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  • EADD Moderators: Shambles

do you ever move on

BlindHelperMonkey

BlindHelperMonkey

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i had an old friend contact me today, with shitloads of forwarded emails from her ex fiancee. shits getting nasty now and she's trying her best to drag me into it


basically, she fell for some guy, he promised to marry her, met her parents, all that shit.. then broke up with her, fucked off and got married to someone else


this was years ago by the way, she seems to hate him.. or is very angry still, at least. she's being threatened by the guys new wife now, all because she wants a reason. the guy wont give her a reason - and its eating her up inside


not to mention she was gaga for this guy, first love shit - cherry, the works. and this is a smart girl, ostensibly. but this shit has taken over her mind



my question is, can you ever truly move on if someone you love leaves you without telling you why. or is it gonna torture you for life, till they give up that last vestige of power over you?
 
Time heals all. First love is particularly difficult but this guy sounds like a Class A bellend so there'll be other guys for her who snap her out of her malaise.

Might not totally move on. I think you always hold memories which if they're special never dissipate, but they gradually become less important to who you are are at that exact moment in time the longer time has been allowed to go on.

How old is she? If she's a youngun then it's just a learning curve really. It happens to most of us.
 
^I don't think she necessarily needs an answer to move on, I think she needs someone who'll make her realise/feel like that guy and whatever he may think of her don't actually matter. She's probably caught in the answer thing because she feels like there must have been something wrong with her for him to leave so suddenly, and focusing on asking him why gives her a purpose and is the way she's found to try and keep her self-confidence/find it again. She just needs to meet someone who'll make her realise that man doesn't matter.
That's what I'd imagine anyway...I can't know obviously, but I do think it's possible for everyone to move on at some point. You just have to pinpoint exactly what the problem is and move on from there.
 
she obviously needs closure. For some people, including myself, its hard to move on when you still feel that you need answers. Having said that, sometimes, even getting the answers doesn't help. Time is the only true healer.
 
its deffo a closure thing i think.... though she was saying in the emails to the guy she wanted to know why to help her get married. so maybe she does actally think somethings wrong with her :\



it shocked me too... i had no idea she was still this caught up over it
 
1394 said:
Had one female that broke my young heart to pieces and it lasted a good few years... she'd pop up every few months via a IM or some kind of social media thingy and fuck with me some more...
Click to expand...

Having 100% the same thing going on with me at the moment.
We were set to get married & now it's all gone but she keeps taunting me with pics on social media of guys she is out drinking with for some bizarre reason.

I really think it's down to insecurity on her part & part narcissism too.

I can't lie & say that a small part of my soul doesn't. die each time she does it though.
 
I'll tell you if/when I ever do ;)

That aside, relationships - particularly serious (even more so if the first) - fuck you up bigtime for longtime. Am still dealing with shit from my first realationship over half a lifetime later.

And several others since.

Ain't about moving on for me. Is more about learning from past mistakes and making better relationships in the future.
 
Shambles said:
I'll tell you if/when I ever do ;)

That aside, relationships - particularly serious (even more so if the first) - fuck you up bigtime for longtime. Am still dealing with shit from my first realationship over half a lifetime later.

And several others since.

Ain't about moving on for me. Is more about learning from past mistakes and making better relationships in the future.
Click to expand...

You need to get laid...








... PM me.
 
Wigrid said:
Having 100% the same thing going on with me at the moment.
We were set to get married & now it's all gone but she keeps taunting me with pics on social media of guys she is out drinking with for some bizarre reason.

I really think it's down to insecurity on her part & part narcissism too.

I can't lie & say that a small part of my soul doesn't. die each time she does it though.
Click to expand...
eh, genuinely sad to hear about your break up <3
 
Was deliberately avoiding responding to Wigrid's post given t'other thread... But seeing as it's been highlighted... It's even worse when yer fiancé of five years takes to shagging randomers whist you're still very much together and engaged. To the point that only physical violence (not to her (obviously) but to him) is what she craves to make her feel wanted again. Chasing phantoms leaves you with empty hands, bad memories and sore <3

Fuck. Am I being a tad bitter and twisted tonight? I kinda suspect I am even though I don't feel that way. Apologies to all :\
 
Shambles check your PM box, no need to avoid passing comment on me, it's all cool :)

Thanks Marmalade, the relationship had been on the rocks since a issue over pregnancy I won't go into as it's still a raw issue with me but the expression of empathy is gladly received.

I really think it's better to have love & lost than never to have loved at all.
It's the most powerful drug I have known.
 
Had something similar happen to me once (girl I liked just left without any kind of explanation), tried asking her why a couple of times and just got ignored. Don't think I was ever nasty about it at least not intentionally.

Was a bit mad about it (not about the leaving part but the no explanation part), but mostly I was just confused.

Don't think I hated her back then and I'm sure I don't hate her now.

But honestly.... yeah I'd still like to know what happened and why she did what she did. However I also know that there's nothing that I can do to find out (don't even know if I'd believe her if she tried explaining on her own).
 
BHM said:
my question is, can you ever truly move on if someone you love leaves you without telling you why. or is it gonna torture you for life, till they give up that last vestige of power over you?
Click to expand...

If there's no reasons why, in my experience it's because the actual reasons are usually quite selfish.
 
raas_2012 said:
If there's no reasons why, in my experience it's because the actual reasons are usually quite selfish
Click to expand...



this is what i told her yesterday, kinda read her the riot act. but yeah, its probably as simple as he got what he want and decided he could do better


i think she wants to hear he just got cold feet. but he doesnt seem to have thrown her that particular bone



read all of that btw rlp, nice one
 
What answer is she looking for other than the guy was a lying arsehole?
 
SpeakOutJeremyKyle.jpg
 
Qui vivra verra un chant d'amour.

Yes a perverted French art house film crossed with my favourite maxim (Qui vivra verra)

I don't advise a YouTube search of
Un chant d'amour at this time of the morning ;)
 
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