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How Do You Tell a Woman Her Weight Is an Issue Concerning Attraction?

  • Thread starter Thread starter ForSLR_Please
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Cyc said:
I cringed a bit when I read that but it's probably true. Women tend to have a very good sense of what type of guy they can attract and each will try to top out based on their finest physical attribute.

I've seen very average looking women with tight, small bodies and they can pretty much pick any guy they want out of a crowd. Guys are dumb. We all want the same damn thing.
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instinctively males seek a female based on perceived reproductive abilities. big hips good for baby. media has manipulated mens sexual desire for an unhealthy woman, and birthrates have dropped.
 
you should not have fucked her
you have no say in this situation
she knows she is fat and by being intimate it has probably made her feel accepted and lovely
don't ruin that by stating the obvious
dig in and hold on or dump her
 
Rather than tell her that her weight is an issue for you, perhaps ask her how she feels about her size, without putting forward your own opinion/concerns first. You could maybe say..
"Stop me if this is an area that's difficult to discuss, but i've been wondering how confident you feel about your appearance? Does your weight ever affect your self-esteem or are you comfortable with your size? I'd hate to think that you have struggled emotionally with being a bit bigger, because I really care about you and think you're awesome......"

She will either tell you:
* that she's made peace with being overweight/obese and has come to accept her body this way. If that's the case, stop seeing her if you can't get past it so she can find somebody who will. She shouldn't have to change for anybody.
* or... She might spill her guts about her weight struggles and confide that deep down she wants to lose the excess weight but might not know how to go about it. It would be daunting and very scary for somebody in this position. But if this is what she wants, you can open up a dialogue for discussing how losing weight could be positive for both her health and also for your relationship.
 
Ladyfiend said:
Rather than tell her that her weight is an issue for you, perhaps ask her how she feels about her size, without putting forward your own opinion/concerns first. You could maybe say..
"Stop me if this is an area that's difficult to discuss, but i've been wondering how confident you feel about your appearance? Does your weight ever affect your self-esteem or are you comfortable with your size? I'd hate to think that you have struggled emotionally with being a bit bigger, because I really care about you and think you're awesome......"

She will either tell you:
* that she's made peace with being overweight/obese and has come to accept her body this way. If that's the case, stop seeing her if you can't get past it so she can find somebody who will. She shouldn't have to change for anybody.
* or... She might spill her guts about her weight struggles and confide that deep down she wants to lose the excess weight but might not know how to go about it. It would be daunting and very scary for somebody in this position. But if this is what she wants, you can open up a dialogue for discussing how losing weight could be positive for both her health and also for your relationship.
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Oh god. Lol. Now, THAT made me cringe. Can you even imagine your SO saying that to you? Especially someone that's fucked you. Like, what the fuck-- slap. dump. PEACE.

I definitely think there shouldn't be any conversations about this. Just healthy foods, and fun active dates! :)
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
Oh god. Lol. Now, THAT made me cringe. Can you even imagine your SO saying that to you? Especially someone that's fucked you. Like, what the fuck-- slap. dump. PEACE.

I definitely think there shouldn't be any conversations about this. Just healthy foods, and fun active dates! :)
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Yup, exactly!!!!
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
Oh god. Lol. Now, THAT made me cringe. Can you even imagine your SO saying that to you? Especially someone that's fucked you. Like, what the fuck-- slap. dump. PEACE.

I definitely think there shouldn't be any conversations about this. Just healthy foods, and fun active dates! :)
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You're right, it's totally cringeworthy, but so is obesity and a disregard for your own health. If that's how you roll then I think you need to accept the fact that somebody considering a relationship with you would want to know the psychological implications of your weight problem. No conversations should be taboo anyway - if you need to know something about a person you're fucking the only way is to ask directly. Anybody who gets defensive or offended at being asked a mere question is probably not a good candidate for an honest, open relationship anyway in my opinion. I straight up respect a person with the guts to be frank in spite of the subject matter. Sometimes there is just no eloquent way to do it, so the cringe factor is inevitable. Dumping someone for asking you a personal question is more of a cringe though - being "offended" is just a bullshit way to avoid addressing what is obviously a touchy subject.
 
lol if this girl gets in shape and then dumps the OP

also lol if she randomly gets pissed that dude is always hiking, taking long walks, never eats enough, etc.. and dumps him :D
 
severely etarded said:
What if she likes ice cream, popcorn, hot dogs and watching movies? after all she put on the weight somehow obviously.
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Frozen yogurt? Shave ice? Healthy food are more controllable in the home environment (like if OP cooks) or at a healthy restaurant. I definitely wouldn't be like, no you can't eat that--but healthy home cooking? Or checking out the new healthy restaurant? That's fine.

Active dates is the important part! So many fun outdoorsy activities! :) Or even working out together. It's about being creative and having fun--not, you're fat -lose weight.
 
Ladyfiend said:
You're right, it's totally cringeworthy, but so is obesity and a disregard for your own health. If that's how you roll then I think you need to accept the fact that somebody considering a relationship with you would want to know the psychological implications of your weight problem. No conversations should be taboo anyway - if you need to know something about a person you're fucking the only way is to ask directly. Anybody who gets defensive or offended at being asked a mere question is probably not a good candidate for an honest, open relationship anyway in my opinion. I straight up respect a person with the guts to be frank in spite of the subject matter. Sometimes there is just no eloquent way to do it, so the cringe factor is inevitable. Dumping someone for asking you a personal question is more of a cringe though - being "offended" is just a bullshit way to avoid addressing what is obviously a touchy subject.
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Hey, OP went for her, fucked her, became her bf.. so.. I don't understand your point? You can't do all that and then demand the person change their appearance and lifestyle on the dot because you're "embarrassed" to be seen with them. That's just messed up.

I also don't understand what he needs to know about her? Is she happy with how she looks? Is she confident? I mean, really? It's just plain rude. As a partner, you need to be there for your partner and INSPIRE change--not demand it and criticism them. I would dump them because that's just rude! Don't like it? WELL, THEN DON'T HIT IT.
 
I don't think you'll be able to slyly get her fit man, it's a long road and requires really serious commitment from the person attempting to get fit. I have a friend who has lost 50+kg in the last two years, she's looking very good and still has a little way to go, but she had to seriously change her life. I've lost 15kg in the last few months and am going to finish by losing another 10 before summer, and that has required a major lifestyle change and this is just to shave a beer belly. If she is indeed obese, you may be able to get her BMI into the high 20's (still quite overweight) without her realising, but anything further than that is going to require conscious effort on her part.

If you're unhappy with her weight, why did you get with her? I think this is as simple as working out how much you care about this girl vs. how much you care about your public image/sex life. It's ok to feel shallow, but it's not ok to be dishonest about shit like this. Don't lead her on and break her heart in a years time because you were silently resenting her the entire time.
 
What I do if I want a girl I like to drop a couple pounds is say this: "I like to lead an active lifestyle and I would like you to be able to share that with me." and if she is bullshitting or not getting it say "its just that your a bit out of shape and well its not going to get better unless you do something about it." and then finally if all else fails "I can't be with you if you cannot love yourself enough to take better care of yourself."

If that doesn't work you will either be dating a fat chick or leave her.
 
How big is she anyway???
Like, are we talking ... a bit chubby? (aka could still be pretty healthy and could still have an active life) or are we talking majorly obese?
 
!_MDMA_! said:
take up healthy exercises together
start by going on hikes, then go jogging, both of u sign up for a gym
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This. Make it seem like its something you want to do and feel like its a good activity for the two of you. Or you could come off as your worried about her health. It wouldn't really be a lie since any obesity is never healthy

If that doesn't work you could very nicely, graciously, tell the truth. It hurts but it's the truth and you gotta respect someone who speaks their mind
 
dopemaster said:
What I do if I want a girl I like to drop a couple pounds is say this: "I like to lead an active lifestyle and I would like you to be able to share that with me." and if she is bullshitting or not getting it say "its just that your a bit out of shape and well its not going to get better unless you do something about it." and then finally if all else fails "I can't be with you if you cannot love yourself enough to take better care of yourself."

If that doesn't work you will either be dating a fat chick or leave her.
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Well, I usually cringe big time on about all of dopemaster's posts, but I think this is actually pretty solid advice....
 
Hey op acceptance is beautiful. I guarantee that she probably already feels bad about her weight. Come from a place of love and understanding, and hopefully she isn't an incredibly defensive person that makes snap decisions based on her anger.

In the end, if you want to be with her, than you may have to come to a place of acceptance that she will never change her habits, and to bring it up all the time will just drive a bunch of resentments between you.
 
manboychef said:
I guarantee that she probably already feels bad about her weight.
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How do you know????

I don't know if this girl is like 300 lbs or if she's just like 20 lbs overweight. If she's just 20 lbs overweight or something, that's not much at all and there are going to be TONS of guys who love her body type. Maybe the OP finds anything bigger than anorexic "fat". How do we know this? The OP hasn't responded.
AND she can still be curvy and healthy. If, in fact, she is - then she can still be active.

I dunno, the OP just hasn't given that much info.
 
The fact that he can focus on her face and still think she's attractive in that way probably means that she isn't morbidly obese, but maybe just a bit chubby.
 
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