the same thing IME.
The important thing is not to form an emotional attachment beyond what it is.
Its very important that if you notice that a woman you are having casual sex with is seeming to form an emotional bond with you that is way beyond that of casual sex or expects what is happening to lead somewhere it is not, it would be best to cut her loose. I know this because I got stabbed by a jealous fuck buddy.
Being honest with your partner and yourself is very important if you want a good fuck buddy. Also there really is no need to tell her who else you are shagging as that will most likely make her jealous and you sure as hell don't want to know who she is shagging.
But really there is nothing wrong with a fuck buddy/casual sex situation unless you are leading your partner on just to get in their pants.
Oh premarital sex is an unforgivable sin. Your gonna burn in hell you filthy fornicator. At least that's what some people say that's what the bible says when the read one line and twist it around to find their own propaganda. I am pretty sure Joseph impregnated Mary with Jesus and then they got married.
mrflowers00
Ex-Bluelighter
thank you everyone this is really helping me gain perspective on what i'm trying to do i just don't want a fucked up relationship so just sex sounds like a good option and if i end up wanting more and get burned i'll just have to eat it cause at that point it's really all my fault because what i was trying to do from the start is so far from what i may end up wanting in the end
Foreigner
Bluelighter
Every FB I've had... we weren't exactly boyfriends, but not exactly "just friends" either. We were always in some kind of grey zone of affection. Maybe that's because I find it impossible to have emotionally-distant sex. Anything else is just bad sex because it lacks passion, and passion requires some kind of emotional involvement.
At this point my understanding seems to be that the evolved approach is to allow yourself to experience the full spectrum of human feeling with your fuck buddy, but also have crystal clear boundaries and the ability to walk away. Is it possible to love your fuck buddy? I think so. That doesn't mean you have to be with them, or owe them anything.
What's the point of going through the whole exercise of fucking someone if you can't also exercise your heart. If that's what you want, of course.
At this point my understanding seems to be that the evolved approach is to allow yourself to experience the full spectrum of human feeling with your fuck buddy, but also have crystal clear boundaries and the ability to walk away. Is it possible to love your fuck buddy? I think so. That doesn't mean you have to be with them, or owe them anything.
What's the point of going through the whole exercise of fucking someone if you can't also exercise your heart. If that's what you want, of course.
mrflowers00
Ex-Bluelighter
sometimes i want to feel for a woman most of the time i just want good sex so i don't really know what i should do for the past 2 years i would meet a woman have sex within an hour and two then go home alone and i was very content but i've been wanting more sometimes lately it's so confusing
Maya
Bluelight Crew
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Yes that's normal, specially if you have been alone for a while. We all want to feel loved and be in a loving relationship, but sometimes we are just with the wrong person. I really believe that each one of us has our own "soulmate" and for some people, it takes a while to meet that someone. The only thing with sex buddies is specially if you constantly see each other is that one of you might start developing feelings. I say that you should have a mutual understanding that there shouldn't be anything more than sex. If you can avoid staying longer in the place of the lady the better so you don't develop as much feelings.
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
Yeah, this. There's absolutely nothing wrong whatsoever with what you want mrflowers, just make sure it's clear to the woman each time. I've had hook-ups with whom I thought it was obvious that there would be nothing more who then came to expect us to see each other regularly/become some kind of couple so now I really think it's important to actually voice your opinion on the subject...ie. before having sex maybe agree on what both of you are looking for. Sounds a bit tedious but it really can avoid frustration on either side afterwards.
Here's the problem with FWB: it works for most guys, and doesn't work for most girls. In my experience, when girls have sex (and especially vaginal sex and especially if they orgasm at some point), their bodies generate hormones which cause them to bond with you. Then, when you aren't there to connect with because you're waiting until the next fun time that you can have sex but not be in their lives in other respects, they feel bad.
You can usually get away with three or four weeks of FWB, but if it goes longer and you've had "the talk" and she's told you that it's OK with her that you can't be in a relationship right now and instead you just want to see her for fun every so often, they are lying to you and to themselves about what they want, and you will end up hurting their feelings. I had a very strong sex drive and wanted FWBs over real relationships for many years, and most of the time this is the way it went.
If you can distinguish the small percentage of women (20%?) who are into sex in way that's more similar to how guys are, and can handle "just sex," -- and I'm not saying that it's easy or even possible to tell the 80% from the 20% -- then you can have your cake and eat it too. But most of the time you will end up letting girls hang themselves with their own rope, so to speak, and will constantly be dealing with attachment issues.
You can usually get away with three or four weeks of FWB, but if it goes longer and you've had "the talk" and she's told you that it's OK with her that you can't be in a relationship right now and instead you just want to see her for fun every so often, they are lying to you and to themselves about what they want, and you will end up hurting their feelings. I had a very strong sex drive and wanted FWBs over real relationships for many years, and most of the time this is the way it went.
If you can distinguish the small percentage of women (20%?) who are into sex in way that's more similar to how guys are, and can handle "just sex," -- and I'm not saying that it's easy or even possible to tell the 80% from the 20% -- then you can have your cake and eat it too. But most of the time you will end up letting girls hang themselves with their own rope, so to speak, and will constantly be dealing with attachment issues.