16th issue General Heroin Discussion v hit it raw or bag it up?

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BlueHues said:
^It will grab hold of you and not let go! It's one of the hardest things in the world to stay away from, and you feel so horrible about yourself when you try to quit, it's easier to just keep going with it....

I know the feeling of seeing what it's doing to you day after day and wanting to stop, but hopping right back on the phone the next day!

I've literally wasted my whole life on heroin!....when I was 20 I never thought I'd be 25 and still doing it...when I was 25 I never thought I'd be 30 and still doing it...when I was 30....on and on and on...

Am I gonna be 60 one day saying to myself, "There's no way I'll still be on dope at 70...."

but There's a lot of people out there that have been on heroin for 30, 40 fuckin years!.....Most people that age doing it have retired from the running around in shady dope areas part of it a long time ago....chances are, nobody even knows they do it but their dealer and a few close friends...

Just the way heroin is, it's not like other drugs...the need for it to keep from getting sick will become the most important thing in your life! The physical battle just keeps getting a lot harder.....but the cravings never completely go away either! It's one of the worse things you can choose to start doing, but there's nobody on BL who can say they weren't warned...We were told and we thought we knew better!

I hope there's at least a few people out there that read through these threads and think, "Wow, I don't wanna be like those people, I'm never gonna try that shit!"
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Yeah Ive tried to quit other times with a few months of success but dope just always pops up one way or another. The problem is I don't know what to do if im not high, I turn into an antisocial, depressesed person without dope.
 
tomatalli said:
Yeah Ive tried to quit other times with a few months of success but dope just always pops up one way or another. The problem is I don't know what to do if im not high, I turn into an antisocial, depressesed person without dope.
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You gatta find some hobbies man. Things to occupy your time that make you happy you can immerse yourself in.

I know exactly how you feel. That's how many of us relapse because we just don't know how to live without getting high. It occupies so much of our life that without it... we feel lost and bored.

But, you need to get proactive in replacing it with other things or you'll never get clean. (I'm saying this to myself too, hah.)
 
Yeah, you gotta get out there and live life! The first time I got "clean", I tried turning into a completely different person. I changed the way I dressed, I stopped doing the things I loved doing if they were connected to drugs....I also abstained from using everything...weed, alchohol...

After a few years I was miserable. I'm not meant to waste my life on dope but I'm not meant to live a dull 9-5 existence either! I started travelling a lot....If you live in the US, there's just so much you can go see...I like forests, mountains, deserts etc. Being out in nature calms me down a lot and makes me not feel so stressed out about life...

That's the other thing about quitting dope...you get so down on yourself for wasting all this time that you could have been using to move forward, you feel like you need to make up for lost time...but you can't stress about that because it will make you insane, which will lead you back to heroin...You can't make up for 4 years wasted in a year no matter how hard you try.....I have moments all the time where I'm like "What was I thinking?!"....
 
The problem is I also have chronic pain in my back, neck and right knee/ankle and have for the past year and a half (I'm eighteen). So if I don't use opiates all I can do is lay around. Ive been in PT for the entire length of my pain, have gone to a few specialists and I haven't had much answers and no doctors are willing to treat my chronic pain especially now because I've been prescribed suboxone. If I'm not high I hate life even more, im probably just gonna end up ending it all relatively soon it's just not worth it
 
tomatalli said:
The problem is I also have chronic pain in my back, neck and right knee/ankle and have for the past year and a half (I'm eighteen). So if I don't use opiates all I can do is lay around. Ive been in PT for the entire length of my pain, have gone to a few specialists and I haven't had much answers and no doctors are willing to treat my chronic pain especially now because I've been prescribed suboxone. If I'm not high I hate life even more, im probably just gonna end up ending it all relatively soon it's just not worth it
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Ending your life at 18 would be a real shame, bro... thats so young. There is so much left for you to experience. You can't just call it quits now, man. There are people who have been using 20, 30+ years who are still fighting.

The pain issue does complicate things but, you're young and heal fast. There are ways to deal with it. Many people still manage to live a good and healthy life w/ pain issues.
 
Way too early to call it quits! You could put this behind you like a distant memory at 18! You don't even know who you are or what you're doing yet, you can't just let a little pain get you down just yet!

I'm in my 30s dude and I haven't given up on myself yet....and trust me, I have a lot more reason than you to just "give up", but I like life too much!...You can beat this and never turn back at this point!
 
@scag and blue - I'm not gonna end it, I just get really depressed, my pain starts to flare, and suicide crosses my mind when I'm not high and withdrawals are starting and at that point I was waiting till I could take a shit because I hadn't for a couple days
 
I wanted to die when I was 18 (for different reasons than you, but plenty of them all the same), and now I'm 21. For the most part I enjoy life.

Find a way to progress & make the most of it.


A few weeks ago I got powder instead of tar & it was hands-down the best powder I have ever had from NC. I did less than $10 worth & combined with a bit of clonazepam I almost was down for the count! Besides that I've been doing very well staying off smack :).
 
Bob Loblaw said:
I wanted to die when I was 18 (for different reasons than you, but plenty of them all the same), and now I'm 21. For the most part I enjoy life.

Find a way to progress & make the most of it.


A few weeks ago I got powder instead of tar & it was hands-down the best powder I have ever had from NC. I did less than $10 worth & combined with a bit of clonazepam I almost was down for the count! Besides that I've been doing very well staying off smack :).
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You're in NC and it's all tar for the most part?
 
Today i want to give my nose and tolerance a break and just pop some oxy, who knows I have 5 bags of dope left so I'll probably end up getting high haha
 
Mr.Scagnattie said:
Ha, yeah good luck not doing any dope.
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I didn't make it without snortin any dope, I did only snort two bags and pop oxy throughout the day just enough to stay away from shitting my pants though, hah.

I wanna try and cold turkey it next week, I'll have some dank and hopefully some Valium to get me by. If it gets bad I have enough suboxone to wean down but I'd rather not delay the withdrawls even more.
 
tomatalli said:
I didn't make it without snortin any dope, I did only snort two bags and pop oxy throughout the day just enough to stay away from shitting my pants though, hah.

I wanna try and cold turkey it next week, I'll have some dank and hopefully some Valium to get me by. If it gets bad I have enough suboxone to wean down but I'd rather not delay the withdrawls even more.
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Not a bad plan. Good luck. A quick suboxone taper works well sometimes.
 
Mr.Scagnattie said:
You're in NC and it's all tar for the most part?
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IME yes. From what little I know this is how the dope trade works. Mexicans bring up tar to Charlotte. That's distributed by dealers across the state. Tar is not hard to come by here (IME). For some reason the Mexis had powder this time. I did a smallll shot, let's say I usually pay 2$ for Charlotte tar, maybe a little more. Winston, I'm paying $4-6, on this CLT powder I did less than1$ and I've almost never been that high before.

I only got close to one powder source, and that was a family with ties to Detroit. One guy made the trip & came back with light beige powder. It was usually the same potency. Everynow *& then the colour changed & so did potency. My first dealer was getting tar from one of the main distributors in my area. The tar was from CLT & it was always the same. There's a bigger powder market in CLT, High Point. and Wilmington. I only know a lot about the dopetrade in W-S.
 
Bob Loblaw said:
IME yes. From what little I know this is how the dope trade works. Mexicans bring up tar to Charlotte. That's distributed by dealers across the state. Tar is not hard to come by here (IME). For some reason the Mexis had powder this time. I did a smallll shot, let's say I usually pay 2$ for Charlotte tar, maybe a little more. Winston, I'm paying $4-6, on this CLT powder I did less than1$ and I've almost never been that high before.

I only got close to one powder source, and that was a family with ties to Detroit. One guy made the trip & came back with light beige powder. It was usually the same potency. Everynow *& then the colour changed & so did potency. My first dealer was getting tar from one of the main distributors in my area. The tar was from CLT & it was always the same. There's a bigger powder market in CLT, High Point. and Wilmington. I only know a lot about the dopetrade in W-S.
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Odd. I figured NC being much closer to NY than it is to out west and mexico, they'd just bring powder dope down from the ports like they do going up the east coast.
 
Today's my last day getting high, used the rest of the oxy and dope I had left. I'm extremely close to picking up more oxy but the damn price of it is pushing me away, which is probably more of a good thing then bad.
 
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