Down that Fabulous Heroin ride..again.

[baerr]

Soo, i havent been back on here in quite some time. Things are looking a little different here so im going to the darkside with this post.
As it comes again, I am detoxing from heroin, hopefully for the last time..
i had been clean for about 6 months, but then my best friend had moved back here, bringing some amazing china back with her, which lead me to taking quite a bender. I am used to tar heroin, however this smack china is much stronger. Making my W/ds much harsher. Now i only relapsed for two weeks, IV half g a day. Im on the end of day one with no H, and im ready to jump out of my skin allready. I guess im just going crazy and wanting to vent this out. Cause honestly i knew better than put myself in this position again. I got some kratom and a little tramadol for when things get horrible, however i dont wanna get a new addiction, which is why im not taking the suboxone, methadone way out this time. Any thoughts? have any of you ever kicked H without subs or dones?
im allready going crazy, why didnt i know better? seriously idk if ill ever learn.

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey baerr sorry you find yourself here again >clonidine< and >neurontin<

These two drugs (the clonidine dosed for every four hours) should ease back allot of those symptoms pretty good. They both will be easily picked up from a dr by telling them you need them for opiat withdrawal.. remember to use the kratom sparingly or you will just get hooked on that. IMO it is allot easier to just kick heroin than to try some wishful thinking partial antagonist tapper. IF you were to not take the kratt you would be over the hill in three days and feeling better each and every day until you escaped that tunnel just one more time at around day ten.. the medications I suggested will undoubtedly have a positive effect of your detox. yeah detoxing china sucks but its short. You got this.. a little while you will be done again.

 

[ad lib]

A prescription from your doctor for a benzodiazepine (used short term during withdrawal) may help ease the symptoms.

 

[baerr]

Hey baerr sorry you find yourself here again >clonidine< and >neurontin<

These two drugs (the clonidine dosed for every four hours) should ease back allot of those symptoms pretty good. They both will be easily picked up from a dr by telling them you need them for opiat withdrawal.. remember to use the kratom sparingly or you will just get hooked on that. IMO it is allot easier to just kick heroin than to try some wishful thinking partial antagonist tapper. IF you were to not take the kratt you would be over the hill in three days and feeling better each and every day until you escaped that tunnel just one more time at around day ten.. the medications I suggested will undoubtedly have a positive effect of your detox. yeah detoxing china sucks but its short. You got this.. a little while you will be done again.

Thank you Neversickanymore
I am doing what i can to try and stay busy, but damn it is sure hard. I would think after going through this so many times i would get used to the feels. But who are kidding? ha
I have thought about getting a benzo to help me out but i guess im trying to get through this without as many meds as possible, i really dont want to get addicted to anything else.
At this point i cant really tell if the kratom is even helping right now, i think my w/ds are so strong right now that its not going to affect me. Maybe thats a good thing, so i dont get dependent on that.
I just want to kick this for the LAST TIME, i dont want to use suboxone or methadone, or hardly anything else. I just want to be CLEAN! I'm tired of being sick from all this shit!
I am just finding it difficult making it through this horrid w/ds.

 

[neversickanymore]

Nice work.. your doing great!!!.. one last time into the breach. The meds I suggested aren't addicting.. check out the links. Just designed to help with the burning skin, restless legs, etc. Check out the links, they really help quite a bit and you will be able to stop them rite away when they aren't needed. Krat is an opiate antagonist and will help a bit but may keep you in withdrawal in the end. You know the drill. Push through. Just keep pushing through. Your doing great.. quit beating yourself up. Hang in there.. and stay focused on all the good things about pulling outa this relapse and fuckn throw all the disgust, shame and whatever else you are making yourself miserable over.. a little longer and your back to good!!

 

[pro re nata]

hi baerr.. .. you have an amazing outlook/spirit for breaking on through and past this detox! since your relapse was only two weeks and you had six months clean time it looks like you will have a rough 3-4 days and it should really start to ezzzzz up for you. keep up the good work and wonderful inner strength! keep well hydrated and try to be as physical as possible... i know it is crazy, you feel like you can not even walk 20 feet but then you can not sleep at all. i have detoxed straight through a couple times, each time was easier just cause i knew what was coming but yeah nothing ever you get use to! it will feel sooooo good pulling past this. just take each moment as it comes before you know it, it will be over!!

 

[baerr]

hi baerr.. .. you have an amazing outlook/spirit for breaking on through and past this detox! since your relapse was only two weeks and you had six months clean time it looks like you will have a rough 3-4 days and it should really start to ezzzzz up for you. keep up the good work and wonderful inner strength! keep well hydrated and try to be as physical as possible... i know it is crazy, you feel like you can not even walk 20 feet but then you can not sleep at all. i have detoxed straight through a couple times, each time was easier just cause i knew what was coming but yeah nothing ever you get use to! it will feel sooooo good pulling past this. just take each moment as it comes before you know it, it will be over!!

Thank you pro
i am trying to hang in there, your words have made me feel better, i do not feel so alone now.
I feel like everytime it gets worse, and i woke up the other day in w/ds thinking, "i dont know if i can go through this again!"
My soul and body is just too exhausted from it and im tired of it! Last time no more. thank you again.

 

[manboychef]

You got this baer. Just remember this is only a little road bump and it will pass.

Do you have any hobbies, or books you been dying to read? Get out and get just a little sun on your skin. You are stronger than this. If you beat it before...you got it again.

 

[pro re nata]

yeah NO MORE! i do love the title of this thread you started, it really is perfect.. "Down that Fabulous Heroin ride..again." lol.. it so sums it up. .. very nicely put!

you are so not alone. you are being honest and straight up, that is going to give you much respect and support. i totally hear you about being so sick and tired of being sick and tired. it is completely exhausting and draining on your mind/body/soul... . that is why you are going to break right through this. you had a bit of a hicc-up at 6 months clean, it happens. just do not be hard on yourself and remember shit happens, it is awesome that you caught it at two weeks and not two months. got to try and build on positive aspects and keep moving forward. i would try to stay away from using the tramadol and barrel roll through the next few days. i really feel where you are at with you levels by day 3 the worse will be over... your like half way there! yes it will be a rougher week, but it is only a week. do you have any vitamins and or supplements to help?? wright down little reminders to yourself of feelings/thoughts that you are having along the ride to look at and remind you.... .. "Last Time, NO MORE"

you can and will make it through this!!

 

[baerr]

You got this baer. Just remember this is only a little road bump and it will pass.

Do you have any hobbies, or books you been dying to read? Get out and get just a little sun on your skin. You are stronger than this. If you beat it before...you got it again.

Thank you manboychef! im actually thinking about getting into some more gaming to pass the time and keep my mind somewhere else, i have an old n64 and pretty rad games that i need to get back into

 

[baerr]

yeah NO MORE! i do love the title of this thread you started, it really is perfect.. "Down that Fabulous Heroin ride..again." lol.. it so sums it up. .. very nicely put!

you are so not alone. you are being honest and straight up, that is going to give you much respect and support. i totally hear you about being so sick and tired of being sick and tired. it is completely exhausting and draining on your mind/body/soul... . that is why you are going to break right through this. you had a bit of a hicc-up at 6 months clean, it happens. just do not be hard on yourself and remember shit happens, it is awesome that you caught it at two weeks and not two months. got to try and build on positive aspects and keep moving forward. i would try to stay away from using the tramadol and barrel roll through the next few days. i really feel where you are at with you levels by day 3 the worse will be over... your like half way there! yes it will be a rougher week, but it is only a week. do you have any vitamins and or supplements to help?? wright down little reminders to yourself of feelings/thoughts that you are having along the ride to look at and remind you.... .. "Last Time, NO MORE"

you can and will make it through this!!

Yes, pretty much! its basically how i feel every time i fallow lady H on a way street! to HELL that is.
I dont do well with w/ds, i seriously go stir crazy, so its really hard on me, and i refuse to deal with it again later on the road.
yes, you know what i mean? Just sick of being sick and jumping back and fourth through all this wack shit making my mind and body all out of wack. I'm definatly trying to stay away from the tramadol, today i only took 100mg in the morning. Mornings seem to be when its at my worst for me. Lack of sleep, irritable and just feeling like absolute shit! Tomarrow is day three though! I just need to keep my sanity and ride this out! Cause i know i will feel much better later on, Hopefully. Thank you for the support pro, it is SO MUCH appreciated.

 

[caseface99]

OP - PLEASE don't take this the wrong way, as it's not meant to sound mean...

You only relapsed for two weeks, and you think you're havin BAD withdrawals? Like I said, don't get me wrong.. Withdrawing is NEVER fun regardless of how much you have used... But two weeks? You ever detox a steady habit of good H after using for over a year? Multiple years? Because you got lucky here man.. This entire situation could have turned out much worse.

Please, like I said, don't get me wrong.. I AM NOT trying to discount the pain you're in and say suck it up and stop complaining - Not at all. What I'm trying to show you is that the pain your feeling is just a taste of what is to come if you relapse again and aren't so lucky and stop right away.

That being said, I really am super happy that you've lost the source and you're detoxing after two weeks!
This really could have turned out much worse if you had a steady supply of dope. Not only could the run have turned out much worse but you were using china, but only experienced with tar - which means you could have accidentally overdosed very easily so I'm also super happy that didn't happen!

So keep up the good work and stay strong! Like I said detox is never easy, regardless of the habit. I DO believe when you say you're in pain, I just wanted to remind you how much worse it can be so that maybe in the future you make more positive choices! You had 6 months, right? No reason to go on benders and make yourself feel like this again, ya know? Everytime you survive something like this, you get lucky and statistically speaking have a lower chance of comin out of it successfully and safe.

So good luck and stay strong! Remember we'll always be here to support you!


By the way I really am so proud of you for not turning back to tar or pills after the china ran out! Good for you!

 

[cj]

Dont torture yourself get some benzos and weed. Trying to c/t heroin statistacally decreases your chances of long term success.

 

[caseface99]

^^ This is simply not true. Trading one addiction for multiple others is hardly success...

 

[pro re nata]

hey there baerr.. .. sooo how is day three coming along? you holding up ok? i hope you were able to get some sleep! for me the days/nights would just blur together, i would try to do things to make me tired then go sit in the tub and turn the shower on. after this and some nice fresh clothes i could usually pass out for a little bit.. . even an hour or two would be amazing! you know it gets way better as time passes.. look at it as a challenge in your "last" stand off.

yeah i totally know what you mean about- REFUSING to dealing with "it" again later on the road. time to turn off that steep, windy, oh so cooo-old road! no - no no,NO MORE. no one i think really does well with withdrawal, well maybe there is someone out there that likes the process.. yikes. having dealt with what you have in the past use that as reflections of really good momentum to stride right on by it this time. you are at day three, that is awesome you do not have that much more muck to wattle through. before you know it those slow minutes turn to hours turn to days and break out into weeks!! i too this past year went through yet "another" detox and i am using all the things i can to make it stick this time around. i was not coming out of a two week relapse though so i see it as you are really are ahead of the curve.. . now you are just rounding it off to pull back into the straights, away from grumpy, thrumpy old lady H!!

you got this!!

ummm are you doing anything to help work out those bugs of stir craziness?? trying to go for a little walk (i know), going out side and just beating the ground with a stick, drawling, writing, telling the tv to fuck off!

try to stay positive and looking forward.. . you are doing a great thing!

 

[bennyZA]

Idk Caseface. Benzos make it easier to withdraw mentally, but they don't make a lot of the physical symptoms go away. For some people this is the route to go. If you can't finish detoxing because wd sucks so much, then maybe it's time to try a short term benzo program that your doc will oversee.

Oh, and I don't see what's wrong with smoking tons of weed. If you exchange your heroin habit for a weed habit then I think you are in really, really good shape.

 

[baerr]

OP - PLEASE don't take this the wrong way, as it's not meant to sound mean...

You only relapsed for two weeks, and you think you're havin BAD withdrawals? Like I said, don't get me wrong.. Withdrawing is NEVER fun regardless of how much you have used... But two weeks? You ever detox a steady habit of good H after using for over a year? Multiple years? Because you got lucky here man.. This entire situation could have turned out much worse.

Please, like I said, don't get me wrong.. I AM NOT trying to discount the pain you're in and say suck it up and stop complaining - Not at all. What I'm trying to show you is that the pain your feeling is just a taste of what is to come if you relapse again and aren't so lucky and stop right away.

That being said, I really am super happy that you've lost the source and you're detoxing after two weeks!
This really could have turned out much worse if you had a steady supply of dope. Not only could the run have turned out much worse but you were using china, but only experienced with tar - which means you could have accidentally overdosed very easily so I'm also super happy that didn't happen!

So keep up the good work and stay strong! Like I said detox is never easy, regardless of the habit. I DO believe when you say you're in pain, I just wanted to remind you how much worse it can be so that maybe in the future you make more positive choices! You had 6 months, right? No reason to go on benders and make yourself feel like this again, ya know? Everytime you survive something like this, you get lucky and statistically speaking have a lower chance of comin out of it successfully and safe.

So good luck and stay strong! Remember we'll always be here to support you!


By the way I really am so proud of you for not turning back to tar or pills after the china ran out! Good for you!

absolutely, I understand what you are saying. This is actually VERY weird to me.
I had been a user for three years before this, quit for a month, then went back for a month, all that bullshit. Finally quit for 6 months. And it took every single one of those months to feel completely well. However this is WEIRD to me because this time My w.ds are pretty strong. Not as strong as when i quit after three years, but still strong. I think more than anything i am just sick of putting my body through this, I'm running out of energy ya know? day one waking up i immediately thought "I just cant do this anymore" I'm just tired of being sick. And maybe this will help others who were stuck my shoes, constantly bouncing back and fourth, its no way to live. Thank you for your words though i appreciate your support

 

[baerr]

hey there baerr.. .. sooo how is day three coming along? you holding up ok? i hope you were able to get some sleep! for me the days/nights would just blur together, i would try to do things to make me tired then go sit in the tub and turn the shower on. after this and some nice fresh clothes i could usually pass out for a little bit.. . even an hour or two would be amazing! you know it gets way better as time passes.. look at it as a challenge in your "last" stand off.

yeah i totally know what you mean about- REFUSING to dealing with "it" again later on the road. time to turn off that steep, windy, oh so cooo-old road! no - no no,NO MORE. no one i think really does well with withdrawal, well maybe there is someone out there that likes the process.. yikes. having dealt with what you have in the past use that as reflections of really good momentum to stride right on by it this time. you are at day three, that is awesome you do not have that much more muck to wattle through. before you know it those slow minutes turn to hours turn to days and break out into weeks!! i too this past year went through yet "another" detox and i am using all the things i can to make it stick this time around. i was not coming out of a two week relapse though so i see it as you are really are ahead of the curve.. . now you are just rounding it off to pull back into the straights, away from grumpy, thrumpy old lady H!!

you got this!!

ummm are you doing anything to help work out those bugs of stir craziness?? trying to go for a little walk (i know), going out side and just beating the ground with a stick, drawling, writing, telling the tv to fuck off!

try to stay positive and looking forward.. . you are doing a great thing!

Well guess what? I fucking slept lastnight! who knew? i did sorta comatose myself though lol But i am happy that i actually slept, sleep really does effect you in a positive way. Other than that i am doing better, body aches and such are setting in but that i can deal with no problem. Its the cold and hot flashes that make me wanna off myself lol.
That is good news pro, just keep hangin there and you can beat this too! how long were you using for? and how long did you spend in rehab?
well i hope you stay strong and just keep on doing what you are doing
Well right now, I'm not doing too much, i actually should be but ive just been kinda keeping it easy. I ended up unfortunately losing my job, so it will give me something to do to find a new one

 

[neversickanymore]

Bigger and better things baerr.. bigger and better things.. the mood in your post is starting to sound better and better.. and with the sleep I think you may nave turned the corner on this detox and hopefully should be starting to feel better and better.. I hope this is the case and that you soon find some relief. Just keep those thoughts positive and keep plugging baerr

 

[pro re nata]

baerr slept..!? oooh.. . would you imagine that! sleeps are soooo, so nice.

well dang with sleep and hopefully more sleep you really should be pulling through strongly and those shivvvers to sweats should start to let up for you. really sweet that you are not having any issues with having the jimmy legs! i always found it kind of silly when all of a sudden out of no where you get hit by a cold shake all through out your body- especially if other people caught a glimpse. got to try and find some humor in the goofy little twerks in going through it because it is so darn miserable a little smile can go a long way. you doing/feeling ok? taking some ibuprofen or naproxen for the aches and pains? you are totally beating this thing down.. . and doing a great job!

seems kind of like a good time to be in-between employment in giving you the space to deal with this and not be stressed about "timing". i know that could be a bitch for me and also seemed to justify "oh yeah i just need to get through this... then i can".. yep ok, right. this could be a great time to evaluate/consider some directions to help continue in your recovery and maybe trying to connect it to a job you might wana look into. i was having a really tough time in managing my work and trying to address my health/addiction. they really played off each other or fed into each other or both. i had to totally take a step back at a certain point and decide what was most important- the choice was recovery. with out it eventually (sooner then later i am sure) there would of been no "career" any way.

thanks for the good words b!! i still am in re-hab- just kidding. i actually have never gone to a real rehab facility, not to say i would not have gone. i am at a point now where this is the longest i have been opiate free sine 05!! i need to get an ice cream cake. i am really, really happy to have made it to this point and to keep looking forward. just like you it has been a roller coaster of events and use. i too want no more. it feels so nice to be consistently day in and day out with out having to use to regulate what "seems" like stability.

hope you get some rest again... are feeling better bit by bit.. keep going and keep up the good work!!