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TDS Coping with living on my own & anger

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warpaint

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 21, 2013
Messages
74
i have been living with my boyfriend for almost a year now. initially it wasnt too hard to get by because we both worked at his family's restaurant where i had a steady schedule and enough hours. their restaurant closed down a few months ago and since then ive been struggling to find a job that i can keep. ive been thru maybe 3 now, and i left them for various reasons-- health issues, not enough hours as promised, sketchy management. at this point ive become really exhausted with constantly applying on craigslist and being constantly let down.

i currently have a job, they promised me 25+ hrs but so far i've been working 10, and my boss says he cant give me more hours because "there are other employees who need hours too". tbh they didn't even need to hire me. anyways it's really been stressing me out and my boyfriend pays a little more than half of the rent. he doesn't mind it at all since he makes a lot more but i hate feeling dependent. and just now he said to me that maybe it's because of my attitude, my employers dont want to give me more shifts. i was really hurt because even though i complain at home about not getting enough hours, i'm smart enough to not jeopardize myself for a job. overall im friendly and nice at work and to customers, i get along with everyone , maybe im not as talkative but i don't put a pout on face throughout my shift or act negative esp in front of my bosses. and it's not like my coworkers have more hrs than me. i complain about not getting enough hours mainly because who can live on 10 hrs a week?

when i try to get a 2nd job, a lot of employers tell me they want me to have open availability. anyways, when he said that i just became really sensitive and angry. it's not the first time where i've confided in him and he responded with something insensitive. when that happens i get a lot of anger pent up inside me, i also feel sad, and i start to throw things around. i act out. i esp act this way when he says something hypocritical. i dont know. i have debts, so does he, and for the past week i haven't been in the greatest state of mind.

I get negative when i over think about living on min wage, the min wage jobs themselves. i'm thinking of going to school soon. but even so, how can i keep up with paying for rent at the same time?

I need some advice or support, on helping me overcome this negativity, and controlling my anger when i think my bf is being insensitive
 
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Hey warpaint.. i would look into positive ways of burning off that frustration and anger.. aerobic exercise is a great way to do that.. 30 minutes of running or kick boxing, swimming, chopping wood, whatever and you may just smile at yourself for getting so upset. another good thing is to communicate your feelings with someone and as you did that with this posts I would bet it made you feel allot better. also remember to try and not let what is outta your control bother you.. if you cant do anything about it try and come to this realization and realize that letting something that is out of your control bother you is a choice you are making. Last i would work on patience.. wooow before you get defensive.. I must have missed the damn line or booth or wherever the handed out patience before we were sent to this planet because I seem to have little or non, so I have to remind myself that things in my life that are fucking with me are not permanent and all I can do is do a reasonable amount of effort to change them and then i have to remember that with a little patience things will change and i will have a whole new and different set of things that are bugging me=D

here is thread mr VAYA is putting together on anger >Anger Management Thread - Under Construction<

hang in there war paint:)
 
Hey warpaint,

Have you considered taking the position that wants open availability and telling your first boss that you can't continue working for less than 1/2 the hours that were promised you? Obviously it's not wise to quit your job without having something else lined up first. I know you're tired of having to do it, but it's better than being screwed around by a boss all the time.

As NSA suggested, finding a way to burn off that frustration is your best bet at the moment. Talking to your boyfriend and explaining how insensitive he's being only adds to your frustration and that you need his support right now, not his criticisms.

I've been in your position before and I understand how you're feeling right now. Hang in there, it will get better.
 
Hey girl..I have walked in your shoes before and it is tough and very frustrating!

Where do you live? I mean, are you in the US? Something to consider and look into regarding school is financial aid and other programs. I know that a lot of places have incentives that will help you with living expenses. I'm not sure what you are interested in going to school for but colleges, universities and also technical vocational schools have financial aid available. Frequently you get a "refund" of excess federal aidand I know that for many people that is enough to help them get by financially with living expenses. And not that I would suggest anyone go into debt to the government for student loans but it is an option. And whatever you don't have to have for tuition and books they just give to you for living expenses or, well, whatever you need. I know my son gets around $6000 back (and that's after everything for school is paid for) every semester. Well, I know it works out that when he splits it up month by month he gets almoat $2000 a month . That's a hell of a lot more than 10 hours of minimum wage. So please look into it. Not only will it help your situation but you will have a huge sense of accomplishment!!

Good luck!
 
It seems like you've hit a bit of a rough patch employment-wise. At least you recognize that you're having a problem with your temper and looking for solutions. I don't break stuff but have been told I shout too much. It sucks because I wasn't always like this and something I need to un-learn. (will check out the anger mgmt. thread, thanks NSA) I only lose it with certain people and I hate it because these are the people I love most. Your boyfriend might not even realize he's hurting your feelings but you can blow up at him because you know you're safe, for lack of a better word.

It's very stressful when you're frustrated with new jobs that don't pan out. One thing I noticed from Craigslist in my area is the same restaurants will post their jobs every month or so. I wondered why they can't keep people or have a high turn over rate. I bet you would do better on Monster.
 
neversickanymore said:
Hey warpaint.. i would look into positive ways of burning off that frustration and anger.. aerobic exercise is a great way to do that.. 30 minutes of running or kick boxing, swimming, chopping wood, whatever and you may just smile at yourself for getting so upset. another good thing is to communicate your feelings with someone and as you did that with this posts I would bet it made you feel allot better. also remember to try and not let what is outta your control bother you.. if you cant do anything about it try and come to this realization and realize that letting something that is out of your control bother you is a choice you are making. Last i would work on patience.. wooow before you get defensive.. I must have missed the damn line or booth or wherever the handed out patience before we were sent to this planet because I seem to have little or non, so I have to remind myself that things in my life that are fucking with me are not permanent and all I can do is do a reasonable amount of effort to change them and then i have to remember that with a little patience things will change and i will have a whole new and different set of things that are bugging me=D

here is thread mr VAYA is putting together on anger >Anger Management Thread - Under Construction<

hang in there war paint:)
Click to expand...

hey thank you so much for the advice and the link :) <3
 
Black Rabbit of Inlè said:
Hey warpaint,

Have you considered taking the position that wants open availability and telling your first boss that you can't continue working for less than 1/2 the hours that were promised you? Obviously it's not wise to quit your job without having something else lined up first. I know you're tired of having to do it, but it's better than being screwed around by a boss all the time.

As NSA suggested, finding a way to burn off that frustration is your best bet at the moment. Talking to your boyfriend and explaining how insensitive he's being only adds to your frustration and that you need his support right now, not his criticisms.

I've been in your position before and I understand how you're feeling right now. Hang in there, it will get better.
Click to expand...

i would only take a job that wants me to have open availability if they offer full-timeish hrs but so far, they're only looking for part time staff, which is why looking for immediate f/t positions or a 2nd p/t job has been difficult. thanks for the support
 
missmeyet? said:
Hey girl..I have walked in your shoes before and it is tough and very frustrating!

Where do you live? I mean, are you in the US? Something to consider and look into regarding school is financial aid and other programs. I know that a lot of places have incentives that will help you with living expenses. I'm not sure what you are interested in going to school for but colleges, universities and also technical vocational schools have financial aid available. Frequently you get a "refund" of excess federal aidand I know that for many people that is enough to help them get by financially with living expenses. And not that I would suggest anyone go into debt to the government for student loans but it is an option. And whatever you don't have to have for tuition and books they just give to you for living expenses or, well, whatever you need. I know my son gets around $6000 back (and that's after everything for school is paid for) every semester. Well, I know it works out that when he splits it up month by month he gets almoat $2000 a month . That's a hell of a lot more than 10 hours of minimum wage. So please look into it. Not only will it help your situation but you will have a huge sense of accomplishment!!

Good luck!
Click to expand...

i live in canada but i haven't really looked into financial aid in regards to school. thanks for the advice though, now that i think about it there should be some aid offered to students who live on their own. otherwise it'd be a tough life to balance
 
T. Calderone said:
It seems like you've hit a bit of a rough patch employment-wise. At least you recognize that you're having a problem with your temper and looking for solutions. I don't break stuff but have been told I shout too much. It sucks because I wasn't always like this and something I need to un-learn. (will check out the anger mgmt. thread, thanks NSA) I only lose it with certain people and I hate it because these are the people I love most. Your boyfriend might not even realize he's hurting your feelings but you can blow up at him because you know you're safe, for lack of a better word.

It's very stressful when you're frustrated with new jobs that don't pan out. One thing I noticed from Craigslist in my area is the same restaurants will post their jobs every month or so. I wondered why they can't keep people or have a high turn over rate. I bet you would do better on Monster.
Click to expand...

yeah you're right, i've been on craigslist compulsively for months and i've noticed the same thing too. a lot of restaurants and businesses constantly repost job ads and it only makes you wonder why they're seemingly always hiring. from my own experience, i find that it's due the shitty hours workers are getting, and not getting what they were promised. another thing is how employers arent usually honest about what a position truly entails. in regards to hours, a lot fo emplyoers don't really give employees with seniority more hours, instead they hire more people. they're basically telling their workers that they're expendable... so in turn workers dont really care about quitting since they know they can just as easily replace someone else. it's a cycle
 
warpaint said:
yeah you're right, i've been on craigslist compulsively for months and i've noticed the same thing too. a lot of restaurants and businesses constantly repost job ads and it only makes you wonder why they're seemingly always hiring. from my own experience, i find that it's due the shitty hours workers are getting, and not getting what they were promised. another thing is how employers arent usually honest about what a position truly entails. in regards to hours, a lot fo emplyoers don't really give employees with seniority more hours, instead they hire more people. they're basically telling their workers that they're expendable... so in turn workers dont really care about quitting since they know they can just as easily replace someone else. it's a cycle
Click to expand...

I never understood this. I'm a restaurant manager myself and do the hiring and rosters, hiring one person and giving them good hours and not lying about the position/benefits is multitudes better than having to hire new people every week or so because you lied and screwed people around. I'd much rather have one good worker for years than hundreds of underpaid workers who are pissed because they don't get any hours.
 
Black Rabbit of Inlè said:
I never understood this. I'm a restaurant manager myself and do the hiring and rosters, hiring one person and giving them good hours and not lying about the position/benefits is multitudes better than having to hire new people every week or so because you lied and screwed people around. I'd much rather have one good worker for years than hundreds of underpaid workers who are pissed because they don't get any hours.
Click to expand...

yeah like how can employers expect loyalty from their workers if they can't show it themselves

they just get more people to work for them so it wont be problematic if someone decides to quit or not show up.

people tend to say it's about proving yourself to these businesses/companies before you get full time hrs, but like i said in a previous post, where i work, it's overstaffed and everyone's part/time except for the cooks. and i don't rly have time to prove myself when i've got bills to pay, esp if i'm only getting 10 hours a week. maybe if i got 20-25, i'd be hopeful.

i'll just have to keep applying. i never stop applying even when i'm hired lol. i just started training for a 2nd job at a natural foods store yesterday and they've got permanent shifts for me, unlike the erratic schedule i have at my restaruant job, totaling about 16 hours. the people there seem genuine, im not expecting much atm but hopefully it works out. i also have a "trial shift" at a juice bar tomorrow morning before i work at the restaurant, and the lady i spoke with seemed pretty enthusiastic and liked my resume. we'll see how it goes... !
 
Black Rabbit of Inlè said:
Good luck with your trial :)

Hopefully you'll be able to walk into the restaurant and tell them to stick their measly shifts up their ass ;) (PROTIP: Don't actually say that)
Click to expand...

didnt end up taking the job because it entailed a lot of food prep + dishwashing and i have rly sensitive hands/ eczema so had to pass up on it. oh well. i might be going for another interview tmr.
 
I imagine you would have a ton of fruit/veggie cutting at the juice bar. When I had a juicer machine it was hard to believe all the stuff needed in order to get a couple cups worth of juice, plus it's messy! The food store sounds like it could work though. Hang in there! :)
 
Hey warpaint it is really a struggle to not get enough hours as you are promised to. I'm not sure if it would be helpful but have you tried job agencies? I live in canada too and I've had some sucesses on some of the agencies. I'm on vacation right now but as soon as I get on a pc again ill message you the links.
 
Maya said:
Hey warpaint it is really a struggle to not get enough hours as you are promised to. I'm not sure if it would be helpful but have you tried job agencies? I live in canada too and I've had some sucesses on some of the agencies. I'm on vacation right now but as soon as I get on a pc again ill message you the links.
Click to expand...

hey, i havent tried agencies and i'm thinking i should probably give up on craigslist soon lol. the links would be great, thanks!
 
just went from no hrs to no days off! =D

today i covered a 3 hr shift at the restaurant but at a different location and i think the manager there liked me so he offered me 2 permanent 3 hrs shifts at lunch, which works out for me because after i finish there, i start my evening shifts at the natural food store which is conveniently 5 mins away. so next week i'm getting f/t hrs! hopefully it all works out for the long run.
 
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