Mental Health abadonment issues..

[sconnie420]

So.. I have some severe deep seeded abandonment issues.. so much so, it was a big contributing factor to the demise of the relationship to my best friend and love..he left me.. through the loss of him, I know I need to address these issues if I'm ever to have a healthy relationship w a man..I never want to feel this pain again of loosing my s/o..

A little into my past..my mom bailed twice on us as kids..apparently affecting me more then I ever realized.my grandparents raised us while my dad worked..I find it incredably diificult to trust people and bc of this a lot of stress was brought into my last relationship..we were togethr for almost 8 years..I also believe bc of the abandonment I can't trust easy..

So I guess what I'm asking here is has anyone ever had to deal w/ being abandonded and all the issues it brings? How did u get through it, any tips? I need to adress these issues so I can begin to move on in my life, heal from the loss of my bf, and not repeat this again. (W him, if we reconcile or anyone else I'm in a relationship w/)

 

[ad lib]

Have you considered going to therapy to discuss the feelings you have surrounding your fear of abandonment? Therapy can truly help you work through the feelings you are having and issues that arise as a result of them. I have trust issues as well, and the only thing that has seemed to help me is therapy.

What I have learned and try to keep in mind is that a person will do what they want to regardless of what is said to them. This is especially true in relationships. Your significant other will do what they want to do, when they want to do it. As much as we wish we could control and prevent certain things from happening, we can't. If that person is going to violate your trust, then you do not need them in your life. You deserve so much more for yourself. Do not bring anything up about your fears of them violating your trust (cheating, lying, etc). Everyone knows that no one wants that in a relationship. The truth will always come out if there is something going on. Will it hurt? Yes. But you can move past it. You deserve nothing but the best for yourself sweetie.

 

[sconnie420]

It was my therapist idea..she said I need to do some soul searching, which I totally agree w/. Im just not sure how to really face the issue, she's not much help.. maybe letting go of control is also a thing to be working on as well..I think , unconsciously, I can be a little bit of a control freak. Idw be this way..meditation n yoga are somethings I'm going to do, I've already started..I guess I'm just not sure where to start to make the changes I want and to make them permanent..I think when I face this issue all the rest will fall into place..

 

[ad lib]

It was my therapist idea..she said I need to do some soul searching, which I totally agree w/. Im just not sure how to really face the issue, she's not much help.. maybe letting go of control is also a thing to be working on as well..I think , unconsciously, I can be a little bit of a control freak. Idw be this way..meditation n yoga are somethings I'm going to do, I've already started..I guess I'm just not sure where to start to make the changes I want and to make them permanent..I think when I face this issue all the rest will fall into place..

I'm a huge control freak. I try not too be but I just feel like if things don't go my way, nothing will be right.

Meditation and yoga are awesome- that's great that you're going to do that! Both activities will allow you to be introspective which can benefit you.

 

[PortalFloyd]

I have deep trauma/abandonment issues so I definitely know where you're coming from. At some point you have to reach out. I plan to go to CBT and address my issues because I feel they begin to affect who you are and who you're supposed to be. I suggest focusing on YOU only at this point. I think yoga and meditation would be very helpful for you as well.

 

[sconnie420]

Oh ya that's a given..my therapist isn't any kind of help atp, I kind of want to swtich but idk I've been seeing her so long, idk..I've started yoga, it kicked my ass ( in a goodway )..I've also started reading the teaching of buddah, which has brought some new perspective to my life...
.

Ad - it totally affects you as a person and who u want to be..I couldn't agree more..if I wasn't such a freak, I wouldn't be in the place I am now..it took me loosing my best friend andnlover to realize, I do not want to be this way..ill never find anyone to love me permanently, if I can't let go...idw be alone forever.