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Please help me...

S

st0rch

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 11, 2013
Messages
10
I won't go too far into my past, but over the last two years for some reason I started developing panic attacks, a few of which put me in the ER.

for some reason I am afraid to type right now so I just am going to make this quick. About 3 and a half or so months ago I went to the doctor and got a prescription for xanax, I think he gave me 10 pills to start, which was followed with a prescription for (.5mg, 30 pills). After taking ALL of these pills over the course of about 2 months, I decided to stop taking them completely as the horror stories I was reading seemed unbearable, especially for someone with severe anxiety problems such as myself.

Over the last three months, a lot has happened. I met my 27 year old brother that was put up for adoption at birth for the first time (he is 5 years older than me). I moved back in with my parents after almost 4 years to pay off bills. I discovered how bad my mothers alcohol problem has become living here.

Last week I felt symptoms of what seemed to be a cold (runny nose, slight cough, sneeze) .Now to where I could really use some help... This last Sunday my parents got in a huge argument over my moms drinking. The cops were called, my mother was handcuffed and taken to jail. That very night I woke up in complete terror, afraid of my own reflection and unable to sleep. The next day was no different, I was scared, confused, and didnt feel like anything was real aka derealization. I slept for a good 8 hours and again for 10 hours that very night, and woke up with extreme aches, nausea, throwing up, diarrhea, and the inability to hold food down. My mother came home and everyone acted like nothing had happened, she too seemed to be getting the symptoms I described and I wrote it off as just a stomach flu (this was monday).

It is now Wednesday. I am so lost and need help but no one is here to talk to me. My girlfriend just seems upset and my dad keeps asking me to describe what im feeling, as if I could. I have an extreme anxiety and terror that comes and goes throughout the day. I am kinda dizzy and not sure if I actually had the stomach flu and may still be getting over it. I hadn't been sick since I started having panic attacks, so maybe I'm just reacting to my illness? Is it possible for a benzo withdrawal to start 1-2 months after taking the last dose, even when I only took about 40 .5 mg pills over the course of 2+ months?

I'm so scared right now. I don't want to go to the ER because I know they cant help, but I just need to be comforted and sometimes they do that. I am terrified to be put back on benzos if that is even the issue, if this is what im feeling after such a small time, being put back on for a longer time would terrify me of the withdrawal to come. Then again maybe its just the illness? Maybe its a reaction to the fight my parents have and seeing my mom for who she really is?

I have never seriously contemplated suicide until this week, my heart rate is normal, but I feel like my brain is out of control and panicking for 3 days straight.

Has anyone experienced anything im saying or have any advice? I don't even recognize myself in the mirror. I'm so scared.
 
Hey storch welcome to BL and i'm really sorry you are feeling this way rite now<3... this is definitely not acute withdrawal.. and it doesn't seem to likely to be paws.. this really could be related to the illness.. or you could be experiencing a adrenal reaction to the situation with your mother.. there are so many variables and unknowns here that i believe that you may want to consider seeking proper medical help if this consists.. so you are around twenty three years old.. If you want to share why where you put on the medication in the past.. are you using ANY mind altering substances currently and is there any history of mental illness in your family and if you could describe what the fear or anxiety is like, I mean are there thoughts that are present with the symptoms.. answers to these questions may generate some better advice but BL is not a substitute for a DR and and to get a proper diagnoses you will need to see one.

EDIT: >>Gastrointestinal (GI) Symptoms and Anxiety Disorders<<
 
My mother is adopted, I'm not aware of any mental illness. At first I thought about taking xanax to simply unwind, but I did suffer with panic attacks an thought it couldn't hurt to have it just in case. I took 40 .5 mg pills over 2 months, not every day, but occasionally doubling / tripling up some days. I completely stopped about a month and a half or two months ago. I'm waking up each morning with an extreme feeling of derealization, which is making me panic. Smells and tastes make me think of random memories and they are extremely vivid, which is terrifying to me. The night it started I saw my reflection in the window and was terrified. I have this anxious feeling in my chest that doesnt seem to go away. My fear of never feeling normal again is making this all worse and I know that, but I cant help it. Sometimes when I try to sleep my hand will jolt around which suddenly wakes me, making me panic. My mind feels like its going crazy, i'm deeply scared that i'll lose my job or my girlfriend from this if it doesnt go away. My mother was sick too but she is 100% today, which makes me feel even worse because I'm not sure if Im still sick or just insane.

I am not using any mind altering substances, I took nyquil last night to help the body aches but woke up extremely scared and feeling like I was still dreaming. The fear started as just plain fear and the feeling of nothing being real, and now its more focused on my relationship and losing that, and if i'll ever be normal again. I was normal Sunday, I just don't understand.
 
sounds an awful lot like a benzo withdrawal but 1-2 months after such short use, there's just no way it could be.

However, a similar reaction could just be occurring naturally due to the stress you are under. Perhaps your gaba system is just naturally messed up or your reactions are so closely tied to adrenergic activity due to the stressful situation that your brain has decided that derealization is the best option to manage the stress and panic.

I've had 3 day long panic attacks (as well I have DP/DR), they suck but yourbest bet is to embrace that fear, deconstruct it, ask why is it there? where is it coming from? start thinking about past memories, view them from a third perspective as well as recent events, go over them in your head, let your emotions out and don't fear the panic or derealization, they are fueled and powered by fear. Remember that you are not fear/anxiety/derealization, these are merely things affecting you. Picture them as seperate entities from yourself, they will leave you when they have nothing left to prey on. Extinguish your fear by facing it right away. Talk to your dad, he may not understand but he may be able to help you still.

The derealization will pass once you address the issues driving it; clearly your mother's arrest is having a huge affect on you, as well as moving back home, dealing with family issues again and with a relationship, there's just too much going on, so you zone out of life and it becomes dream like because that is easier to deal with. I suggest speaking to a counselor so you can learn coping mechanisms, how to accept life as it is and how to not let it affect you on a personal level. It's fucking hard but it's out of your control, the one thing you can control is how you feel about these things.

that's in a nutshell what i learned in therapy and it helps. Don't be too put off by the benzo horror stories, this benzophobia is an epidemic on the internet; unless you have a serious benzo habit, you're fine, those horror stories are from people who have abused benzos for years. I'm not suggesting you go back on xanax but i doubt xanax played a factor in causing derealization all of the sudden, especially if you weren't abusing it to hell (like taking 20mg/day for months).

Whenever i get stressed now i get DP/DR right away, it's like a reflex. Without benzos, i have it all the time but its intensity is always correlated with stress levels. Get a handle on the stress and DR will fade just as quickly as it came on. It's like a warning sign that you are over stressed.
 
RobotRipping said:
sounds an awful lot like a benzo withdrawal but 1-2 months after such short use, there's just no way it could be.

However, a similar reaction could just be occurring naturally due to the stress you are under. Perhaps your gaba system is just naturally messed up or your reactions are so closely tied to adrenergic activity due to the stressful situation that your brain has decided that derealization is the best option to manage the stress and panic.

I've had 3 day long panic attacks (as well I have DP/DR), they suck but yourbest bet is to embrace that fear, deconstruct it, ask why is it there? where is it coming from? start thinking about past memories, view them from a third perspective as well as recent events, go over them in your head, let your emotions out and don't fear the panic or derealization, they are fueled and powered by fear. Remember that you are not fear/anxiety/derealization, these are merely things affecting you. Picture them as seperate entities from yourself, they will leave you when they have nothing left to prey on. Extinguish your fear by facing it right away. Talk to your dad, he may not understand but he may be able to help you still.

The derealization will pass once you address the issues driving it; clearly your mother's arrest is having a huge affect on you, as well as moving back home, dealing with family issues again and with a relationship, there's just too much going on, so you zone out of life and it becomes dream like because that is easier to deal with. I suggest speaking to a counselor so you can learn coping mechanisms, how to accept life as it is and how to not let it affect you on a personal level. It's fucking hard but it's out of your control, the one thing you can control is how you feel about these things.

that's in a nutshell what i learned in therapy and it helps. Don't be too put off by the benzo horror stories, this benzophobia is an epidemic on the internet; unless you have a serious benzo habit, you're fine, those horror stories are from people who have abused benzos for years. I'm not suggesting you go back on xanax but i doubt xanax played a factor in causing derealization all of the sudden, especially if you weren't abusing it to hell (like taking 20mg/day for months).

Whenever i get stressed now i get DP/DR right away, it's like a reflex. Without benzos, i have it all the time but its intensity is always correlated with stress levels. Get a handle on the stress and DR will fade just as quickly as it came on. It's like a warning sign that you are over stressed.
Click to expand...

Thank you. Any reassurance is extremely helpful right now. My head feels very heavy.
 
i'm so sorry for what you're going through but what you described is panic disorder and for the panic to last for 3 days is quite extreme i started getting panic attacks as young as i can remember but when i hit my teens up until even now my whole life i'm panicked i've had episodes last a couple weeks so i stay high and it is most definitely not the way to go but idk what else to do i can't have a sober day where i'm not freaking out at a minimum 1/4 of every waking thought causes intense panic i would definitely see a doctor about what they could possibly do for you and express your concerns with benzos
 
Dude i'm sure that you will be back on your normal self. Just give it time and it will heal! Best wishes. <3
 
I could really use some help, nothing is changing. I went to my doctor, who prescribed me with valium and abilify, they had no effect at all. I started panicking after so bad that I went to the ER, they gave my another abilify-like drug in addition to Alprazolam. I finally got to sleep that night, but I woke up with the same extreme panic that I have had for the last 3 days.

Thinking about anything gives me extreme fear and anxiety, it doesn't look like there is an end to this except me ending it myself. I can't do this anymore. This panic and fear has lasted 5 days, WHY.
 
stOrch, it sounds like your life is crashing in around you and as weird as this may sound, it makes sense that you would feel panic. You aren't crazy, you are stressed and emotionally overloaded. When people act like nothing happened and nothing even gets said about your mom being led away in handcuffs it is crazy-making! It sounds to me like you are in a pretty toxic situation. Is there any way that you could stay with another family member (an aunt or uncle or grandparents)?
 
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