I have no clue on how to get friends

[Nozphexezora]

Hi,


Lately I have been put on suboxone and subsequently put off the other drugs, as they were damaging my life fairly badly. Anyway, I had to quit University and work and I had to move to another town because of the addiction. I thought that it was my obsession with opiates that mostly led to my inability to make friends, but now that I'm on suboxone and trying desperately to make friends again and try to get a life I seem to be going nowhere. All I do is sit on this computer or watch tv or do housework for my Dad, whom I live with. I know a few people from my town but I'm only 18 they're 27 and frankly they don't care about me after I had a panic attack in front of them. I honestly don't know what to do; I've tried attending art exhibitions, attending church to see my old friends from school and look for work, but to no avail. I'm absolutely tired of not doing anything on a saturday or friday night, and just sitting here on the weekend makes me want to use a lot. It's almost as though the only thing I'm used to is just going out of my way to buy drugs, eat and sleep.

If anybody could give me some advice as to how to make friends or get out and just do something in this relatively small town of mine, then that would be great. Because, frankly, I'm flat out of ideas and it's only an amount of time before I relapse yet again.

On the bright side I have gotten some of my old enjoyments back, such as the basic things like watching TV or playing computer games, but I need social interaction and to get out. The only physical thing I ever do is walk the dog and clean the house. Even if I don't make friends - even if there's just something to do that you people could suggest, then I would appreciate it. And perhaps some advice on how to cope when I'm basically forced to do nothing on these nights.

FYI, there are no night clubs or anything around and I have a perk for repelling people away from me.


Thanks in advance,


Nozphexezora

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey Noz.. congradulations on the amazing job of cleaning up.. you are still pretty young.. often times when we begin to use drugs in our teens our drug use can stifen the development of some of our higher end social skills.. the best way to fix this is to, now that your in recovery, to practice these things.. practice is never that fun but it will get easier soon. Give yourself some time, unfortuantelly the need to practice also designates that we will not be a good at something rite away. do you have a little social anxiety, I only ask becasue of the panic attack.. I lived with social anxiety for a long time , but i found out where the root of it lies and may be able to help you with this, so let me know..

I see you are into art.. me too.. I think you are on the right track here.. if you can list off a bunch of things your are interested in or think you may enjoy people here at BL could probably give you ideas on how to meet people that also like similar things..

I'm sorry you are a little lonely rite now, things will change if you put the work in and change them.

many many many people find companionship in the twelve step fellowships when they enter recovery. something to consider. 12 step groups, links on different fellowships as a way to get in touch

 

[Nozphexezora]

Thanks for the response, I appreciate it. I suppose you're right - it does take time. Time is what I have, but I wish I didn't need it. I looked at that 12 step program, but frankly God and divine intervention hasn't exactly done wonders for me.

I'm vaguely interested in art, but I don't have the motivation to make art. I tried to at one point but I just can't keep doing it consistently. I like games at the moment, but who doesn't? It's not really an interest...
I like pharmacology and philosophy, but no pharmacy seems to want to hire me because I'm not a pretty face. As for philosophy - well since I'm not doing it at University any more it's just an interest consistent with my life in general, so there's nothing I can really do in that case. I don't seem to have the motivation for anything any more; the suboxone helps a bit, though. And yes I have social anxiety, I think. Opiates really mask that for me though. I'm more of a downer and people are put off by me.

 

[neversickanymore]

who is your favorite philosopher? Baruch Spinoza is probably my favorite.. But I like allot of Nietzsche's ideas as well.


you seem kinda down on yourself.. how big a place are you in.. if its decent size there could be a philosophy club.. why dont you consider going back to school?

I think it is paramount to recovery as well as a good life to explore a lot of different things to find out where you passions and interests lie.. what have you always wanted to try? learning new things will often lead to socialization and socialization will lead to practice and can lead to more profound relationships.. maybe a place to start

 

[Nozphexezora]

I wanted to try gardening but that gets boring. The only thing related to gardening which I'm doing at the moment is observing these ceres mushrooms growing in my backyard. My other options were soccer or chemistry, but frankly I don't have the money for it. My favourite philosophy is definitely Plato, but only because he was the starting point of my philosophical journey aside from Nietzche. I like Pythagoras too. Unfortunately my town doesn't feature many clubs; they don't even have NA or any group meetings like such.

 

[blahman8000]

I feel like, especially at your age, these things need to happen naturally and they demand patience. You can't blame yourself. The will to let go and be yourself is important, and that requires some confidence. It's risky, and you have your own deck of cards, and many elements of who you are. Don't be afraid to put them out there.

I'm a loner, and have accepted this. There is nothing wrong with it. There are some of us who simply relish the time we have alone and prefer not to contribute socially, but still can participate in the community when the time is right. You can't allow the opinions of others to get in your way of experiencing life. It will waste away your years quicker than you know it. Be who you are, take a few steps outside your comfort zone now and then, and see where life takes you. I'm telling you, none of it is predictable. Social anxiety often involves thoughts like "This will end badly," or "I am in danger." Stand up to it. Don't let the anxiety conquer you. Take a chance, and just do it. New experiences are scary, but you'll benefit. Please believe me that I know that isn't nearly as easy as it sounds. But it's meant to be a hell of a ride, with ups and downs, and you learn new things every step of the way. I promise you'll find yourself somewhere better if you tackle your fears so you can get what you want out of life. So many people will love you.

 

[neversickanymore]

It sounds like you have quite a few interests.. Is it common for you to focus a great deal of time on something you are into.. Is it that gardening is boring or is it that after spending all my time gardening it became boring. sometimes it its hard to do but trying to maintain a healthy balance between a handful of interests is the most enjoyable. Since you seem very intelligent then I wouldn't be surprised if you enjoy reading a bit.. and even most small towns have a readers and writers clubs.. if this is not the case you may consider starting a club like this. Maybe check at a local library about a club like this.

 

[Nozphexezora]

It sounds like you have quite a few interests.. Is it common for you to focus a great deal of time on something you are into.. Is it that gardening is boring or is it that after spending all my time gardening it became boring. sometimes it its hard to do but trying to maintain a healthy balance between a handful of interests is the most enjoyable. Since you seem very intelligent then I wouldn't be surprised if you enjoy reading a bit.. and even most small towns have a readers and writers clubs.. if this is not the case you may consider starting a club like this. Maybe check at a local library about a club like this.

Oh right. I was going to check the library out too.

 

[Droppersneck]

If I am feeling anti social I personally head for nature. You could get a kayak and a short rod and check out the local waterways(I meet a lot of random people this way). Grab a shotgun and a hunting licence see what you can get, buy some climbing shoes and do some bouldering. These are random things I do that I seem to make friends while doing and it is low pressure b/c you are not out there to make friends.

 

[hunter1]

Sounds allot like me these days. I'm 31 though and did have friends, girlfriend, job, cool car ect until my mum died and my drug and alcohol use got completely out of control. I lost everything and everyone through most of my own doing but also got completely fucked over by my supposed best friends mother of all people.

Your young. I know how sick of hearing that you would be but its true. I have not really got anywhere myself yet TBH. I too was on suboxone and before that Methadone. Thank god I got of methadone pretty quickly. One of the few good choices I have made in the last 3 years. I would say get a job. You will be around people and if the job or the people are wankers then get another job. Retail is shit work but you meet some great people in those jobs. Call centers ? Opiates like benzos make you a bit or a lot MEH about everything. If u have to stay on sub get down to 2mg. It is almost always prescribed in too higher doses. 2mg will hold you and allow u to be held but not really effected.

If h like art. Buy some canvases and some oil paint and go crazy and sell them on eBay. You'd be suprised how much money Uncreative 9-5 work suit family people will pay for art of any kind to put on their walls.