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Told my female best friend today either be my gf or don't ever talk to me anymore..

shahab6

shahab6

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 30, 2000
Messages
2,371
Location
California
So my female best friend came over my house few days ago, and shes like massage my back, I went a little bit too far, so two days later, she got mad at me, saying what I did was not appropriated. And she said will never stay at my house. Or come over that night for my birthday... So I told her, I can't just be your friend anymore.. She got angry, and said Im not attractive to you , and blah. So I said its fine, but I can't be your friend anymore.. At first she said, fine. Then shes like drop this conversation and apologize, and I will forget about it. But I said im serious.. She's like fine, then blocked me on fb. then she text me saying how I hurt her feeling, and if i drop this, she will come over tonight... Then 30 mins later, She said I want to meet you, and lets talk in person. I told her it fine...And that was that...

Was this wrong what I did? Few reasons I can't be her friend, one shes broke, so Im always paying for her.. 2. She lives so far. It takes us 1 hour drive to see each other.. Its just so much hassle to be friends. Also I feel like Im doing to much for her, as a friend, as shes getting most of the benefits from this friendship, than me..

I feel bad for what I did, but I feel like I did the right thing..
 
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you guys put each other in shitty positions so either way everyone will eventually lose.

break up now and don't make the same choices/decisions in the future.
 
BlueHues said:
^^So, if you were involved sexually you'd be happy with the way things are with you guys?
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not just sexually, I want her to be my gf. We are already spending 2-3 none stop days a week together. I feel like lines are getting blurry.

I like her too much, to just be her friend.. But at the same time, I feel like I can no longer can just be her friend. As as of now, shes seeking way to much attention from me. But by telling her this, I feel like, this is a good excuse for me to let her go... I knew she would say no, but this was a good reason for me to drop her. Or at least make her think about it...
 
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If the lines are getting blurry you need to sit down and talk it out with her. make your intentions clear and don't get angry if she rejects them.

I feel the way you handled things was a little wrong. She got pissed because you 'went too far' while giving her a backrub, which is understandable and the logical thing would have been to apologize and giver her some space for a while before talking to her about your feelings.

If you're in a friendship for 'benefits' it's not a friendship.
 
manboychef said:
Dude, your friend zoned...she has it to good with you...just wait till she is attracted to one of your friends.
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I know. thats why I dropping her. I tried dropping her a few times before, but he always starts crying and apologizing and etc.But this time, she has a choice to pick..
 
Black Rabbit of Inlè said:
If the lines are getting blurry you need to sit down and talk it out with her. make your intentions clear and don't get angry if she rejects them.

I feel the way you handled things was a little wrong. She got pissed because you 'went too far' while giving her a backrub, which is understandable and the logical thing would have been to apologize and giver her some space for a while before talking to her about your feelings.

If you're in a friendship for 'benefits' it's not a friendship.
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I mean I knew what she was going to say, I only said this cause I got angry, about what she said, and her not coming to my house for my bd. I guess I mostly said it because I wanted to end the friendship, but in the back of my mind, I thought she might say ok..
 
I think so. Obviously just being friends was something that seemed to be a bit emotionally uncomfortable (for lack of better wording) for you. I also get the impression that you were feeling kind of taken advantage of and not able to put up boundaries. Maybe you could have handled it differently. You could have just told her that you need space to deal with your feelings and cutting contact for a while is the best option for you.

Rejection sucks!
 
LilbabiC said:
I think so. Obviously just being friends was something that seemed to be a bit emotionally uncomfortable (for lack of better wording) for you. I also get the impression that you were feeling kind of taken advantage of and not able to put up boundaries. Maybe you could have handled it differently. You could have just told her that you need space to deal with your feelings and cutting contact for a while is the best option for you.

Rejection sucks!
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Yea ur right. I should of just said that.. but after she texted me and saying she wants to meet in person I told her just give me some time to think..
 
Also ur right I should of put boundaries.. the thing is shes completely broke so I didnt have a choice not paying when going out.. we would be out 30 hours at a time I couldnt just not spend money..
 
I think its a sucky situation but I can totally understand where you were coming from. You were right about her getting more out of the relationship. She was getting the kind of attention and benefits that girls often get from boyfriends but you were getting very little. She might not have been doing this intentionally but that doesn't change the way it makes you feel.
 
scureto1 said:
I think its a sucky situation but I can totally understand where you were coming from. You were right about her getting more out of the relationship. She was getting the kind of attention and benefits that girls often get from boyfriends but you were getting very little. She might not have been doing this intentionally but that doesn't change the way it makes you feel.
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Ur right. Im going to give this some time and see what she does, worse case ill just go back being friends but with boundaries. Best case she decide she misses me and will decide to be my gf.. I got nothing to lose, and its will make her think.. but I doubt I can just be friends again.
 
Black Rabbit of Inlè said:
She got pissed because you 'went too far' while giving her a backrub, which is understandable and the logical thing would have been to apologize.

If you're in a friendship for 'benefits' it's not a friendship.
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I did apologize, I told her I didn't think she would mind.as she wasn't saying anything for a full 3min, and she only said stop. Only the next night she brought it. Btw she sleeps over. I know what I did was a bit to far. But u know shes good looking shes sleeping in my room half naked, and she tells me to massage her with her shirt off. And for her to get offened just pissed me. And call me dangerous and a molester is messed up..plus we are so close together, she should of allowed it. Or just told me not to do that anymore
 
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shahab6 said:
So my female best friend came over my house few days ago, and shes like massage my back, I went a little bit too far, so two days later, she got mad at me, saying what I did was not appropriated. And she said will never stay at my house. Or come over that night for my birthday... So I told her, I can't just be your friend anymore.. She got angry, and said Im not attractive to you , and blah. So I said its fine, but I can't be your friend anymore.. At first she said, fine. Then shes like drop this conversation and apologize, and I will forget about it. But I said im serious.. She's like fine, then blocked me on fb. then she text me saying how I hurt her feeling, and if i drop this, she will come over tonight... Then 30 mins later, She said I want to meet you, and lets talk in person. I told her it fine...And that was that...

Was this wrong what I did? Few reasons I can't be her friend, one shes broke, so Im always paying for her.. 2. She lives so far. It takes us 1 hour drive to see each other.. Its just so much hassle to be friends. Also I feel like Im doing to much for her, as a friend, as shes getting most of the benefits from this friendship, than me..

I feel bad for what I did, but I feel like I did the right thing..
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Well then, don't feel so bad. She sounds awfully dramatic... like my BFF. Don't worry, she doesn't miss you (lol).

Girls like that are obviously unstable therefore not worth having a relationship over...
 
shahab6 said:
I did apologize, I told her I didn't think she would mind.as she wasn't saying anything for a full 3min, and she only said stop. Only the next night she brought it. Btw she sleeps over. I know what I did was a bit to far. But u know shes good looking shes sleeping in my room half naked, and she tells me to massage her with her shirt off. And for her to get offened just pissed me. And call me dangerous and a molester is messed up..plus we are so close together, she should of allowed it. Or just told me not to do that anymore
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"give me a back rub" then "arghh you're molester". nah she's not good to be around.:|

she either does fancy you but gives mixed signals OR loves the power of pricteasing you then making you out to be an asshole.

NONE of my non sexual friends EVER ask for back massages. its just too much touching for genuine friendliness.

imagine two straight men and one asks the other for a back massage.

now you have it in context. if its completely innocuous then why does that above situation i conjured sound wrong?
 
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