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TDS i don't know how to be sober

mrflowers00

mrflowers00

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
May 23, 2010
Messages
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Location
santa rosa, CA
i'm 24 years old and have used drugs for over 2/3rds my life i started drinking when i was 7 and alcohol and weed became a daily thing by 11 by 14 i got into hard shit and needles i don't think i can live a sober life being high is all i know i don't know how to live like a normal person i wish i did i think i would be happier if i was clean but maybe not because being on drugs for so long has killed my interest in almost everything none drug related idk if anyone can relate but any thoughts are welcome i just need to see my situation from other peoples perception
 
im kinda the same way but have had far more sober time and am older. You have to keep things in balance, there's always the extreme highs and lows but as you get older you will learn to manipulate life in such a way that you don't encounter the peaks and valleys. You can achieve this through embracing sobriety as a new thing but there are other routes as well such as talk therapy and such. mrflowers ive read so many of your posts i hope you're doing well and i hope you keep hanging in there, shits gonna change eventually and you'll have that interest and motivation naturally rather than from drugs. The feeling is one in the same tho.

look into mindfulness therapy and CBT so that you can reassociate your ideas and rewire your brain for sobriety then it'll work out.
 
Hi I'm in the same boat. I can't do the math but to give you an idea, I'm nearing 50 and started using drugs and drinking at 14. Pretty much weed, psychedelics, barbituates, PCP and alcohol until I turned 18. Then I calmed down and kept it to weed and alcohol. I have a brief period of complete sobriety in order to have a healthy baby. But gradually got back into occasional weed and a couple beers here and there. I started seeing a psychiatrist in an attempt to resolve depression issues. I cannot tell you how many medications I've been prescribed over the years.

I had an accident, hurt myself and got into pain management in 2003. Taking opiates turned me into a person I never thought I would be. It got out of hand where I would end up buying drugs from alternate sources because I ran of my meds. I had ended up trying detoxes and rehabs and it took several tries to get me off the opiates. It was hell to finally be able to get off them, but I traded this for alcohol. Here I am, struggling to quit for good and I know a sober life is possible.

It's just inches away but every time I get a couple days sober, I feel like I can handle it again. For so many years, I was medicated on something or another. I know what you're saying, I think I would be happier if I didn't crave that something or another. What's your drug of choice and have you had any chances to stop using? It's been a little over two years with no opiates for me.
 
<snip>

hard drugs everyday is just no way to live.
 
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@T Calderone: that's an intense story i'm so sorry to hear of your troubles, but i know you do not want pity either. I've been opiate free since October and it has made my life much better, i find the less drugs i use the more control i have on my life, it's always an uphill battle but it's worth fighting for, everything that is great does not come easy. I'm struggling to get sober as well ATM from a massive polydrug addiction and it's not easy but there's something guiding or holding me through the process and i have real faith that it will all work out just fine on the other end.
 
I hear you, I have a ways to go. Not quite there, but I'm not going to give up. It's worth fighting for! <3
 
Hey, you're stil bery young - you think, i'vr got 2/3dfs of my life intoxicated - but you'll more than likely live till seventy plus+ no need to for your foramtive years to dictate the rest of your your life? It seems all-encompassing now, but it really isnt. ;)
 
thank you everyone it's just that sobriety is scary to me because i don't know what it's like to be a sober man i don't know how to even begin to live a typical life
 
I guess what happened to me wss sort of a blessing in disguise. I didn't abuse drugs that much but I was an alcoholic for years up until last year when I experienced a come down from an unknown substance. If I didn't have the comedown I would've not only been an alcoholic but I wouldve experimented more drugs. I guess when it comes to your health this is where you really have to draw the line at least in my experience.
 
i can get by on bupe but it just barely addresses my pain dose hardly anything for my anxiety and doesn't do shit for my ADD so it's really hard for me to quit drugs when they do help those problems which just adds to the problem of not knowing what it even is to be really sober
 
to be sober is essentially to be functional and not chasing a high - that's all it has to be. You cannot be drug free, there are drugs in foods, psychoactive drugs in coffee and chocolate and it's a part of human nature to have a desire to alter your consciousness. Accepting this will help in keeping you from the harms of drug use , which is what defines addiction.

For example i am scripted dexedrine and so long as i don't abuse it, i'm sober IMO. I also take etizolam but it's not scripted but i am not addicted to it either however i am incredibly dependent on it physically. In my eyes if i don't take any other drugs than these 2 then i am sober. I also take meds for acid reflux and allergies, but even if i quit etizolam and dexedrine, i'd still be on them and i cannot function without those meds so i cannot be sober in the true sense of the word, so the definition of sober is therefore flawed for me at least. It's analogous to not being able to function without etizolam or dexedrine, but i probably can quit them if needed but still the argument stands.

call that rationalization or whatever but i'll call anything else the result of brainwashing or semantics.
 
mrflowers00 said:
thank you everyone it's just that sobriety is scary to me because i don't know what it's like to be a sober man i don't know how to even begin to live a typical life
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+1 at 32 years of age.

Began at 11 & the longest peroid i've had sober was 3 months, since 2001 I've been using Heroin.

I wish you luck
 
I feel you!! I'm 22, and always used needles, etc for years. I quit doing drugs *everyday* 1 year, and one month ago, but I have relapsed for a week ech time 3 times during this year.. but damn, at least i'm not using everyday. Getting clean is really hard I KNOW!! I feel like a different person when I'm not high, I don't feel as fun / out going / want to do things when i'm not high... so I get the whole interests being killed thing.. but, I tell myself everyday, it can only get better!! I'm young (so are you),And we can do whatever we want with our lives, sober, and healthy.
 
i haven't gotten high in about a week i've been doing bupe and i feel great but i know as soon as i come up on some more pills i won't be able to resist the temptation i'm very happy not high right now and have been for days i just can't have drugs and not use them i have dilaudid but i'm not tempted mostly because i don't really care for the high from dillies anymore but idk how to say no to a drug i like and even though bupe doesn't get me high my love of the needle leads me to slam even them i just can't picture my life w/o drugs involved
 
Hey flowers, I understand completely. I'm 41 and have been using hard since I was 15, am to the point now where I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Your still very young, you have your whole life ahead of you, please don't do what I've done and waste it chasing a high that will never be good enough. My greatest fear now is that I'll turn 50 and be in the same fucking boat that I'm in now....
You have to retrain your mind, get involved in different hobbies, get active and work up a sweat. I obviously don't have the answer, but I know being clean has to be easier than this.
 
I used to be dependent on morphine. I was high everyday from the age of twelve till twenty six when I had my son..I was sober then but when my ex pulled some really painful shit on me and took my son....I turned to my old friend drugs.nine used if morphine and alcohol daily. Over the course of two years I lost a great job, my car, my best friend, and the respect of my family. I sold my body to nasty old women when I ran out of shit to pawn. I hurt those around me with empty promises and I eventually tried to kill myself with an OD. I could no longer live that life...I wanted out. After the failed suicide attempt I made a pact with myself that I was going to get sober and if I fail...dust myself off and keep trying. I went to rehab and to a halfway house....I went back to using...tried aa ended up using. Finally I changed everything. I moved back to my parents. Got on subutex. Went to meetings and followed the steps wholeheartedly. I have a year and three months and two days.

The difference that worked was I was willing. Willing to change anything in my life. No more lying and hiding from those around me...no more lying to myself. The biggest part of accepting the sober life is just that...acceptance. you only have to accept it for that day.if you make it through the day its working. Don't think about the next day...focus on that day and filling it with things you enjoy.Go to meetings...meet sober friends...they will take you to do sober activities. You may enjoy them. If I can beat this any one of you can. I have faith. Do it for a day....you'd be surprised how fast they stack up.
 
I have heard that complaint so many times among lifelong addicts, particularly those who started using drugs or alcohol in their preteens. I started at 16 and some times I feel the same way--like I've forgotten how to function in sober society anymore. After all, I matured into adulthood while immersed in addiction, so all my recent/relevant life experience has been through the lens of narcotics use and abuse.

Best advice I got for you OP (both from my experience during a 6-8 month stint of successful sobriety and healthy living, and from what I have observed in rehabilitated addicts successfully integrated into sober society) is: get sober friends (avoid non-druggie partiers and drinkers). Hang out with sober friends every day, particularly at those times of the day when you start to crave/the time when you routinely started your daily sessions (4PM to 9PM in my case, worst around 8PM). Be social, even if you have to force yourself, and be social with goody-two-shoes types; nice, sweet, honest, innocent types. Then just do as they do until it becomes second nature.
 
manboychef said:
I can't say that I don't have a hard time connecting with people that have never felt the sickly sting of addiction.
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This is hard for me too. I have tried to reconnect with a couple of my old friends that never used drugs. One in particular I was very close with while I was somewhat functional but we lost touch after she moved. I recently emailed her with my phone number and she responded right away saying she would call me and said she was happy to hear from me. But this was four months ago and she never called so I'm assuming she might feel uncomfortable. I guess straight edge people may have a hard time relating to us addicts too, still it hurts. :(
 
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