EADD Heroin Discussion V18 - Wax on-Wax off-Beetle-down-Beetle up (Hiyer zaramorph)

[pinkpapaver]

don't do it! it takes the meaning away and what's worse it takes tomorrow away.

 

[kkattastic]

I took my bandage off for the first time this morning, as it slipped in my sleep. It's an inch deep, and I can see things I never wanted to see in my own arm. The picture just looks like a red mess, but there's white bits visible, tendons, little pockets. The packing had come out, and was rubbing against the wound every time I moved, causing the pain to double. So, my boyfriend had to repack it for me, as I couldn't find medical place open other than A&E and I've had enough of that place this week.


It was double that size when it was full of puss right out to the edges you can see to where the white skin begins, half the size of a golf ball. I got a shock, if i'd left it, it would have continued to EAT MY ARM!
Packed with Micropore absorbing stuff to soak up all the infection. I've now got a lovely clean bandage on it that can't slip.

mine was half my arm-literally the whole lower half of my lower arm area-it has healed amazingly and although it has been years now-all i have is a scar the size of a 50p piece.yours is red-which means it's still alive-and it hurts,which means the same-so it's good.Your challenge now is just addressing your usage.this time,you are not going to lose your arm-but once you have had septicaemia,you are never allowed to give blood,because it is always in you and takes the slightest opportunity to reactivate it.It is much harder for you than it was for me as your partner uses too-i didn't have that temptation every day so moving to smoking wasn't so hard.Thing is you have laid in that hospital bed thinking about life with one arm-i doubt your partner has REALLY considered this as a possible outcome and how your life would be.If you keep pissing about with pins,it is only a matter of time before it happens again.He needs to ask himself how he will feel when you either are struggling to adjust to life with one limb or worse,or maybe without you at all.Scepticaemia=meningitis.meningitis =a pretty nasty death.I am not lecturing you-it's your partner that has to think about the reality of it cos you cannot give up pinning if he does it-that is reality and must be so super hard for you.
sorry to keep on but if you are gonna live-something in your relationship needs to change to allow your use to change.right now,from what you are saying,he is not sounding so sympathetic
you deserve better-you really do-you are a really good heart and he might not realise it but he is pushing you closer to an early grave every time he bangs up.

 

[cherrycolouredfunk]

I'm worried, as today it's gone back to pussing, the packing is soaking wet with puss, the hole is deeper, and is yellow and a greying colour, and has gone numb. I feel sick and dizzy. I can't give blood already as I've had and cleared Hep C.

You're right, I'm not going to manage to stop as long as I have a partner who is still using, he does care about me more than I make out, it's not all negative, he does say ah this is not good for you, every time I help hit you up he just thinks of more abscesses. But, he's not really been helping me with jobs around the house. Nor, does he seem to MEAN it when he says right that's it we NEED to do a cluck, everytime we try it's like we're waiting for the other of us to crack, (har har accidental pun) it's usually him, but I can be just as guilty! I'll put other things first though. But, i'm not earning any money at the moment, so when he gets money it's almost like he decides whats happening with it. He'll happily leave us with no food and I go without deodrant etc so he can score. My birthday fucked up, we'd planned to go away, it fell through, he got money, rather than ask me did I want to do something like go out, he went and scored. I'm starting to have some self realisations here just as i'm writing this.

I've finally got an appointment with the Nurse, rang docs at 8.10am and htey were full!!! One of the receptionists there does not like me, switches everytime I go as she clearly thinks i'm Junkie scum. Nurse just rang me back and said well we CAN NOT leave that, when I explained what i'd had done, come in at 6.30pm.

 

[kkattastic]

I'm worried, as today it's gone back to pussing, the packing is soaking wet with puss, the hole is deeper, and is yellow and a greying colour, and has gone numb. I feel sick and dizzy. I can't give blood already as I've had and cleared Hep C.

You're right, I'm not going to manage to stop as long as I have a partner who is still using, he does care about me more than I make out, it's not all negative, he does say ah this is not good for you, every time I help hit you up he just thinks of more abscesses. But, he's not really been helping me with jobs around the house. Nor, does he seem to MEAN it when he says right that's it we NEED to do a cluck, everytime we try it's like we're waiting for the other of us to crack. (har har accidental pun)

I've finally got an appointment with the Nurse, rang docs at 8.10am and htey were full!!! One of the receptionists there does not like me, switches everytime I go as she clearly thinks i'm Junkie scum. Nurse just rang me back and said well we CAN NOT leave that, when I explained what i'd had done, come in at 6.30pm.

yeah-grey and numb is not good-but i was in hospital for 2 weeks and the first week they came every day to cut out more dead flesh even though i had an absorbing bandage for the puss-so I suppose that must be how it goes-it just keeps dying off until the infection is clear-in your case this is oral antibiotics-mine were IV but i guess oral will take a little longer to kick in-try not to worry-if your vein was dying,your hand would be turning black and you can afford to lose quite a bit more flesh-it will grown back and amazing how well the scar reduces over the years-another junkie will always know what it is but i tell others that it is a burn-that i leant back on the gas hob when it was still hot and cos it was dirty it got infected-story has always washed with those that do not know-besides,I have much worse self harm scars so barely anyone notices-you should probably be seeing the nurse every day as dead flesh needs to be cut out-it won't hurt so don't fret-it's dead already-but it needs to come out so rest can heal-once the antibiotics kick in properly,hopefully it will pick up healing and stop more dying-if not then sure they will whip you back to hospital.It's scary,but that is how it needs to be-get your fella to come with you when they cut the dead flesh out cos it doesn't hurt but it looks nasty and it does stink-maybe it could have some effect on him.Failing that,you gonna have to think about how much this relationship means to you cos you enable each other and what you said about waiting for the other to fail is spot on-you both need to think about this-maybe not with quitting but at least moving away from the pins
last thing we want is to have to dedicate the next thread to your memory-sure we've nearly all seen this happen and you are worth more than that

 

[opiaterock]

I know you are not too far from me and that you are keen to maintain privacy, but out of interest if you were a football man would you be Rovers or Harps, I am in Sligo so I am obviously the former.

Same as you I probably know you 90% chance lmao

 

[cherrycolouredfunk]

yeah-grey and numb is not good-but i was in hospital for 2 weeks and the first week they came every day to cut out more dead flesh even though i had an absorbing bandage for the puss-so I suppose that must be how it goes-it just keeps dying off until the infection is clear-in your case this is oral antibiotics-mine were IV but i guess oral will take a little longer to kick in-try not to worry-if your vein was dying,your hand would be turning black and you can afford to lose quite a bit more flesh-it will grown back and amazing how well the scar reduces over the years-another junkie will always know what it is but i tell others that it is a burn-that i leant back on the gas hob when it was still hot and cos it was dirty it got infected-story has always washed with those that do not know-besides,I have much worse self harm scars so barely anyone notices-you should probably be seeing the nurse every day as dead flesh needs to be cut out-it won't hurt so don't fret-it's dead already-but it needs to come out so rest can heal-once the antibiotics kick in properly,hopefully it will pick up healing and stop more dying-if not then sure they will whip you back to hospital.It's scary,but that is how it needs to be-get your fella to come with you when they cut the dead flesh out cos it doesn't hurt but it looks nasty and it does stink-maybe it could have some effect on him.Failing that,you gonna have to think about how much this relationship means to you cos you enable each other and what you said about waiting for the other to fail is spot on-you both need to think about this-maybe not with quitting but at least moving away from the pins
last thing we want is to have to dedicate the next thread to your memory-sure we've nearly all seen this happen and you are worth more than that

Yeah, that's what i've been telling those who don't know what I do happened when they ask what the bandage is, I say it's a burn!

I've just been sat in tears thinking about things, and I think the only way is to move somewhere away from him, not necessarily split up, but just get clean on my own. If he loves me, he'll do the same, if he loves smack more, he won't. I deserve a boyfriend who thinks of something to do for my birthday, instead of the instant thought as soon as he gets money is to buy smack, especially when he can see how down I was looking as plans that I made fell through, and I'd not heard from my family. I deserve someone who will text me out of the blue to say fancy going for a meal tonight, or just that they love me. Not someone who won't top their phone up as it's a waste when they can just use mine. Who dosen't exepct me to do all the tidying, make sure he's got clean clothes all the time. Basically do everything! Ack, I'm going out to the wet clinic, I can't take my own company today.

Time will tell. I'm tired of this life, physically and mentally. It's taking it's told on my body hard, harder than him and he's got 14 years of it on me. In 14 years he's never had any of the ill health that's happened to me in the just 3 and a bit years i've been using. I'm just a baby in the grand scheme of things when it comes to heroin. Though, I was an alcoholic for 10 years before replacing it with smack, so my immune system had already taken a beating.

 

[pinkpapaver]

you watch yourself there cherry. I knew this auld pair, and the fella out of the couple, his legs were rotting away underneath him. She had abcesses round her lady parts and every where else on her body. (she held her nose and kept her mouth closed while she blew once and a load of shit came out of her ear, like a party trick) It was useful to know them when I got an ulcer on my foot after a pogues concert. That sorbsan is good stuff. Seaweed rocks

 

[opiaterock]

It's my fuckin birthday today and all I want is a couple of god damn lines to smoke!!! This place I live is a joke without a driving licence!!..

 

[kkattastic]

It's my fuckin birthday today and all I want is a couple of god damn lines to smoke!!! This place I live is a joke without a driving licence!!..

I remember 2 birthdays during my adult life with no gear and all i did was sit and think about having no gear-what a waste

 

[Doody OD]

It's my fuckin birthday today and all I want is a couple of god damn lines to smoke!!! This place I live is a joke without a driving licence!!..

Happy Birthday Mate, you not driving?

It's a cunt when you are dependant on others for lifts in order to score, scoring can be difficult enough. Hopefully, you will pick up something later.

 

[opiaterock]

I remember 2 birthdays during my adult life with no gear and all i did was sit and think about having no gear-what a waste

Happy Birthday Mate, you not driving?

It's a cunt when you are dependant on others for lifts in order to score, scoring can be difficult enough. Hopefully, you will pick up something later.

Well one good thing I'm not sick so at least I can enjoy the cider I just been handed!! .. Urge has passed but if the phone rings I'm still buying a bag lol.. No not driving atm mate bummer should have the license again soon tho

 

[gannetsarewe]

Same as you I probably know you 90% chance lmao

I am off the scene a good few years so we may not know each other,all I really do now is pipe a little weed, but we certainly have mutual associates. I will go picking this year, god willing if we have any sort of season. I got some of the weed that you posted in your Friday night stash picture a week or two back, though it was sold to me as Diesel not Blue Cheese, pity you gave it away, it has an amazing push, I spent a day last week, drinking in Foley's, breaking for a pipe of that weed every second pint and had a grand old time in a midweek beer bubble.

 

[opiaterock]

Just glad to have people around on my birthday to be honest, funny the older you get the simpler things are appreciated more..

Still love a fuckin goof tho lol

 

[opiaterock]

I am off the scene a good few years so we may not know each other,all I really do now is pipe a little weed, but we certainly have mutual associates. I will go picking this year, god willing if we have any sort of season. I got some of the weed that you posted in your Friday night stash picture a week or two back, though it was sold to me as Diesel not Blue Cheese, pity you gave it away, it has an amazing push, I spent a day last week, drinking in Foley's, breaking for a pipe of that weed every second pint and had a grand old time in a midweek beer bubble.

Ya that weed was strong as fuck, had the smell of cheese though.. Pungent but very odd for weed

Speaking of picking do you remember the fields that use to be across from the IT? They built student houses there now cunts but they were awesome fields!

 

[gannetsarewe]

The Piggery was the name of that field on account of the old pig farm that used be in the field, a Mate of mine who went to Ag.college said it was the years of pig slurry spread on the land that made it so productive, I remember in the early 90s you could pick til you got bored, thousands and thousands in an afternoon. There was almost a mushroom buffet in the Clarence,, every body passing around paper bags of them to anybody who asked., much rarer to get bumper crops now.

 

[Tryptamite]

Well one good thing I'm not sick so at least I can enjoy the cider I just been handed!! .. Urge has passed but if the phone rings I'm still buying a bag lol.. No not driving atm mate bummer should have the license again soon tho

OR do you have a habit or just dabble or do you have a phy script or what?

I am not from dublin either. But these days I would probably need to score there as I don't have local contacts and want to keep it that way. I've scored in a few different places though, I reckon it's one of those things you're either good at it or not.

Also happy birthday mate!

 

[Pagey]

Hope your bday went well opiaterock.

So I'm back on heroin. Turns out life is just as shit without it so why even try.

 

[opiaterock]

Hope your bday went well opiaterock.

So I'm back on heroin. Turns out life is just as shit without it so why even try.

I know what you mean Pagey, you were doing really well though...
- I think we really need something good in our lives (non-drug related) that can fill that void that heroin leaves...
- but don't beat yourself up over it you will get off it again don't worry you know you can do it now!

 

[opiaterock]

OR do you have a habit or just dabble or do you have a phy script or what?

I am not from dublin either. But these days I would probably need to score there as I don't have local contacts and want to keep it that way. I've scored in a few different places though, I reckon it's one of those things you're either good at it or not.

Also happy birthday mate!

Nah I don't really have a habit these days Tryp...but my binges are getting longer and my dys off are getting fewer so that process has started (developing a hadbit) I guess... damn it

 

[opiaterock]

The Piggery was the name of that field on account of the old pig farm that used be in the field, a Mate of mine who went to Ag.college said it was the years of pig slurry spread on the land that made it so productive, I remember in the early 90s you could pick til you got bored, thousands and thousands in an afternoon. There was almost a mushroom buffet in the Clarence,, every body passing around paper bags of them to anybody who asked., much rarer to get bumper crops now.

Haha i never knew that was the name of it... I do remember 2 of us coming out with 300+ each after about two hours picking one day it must have been over 10 years ago now. Yeah the Clarence used to be awesome, Tuesday nights - e's & mushrooms together walls melting in the place!!