The Sad Thread (Anti-Snoo)

[gayorstraight]

It always takes two to tango. Why are you always to blame?

 

[Pagey]

^Agreed. Why would everything always be your fault? If she always blames you about everything that probably says more about her than it does you Cornish, no?

 

[Allein]

Me and Mrs A used the relate service last year, it really helped and was instrumental in saving our relationship.

It was really useful having an impartial person listen to both parties and guide us towards resolving or at least recognising our problems.

I appreciate this may not be an option Cornish.

Your relationship will not be sustainable if one party is constantly being blamed for the relationships short comings, resentment and absence of genuine forgiveness will destroy any relationship.

I've been with Mrs A for 28 years, it is true to say that I give more cause for concern than she does me, my drug use, my mental health etc but I have made sacrifices and compromises over the years to accommodate her wishes also.

I think we now try much harder to see the good and tolerate the stuff we don't like so much or raise the issue, agree a way forward and forgive.

I don't know your situation but if you don't think you can work towards a more equal relationship without resentments and blame it may be better to move on now rather than continue and both be unhappy.

 

[Cornishman]

The problem is I don't have anywhere near her income, so despite me giving literally everything to her it's never gonna be enough.

She says 'I can't afford to pay for both of our habits' to which I tell her 'same here'.

But it's like it doesn't matter. The fact I offer her every penny I get isn't enough.

I can see her P.O.V though because she's spending far more than I am, but it's not like I make her.

Tbh I would be better off like I was. Doing bits n bobs and using all my money to fund my own lil habit.

Since I moved in with her my use has skyrocketed. Not good.

And it's not her fault, it's just a bad combo having 2 junkies living together.

Apart from that it's like she's trying to get a reaction from me alot of the time. Complaining that I can't wash the dishes properly (which is ridiculous. I even take extra care because I know how OCD she is).

Or whinging about something that needs doing (ie mowing the lawn) and then complaining about something else as soon as I start to mow the lawn for instance.

When I asked her earlier if she would be happy if I raked the loose grass up she wouldn't even answer me?! (probably coz nothing will ever make her happy!).

Also accusing me of losing her house keys, and her mobile phone etc. When I've never even touched them.

I managed to keep hold of the same clipper lighter for half a decade ffs (even during my alcoholism/crack smoking days).
Within 1 week of being with her she lost like 3 of my lighters. She's scatty as hell but has the audacity to blame me for her shortcomings.

Now I can't even bare to wash the dishes because I feel like there's no pleasing her. Nothing's ever good enough. /rant

 

[Pagey]

Are you sure the breakup that seems inevitable is a bad thing, Cornish? I know it must be really tough but you don't seem happy at all with her. You sound like you're putting a shitload into this relationship, you don't deserve to have that thrown back in your face. If heroin is also a big part of your relationship that really can't be good it might help to be able to clear your head on your own a bit, without having to deal with somebody's blame on top of it? In any case I hope things go okay

 

[Cornishman]

Are you sure the breakup that seems inevitable is a bad thing, Cornish? I know it must be really tough but you don't seem happy at all with her. You sound like you're putting a shitload into this relationship, you don't deserve to have that thrown back in your face. If heroin is also a big part of your relationship that really can't be good it might help to be able to clear your head on your own a bit, without having to deal with somebody's blame on top of it? In any case I hope things go okay

Thanks.
I guess unless I can sort some extra income then we're deffo gonna be through.

God I hate this lifestyle.

 

[Allein]

I can understand the complication of your combined drug use but conflict over money is a bad sign.

I earn 5 times more than Mrs A, for a good few years she didn't work at all, it's not for everyone but we don't have separate money at all, just the one current account.

We did this well before having kids, I hate money matters and couldn't deal with owing each other money.

It sounds like your shared drug addictions are flavouring your relationship and there is resentment over who gets what, I've not been in that situation but it must make sustaining a healthy relationship more difficult, effectively you both have another relationship on the go.

Are you reliant on her money to maintain your habit ? if so your never going to feel on an even footing and you must have some insecurities that you could be left with a serious supply issue.

I hope you get things sorted out, it's clearly not making you happy at the moment and as Pagey suggests maybe it's time to give yourself some distance and regain your independence, you may be able to reform this relationship on a more even footing.

 

[ShopperCheck]

Thanks.
I guess unless I can sort some extra income then we're deffo gonna be through.

God I hate this lifestyle.

If you have a webcam and an internet connection, make money by putting things in your bum on websites like cam4 and chaturbate.

 

[Pagey]

Fucking computer just completely died, with my novel on it. I'd only backed it up before I started editing it, so I've just lost my last 4-5 months of work. Completely gutted.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Fucking computer just completely died, with my novel on it. I'd only backed it up before I started editing it, so I've just lost my last 4-5 months of work. Completely gutted.

Shit! That is bad news.. but there may be ways round it. When you say your computer has 'died', what actually has died? If the hard drive has failed then you're pretty much buggered. But if not, then you have the option of putting it in another computer. Also, was your work on MS Word? If so, then Word is pretty clever and usually makes auto-backups pretty regularly so you might not have lost all that you think you have.. Here's hopin'...

 

[lurching]

Even if the drive has failed there's still a bunch of data recovery options, some of them more involved and costly than others.

 

[monstanoodle]

I've not read through this thread in quite a while, and if I was on it then I was being selfish and just trying to get stuff off my chest.

But fuuuuck - My heart hurts and my brain wishes it could help those of you who mean a lot to me (you know who you are) and also for those who I barely know who are going through heavy shit ~~

(((((((((((((((((( Huge Virtual Cuggle )))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry that I can't help in any way except tappitytap on this fucking keyboard, which probably isn't doing shit all to help

 

[jancrow]

Pagey, elaborate on what you mean by 'died' and you'll get some more useful responses.... fingers crossed.

Nish, sounds dire, where were you living before? Do you think that a bit of space might help / can you or would you want to move out and get a bit of perspective? I ain't judging ya but you seemed to move in together pretty sharpish which can put hella strain on a relationship.

 

[Morphling]

Eeeesh. Pagey love, there are people who specialize in data recovery, as others have mentioned. Ring them up and find out what can be done!

 

[jancrow]

I reckon let us all know what's happened to the computer here before calling anyone, because that crowd are NOT CHEAP and may well not be necessary - when I lost a huge commercial project which was about half finished I rang round a bit and the prices they quoted me made me feel like killing myself.

24 hours later I had all the data back and knew a lot more about computers. Granted not everyone's going to want to do it that way but a lot of data recovery firms pretty much hold your data to ransom and charge the earth for relatively simple procedures.

 

[Morphling]

Hmm, that's true. If the hard drive isn't damaged all you have to do is hook it up to a different machine, and presto, nothing lost. Pagey is a bright girl and grew up with computers I assume, so we could be totally off base, that's true Jancrow.

Course, five months of slaving on creative work is worth a few quid, innit.

I'll shut up now and go back to my corner. Best of luck with it, Pagey!

 

[jancrow]

Sorry I wasn't gainsaying you for the sake of it! Just thinking about some of the nut-withering (without VAT, even) prices I got over the phone from various people. Like you say it could just be a case of whacking the drive out and sticking it in another machine... or even less than that.

Or it could be that she's dropped a laptop in the bath while doing a bathing in baked beans charity challenge, in which case, erm well hmmm.

 

[Morphling]

Oh, for sure. I occasionally do computer work for a physician friend, and I had to haggle with the data recovery people once or twice. The prices were horrific, but thankfully he could afford it.

Pagey is a student, right? What I would do is talk to the graduate students in the computer and technical programs. They'd offer a much better rate! Tis worth a try anyway.

Hopefully Pagey didn't drop it in the bath, or the puter won't be the only thing a bit frazzled and out of order! lol

 

[Pagey]

Shit! That is bad news.. but there may be ways round it. When you say your computer has 'died', what actually has died? If the hard drive has failed then you're pretty much buggered. But if not, then you have the option of putting it in another computer. Also, was your work on MS Word? If so, then Word is pretty clever and usually makes auto-backups pretty regularly so you might not have lost all that you think you have.. Here's hopin'...

Even if the drive has failed there's still a bunch of data recovery options, some of them more involved and costly than others.

Pagey, elaborate on what you mean by 'died' and you'll get some more useful responses.... fingers crossed.

Eeeesh. Pagey love, there are people who specialize in data recovery, as others have mentioned. Ring them up and find out what can be done!

I reckon let us all know what's happened to the computer here before calling anyone, because that crowd are NOT CHEAP and may well not be necessary - when I lost a huge commercial project which was about half finished I rang round a bit and the prices they quoted me made me feel like killing myself.

24 hours later I had all the data back and knew a lot more about computers. Granted not everyone's going to want to do it that way but a lot of data recovery firms pretty much hold your data to ransom and charge the earth for relatively simple procedures.

Hmm, that's true. If the hard drive isn't damaged all you have to do is hook it up to a different machine, and presto, nothing lost. Pagey is a bright girl and grew up with computers I assume, so we could be totally off base, that's true Jancrow.

Course, five months of slaving on creative work is worth a few quid, innit.

I'll shut up now and go back to my corner. Best of luck with it, Pagey!

Sorry I wasn't gainsaying you for the sake of it! Just thinking about some of the nut-withering (without VAT, even) prices I got over the phone from various people. Like you say it could just be a case of whacking the drive out and sticking it in another machine... or even less than that.

Or it could be that she's dropped a laptop in the bath while doing a bathing in baked beans charity challenge, in which case, erm well hmmm.

Thanks a lot for all the answers
The computer had been struggling for a while but for some reason I thought I still had enough time not to bother backing everything up yet, and it would appear the hard drive has finally failed (sadly not as entertaining as your explanation jancrow!). Sooo I have no idea what to do, I only know how to recuperate stuff if the hard drive is okay
Anyone know how to recuperate the data regardless, preferably without paying extortionate amounts? Or do I definitely have to go through specialists for that?

Edit - just saw this

Pagey is a student, right? What I would do is talk to the graduate students in the computer and technical programs. They'd offer a much better rate! Tis worth a try anyway.

Oh that could be a good idea actually, thanks...problem is I won't be back at uni for another month but if I can't afford any of the other options that should be worth the wait

 

[jancrow]

How do you know that the hard drive has failed?
Could you let us know the circumstances in which it occurred, any noises, error messages, info about the machine?
EG are you on a Mac/ PC/ other, is this the system drive (ie the one you boot from) or a secondary, or even external drive?

(btw I don't know what level your tech knowledge is at which is why I ask so sorry if this seems basic!)