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how to fail a job interview

mydrugbuddy

mydrugbuddy

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 14, 2011
Messages
11,719
Location
The vagabond who's rapping at your door, standing
turn up having shatt and pissed yourslef

turn up with a huge stack of untidy messy bits of paper and spend 5 minutes looking through them only to say "damn i can find my certificates"

dont wear a tie, or clothes that have been washed within the last 6 months

dont shave or brush your teeth

eat 3 raw garlic cloves before going in

turn up drunk/benzoed/stoned/opiated as fuck

tread on dog shit on the way in

burp and fart throughout

keep interrupting to say "Wot ! ?"

arrive 20 minutes late

wear a cap that says "hot Stuff" and sunglasses

chew gum and stick it under thier desk

be rude to the receptionist and stare at her cleaveage throughout, same if its a its a lady intyeriweing you

dont wear a tie, or if you do. wear it with a t shirt or cowboy/check shirt

wearr ill fitting completely inappropriate clothes

ignore the questions and talk about the football etc


any other less blatant ways of failing would also be good :)


DISCLAIMER: this thread is intended entirely as humour and is no way an attempt to "beat the system"
 
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Tell the interviewer that you got sacked from your last job because you thought the management hadn't a fuking clue.....might have been true but I just saw trouble
 
Shake hands sit down and don't speak or respond to anything they say until they ask you to leave - shake hands (smile) then leave.
 
Ha! I fucking love that film and the particular scene is right up there in my top 5 favourite :)
 
Pass the interview with flying colours (which will win you brownie points with the DSS), but get your mates to write you a really terrible reference (which will swing it towards one of the other two dozen applicants for the same position).

Of course, the success of this method depends on exactly how far you can trust your mates; you are putting your giro in their hands. And it'd be just standard sick humour to write a reference which actually gets you the job. But if you're really better off single than in a relationship with the wrong person, then by the same logic you must be better off on the dole than in the wrong job.

But it's easy for me to say that, as I am totes in the right job for me (BTW: no tie for the interview, and I was Simon in those days!) and living rent-free =D
 
Go in unprepared without having done some research into the company you're being interviewed for.

Violently masturbate while staring into their eyes.
 
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