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The Sad Thread (Anti-Snoo)

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The Liberal Media said:
Well I think I have reached some kind of crossroads in my life.
With my contract done and not many prospects of work in the financial sector unless i moved back to the far east I am at an impasse
Love London and living here . But a lot of my friends have now moved away . The far east is awsome but not sure if its a great place to raise a family. and way too many drug temptations , many moreso than here and I really dont want to go down that road again ( at least not too deeply)

I guess I am just sad that after many years of blagging, I think I may finally have to actually grow up and become responsible
the prospect of this terrifies me
But as REM once sang " Lifes rich pageant" innit

Woul love to get a business up and running and off the ground, but the red tape is incredicle, even so i think im gonna give it a shot.
Click to expand...

Any Irons in the fire mate ;) nah seriously ? Well if you have & it's stateside , remember i have family in SO. Cal. & i'm looking for an opportunity :)

Good luck with everything .
 
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Gutted. Not sure what has happened. Went to see my specialist today and thought I would have been taken off my medication. Didn't happen. Not sure why either. In fact I've been given extra. I don't understand where this has come from. I went on the course that was advised and thought it went really well. Maybe someone there flagged something up. I was all geared up for coming off my meds and getting back to work that this has come as a bit of a blow. I even have a start date. I do see my specialist before the intended start date but I have got to phone my job and tell them what has happened. I really don't want to because I knew they will put me back. Bugger it.
 
Tangerine Dream said:
Life is a big shit sandwich :!

Just putting it out there...
Click to expand...

I agree!

So some might not know my story,went from being pretty well off to doing excellent at poker winning over 120k in over 3 years , though with my drug taking and OCD this was gonna spell disaster,I had 10 grand In the bank, $40k roll n was happy playing mtt's (though i wud degen at cash now and again after busting deep In a game!

Found PLO (pot limit Omaha) started playing 3/6 deep ante games against the best of the best, lost everything! Deposited all I had and one day couldn't deposit any longer (was soul crushing)

The only thing that could save me was my mtt results, they were good and I was a proven winner! I asked a guy who was interested in me when I first broke a 10k roll and he was in contact with some interesting guys,simply put they staked me and I did really well for them, quit and within a week was bk with them,again my results were good but I hit a block almost two months ago and was given a break being almost 2k in make up (what I had lost and owed basically) it was good to get a break I done some fishing and didn't play at all, then had tooth out Tuesday , deposited small amounts and won a bit then Sunday I was bored and I decided to play some, before I know it I was depositing again!! Ended up taking some etizolam and ibruofen n woke up missed my dental app and have nothing in the bank and 125 (200 now) on stars :/ to top it off I'm still in pain with my jaw getting an etizolam habit ain't helping ! The thing that's hit me most is my nana in theatre right now getting heart valve op, it's been 4 hours
since she had her pre op meds surely she shud be in recovery now?

I jus hope I'm soaking all her pain up! Heart valve ops
are quite common practice nowadays right? Jus took 3mg of etizolam gonna stay off poker while head like
this, worst of it all is a owe two good mates like £1.4 and practically had most of it and more
at one point in the night, sorry fort selfish rants! I hate addiction
 
<3 Bare_head <3


I fucking hate random panic attacks - Sure, when yer in an environment that can trigger them, then yeah, fair enough.
But when they just come out of fucking nowhere and I've got to take 20mg of Diaz and concentrate on my breathing and focus on a cuppa tea (just anything that will do it's best to distract me) then they can get to fuck! :X
 
hey S when you see this re. that pm . You are a later riser i'll be passed out by 14:00hrs hope fully . We will sort it out mate though it has to be done
 
Finally feeling better after weeks of feeling DOWN!!! Whether i have the drugs I want or not; I don't feel that much better either way. I'm afraid my brain wont recover ever.

I really thought I could become a rock-star, and because Amphetamine/drugs started that dream they're essentially taking over my life; and the music is becoming less and less important. Now I'm a week away from my 27th birthday, and
I've just moved back into my parents house : ( Steps backwards. I just wish I had a "scene" a "girl" a New song; a new strategy. A new me.

without the bitter the sweet ain't as sweet
 
hey Dude i love yer home city .

It is small enough to feel at home , unlike say FRisco or L.A .

Skid Row is it still off the main shopping centre about 6 blocks was in 93 when i was there . A Tall Japanese Bi Sexual tried it on with me haha . Charming he was asked me for a fag n then proclaimed his love of English men .

Let him down gently but gave him a ciggy .
 
morning.

i fucking hate life. its a bastard. i have been forced to massively improve my lifestyle, mostly re alcohol. cos it fucks my stomach. since christmas i've cut down so drastically. instead of improving my stomachs been getting worse. my boyf had an ulcer and recognises his symptoms in me, so i'm a bit worried.

even with a job i'll be pretty broke for ages. debt. already petrified i'll lose it and not even started, cos i have so much to learn in such a short time.

mostly am sad because my lifes massively on the up, but my brain wont let me feel good about it, fucking self sabotaging bullshit.

/moan
 
Ever seen that film Threads? I feel like we are living in that post nuclear horror world except dressed up to just /look/ like it isn't like that. When it really fucking is.

I'm really fucking scared of how unsafe and built on lies and bullshit all of this horrorshow of contemporary civilisation is.
 
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Are you feeling better this morning, Ceres? I posted a reply to you earlier, about how two of my friends on the surface are very successful and seem happy but if you dig a bit deeper the cracks begin to show and if you dig deep enough you'd have to get a demolition order. But it's possible they read EADD and they could have recognised themselves so I've had to delete my post =D Maybe the little I've said here means something?
 
I read what you wrote knock and can definitely relate to understanding those trade offs that are made to be in those positions and in all honesty I don't think its worth making them most of the time. Hence why I stopped working in a field I hated and won't be having kids either.

I think the compromises are too much and too psychologically damaging. Id rather be miserable with the occasional bouts of contentment than compromise certain beliefs and life perspectives I hold dear.

I don't have anything constructive to offer you atm Ceres. I'm bordering on past caring about a lot of my own stuff atm and my will to make corrective measures is diminishing.


You're insanely bright and its a travesty you're in the position you're in atm.
 
knock said:
Are you feeling better this morning, Ceres? I posted a reply to you earlier, about how two of my friends on the surface are very successful and seem happy but if you dig a bit deeper the cracks begin to show and if you dig deep enough you'd have to get a demolition order. But it's possible they read EADD and they could have recognised themselves so I've had to delete my post Maybe the little I've said here means something?
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Yeah feeling a bit better than I was last night, I'm not one to whinge about shit usually. I'm alright like it's just things can be frustrating at times, it's been a pretty heavy few months for me with ups and downs and getting to the age aswell where it's now or never time, that realisation has only really just been sinking in this year. Amid the ups and downs though the general trend is upwards and I think I can put the past behind me and struggle on.

Building things up from nothing takes time, is what I've realised, but everything should start coming to fruition for me over the next few months I've got a multitude of different things going on I've been working away at for the last year or so.

Cheers for what you posted earlier it did help.

I had to edit that out of existence though because like I said, I don't often have a moan and I'm not gonna let the bastards grind me down, as they say.

As for the world stopping at the weekends at the moment its made worse by working days of people I'm dealing with not even starting till the day is practically out here.

Struggle on and all that shit.
 
Marmalade said:
I don't have anything constructive to offer you atm Ceres. I'm bordering on past caring about a lot of my own stuff atm and my will to make corrective measures is diminishing.
Click to expand...

You don't have to offer me anything constructive, you've done so plenty of times in the past and I appreciate that. A lot.
 
Righty. Revealing stuff time. Possibly pre-emptive... possibly not :(

Either way, she's not a Bler but a fair few of y'all know her anyway... Occasional Mrs Shambles (fukkit, under the circumstances I'll just call her Lin <3) is dead or dying. Not a happy bunny. Beat the living shit outta multiple cancers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay past her "due date" only to be brought down by fukkin septicaemia?!? Dunno. But is looking that way. Been waiting on news all week. Was supposed to be getting news Thursday. Had no news. Despite honeytraps. Doesn't look good :\

Got a really shitey feeling me's woman is deaded. Got an even shittier feeling I ain't gonna get confirmation for days yet :(

Hope springs... Somewhat eternal...

<3
 
:( I hope not Sham, no news is supposed to be good news isn't it? And I've had elderly relatives get through septicaemia, although it is a nasty one.
 
knock said:
no news is supposed to be good news isn't it?
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Generally yes. Under specific circumstances definitely not. Worst possible "news" in fact. Or he's a cunt. Possibly both. But suspect the former.

As for septicaemia? 50:50 death:survive rate apparently. For "normal" people. She was in bits for weeks before this. And (if alive) has been left alone for days on end now cos hospital is so far away no fukker who cares can get there (if even allowed in). Is shite. Is all shite. But was prepared for the long game. This came kinda sudden and is all up in the air now so is as far from fun as it gets :(
 
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