Hello. Heroin is ruining my life, and..I need help

[pro re nata]

hey Cody.. . how are you doing? well that is good news that your current use is at one bag a day! do you think you can continue and work on reducing your dose while you guys are waiting to hear from the suboxone clinic? that would be really amazing if you could keep working it down... it will help you out all around and is a great way to keep up the mind set of taking the next step in breaking away from heroin. also will be big with keeping your buprenorphine dose as low as possible!

NSA is just looking out for you because he cares. it would be amazing if you could kick with out any maintenance program but ultimately you need to do what you feel is best for you, your recovery and your future. both methadone and buprenorphine have such long half lives that it really builds up in your system the major advantage with bupe is not being that full agonist but still both can end up being like a 400,000 mile walk home. some suboxone docs will throw very large doses at patients where they are actually making there dependency worse then in the first place. just something to think about in being your own patient advocate when you and your mother meet with the doc. less is more!! it is awesome you and your mom are a team on taking this on... you need that and it is really good for her to be involved, learning and understanding.

whats up with this 3 day old rig?? are you able to get some new ones at a pharmacy or is that a no where you live? if that is what it is really try to take care and keep it as clean as possible and really take your time with your administration. you surly do not need any complications. if you have any concerns or questions regarding HR please say so.

many of us have been there and back through this miserable time you are speaking of and feeling, you are and will pass through this!! try to start writing a plan that you can build on and follow for motivation and direction in dealing with your recovery. with you maybe hitting up some NA or SMART meetings you could have your mother check out Al Anon meeting to help her in understanding addiction more. what is the word or time frame sounding like from any of the clinics you guys spoke with??

keep looking forward!

 

[buffalobillygoat]

Why not kill two birds with one stone and sniff your gear? You'll still be keeping w/d at bay while also reducing the amount of smack because of bioav and also not destroying your arm?

 

[Anon610]

hey Cody.. . how are you doing? well that is good news that your current use is at one bag a day! do you think you can continue and work on reducing your dose while you guys are waiting to hear from the suboxone clinic? that would be really amazing if you could keep working it down... it will help you out all around and is a great way to keep up the mind set of taking the next step in breaking away from heroin. also will be big with keeping your buprenorphine dose as low as possible!

NSA is just looking out for you because he cares. it would be amazing if you could kick with out any maintenance program but ultimately you need to do what you feel is best for you, your recovery and your future. both methadone and buprenorphine have such long half lives that it really builds up in your system the major advantage with bupe is not being that full agonist but still both can end up being like a 400,000 mile walk home. some suboxone docs will throw very large doses at patients where they are actually making there dependency worse then in the first place. just something to think about in being your own patient advocate when you and your mother meet with the doc. less is more!! it is awesome you and your mom are a team on taking this on... you need that and it is really good for her to be involved, learning and understanding.

whats up with this 3 day old rig?? are you able to get some new ones at a pharmacy or is that a no where you live? if that is what it is really try to take care and keep it as clean as possible and really take your time with your administration. you surly do not need any complications. if you have any concerns or questions regarding HR please say so.

many of us have been there and back through this miserable time you are speaking of and feeling, you are and will pass through this!! try to start writing a plan that you can build on and follow for motivation and direction in dealing with your recovery. with you maybe hitting up some NA or SMART meetings you could have your mother check out Al Anon meeting to help her in understanding addiction more. what is the word or time frame sounding like from any of the clinics you guys spoke with??

keep looking forward!

I had my mom throw away my rigs in an attempt to stop, but of course I relapsed and had a syringe laying around. It sucks, but I did it because I was sick. Still down to a bag a day. I might go half soon.

Why not kill two birds with one stone and sniff your gear? You'll still be keeping w/d at bay while also reducing the amount of smack because of bioav and also not destroying your arm?

I used to snort my H all the time, but since I first tried IV I couldn't give it up. Here's the kicker, I've always hated needles. I would tear up when I got blood work up until like 17, I'm 20 now.
I'm not sure if I'm chasing the rush or just love the needle now. I'm pretty set on Suboxone because I've tried tapering in the past and it's always ended up in a relapse. This time around I plan to go on the Suboxone and used it to get through my withdrawal and hopefully kick it all. I have quit before for a few weeks just by taking Methadone for 6 days to get through my withdrawal and it worked great. But I'm terribly afraid of Methadone now after all the negative stories. So I want to give Suboxone a try. If it is the needle my mom arranged for me to get my first tattoo in hopes that will fulfill the craving of me wanting the needle. Sorry if that sounds ridiculous but I think I have something for the needle.

If anyone wants to judge me about being 20 and living at home feel free, but fact of the matter is if I was still living alone I'd be dead or have even worse of a habbit.

Hey anon.. I really sorry you have found yourself in this position.. If you feel comfortable please let us know your drug usage, particularly your opiat antagonist usage over the past six months kind/mg/pd.. and please stop shooting the H.. after two weeks you can easily go back to smoking it as I know addicts that have went back to smoking it after shooting for decades... break all your pins and make a commitment.. With a better picture of your use everyone here at Bl will be able to give you a much better recommendation as far as how to proceed.. BUY FAR THE MOST ODS HAPPEN RIGHT IN THE BEGINNING OF SHOOTING. FOR REAL.. THAT IS THE ONE AND ONLY TIME I OD ON OPIATES.. so please know you are in real danger.. your tolerance is just to low AND THIS COMBINED WITH EXPERIENCE AND DIFFERING POTENCY KILLS.. SO PULL BACK AND SMOKE.. PLEASE

please throw all shame out the window.. as it just drives use.. and addiction is really common in very intelligent people.. but unlike allot of things in life, intelligence is not an automatic plus in dealing with addiction, as addiction lives in your brain and is more powerful than your conscious mind as just as smart as you are, as it is you.

a book to read are The Compass of Pleasure
please check this out http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/672623-Addiction-Guide ..


You are an amazing person and you can and will get yourself outta this place

Never had a problem with IVing my gear. When I first started I'd IV half a bag and worked my way up. Never OD'd before. There has been times where things gotten so rough an OD seemed like a fantasy. Going to sleep in a blissful state and not waking up. This was my method of suicide if I sunk that low, and I was content with it. Can you smoke the powder? I get a whiteish/tan powder. Can I throw it on my bowl packs of weed in an effort to lower my use? As for the insomnia and anxiety/depression I'm already on Ativan and Ambien. I can't tell my psychiatrist I'm doing dope or she'd definitely cut of the meds I need. But ever since I started IVing H the Ambien doesn't even work for my insomnia.

To think all this came about due to back pain and self medicating with 5mg Percocets a few years ago
I can't thank all of you enough for the support you've given to me. I'm a complete stranger and you guys seem to show sympathy for me and you guys don't judge. You guys are like a family to me right now, and I've just started to be active on the site. I just wish more people were like you guys. You treat heroin addicts like a person and address the issue as a problem, not a crime. Something modern society tends to do with heroin addicts.

 

[buffalobillygoat]

Not having a go Anon, but I'm a little confused by your posts. Your first post really gives the impression that you've been dabbling in painkillers for a couple of years, but that you only started using heroin around two weeks ago. But then you said this:

I was taking 2-3 bags of dope a day or about 60mg of oxycodone and 200mg of Morphine. Over the past two weeks I've cut down to a bag of dope a day via IV

All of my posts were based on the first scenario.
If you've been doing 200mg of morphine a day for over a year, you might be a good candidate for MMT - but it's still something you should try to avoid

I can't tell my psychiatrist I'm doing dope or she'd definitely cut of the meds I need

Yes she would and should because IV'ing smack while taking ativan and ambien can be extremely dangerous. What if you decide to just get a little bit higher than usual and you've got a really strong batch and have just taken more meds than usual because you felt really anxious? That's an OD right there. Just remember that opiate use has almost certainly made your anxiety and depression worse and who knows if you even need those meds because you haven't been honest with your doc...?

If you can give up the needle for two days you can do it for good - everyone here is pushing you because you obviously have it in you right now to make a change so why not go as far as you can? You know as well as anyone else that motivation like this isn't on tap - it's rare and is much easier say fuck it and keep using. Drop the needle, snort the gear, reduce your dose while shopping around for a program. Depending on what your exact use history and tolerance is I'd still recommend tapering to a once daily use (for sleep) then jumping. Withdrawals are awful, they're awful for everyone, but no matter what method or treatment you use you are still going to go through PAWS, which in my opinion is even worse because its just such a deadened period. The acute withdrawals in hindsight sometimes even seem better because at least something is happening! Just keep in mind that PAWS will be longer the longer you use and particularly for long acting opioids like methadone and even bupe.
So use this motivation you have right now to its fullest! Take a week off work, use your meds to get to sleep, take neversickanymores (great) advice and go to the zoo, go for walks go swimming, mow the lawn, all feeling like total shit, but just so you're not rocking back and forth thinking about suicide. Think of it as the price you have to pay for getting high for two years - hey, a week of being sick for a couple years of getting loaded, not too bad eh?
I wish you all the best.
buffalo

 

[captaincaveman]

Hey Cody,

Firstly think you did the right thing telling your mum. Must have been hard, I couldn't do it. Also heroin addiction is treatable in loads of ways. I've just detoxed a friend, let him stay with me and it was tough. He didn't want any subutex which is my detox drug of choice so instead took loads of dihydocodeine and tapered off that. Took him two weeks. But you say you don't want to be an addict? Not many do but speed at which you went to IV is pretty hardcore. The US health system sounds pretty harsh and here in the UK ain't much better (well its free). Luckily there is subutex available easily and why I don't recommend doing that, that's what I did rather than go on methadone for ages.

More worrying is your state of mind. Suicide because you've gotten yourself into a mess through drugs? Come on, don't be silly. You've got your mum on your side maybe tell some good friends as well. You're young mate. A dope habit isn't worse thing you could be doing. It just got out of hand and you seem very willing to sort it out. That's all it takes. Determination. Shame you're not in the UK otherwise there people who send out subs at really cheap prices.
Let me know how you get on

 

[Anon610]

Hey anon.. I really sorry you have found yourself in this position.. If you feel comfortable please let us know your drug usage, particularly your opiat antagonist usage over the past six months kind/mg/pd.. and please stop shooting the H.. after two weeks you can easily go back to smoking it as I know addicts that have went back to smoking it after shooting for decades... break all your pins and make a commitment.. With a better picture of your use everyone here at Bl will be able to give you a much better recommendation as far as how to proceed.. BUY FAR THE MOST ODS HAPPEN RIGHT IN THE BEGINNING OF SHOOTING. FOR REAL.. THAT IS THE ONE AND ONLY TIME I OD ON OPIATES.. so please know you are in real danger.. your tolerance is just to low AND THIS COMBINED WITH EXPERIENCE AND DIFFERING POTENCY KILLS.. SO PULL BACK AND SMOKE.. PLEASE

please throw all shame out the window.. as it just drives use.. and addiction is really common in very intelligent people.. but unlike allot of things in life, intelligence is not an automatic plus in dealing with addiction, as addiction lives in your brain and is more powerful than your conscious mind as just as smart as you are, as it is you.

a book to read are The Compass of Pleasure
please check this out http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/672623-Addiction-Guide ..


You are an amazing person and you can and will get yourself outta this place

Not having a go Anon, but I'm a little confused by your posts. Your first post really gives the impression that you've been dabbling in painkillers for a couple of years, but that you only started using heroin around two weeks ago. But then you said this:



All of my posts were based on the first scenario.
If you've been doing 200mg of morphine a day for over a year, you might be a good candidate for MMT - but it's still something you should try to avoid



Yes she would and should because IV'ing smack while taking ativan and ambien can be extremely dangerous. What if you decide to just get a little bit higher than usual and you've got a really strong batch and have just taken more meds than usual because you felt really anxious? That's an OD right there. Just remember that opiate use has almost certainly made your anxiety and depression worse and who knows if you even need those meds because you haven't been honest with your doc...?

If you can give up the needle for two days you can do it for good - everyone here is pushing you because you obviously have it in you right now to make a change so why not go as far as you can? You know as well as anyone else that motivation like this isn't on tap - it's rare and is much easier say fuck it and keep using. Drop the needle, snort the gear, reduce your dose while shopping around for a program. Depending on what your exact use history and tolerance is I'd still recommend tapering to a once daily use (for sleep) then jumping. Withdrawals are awful, they're awful for everyone, but no matter what method or treatment you use you are still going to go through PAWS, which in my opinion is even worse because its just such a deadened period. The acute withdrawals in hindsight sometimes even seem better because at least something is happening! Just keep in mind that PAWS will be longer the longer you use and particularly for long acting opioids like methadone and even bupe.
So use this motivation you have right now to its fullest! Take a week off work, use your meds to get to sleep, take neversickanymores (great) advice and go to the zoo, go for walks go swimming, mow the lawn, all feeling like total shit, but just so you're not rocking back and forth thinking about suicide. Think of it as the price you have to pay for getting high for two years - hey, a week of being sick for a couple years of getting loaded, not too bad eh?
I wish you all the best.
buffalo

I don't combine the two, and I've had anxiety and insomnia well before I touched any drug which was at the age of 18. I know the dangers of combining CNS depressants, and I usually take an ativan hours after my dose. Which isn't overwhelming for me. At first I was on the painkillers and 200mg of Morphine SR isn't too strong, its about an Oxy 60 as far as the high goes, then I made the switch to dope.

Today I intend to do no bags and smoke >green<. See how it goes. My body is aching like a motherfucker.

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey ANON.. thank you for letting us know what type of heroin you are using. It appears to be raw from your description. And as you are down to a bag a day I would place your use at around a .2 -.4 grams a day. Please let me know if this doesn't seem correct. This is really good news.. as if you decide to just kick rite now and decide not to pursue the maintenance for the time being, you could have one of the "nicest" acute withdrawal I can even imagine. Here are the reasons I say this.. and I will just explain these principles assuming that you have no knowledge of any of them.. I dont do this because I think this, but I do this for thoroughness and the benefit of all the people who will read this and possibly benefit.

The half life of heroin is about short as it gets. The Half life of a drug is the time it takes the body to process half of the drug out of the system.. So each time the period of a half life is finished half of the drug that was present in a users system will be gone. So if the half life of a drug is 24 hours and the last dose was 100mg.. then after 24 hours there will be 50mg left.. after another 24 hour half life then 25mg will be left.. after another 24 HL there will be 12mg left.. and so on until the substance is basically gone.

the reason this is important is to make it through acute withdrawal a physically dependent drug addict will have to go through the entire time it takes for the drug to clear plus at least 3-4 days. So the longer the half life the longer you will stay "sick" or in acute withdrawal. Here are the half lives of some pertinent chemicals to you at this point.

half life of heroin witch is pretty much the half life of morphine is 4 + or - 1.5 hours from > Here<.. you will be able to get a better personal estimation by looking at how often you personally are needing to re dose.. but we will use four hours for our exploration. the average purity of H in the US is 38%.. but varies from 11-72% but other than predicting the severity of withdraw, purity and or size of habit has little effect on the length of detox from a substance.. a good rule to use is the elimination of a drug in 5 times the half life.. so we will use six (to be safe and happy when the acutes end early) so 6 HL cycles X 4 hours per HL cycle = 24 hours. Then we add on ruffly 4 days so we end up with a really good prediction of significant acute withdrawal relief after five days And given the relatively low dose you have put the amazing effort in to get to (give yourself credit!! nice work!!) combined with the amazing quickness that you have addressed this (give yourself credit AGAIN!!) should leave you with a pretty desirable detox. Don't get me wrong, it will be uncomfortable, but it wont be nearly as bad as you think


Remember with suboxone an addict will have to wait until they are in significant withdrawal before the first dose is taken.. so if one decides they are going to take suboxone in this situation they will most likely be from 14 - 24 hours into the heroin withdrawal which is already 1/5th to 1/4 through the acute withdrawal.
The half life of suboxone is 24-48 hours with a mean of around 36 hours from >here<.. so if we follow the same plan of using 6 HL cycles for suboxone elimination.. would be 6 HL cycle X 36 Hours p cycle= 216 hours / 24 = 9 days + 4 days = 13 days until significant acute withdrawal relief from last dose. Also when considering this please consider that it is really likely that by switching to suboxone from the low dose you have worked your way to you will be significantly increasing your dose and even though the suboxone is much less of an antagonist, switching to a normal maintenance dose of suboxone will actually increase your tolerance.. because increasing your tolerance is directly related to the strengths of acute withdraws, you will likely be taking big steps in the wrong direction and ending up with a much much much longer withdrawal.

Also as i sated before although suboxone is less of antagonist is non the less keeps you medicated or high and carries negative aspects with it. Just because someone doesn't experience what they percieve as getting "high" of the a long acting partial antagonist need only kick their maintenance program and allow the for the proper time to heal and experience the amazing day when they realize they have been living in a perpetual opiate fog. I just want to point out that I am in no way anti maintenance programs or drugs.. they have saved so many lives, allowed so many addicts to rebuild or prevent the destruction of their lives, have provided that extra barrier against use of stronger antagonists and have really made all the difference for many, but I think its important to realize that everything is a two way street and I think the positives are highly touted while the negatives are more often realized after the path has been taken. >complications of suboxone maintenance treatment<

The half life of methadone is 10-60 hours from >here< however this half life is really somewhat more unique to an individual and there is allot of variation within the normal range and half lives of 140 hours have been recorded >here< but are really rare. so by the same procedure as above (but please realize that this is a much bigger estimate due to the fact that peoples half lives vary so greatly) so 6 HLC X 40 HOURS p/HLC= 240 hours / 24 = 10 days + 4 days = 14 days until significant relief from acute withdrawal and you will have to consider that the use of methadone for periods of time also creates tolerance and can facilitate increase in the number of opiate receptors causing a far worse detox and can carry negative aspects that accompany the benefits. >Side Effects of Methadone Maintenance<... to this list I would add the possibility of developing fibromyalgia like neuropathic pain when a patients dose remains constant for long periods or is decreased but this is my opinion and is not based off any studies I have found yet.

So please consider this when you are making your decision as to how you will proceed.. But I really think that you should at least give a detox try from right where you are at as I really dont see how it can get much better.. I would rather detox heroin three times in a row than detox methadone.. maybe some one with first hand knowledge can chime in about their feelings of detoxing suboxone or heroin.

I would also like to stress the fact that the acute withdrawal is what everyone focuses on.. but in reality it is the easy part (really uncomfortable) but easy compared to the real battle of the psychological addiction and PAWS. An addict that successfully makes it through the acutes, generally experiences a short period (2-3 days) of exaltation and peace before the PAWS kick in. It is really beneficial to start to think about a good recovery plan, that includes a support system, some way to address an addict's root (often a substantial unaddressed psychological wound) that caused the abuse of ones DOC in the beginning, a plan to address and heal the wounds caused by the addiction, and a substantial plan to deal with the many claws of PAWS.

No matter what you will need to place your recovery above EVERYTHING.. an easy way to l If you have not realized it yet, you are smack in the middle the fight of your life.. you have made the rare and incredibly wise decision to identify, address, and have had the rare bravery to ask for help right away.. everything is going your way.. and you have an amazing chance to skip almost all the negative aspects of this.. You will need to separate from all your using friends or you will fail.. and no to be melodramatic but if these friends did make the switch as you have and are not taking the steps you are taking then their future is in real doubt

 

[neversickanymore]

Congratulations on the decision.. but please dont go off without attempting to get the correct medications to facilitate a successful as well as the most comfortable withdrawals.. >clonodine< >Neurontin< .. you can do this.. remember it only takes a couple of days and then you will be free.. what you are feeling isn't permanent

 

[caseface99]

Anon! I'm so happy for you for what you're doing.. Might sound weird since I don't know you but I really mean it. I've been where you currently are and I know how you feel physically and mentally... Trust me, It's not permanent!

You have seriously made one of the most important decisions of your life being honest with your mother and asking for help. It took me years longer than you after shooting in order to muster up the courage you've shown and you should be so proud of yourself for having the balls to do it! Asking for help is one of the most difficult things for an addict to do - I genuinely commend you!

NSA has already given you so much information on the subject - My two cents is that you do everything you can to avoid a maintenance program. If you try and fail, maybe suboxone could be right for you, at least for the time being. However give it a shot without it first! One of my biggest regrets isn't trying heroin, it's taking the easy way out and going with suboxone after having only used opiates for 9 months originally. It lead to using it as a crutch and multiple years of switching back n forth and eventually just continuing to use heroin for a couple more years strait. So give being clean & sober without maintenance a try first!

This doesn't mean detox and continue life as usual - This means detox and work a daily program of recovery... Permanently. Whatever that means for you, you need to do something on a daily basis to avoid relapsing. If you pick up again, it doesn't matter how long you've been sober - You WILL end up right back where you are now. I hope you understand that there is no such thing as going back to controlled use. If anyone who reads this feels like they are the exception and feels the need to boast about it, I would implore you not to because even if you honestly are an exception, you are one in a million. And even if you can control your use, as an addict you "can't control it and enjoy it, nor can you enjoy it and control it." so basically even if you don't go overboard you WILL be miserable because you will spend every day thinking about the next time you allow yourself to use... Not worth it.

So, back to a daily program of recovery - This can mean many things. For me it means attending AA/NA meetings, working the 12 steps, conditioning my spirituality (not religious whatsoever by the way), being of service and helping others maintain sobriety. This does not however mean that you need to do exactly these things to stay sober. You WILL however, need to seriously restructure your life and develop a solid support network. Change your schedule around, hang out with new (sober) friends, attend at least some sort of recovery group - if 12 step isn't for you than try LifeRing or SmartRecovery. At least give one a shot because contempt prior to investigation is going to get you KILLED. I'm not being dramatic, this is life or death. If you simply refuse the notion of a support group, you MUST somehow build a network of family, friends, a therapist, whoever - people that can support you and help you through hard times. You can't do this alone. If you have any concerns/questions about AA/NA or want any myths cleared up PLEASE feel free to ask.. It took me years to develop the open mindedness to work the steps and my life has made a total 180 and improved in ways I never thought possible since I started doing it. I have tried being sober without working a program 4-5 times, and it NEVER worked out - every single time I ended up so miserable I eventually didn't care anymore. There's no point being sober and miserable so I pray you find your path, not just to sobriety but to being happy and healthy physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Keep it up Anon!

 

[neversickanymore]

So much good stuff in this post case

And even if you can control your use, as an addict you "can't control it and enjoy it, nor can you enjoy it and control it."

IMO This is a really amazing and true statement.. and if you get to the point where you can control it you will no longer have any desire to do it as you will have finally seen through the delusion that it is something to desire doing.

 

[Anon610]

Doing better, I said I wasn't going to do a bag but I went and bought one.
Snorted half of it, and saving the other half for tomorrow. Sucks I relapsed but I'm honestly trying to taper off.

 

[caseface99]

^^ Hey, at least you're being honest!

Progress, not perfection.


I really do wish you the best.. I feel obligated to tell you however that tapering is going to prolong the agony and lower your chances of success. (saying this based on my experiences and the experiences of many people i know)

Please try your best not to buy another bag after this one! You could end up buying your "last bag" for weeks. Stay safe and stay positive!


And NSA - I agree.. That insight has honestly helped keep me sober.

 

[neversickanymore]

Don't worry about it... nice work on snorting it:D.. Both of those medications I posted will help ALOt with the withdrawal.. please take the time to go to the dr and get or explore them. And please begin to formulate a recovery plan.. this is hard ANON and while I love the passion and determination you will have to start to get your battle plans in order.. as trying to do this on pure will is rarely if ever successful. So please make an appointment with a Dr.. the prescriptions should not be very hard to get, all you will need to be is honest and your acing that. And even more important than that is to develop and be comfortable with a recovery plan.

 

[Anon610]

Don't worry about it... nice work on snorting it:D.. Both of those medications I posted will help ALOt with the withdrawal.. please take the time to go to the dr and get or explore them. And please begin to formulate a recovery plan.. this is hard ANON and while I love the passion and determination you will have to start to get your battle plans in order.. as trying to do this on pure will is rarely if ever successful. So please make an appointment with a Dr.. the prescriptions should not be very hard to get, all you will need to be is honest and your acing that. And even more important than that is to develop and be comfortable with a recovery plan.

What exactly is a recovery plan? Can you explain?

 

[buffalobillygoat]

This is the actual part about staying clean. As has been pointed out several times, the acute w/d is actually the easy part. What happens in a months time when you get that urge to use again and it would be so easy and cheap to (low tolerance) and nobody would know? If you don't have a strategy for not using in those situations, you are pretty much guaranteed to relapse. Just saying 'oh i'll be on subs/done' isn't enough, because you can dose on top of methadone, and you can just not take your subs for a few days then get high. The recovery plan will also cover the plan for the duration of your mantainence treatment if this is the road you and your Dr go down. Also, any counselling, meetings, therapy that might help you.

 

[Anon610]

This is the actual part about staying clean. As has been pointed out several times, the acute w/d is actually the easy part. What happens in a months time when you get that urge to use again and it would be so easy and cheap to (low tolerance) and nobody would know? If you don't have a strategy for not using in those situations, you are pretty much guaranteed to relapse. Just saying 'oh i'll be on subs/done' isn't enough, because you can dose on top of methadone, and you can just not take your subs for a few days then get high. The recovery plan will also cover the plan for the duration of your mantainence treatment if this is the road you and your Dr go down. Also, any counselling, meetings, therapy that might help you.

Well after I get clean I plan to rekindle my relationship with my mom. We never seen eye to eye up until this point and I feel she'll be a major help in my road to recovery.
My ex-girlfriend that I still am practically with doesn't know I use, while I don't plan to tell her I do plan on using her as well as a mean of counseling. While I can't tell her everything me being around her more will make me not want to use at all. I started using heavily after our breakup because I thought we'd never talk, say I love you, or do anything together again. She tells me she loves me, she always wants to come over, we go on dates. So I won't want to use, god forbid anything happened to me and I broke her heart. I can't imagine that, so she's my motivation.

Also, I'm planning on looking for Narcotics Anonymous meetings.
I already attend a therapist weekly, but I'm not comfortable discussing my drug abuse with him. I want to go to someone with more understanding about the problem I have. Not someone who is going to label me as a junkie and treat me wrongly.

 

[neversickanymore]

Take a little time to read through this, if you have not already, as it will let you know what you are up against.. > Addiction Guide <

So after the acute withdrawal are over you will then face the addiction.. it manifests itself strongly as Post Acute Withdrawl Syndrome. It last from a couple of weeks to two years and can include many differnt symtoms >here< >here< so you will have to create a plan to deal with these symptoms. I dont know where you live or what knowledge you have of recovery so I will present two different support groups.. support groups are necessary for most people in the begining.. basically a support group is a place that clean addicts meat to provide each other support and wisdom and to help each other stay clean. This is also a place where you may look for clean friends as it is absolutely necessary for you to stop all association with your using friends.. I dont say this because I have some bizarre desire to break you away from your friends.. I suggest this because it is absolutely necessary for you to leave all your using friends and have no association with them.. this is often hard and scary but If you want to make it then you will need to cut all ties.. but the thing is that even when we cut ties with the friends who were swallowed up with us, they are or will soon find themselves in the same boat as you... and if they see you have chosen to put your all into recovery and are working a strong program that is allowing you to live a peaceful and rewarding life in recovery, then I would not be surprised if I were you to have some of them use the path you have used to begin to work thier own recoveries. BUT YOU ONLY NEED WORRY ABOUT YOU.. Its a fact that it is more likely that a clean addict will be pulled back into active addiction when they reach out to try and pull someone from addiction's grip. There is a good way to picture this.. a whole pan of crabs is set on the fire to boil, as the water starts to heat up one crab has the good sense to climb out a carve himself a safe place. It is imperative that the that crab does not reach back into the pot to try and help the others as the water starts to get hot.. because the other crabs start to get really desperate and will just pull the crab that made it to safety back into the hell with them. It is also advised that the crab keep its distance from the pot because there is always the chance that it may make the mistake of thinking it made a mistake and just jumping back in on its own. So you will need to find and create a whole new life.. and creating a whole new life is an amazing chance and gift.. and you have the opportunity to get out scott free. The begining portion of this journey can be more than a little scary, but just believe that if you continue to do all the things you need to do that you will soon find yourself in an amazing place that may just seem like an impossibility now

So the first thing you will want to look into is what type of support groups are available in you area.. here are some resources for you to look at.. please dont be intimidated by the thought of this.. every one ends up at these support groups in such a similar state, that is having made the tough decision to pull the rip cord on the absolute mess their lives are becoming or have become.. addicts have a special place in their hearts for other addicts and as so many of us have walked into a meeting anxious and apprehensive and a little shell shocked from the paths we all took their, they have been where you are at and will often go well out of their way to welcome someone coming In from "out there" or someone who is making the transition to recovery. So dont worry about going to your first support meeting as it will be just fine.

I will start with The fellowships as they have been around the longest.. here is a thread that has many of the twelve step fellowships.. it has links to their websites as well as information about them linked.. it also has pertinent information and portions of publications.. dot worry if it seems a little hard to understand, no one gets it rite away and you can learn all you need by just starting and continuing to go to meetings.. also in this thread there are links for al anon and i would share this information with your mother as she will find support and resources there to help her as the fact that her child is now an addict can be really scary as she is probably quite worried about you.. NO SHAME NO GUILT as that just drives use >twelve step support groups<

Another approach to addiction recovery is SMART and this can be used on its own or in combination with a twelve step group.. >Smart Recovery<

I hope you are in an area that offers both.

Another key to recovering from addiction is to try and identify and address the root of the addiction. What is it that made use and abuse so appealing in the beginning. The root is often exposed and dealt with by working the 12 steps of NA, but it also may not be.. do you have any idea why you liked to use in the begining, what did it do for you that made it so appealing.. another good approach is therapy with a good addiction therapist.. but i would look for someone that is good at getting to the root as well as healing the damage caused by the addiction. while the support groups are free this will take a little bit of money but is something that WILL need to be identified and healed.

You will also need to develop a whole new life.. and I can go into the things you will certainly want to incorporate into your daily life... but as you have allot to digest and contemplate already I will return to the thread and post my opinions on what I would make a part of my new life.. as if nothing changes then nothing changes..

Your doing great.. please make an appointment with a physician and explore those medications for withdrawal.. maybe make a promise to yourself that you will make that appointment tomorrow. And please use the links provided to explore SMART recovery as well as the fellowships and i would think that narcotics anonymous would be the one I would check out first.. Let me say once again that I am extremely impressed by how you have chosen to address this right away.. as its totally true that addiction is a progressive disease and when you add in the fact that you took the plunge into IV drugs the speed at which this can progress is staggering.. it takes all comers, smart, poor, rich and dumb.. it doesn't care it takes people to hell on earth and make no allusion it kills all the time... take a look through the shrine.. not to scare you or be dramatic, but people really do die from this all the time and here in recovery we just witnessed the passing of yet another amazing person a few short weeks ago to to this disease.

The thing with making the best possible recovery plan is that you will live the best possible life.. and if we live a strong recovery everything is possible, and if we dont nothing will be possible.

So In other words you dont have to much of a choice anymore you will have to work your way to that amazing place where your life is in harmony and your head at peace..

If I can do it anyone can.. no shit Anon. You can do this.. just keep doing the next right thing, keep moving forward, keep building and revising the plan that will lead to your recovery

DO YOU HAVE ANY FEELINGS ON THE LINKS PROVIDED?

 

[buffalobillygoat]

My ex-girlfriend that I still am practically with doesn't know I use, while I don't plan to tell her I do plan on using her as well as a mean of counseling.

so she's my motivation

This won't work I promise you. And it's not fair to your girlfriend at all. Try to put yourself in her position.

 

[Anon610]

This won't work I promise you. And it's not fair to your girlfriend at all. Try to put yourself in her position.

I'm not meaning it like that. Me hanging out with her more is just going to want to make me get sober and not do these things at all. Its how I ditched smoking pot all the time.
I'm simply using her as motivation, and honestly I see nothing wrong with it. I'm not using her in the way you might think. Just to get clean. Shes just the extra motivation that might drive me to get clean all together. I'm sorry, but you can't promise me something will or will not work for me.

 

[buffalobillygoat]

You know all that stuff people talk about how 'you've got want to stop', 'it's got to come from you' 'nobody but you can do this' etc. Unfortunately it's all true and however much the people that love you might want to use their strength for your problems it just doesn't work like that. Saying to yourself 'right I'm not going to use because I love her so much and don't want to hurt her, or I need to be strong for her' or something along those lines (whether it's your gf or your mum or whoever) is exactly what you should NOT be doing in terms of motivation.

Somebody in another thread said this, and it couldn't be more true: 'the truth will come out, usually at the worst possible time'. It always does IME.
I'm really not trying to lecture you, and you're right not everybody is the same. But I've ruined relationships with women this way - by keeping it from them, 'using' them in exactly the way you're describing, and it never worked. And they always found out. And then it's never the same again.
Anyway, NSA has provided some absolutely priceless material there for you to start mapping out how you're going to go about this.